thefarshore | HEAVEN'S BBS

Not in the way I'd like, at least.

[There's discomfort at that, too, and the memory of not feeling any worry at all where he should have. He just thinks back on the things said to him back then, occasionally. It's hard to know why...]

I wouldn't have replied, but I was afraid that would lead to him trying to find his answers on his own. [Like, with mind stuff. No thanks. Reaching with one of his hands, he helps to support the back of his phone with his palm so they can both see it better.]

If anyone did know what happens to the people who vanish, they likely wouldn't share that information. Maybe it was foolish to try and ask. [He feels dumb for a post for the first time ever, his real initiation to the internet.]

[What a bizarre person... He should get a real hobby, Hazel thinks.]

Could've been. [That is a really good point, actually, is getting angry on the network going to come back to bite one or both of them in the ass? That would suck, but it wouldn't be a surprise, really. Once again, he doesn't have the social acumen to tell Jae-Ha it was worth it just to try.]

Well, it's done now. No takin' it back, I s'pose.

[No taking it back. That's not what he wants to hear, no... But it's not that he just wants to hear things that are fake, either. He doesn't know what he wants. Dropping his hand away from the phone, he shifts forward a little. It ends up ruining how close they are as he pulls away just enough to lean forward, resting his elbow on his leg and his forehead down on his palm. There are just so many places where things went wrong that he could have prevented.]

[Oh, there he goes. Hazel frowns, because of course he does - he doesn't like seeing Jae-Ha like this, or feeling his sadness, or any of it... Why couldn't things just be easy and never go wrong? That would be nicer.

He lowers the phone slightly, then puts it down on his own lap to reach over and put his hand on Jae-Ha's knee. Talk to him before he says more dumb shit trying to help...]

The worst part may be that these aren't just my feelings. It doesn't feel as simple as that.

[He speaks up out of nowhere, turning his face a little to look over at Hazel's hand on his knee. He feels this horrible tugging at his heart from so many directions.] It must be similar to how you can feel my sadness. I hate it.

[He drops his hand away from holding his chin up, and places it over Hazel's instead.] But he was still the one who stopped me from running away in the beginning.

[Well... that weird dragon thing can't really be helped, can it? It's odd, it's not something most people here experience completely outside of the bond between shinki and gods, so...

He doesn't know what to say to that, so he just squeezes Jae-Ha's knee and leans closer.]

You're rightly sad to miss him, make no mistake. [dragon stuff... hmm] I'm not sure how close it is, though— your friends have somethin' truly unique about y'all, don't ya?

[The leaning closer helps. Jae-Ha leans into him, curling his fingers more around Hazel's hand as he frowns.]

We four dragons... I have no idea why, but we have an unbreakable bond. I'd like to make guesses, but just saying what we are like that hurts. [Sooo he should stop, he's stopping.]

I can think that I had a predecessor. I just wonder what horrible curse I must be stuck with to end up like this. The others must have dealt with the same. [Right??? Especially Kija. Definitely Kija!!]

[Hm— it's been a little while, hasn't it, so it only makes sense that Hazel's reminded now of just how much he would have considered Jae-Ha cursed at best and monstrous at worst... if they'd met under different circumstances. If he'd seen that green leg before the man. Even with the depth of his feelings now, it's not as if he's come around to think Jae-Ha's leg is the greatest thing in the world— it's still a dragon leg, it's strange— but it's definitely been a paradigm shift these past weeks.]

Maybe so. I could ask your annoyin' friend. [But will he? Likely not.

...hmm. Leave no spot untouched, wasn't it— so maybe that was lewd, but look, it's relevant now. Even though he just settled in like this with his leaning, he sits back up and turns to sit sideways, facing Jae-Ha and nudging his knee for him to do the same. Look at him, scrub.]

No, you were right. You're already burdened with enough information.

[He doesn't need to ask Zeno about anything. That would make things worse, and he wouldn't ask Hazel to speak to Zeno when he kept referring to him by words that were never names, either. He's thinking about ways around this to encourage his connection with Shin-ah and Zeno when the light nudge draws his attention and he glances up and over to Hazel.

Slowly, he'll shift to face him as well.]

Hm?

Fair enough. [He's... not going to disagree with that, honestly. Once again he could for the sake of niceties, but honestly, the nerve of this place— shoving the memory of Jae-Ha's death on him like that, and making him carry it alone for who knows how long? Even the clarity of it, unlike normal memories of his own...

Well, he's certainly burdened, that's for sure. It's not the first time he's carried a life, and it's different in so many ways, but the strain on his shoulders is the same.

But back to his point, which is getting Jae-Ha to face him so he can do this thing that's just occurred to him. This will mean something to both of them, regardless, but he can only hope he isn't about to make a huge mistake. So without hesitating he reaches out to touch Jae-Ha's scaly leg, first with his fingertips and then sliding to let his palm rest there.

Feels like lizard. He doesn't know what he expected.]

You're not cursed. I'm an exorcist, remember? I'd know.

[fuckin.....smooth]

[It's not what he expects at all. The only one who had ever wanted to touch his leg was Kija, and he was a strange one, so to have Hazel reaching over like that... At first, Jae-Ha half lifts one of his hands, like he means to stop him before he accidentally brushes against his gross leg.

