thefarshore | HEAVEN'S BBS

[He's so bad at comforting... his physical presence is the most he can offer, as flat and pessimistic as his words are. But it wouldn't feel right to tell Jae-Ha something he didn't honestly believe to be true, just to make him feel better about his missing friend; anyone else, sure. Jae-Ha is privileged, if it can be called that.

He wiggles his arm around Jae-Ha more securely, because he can at least do that much.]

Well I meant it. I'm not about to settle for leavin' ya behind.

[His words might be more brutally honest than someone comforting might be, but Jae-Ha actually appreciates that. He doesn't want to be treated like a child. He doesn't even want to acknowledge that he's as upset as he is, so Hazel being more honest with him makes him feel a little less weak. At the same time, his closeness is the comfort he needs to not feel completely alone, too. To him, it feels like such a nice balance.]

Thank you. [He says that so warmly that his affection is very clear. He appreciates this.] I enjoy just having you by my side while I look into this. Do you mind staying with me for now?

[While he checks his phone, he means... Stay right there with him while he looks at all of this, is that okay?]

[Ah yes, this will definitely teach him to improve his comforting skills... He's so good and emotionally available, it's great. Shifting again in the wake of all of that obvious affection - gosh - he looks at Jae-Ha thoughtfully. Honestly, what kind of question is that? Of course he's going to stay here.]

Fair warnin', I'm likely to fall asleep sittin' here. That's no fault of yours, but do ya know what time it is?

[That part is kind of Jae-Ha's fault, but anyway, just don't get offended if he just conks out abruptly.]

[Jae-Ha will gladly correct Hazel on his comforting the moment he is like this with anyone else. Right now, it seems fine... He knows the meaning behind it. Ah, that point sure does make him feel bad, though. He knows Hazel isn't blaming him, but Jae-Ha seems perfectly capable of blaming himself for not shielding that reaction enough.

He could apologize, or explain himself, but both of those things won't do much for either of them.]

If you could sleep through this, I'd only be glad. Are you comfortable? I'm fine, so move if you need to. [Get cozy!! Please... If Hazel can get more sleep, he'd only be glad.]

[Do you mean... he can't be an asshole to everyone?? That seems fake? But next time someone provokes him to be a total jackass, they can talk about it - for now he sure is going to get cozy, as much as he can. It's difficult to get totally comfortable here when Jae-Ha is still so upset - the swing is super comfortable, but his poor sad bf...

Eventually he settles in, letting go of Jae-Ha's hand to wrap both arms around his waist. Well, this will have to do.]

I don't mind if ya wake me up. [Just saying... he probably wouldn't be able to sleep through another onset of crisis, but don't try letting him.]

[Those cute words... Jae-Ha keeps one arm loosely around Hazel as the other holds his phone, so he smiles down at him once he's finally in place.]

I'll wake you if I need you, don't worry. [He won't hold back and slip away, this time. So, he lets Hazel relax and focuses on his post for a bit more. That's fine and well for a while. He's not overly emotional like he was at the beginning, but he is extremely worried and still depressed. It's more of a constant thing than any sudden dips, so maybe it would be easier for Hazel to sleep through.

After a long while, he has to take a break from reading all of this. He sets his phone down on the bench beside him, bringing that hand to also curl around Hazel. Maybe he'll take a little bit of a nap, himself. If they're holding onto each other like this, it's easier to believe things will be fine.]

[Hazel hums, but besides that, he has nothing left to say before he falls asleep. It's not the most restful of sleeps, still, but that could just as easily be from it being the chill of morning while they're out on the porch as anything. It's probably not Jae-Ha's sad fault!

But eventually he will wake up again, and blink at Jae-Ha sleeping here with him, and try not to move so very much for his sake. He could wiggle out of here and go fetch his own phone, to see if anyone was remotely helpful to Jae-Ha on the internet (ha), but again: not moving... Thankfully Jae-Ha's phone is right here.

He will be perusing these over Jae-Ha's shoulder now, with the new way he's draped an arm around him. Hmm, illuminating!! (no)]

[For a few minutes, Jae-Ha doesn't even notice because Hazel moved so little. This is what he gets for falling asleep sitting up so perfectly with his phone still right there. But after those few minutes, he catches on to the difference in Hazel's breathing and the small movements, blinking awake and glancing first down at the phone. Oh.]

