[video]

[kagenonadeshiko]

From: Vesta
Date: December 24

[Being an old-timey Japanese person, Ayumu's unfamiliar with Christmas Eve or Christmas traditions. What she is acquainted with is New Year's and it's coming up very soon. Since her return from the dead, Ayumu's been too busy recovering from her ordeal and its fallout this month to really announce herself.

Between returning to the Shinsengumi and getting affairs in order at her own temple, Ayumu simply hasn't had the time or energy to dedicate to making all the social calls she'd like. There's something she's been thinking about doing, however, and Ayumu's running out of time to do it.

So here is a video of a very solemn and subdued looking Ayumu Yamazaki in a plum-blossom patterned kimono with her hair done up in a sleek bun. The eyepatch over her left eye is absent today, revealing the facial scarring marring her brow and the drooping lid in stark clarity. Her posture is straighter than it's been in quite some time. She appears to be seated at a kitchen table, her hands clasped neatly in front of her.

After a moment, Ayumu begins to speak quietly and evenly in the Kyoto accent she hasn't used since her first time here as a goddess.]

Hello. My name is Ayumu Yamazaki. I'm also known as Vesta and have gone by Lady Yumi on this shore in the past. I'm aware that many of you do not know me. Many of those that do are not aware that prior to my life here as a shinki, I was once a goddess. It's because of those who were once here but have long since passed on or vanished that I am speaking now.

[Ayumu bows her head briefly in a moment of silence before lifting it once more.]

On New Year's Eve, I'll be holding a candlelit vigil at my temple to honor and bid a proper farewell to those who've left us, whether it be through choice, death, or unknown forces. A new year awaits us all, one that may prove to be full of better prospects but I believe that in order to greet it fully with open arms, we must first let go of what binds us in the past. If anyone would like to do the same, you are all welcome to join me at my temple.

[Ayumu includes directions to her temple in the western district. When she's done, she bows deeply to the camera then straightens up. Just before the video cuts out, there's the sound of a very demanding meow coming from off-screen.]

Comments

private, from: nekhbet

[revolutionfalcon]

[Normally Shun would consider this a decent idea, but he's not exactly feeling the most like giving Ayumu the benefit of the doubt right now.]

So. You're back. That didn't take long.

private text

[kagenonadeshiko]

no. it didn't.

[There's not really a whole lot Ayumu can say about that. She's not in charge anymore than anyone else here is.]

just assming private text 5ever

[revolutionfalcon]

Considering how desperately you apparently wanted someone else to have to kill you, obviously personal feelings aren't taken into account.

Have you spoken to Lavi yet?

yep yep

[kagenonadeshiko]

if you seek to blame someone,
there's plenty of others available, not just me.
i know what i did.
and yes, we've spoken.

private

[dredefulchilde]

Do you want my help, Mistress?

private

[kagenonadeshiko]

if you don't mind.
i could use some support.

[dredefulchilde]

Of course. What will you need?

[Joscelin isn't super clear on the concept of "emotional support." He's thinking she'll need help fighting.]

Private, text: Ginia

[unlucky7]

[No one told her Ayumu was back. No one told her Ayumu was back as a god. Ginia's breath catches in her lungs when she sees the video, not seeing Ayumu in the video, but as the last way Ginia remembers seeing her.

Eyes. So many eyes. A serrated blade shattering her borderline, stabbing through skin and muscle, pain and blood and and opening maw and Ginia drowns in memories she thought she set behind and the only lifeline available is anger.

No one told her. No one fucking told her.]

Welcome back.

private text

[kagenonadeshiko]

thank you.
i must apologize for what happened the other night.
i know mere words are not enough
but please know that i am deeply sorry.
if there is anything you ever need,
if it's within my power to grant, it's yours.

Private here on out

[unlucky7]

Do you even know what you're apologizing for?

[She can remember being a shinki and a goddess before, so she must have some degree of memories, but until Ginia knows what Ayumu remembers, the apology rings hollow.]

Video

[bass_instincts]

It's kinda scary knowing you can still die even after you're dead....

[He looks rather unsettled, for all his piercings and dyed, spiked hair.] But that sounds like a nice idea.

Video

[kagenonadeshiko]

It is scary. Very scary. I don't recommend it.

[Interesting hair, Ayumu thinks. She's not sure she understands what the piercings are about but most modern fashion confuses her. It's hard not to look at that chain as a dangerous liability in a fight.]

And thank you. At least, some of us have lost a number of people here. I'm hoping that this will bring them some peace, at least, in the coming new year.

Video

[bass_instincts]

I hope so too.

Is that a typical tradition in Japan? [He knows he's supposed to be Japanese, but he's found he doesn't seem to know the holidays all that well.]

private; from: Archer

[boneofsword]

[Archer notices the different speech pattern immediately. He didn't know about Ayumu, not until this post, but he's been worried after seeing her talk about what the shinki are.]

I will join you. It's a good idea to hold such vigil, even if most of us don't remember whom we've lost.

private; video

[kagenonadeshiko]

Thank you. I think it's best to step into the new year weighed down from the past as little as possible. Amends can be difficult enough to make without being haunted by ghosts of past regrets.

[And she does regret the pain she's caused others throughout her life. As a rule, Ayumu takes back nothing or at least tries not to. Taking something back's impossible to do, once something is said or done, it's in the air forever, remembered. But amends and forgiveness? Those are obtainable goals to work for.]

private; video

[boneofsword]

That is true for everyone.

[Archer has a feeling that his past has been full of regrets. He's been doing well so far, without truly losing anyone important to him. Aside that Caster's stunt.]

Have you settled in?

from: Sha Gojyo

[erogappa]

Do you think it will help?

text

[kagenonadeshiko]

i think it might.
it's worth a try.
even a small step toward letting go
can hold great meaning
if one lets it happen.

[erogappa]

What if I don't want to let go?

Sometimes I think regret and bad memories are all I have left you know? If I let that go then what's left?

private; text

[reformedsinner]

How thoughtful.

Although, of course, it isn't only those who are gone who bind us to the past.

private; text

[kagenonadeshiko]

i'm aware.
the living can bind us, too.
we can also bind ourselves as well.
i'm hoping this vigil
will give people a chance to say goodbye
to those they never got the chance to.
and thank you.

[reformedsinner]

Mostly, we bind ourselves.

May I ask what happened between you and Chikusa?

Video

[pure_radiantics]

[ She's shocked quite honestly. She holds one hand over her mouth in disbelief before finally speaking. ]

Ayumu...?

[ But that's not helpful. ]

But... you remember being a shinki and before then? So...

[ 'You remember me - twice?' ]

Video

[kagenonadeshiko]

Yes, I do. I remember everything.

[Many memories are painful, making her heart ache terribly, but not all of her experiences have been horrible. Some of the memories she's had have been very pleasant one, happy ones she treasures greatly. It's a lot to take in and sort through, especially in her present condition and circumstances.

But she's grateful - very grateful to see and hear from Kairi now. So few people - friends - from her previous life as a goddess here remain. It's strangely anchoring.

She's smiling at Kairi but there's a slight tremor to it, as if she might break apart into pieces.]

I remember you. And I remember Sora. Axel, too. And Saix. I remember everyone.

weh

[pure_radiantics]

I'm so happy, Ayumu. I felt bad that I couldn't talk to you like I used to, but I was too scared of hurting you.

[ Then she finally takes a big breath, sighing. ]

I missed you.