The World of the Non-Living

From:  Inari
Date:  October 29th

[There's a post that goes up on the network; a quick video, that's all. There's a shot of several old-looking large umbrellas lined up against what looks like a wooden veranda - much like these umbrellas here.]

Hey so, you know, being a god is hard and all, so I'm trying to make a little extra this month, and I found some old things in the storehouse that the great Inaria-sama has decided they don't want anymore.

Since, like, I guess that's me now. [Still feels weird talking about it. His speech is a little slurred; is he drunk? Probably.]

So if anybody's interested, just lemme know. They're in great shape, I'm sure. Or like, they're real antiques or something.

[He'll walk over to one umbrella, dark red with adorable bunnies in a pattern all over it.]

This one in particular, he's--I mean it's in great shape. It's in amazing shape! Buy one get one free, right here.

[He'll give the big red umbrella a few extra pokes. It might seem a little odd to be selling umbrellas, but there's nothing damn shady about this at all.]

[ooc: just so this isn't confusing, Gintoki's shinki, Kamui, has the form of a big red umbrella.]

Date posted: May 10th-11th, sometime during the night
From: Inari


[A video is posted to the BBS. It starts out dim, but a lamp seems to be turned on and there they are -- foxes. A whole lot of them. They're laying on the furniture, sitting on the ground, lounging on the floor cushions. And they're everywhere; each white fox with red eyes seems to be emitting a pale, silvery glow. These were definitely the fox messengers of the god Inari and while Gintoki knew that and dealt with them before, well, he'd never seen this many at once . . . his voice comes on the video.]

What are they. . . [it's a panicked whisper now] . . . what are they doing. . . why are there so many of them and I told them to stay out of my room. . .they don't listen worth crap. . . no, wait. . . stop looking at me. . . why're they all staring at me. . .

[It's true. The foxes did seem to be staring carefully at their master, now that he's awake. He probably hadn't noticed up until now, but since Gintoki had decided he was going to get up in the night and deal with a dangerous shinki earlier in the week and had gotten himself pretty injured, more and more foxes had been showing up in his room at night. Were they trying to be helpful? Were they looking after him . . . or were they taking advantage of his weakness because they didn't want to sleep in the old barns and distillery around the temple . . . anyway, this was the first time he'd woken up at night and seen so many of them. Should a god be scared of spirits, anyway?

But the camera jerks and there's the mighty god Inari curled up under his blankets which were pulled up over his head, looking terrified. He'll close his eyes, pull the blanket a bit closer, and then he'll shout as loud as he can.]

You. . . YOU'RE ALL CREEPING ME OUT! CREEPY! CREEPY!

[ There's some really jerky, choppy footage but it looks like a pillow gets thrown at a few foxes, and there's general chaos as the foxes all try to scramble out of the room at once. There's got to be 15-20 of them.]

STAY OUT OF MY ROOM YOU GLOWING BASTARDS AND I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT AGAI--

[the feed cuts out. ]