fox problems | BBS Video

[pachintoki]

Date posted: May 10th-11th, sometime during the night
From: Inari


[A video is posted to the BBS. It starts out dim, but a lamp seems to be turned on and there they are -- foxes. A whole lot of them. They're laying on the furniture, sitting on the ground, lounging on the floor cushions. And they're everywhere; each white fox with red eyes seems to be emitting a pale, silvery glow. These were definitely the fox messengers of the god Inari and while Gintoki knew that and dealt with them before, well, he'd never seen this many at once . . . his voice comes on the video.]

What are they. . . [it's a panicked whisper now] . . . what are they doing. . . why are there so many of them and I told them to stay out of my room. . .they don't listen worth crap. . . no, wait. . . stop looking at me. . . why're they all staring at me. . .

[It's true. The foxes did seem to be staring carefully at their master, now that he's awake. He probably hadn't noticed up until now, but since Gintoki had decided he was going to get up in the night and deal with a dangerous shinki earlier in the week and had gotten himself pretty injured, more and more foxes had been showing up in his room at night. Were they trying to be helpful? Were they looking after him . . . or were they taking advantage of his weakness because they didn't want to sleep in the old barns and distillery around the temple . . . anyway, this was the first time he'd woken up at night and seen so many of them. Should a god be scared of spirits, anyway?

But the camera jerks and there's the mighty god Inari curled up under his blankets which were pulled up over his head, looking terrified. He'll close his eyes, pull the blanket a bit closer, and then he'll shout as loud as he can.]

You. . . YOU'RE ALL CREEPING ME OUT! CREEPY! CREEPY!

[ There's some really jerky, choppy footage but it looks like a pillow gets thrown at a few foxes, and there's general chaos as the foxes all try to scramble out of the room at once. There's got to be 15-20 of them.]

STAY OUT OF MY ROOM YOU GLOWING BASTARDS AND I'M NOT GONNA SAY IT AGAI--

[the feed cuts out. ]

Comments

[shiitan]

[Ross hadn't been listening to the video, but he had been trying to sleep. Key word being trying, as the sudden chaos from Gintoki's room was more than enough to wake a light sleeper like him. He crawled out of his futon and dug out the strange device everyone used for talking on the BBS instead of walking over there.]

what are you doing

[pachintoki]

yo let themin i know you did youlet the m in th hous



[have some wild accusations and panicked texting]

[shiitan]

[Yeah, it took him a while to decipher that. It was way too early in the morning for this.]

I didn't do anything this time you probably left the door open

[pachintoki]

been in bed 3 days theres no way in hell i left it open

[shiitan]

guess the foxes learned to open doors on their own then

[He was starting to feel like he was going to have to go over there, so have fun listening to spooky incoming footsteps, Gintoki!]

[pachintoki]

theyre learning new things now???



[no what is that

He's gonna go stand by the door; this is going to end really well.]

[shiitan]

either that or we have ghosts

[Creak. Creak. Creak. His slow, sleepy footsteps probably weren't helping things. He nearly tripped over a few of the foxes that had been shooed away, too. Finally he came to a stop in front of Gintoki's room and slid the door open, although he would just end up looking like a dark figure whose red eyes resembled not only the foxes' eyes, but the eyes of the shinki who had attacked him not that long ago.]

from: anonymous (video)

[herbalsupplements]

[Sorry, friend, but here is another fox. He seems more normal than the others--no glowing, for one thing, the only flash of red in his gold eyes coming from pupils reflecting the light of the screen in front of him, and pale fur that could be silver rather than white if the lighting were better--but then he opens his mouth and speaks in a rather deeper voice than one might expect to hear from a little fox. (Certain people may recognize the voice, the fox, or both, even without all four tails visible, and others may put two and two together, but that's something Kurama is prepared to deal with.)]

You seem to be having some difficulty communicating.

(video back)

[pachintoki]

[The video is basically dark, since he's talking to the screen from under the blankets now.]

Who says? I'm loud and clear. Stay out means stay out.

[and so, so grumpy.]

text

[razzledazzles]

Ah, there's hope for you in love after all, Gintoki! I'm happy for you.

Re: text

[pachintoki]

next time you wanna say something

breathe deep

hit yourself

do it again if you gotta

[razzledazzles]

Do you need any help?

[pachintoki]

how would you even help

[razzledazzles]

I'll walk in and smash pots and pans to scare them off!

[pachintoki]

thats just annoying

[razzledazzles]

I hope you enjoy your new family.

[pachintoki]

nobody asked me if i wanted to adopt like 20 new pets

[razzledazzles]

They chose you.

[pachintoki]

they chose my bed and my pillows

i mean inari samas

[razzledazzles]

In this case, it is your bed by now.

[pachintoki]

its not

im not a god

[razzledazzles]

I never said you were.

text;

[shockshot]

What just happened? Do you need someone to lure the foxes out?

[This was so weird. And that's a lot of foxes...

...does this mean she should be worried about jaguars sneaking into the temple and into her room....]

[pachintoki]

lure nothing

theyll do what theyre told or else

[shockshot]

Or else...what? They don't seem to be doing any harm. Mostly.

[pachintoki]

i guess you havent shared a room with like 20 furry animals before

i havent either but i had a big furry animal that was like 20 animals so it was basically the same

[shockshot]

Nope, I've never lived in a zoo

Or with a giant furry animal either

Was that giant animal a big dog or???

[pachintoki]

a big monster dog

[shockshot]

Oh wow

you don't seem to have very good luck with animals at all

or is it too much luck? I mean if monster dog was nice...

text;

[diehardreaper]

yeah ive had the same problem
ruddy shadows wont stop watching me
takes a bloke forever to get some sleep
have you tried laying down some ground rules?
seemed to work for my problem

Re: text;

[pachintoki]

shadows watching you sleep is not ok

of course i put down the rules

text;

[diehardreaper]

no go eh?
dunno if mine are just trying to be protective or summat
but its too much for one fellow to take sometimes
they filch my phone in the night too
dunno what they do with it

[redotiertwo]

damn
should i be opening the betting pool on how long it takes this to reach all corners of the heavenly video streaming services
putting money on the countdown to someone remixing this into an earworm of the highest order
actually scratch that ill save them the trouble and do it myself
this is too much quality content to pass up

[pachintoki]

you cant just put whatever you want on the internet

im the main character and im copyrighted

[redotiertwo]

ok clearly my dude you have never been on the internet
or at least not the good parts of it
nobody gives a shit until the copyright police actually come after them and once something like that comes up it never comes down
it just goes from a streaming site to a torrent to whatever else
changing forms like a majestic beast in order to keep itself alive

[pachintoki]

look i dont care about streaming or whatever

dont post it problem solved

[redotiertwo]

dude youre the one who made this work of art available to the world
the thing about the honor system is that most people arent actually that honorable when it comes to hilarious and potentially viral shenaniganry

Voice

[tadanokusuriuri]

My, my.

It looks like...

You're quite the popular man. Aren't you?

voice back then

[pachintoki]

Well I'm the main character, but it's not that kinda show. . .

Who're you?

[tadanokusuriuri]

Me?

I'm only... a simple shinki.

[Who's apparently retained the habit of being weirdly cagey about his identity even without his memories.]