Have there been any new answers?

[No, not since he fell asleep and stopped answering, it seems. No one has been able to help, there's that Loki person he mentioned before, and the other two dragons got him to say some pretty depressing things. That's about it.

Good morning.]

[Hazel is reading, and trying to hold the phone and scroll down the post with one hand, so he doesn't notice Jae-Ha has woken up until he speaks. Good morning, sunshine... This is depressing. He sighs with a tiny shake of his head.]

Nobody knows a thing, it looks like. Is this the one that messes with your head?

[He wiggles the screen up and down with his thumb, to indicate this Loki creep. He seems like a creep! Wow!]

[That news is expected, but it doesn't stop him from feeling painfully disappointed at it. Really, no one knows a thing about this. But it's been happening so much, for so long... He leans his head to rest against Hazel's with a small frown in response to the gesture. Hmm, yes, he'd been bothered by getting a reply from him at all...]

Yes, that's him. [He seemed a little too interested in his ability to sense other dragons, and way too uncaring about Kija, of course.]

[Ugh, stop, he feels that. There isn't much closer he can get to Jae-Ha right now but he shifts like he's moving closer anyway, just for the gesture. Shh, he's here, things are not as bad as they could be.]

Not very interestin', is he? [like, cryptic suggestions that Jae-Ha's friend is twice dead or kidnapped or something? Where is the Proof(tm)??]

Not in the way I'd like, at least.

[There's discomfort at that, too, and the memory of not feeling any worry at all where he should have. He just thinks back on the things said to him back then, occasionally. It's hard to know why...]

I wouldn't have replied, but I was afraid that would lead to him trying to find his answers on his own. [Like, with mind stuff. No thanks. Reaching with one of his hands, he helps to support the back of his phone with his palm so they can both see it better.]

If anyone did know what happens to the people who vanish, they likely wouldn't share that information. Maybe it was foolish to try and ask. [He feels dumb for a post for the first time ever, his real initiation to the internet.]

[What a bizarre person... He should get a real hobby, Hazel thinks.]

Could've been. [That is a really good point, actually, is getting angry on the network going to come back to bite one or both of them in the ass? That would suck, but it wouldn't be a surprise, really. Once again, he doesn't have the social acumen to tell Jae-Ha it was worth it just to try.]

Well, it's done now. No takin' it back, I s'pose.

[No taking it back. That's not what he wants to hear, no... But it's not that he just wants to hear things that are fake, either. He doesn't know what he wants. Dropping his hand away from the phone, he shifts forward a little. It ends up ruining how close they are as he pulls away just enough to lean forward, resting his elbow on his leg and his forehead down on his palm. There are just so many places where things went wrong that he could have prevented.]

[Oh, there he goes. Hazel frowns, because of course he does - he doesn't like seeing Jae-Ha like this, or feeling his sadness, or any of it... Why couldn't things just be easy and never go wrong? That would be nicer.

He lowers the phone slightly, then puts it down on his own lap to reach over and put his hand on Jae-Ha's knee. Talk to him before he says more dumb shit trying to help...]

The worst part may be that these aren't just my feelings. It doesn't feel as simple as that.

[He speaks up out of nowhere, turning his face a little to look over at Hazel's hand on his knee. He feels this horrible tugging at his heart from so many directions.] It must be similar to how you can feel my sadness. I hate it.

[He drops his hand away from holding his chin up, and places it over Hazel's instead.] But he was still the one who stopped me from running away in the beginning.

[Well... that weird dragon thing can't really be helped, can it? It's odd, it's not something most people here experience completely outside of the bond between shinki and gods, so...

He doesn't know what to say to that, so he just squeezes Jae-Ha's knee and leans closer.]

You're rightly sad to miss him, make no mistake. [dragon stuff... hmm] I'm not sure how close it is, though— your friends have somethin' truly unique about y'all, don't ya?

[The leaning closer helps. Jae-Ha leans into him, curling his fingers more around Hazel's hand as he frowns.]

We four dragons... I have no idea why, but we have an unbreakable bond. I'd like to make guesses, but just saying what we are like that hurts. [Sooo he should stop, he's stopping.]

