thefarshore | HEAVEN'S BBS

[Being woken up before dawn by distressed shinki feelings is never a good sign. Hazel manages the following steps: rolling over, getting out of bed, and stumbling. What time is it? Where did this big lizard go??

When he finds Jae-Ha on the porch, he pauses to look at him for a moment, then simply walks over to join him on the porch swing in silence. He didn't stop to check his phone or anything, but he doesn't need a BBS post to be bothered by these feelings, so he's here, leaning against Jae-Ha with a vague hum. The hum means he's here and might soon be capable of speech, if necessary.

It could also mean he is way tired, but either way: hey sad dragon.]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Has his god said anything to you about it? Hedone, I believe it was?

[Jae-Ha glances up when Hazel steps out onto the porch, slowly and silently turning back to the sky once Hazel sits next to him. The weight is a comfort beside him, but the pain in his heart is still there, deep and unable to be helped. He frowns a little bit.]

I tried not to wake you. [But he knows these emotions aren't really easy to sleep through... He leans back into Hazel a small bit, his hands curled together in his lap.] Kija disappeared.

From what I understand, he actually left his god before he vanished. He told me he was released after a talk they had.

[Aha - so it's one of them. The waving one... Hazel doesn't know anything about him, really, besides that he has a big hand and was here before he himself was, with that young lady Yona. Hmm. Irrationally - he hopes - he wonders if Jae-Ha is next, but he clamps down on that thought to put it aside. Not now.

He's quiet, both to give Jae-Ha a moment and to mentally shake himself a little more awake. For this, he should be...]

How are ya holdin' up? [Besides sad, he's got that one.]

Sorry to hear it. Even if we didn't get along, I liked him-- he's a good kid. If you're the type to drown it out, I'd buy you a bottle of your preference. If you aren't, I wish you well in your other coping mechanisms.

Edited (Zeno and Shin-ah forthcoming when pichi and I can coordinate / both be awake enough to brain o/) 2016-10-27 05:41 (UTC)

[It's horrible, but it's a thought that crossed Jae-Ha's mind after the initial shock, as well. What if he was next? What if there was no way of knowing or preventing, or what if he had caused this somehow with all of his actions? Normally he keeps his posture straight no matter what, but this time his shoulders are slumped forward the slightest bit more, and his back isn't as straight as it could be.

His feelings come across far more clear than this. It's like a piece of himself is missing, even if he can't understand why, and beyond that he was someone that Jae-Ha had gotten really close to on his own. He had been the first one to convince him to give this a try rather than run away. They'd done so much... Now, he didn't even know if he was okay.]

I've had better mornings, certainly. [It feels too strange to just voice all the ways he's not doing great, especially when he knows Hazel can feel all of this. How unfortunate, having to put up with these secondhand emotions.]

It would be a bit easier if I could at least know what's happened to him. If he's just moved on, at least... [Then he could find some peace or something, but...]

I don't see how anyone could have gathered that from how you acted like you did.

[Ah, a bit snappy, but he's not in the best of moods either.]

Either way, thank you. My god happens to have plenty of alcohol so there's no need.

I'm more curious if you noticed anything yourself, or if you wouldn't have been able to with how little you spoke with him. Did anything seem strange? Had he tried to contact you? Was there no sign at all?

Edited 2016-10-27 05:51 (UTC)

[Those feelings coming across... well, they're a lot to take in so early in the morning. Or any time, honestly— there are so many things about the situation that Hazel just plainly can't relate to, as much as the feelings come through to him unbidden.

He shifts, reaching for Jae-Ha's hand but stopping to tug on the cuff of his sleeve slightly instead.]

I know what he meant to ya, so I'm sorry. [Hmm...] And without meanin' to be a downer, I don't think anyone knows who's likely to tell.

Who's acting?

[Youji returns exactly what he gets-- a sassy comeback and then an actual attempt to act like an adult.]

No, or I'd have contacted you. I found an active prayer, it went wrong, and he suggested we part ways. This is the first I've heard of it.

[The moment Hazel's hand shifts to tug at his sleeve, Jae-ha moves to take his hand firmly. A little too firmly, maybe, since it's a sudden hold that's just a desperate wish that neither of them disappear next.