But no, he was reaching there on purpose. For him...? To say those comforting words about something Jae-Ha knows he's not comfortable with himself. His face heats up a little, and it feels like one of the only places all of these emotions can sort of pool. It feels like his heart has dropped straight through his stomach, painful but not bad—]

You don't have to... [How does he word any of the things he's thinking? There's so much at once that he just sort of trails off, fingers curling into the palm of his hand still in the air.]

Hazel. [Ugh, he's sweet... Help, he's so sweet, what does he say!!]

[Hazel shakes his head; of course he doesn't have to, but he's already here and he's doing it, so take it. Now that he's doing it, he supposes he'll touch it a little more experimentally, check out the gradient... It really does feel like an ordinary reptile, but warm?? And man-sized?

He's frowning, but it's in concentration more than anything else.]

...Look, nothin's happenin' to me, so ya can't possibly be cursed.

[For this, he will say dumb things just for the sake of the mood, because "if I saw this first, we wouldn't have gotten this far" might be kind of rude. He's had time to reflect on that aspect of his personality, thankfully.]

[That's the dumbest, sweetest thing... All at once, he laughs a breathy, single laugh and his surprise melts away into a smile. In the end, he still has Hazel, and he's accepted by him, too. What a lucky thing this is.

He reaches forward with that hand to touch Hazel's forearm lightly. He doesn't know how to express himself well enough. After a moment of just hesitating like that, he leans forward, almost hugging Hazel's arm here as he just leans between them like this. He's just... don't look at his face, he's so touched.]

Thank you.

[What a sentimental baby he has here... Leaning a little awkwardly like that, but that doesn't matter. He is here, they both are, and it's going to be alright.]

Just doin' my part. [His part as the good boyfriend, probably, reaching up with his other hand to rub little circles on Jae-Ha's back. He's good at being dumb, at least...]

[Ugh. He stays like this for a moment before his back starts killing him and he sits back up, holding his arms out for Hazel expectantly. Come here and hug him.]

With you by my side, I feel like I don't have to worry about anyone trying to tie me down.

[Not when there's someone looking out for him and defending him like this. Gosh.] It was hard for me to accept, and I know it's not beautiful to you or anyone else, either. I was so relieved when you accepted it despite that.

[Good gracious, the shoujo has started. Of course Hazel shifts forward into hugging him, putting his head right down on Jae-Ha's shoulder.]

It wasn't... Well, ya know what manner of life I lead. [Monster killing, and so on, his bad priest lifestyle.] Ruminatin' on that hasn't been easy, but you're the one... makin' it worthwhile.

[So there— if he can get over himself even a little thanks to Jae-Ha being there for him, surely he can overlook one lizard leg. It's really so much easier, comparatively!!]

[ He smiles still, wrapping his arms around Hazel to hold him there. Mm, yes, he knows how hard it must have been. How hard it must still be. To think that he's still saying things like this despite that, though? It warms him so much. ]

Don't leave me behind, now, alright? I need you here with me. [ He says that very quietly, and he knows it's unfair to ask when neither of them can really help with this issue, but... it feels safer to ask like this. Like it might keep him here. ]

[Yeah it's the worst!! He doesn't deserve this, having to think about serious things. How rude... But outside of his whiny child thoughts he's here, holding tight around Jae-Ha and thinking about how he can't guarantee a damn thing— but.]

I told ya, I'm not gonna leave here alone. You're comin' with me and that's that.

[Yes... he says so!! So it'll work out.]

How could we be Hot Stuff if that weren't the case? I'll follow you.

[Holding him close like this, he turns his face into Hazel enough to kiss the side of his head.] In another hour or so, I'd like to soar around briefly to clear my mind. But before I do that, we can relax here together. Did you rest enough the second time?

[How could they be Hot Stuff... that nickname has never been sillier, and yet that's the best possible thing he could have said?? Hazel laughs shortly, squeezing his arms around Jae-Ha again. Yes, they'll be Hot Stuff anywhere, anytime!! Obviously.]

I'm alright, just a lil cold here at the back end of mornin'.

[Well, it's not 5 anymore, but shh. Warm him.]

By chance, I always seem to be quite warm. Come here... Should I get us a blanket, too?

[Or is this enough? Cuddling on the porch swing. It's weird how he's so warm when he's some kind of dragon lizard, but here he is, tall and here to rub his hand down Hazel's arm to warm him up a little as he tugs him close.]

[He's pretty terrible at being a lizard... but tall and suspiciously warm is great for Hazel, who hums and settles in closer. He will get the maximum amount of cuddling out of this hour, for sure.]

This is plenty. I still can't believe you're always goin' around in that robe. [he's in that flimsy robe and he's not cold...!!!]

[It's because of his shoujo heart. Still, that comment earns a laugh from Jae-Ha, so that's already better than how he has been this entire morning.]

Oh, do you not like it? It's comfortable. I'm afraid I can't wear your pajamas and get away with it like you could do with mine.

[What a baby. Hazel has to pause to really relish the mental image of Jae-Ha trying to move around in his clothes with an amused little grin. It's funny!!]

I dunno if I'd like the robe. And I'm not sure if it counts as "gettin' away with it" unless we actually get to sleep sometime. [Just.....saying.]

What are you trying to say?

[He is innocent... As he holds Hazel close, he's sure to cuddle with as much of his body as possible. He'll warm him up.] Western clothes suit you more. Though the robe at the hot springs did look very nice on you.

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