I can think that I had a predecessor. I just wonder what horrible curse I must be stuck with to end up like this. The others must have dealt with the same. [Right??? Especially Kija. Definitely Kija!!]

[Hm— it's been a little while, hasn't it, so it only makes sense that Hazel's reminded now of just how much he would have considered Jae-Ha cursed at best and monstrous at worst... if they'd met under different circumstances. If he'd seen that green leg before the man. Even with the depth of his feelings now, it's not as if he's come around to think Jae-Ha's leg is the greatest thing in the world— it's still a dragon leg, it's strange— but it's definitely been a paradigm shift these past weeks.]

Maybe so. I could ask your annoyin' friend. [But will he? Likely not.

...hmm. Leave no spot untouched, wasn't it— so maybe that was lewd, but look, it's relevant now. Even though he just settled in like this with his leaning, he sits back up and turns to sit sideways, facing Jae-Ha and nudging his knee for him to do the same. Look at him, scrub.]

No, you were right. You're already burdened with enough information.

[He doesn't need to ask Zeno about anything. That would make things worse, and he wouldn't ask Hazel to speak to Zeno when he kept referring to him by words that were never names, either. He's thinking about ways around this to encourage his connection with Shin-ah and Zeno when the light nudge draws his attention and he glances up and over to Hazel.

Slowly, he'll shift to face him as well.]

Hm?

Fair enough. [He's... not going to disagree with that, honestly. Once again he could for the sake of niceties, but honestly, the nerve of this place— shoving the memory of Jae-Ha's death on him like that, and making him carry it alone for who knows how long? Even the clarity of it, unlike normal memories of his own...

Well, he's certainly burdened, that's for sure. It's not the first time he's carried a life, and it's different in so many ways, but the strain on his shoulders is the same.

But back to his point, which is getting Jae-Ha to face him so he can do this thing that's just occurred to him. This will mean something to both of them, regardless, but he can only hope he isn't about to make a huge mistake. So without hesitating he reaches out to touch Jae-Ha's scaly leg, first with his fingertips and then sliding to let his palm rest there.

Feels like lizard. He doesn't know what he expected.]

You're not cursed. I'm an exorcist, remember? I'd know.

[fuckin.....smooth]

[It's not what he expects at all. The only one who had ever wanted to touch his leg was Kija, and he was a strange one, so to have Hazel reaching over like that... At first, Jae-Ha half lifts one of his hands, like he means to stop him before he accidentally brushes against his gross leg.

But no, he was reaching there on purpose. For him...? To say those comforting words about something Jae-Ha knows he's not comfortable with himself. His face heats up a little, and it feels like one of the only places all of these emotions can sort of pool. It feels like his heart has dropped straight through his stomach, painful but not bad—]

You don't have to... [How does he word any of the things he's thinking? There's so much at once that he just sort of trails off, fingers curling into the palm of his hand still in the air.]

Hazel. [Ugh, he's sweet... Help, he's so sweet, what does he say!!]

[Hazel shakes his head; of course he doesn't have to, but he's already here and he's doing it, so take it. Now that he's doing it, he supposes he'll touch it a little more experimentally, check out the gradient... It really does feel like an ordinary reptile, but warm?? And man-sized?

He's frowning, but it's in concentration more than anything else.]

...Look, nothin's happenin' to me, so ya can't possibly be cursed.

[For this, he will say dumb things just for the sake of the mood, because "if I saw this first, we wouldn't have gotten this far" might be kind of rude. He's had time to reflect on that aspect of his personality, thankfully.]

[That's the dumbest, sweetest thing... All at once, he laughs a breathy, single laugh and his surprise melts away into a smile. In the end, he still has Hazel, and he's accepted by him, too. What a lucky thing this is.

He reaches forward with that hand to touch Hazel's forearm lightly. He doesn't know how to express himself well enough. After a moment of just hesitating like that, he leans forward, almost hugging Hazel's arm here as he just leans between them like this. He's just... don't look at his face, he's so touched.]

Thank you.

[What a sentimental baby he has here... Leaning a little awkwardly like that, but that doesn't matter. He is here, they both are, and it's going to be alright.]

Just doin' my part. [His part as the good boyfriend, probably, reaching up with his other hand to rub little circles on Jae-Ha's back. He's good at being dumb, at least...]

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