So it won't be easier, are what those words tell him. He knows that, but it still hurts to hear. Kija... He could pretend forever that Kija has just found Yona somewhere, but he knows that doesn't feel right. He can't feel comfort blindly like that without knowing. He's going to worry and feel responsible until he knows for sure, which could very well be never.]

I know. I wasn't sure how to do anything but ask.

[He's not the type of person to reply with more snapping, as much as he feels angry and upset. It wouldn't help, it's not very beautiful, among other things... He's too bothered by that answer. He doesn't know anything, so he can't help. There really is no way of knowing what happened to him.]

If you think back on anything and it strikes you as odd later, please let me know.

The kid with the useless shithead god, right?

Read this. It stops being useful when they start bitching about paperwork.

[Ah, well, that's something he can respond to. He squeezes Jae-Ha's hand back tightly, understanding and agreement about that much showing through, at least. Surely, physically holding each other back from whatever makes people disappear will work.]

Is that what you're doin' out here? [Like, he figured it out, but for conversation's sake.] I don't blame ya, but don't start thinkin' like there was somethin' ya didn't do right.

[There is guilt in these sad shinki feelings and he does not approve, stop that at once. That's the worst one, mixed in with all of the regular sadness.]

I will if it does, but I doubt. He's a very consistent character.

He had the large white claw for a right hand. Yes.

Are you saying you think he could have died again?

I'm sorry.

I didn't get to meet Kija, so I can't help you with the search. I can ask around if you like, do something to help with a search.

That is, if that's what you want.

[Unfortunately, at the mention that he shouldn't be feeling responsible, the feeling of guilt only becomes more prominent. He keeps squeezing that hand, his second one moving over to brush fingers against the back of Hazel's lightly as he finally looks over to him.]

I was supposed to be figuring this out. First Yona, and now him... I hate this bond, somehow, but it feels like a piece of myself has been ripped out. I couldn't do a thing for him.

[Not a thing for when Yona vanished, not a thing for his replacement god, and now this, too?? There had to have been some better way he could have handled it. He allowed himself to get too distracted, maybe. He was too casual, too happy off on his own... He didn't even hug him enough. He didn't get to make up for that, either.]

No, dumbass, read more carefully. The other topic.

What do you mean by that?

[What did he just say... Hazel frowns, shifting again to settle more into leaning against Jae-Ha honestly so he can look down and away from his face. He probably shouldn't be throwing this expression around so suddenly, this is mercy...]

You're playin' the hero again, bein' in everyone's business. [Ugh... it's sweet, so he can't say this with disapproval at all, but at the same time - stop doing this, ridiculous sad man??] Wasn't he doin' alright for himself, eventually?

[Aside from suddenly disappearing, Hazel doesn't have any reassurances about that.] Frankly, there's likely no helpin' it.

I don't know if there's a risk to asking around about things like this, so you'll have to decide on your own if you're willing.

There's no need for a search, though. I can tell that he's gone completely from both the near and far shores.

That there may not be an answer where he is? That there's no knowing unless he happens to reappear?

[He doesn't even have the energy to joke and pretend this is fine right now. There's no calling Sanzo out on his rude statements, either.]

I said I'd look out for you, didn't I? And you'd look out for me. And if this helps you feel better, I'm more than willing to do whatever I can.

Especially if he's gone. I'm sure he misses you too.

[Hazel might be showing mercy by looking away, but right now Jae-Ha wants to look at him. He worries that that feeling might be a bit much, a bit too needy, and so he glances away himself, loosening his grip a little on Hazel's hand. So he's not death squeezing, mostly.]

Isn't it our business, too?

[Anyone can disappear... He said it, he sort of said it aloud!! There's no helping it, though. He knows... But knowing that doesn't help remove any of the guilt or bad feelings. He just can't stop feeling responsible. He was like a brother... And wasn't he the older one, supposed to look out for things like this? He should have found a way. He should have done a bit more, or been there with him during it, or something.]

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i guess this is here first,

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oh my god I mean yes true

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