[video]

[kagenonadeshiko]

From: Vesta
Date: December 24

[Being an old-timey Japanese person, Ayumu's unfamiliar with Christmas Eve or Christmas traditions. What she is acquainted with is New Year's and it's coming up very soon. Since her return from the dead, Ayumu's been too busy recovering from her ordeal and its fallout this month to really announce herself.

Between returning to the Shinsengumi and getting affairs in order at her own temple, Ayumu simply hasn't had the time or energy to dedicate to making all the social calls she'd like. There's something she's been thinking about doing, however, and Ayumu's running out of time to do it.

So here is a video of a very solemn and subdued looking Ayumu Yamazaki in a plum-blossom patterned kimono with her hair done up in a sleek bun. The eyepatch over her left eye is absent today, revealing the facial scarring marring her brow and the drooping lid in stark clarity. Her posture is straighter than it's been in quite some time. She appears to be seated at a kitchen table, her hands clasped neatly in front of her.

After a moment, Ayumu begins to speak quietly and evenly in the Kyoto accent she hasn't used since her first time here as a goddess.]

Hello. My name is Ayumu Yamazaki. I'm also known as Vesta and have gone by Lady Yumi on this shore in the past. I'm aware that many of you do not know me. Many of those that do are not aware that prior to my life here as a shinki, I was once a goddess. It's because of those who were once here but have long since passed on or vanished that I am speaking now.

[Ayumu bows her head briefly in a moment of silence before lifting it once more.]

On New Year's Eve, I'll be holding a candlelit vigil at my temple to honor and bid a proper farewell to those who've left us, whether it be through choice, death, or unknown forces. A new year awaits us all, one that may prove to be full of better prospects but I believe that in order to greet it fully with open arms, we must first let go of what binds us in the past. If anyone would like to do the same, you are all welcome to join me at my temple.

[Ayumu includes directions to her temple in the western district. When she's done, she bows deeply to the camera then straightens up. Just before the video cuts out, there's the sound of a very demanding meow coming from off-screen.]

Comments

from: Sha Gojyo

[erogappa]

Do you think it will help?

text

[kagenonadeshiko]

i think it might.
it's worth a try.
even a small step toward letting go
can hold great meaning
if one lets it happen.

[erogappa]

What if I don't want to let go?

Sometimes I think regret and bad memories are all I have left you know? If I let that go then what's left?

[kagenonadeshiko]

i think i know how you feel.
it's hard to let go of pain when it's all you know.
it's hard to have faith in the future that's to come.
it's hard to face what feels like nothing.
regret and bad memories aren't all you have
but they can hide the other things you do have.
important things, happy things.
things worth keeping.
you have more than just those things.
you have friends and family
who'll still be there for you afterward.

1/2

[erogappa]

[ He'll still have friends and family? Given that he's breaking a promise to one of his remaining friends right at this moment, that's probably not true. But it's a nice thought. ]

Unless they vanish.

[erogappa]

Sorry that wasn't called for.

I want to do something for Sharak on New Years. What do you think would be good? I don't have anything of hers to bring.

[kagenonadeshiko]

it's all right.
it's a reasonable concern in this place.
i think bringing your memories
and talking about the times you've shared
would be good enough.
perhaps drinking or eating a favorite of hers
or trying something she always wished you to
in her honor.
i think there are many different ways
to commemorate someone.
all that matters is that it's meaningful
to you and her.

[erogappa]

She got herself into a lot of trouble by taking me in.

Did I ever tell you, the last time we talked I told her that the world would be better off if she just disappeared?

[kagenonadeshiko]

you hadn't.
i'm so sorry, gojyo.
it's always difficult
living with regrets like those.
you never know for sure
if the last time
you speak to someone will be the last.

[erogappa]

I'm trying not to have any more regrets. That's because of you, actually. After you died and Tsu vanished, it really hit me how anyone could just disappear. It's why I had the courage to tell Hakkai how I felt.

Ayumu would be so mad at you if you kept this to yourself, I thought. She'd really be mad! So I didn't have a choice, you see? I had to tell him. And then we had a couple of really good days.

[kagenonadeshiko]

fortune can change so quickly.
i'm glad that you talked to him
and things seem to be going well between you.
it's hard to have feelings like that
after the opportunity to say anything
has long since passed you by.

[erogappa]

Yeah.

Hey speaking of, does Lavi know you're back?

private - assuming this whole thread is?

[kagenonadeshiko]

he does but
we decided that it'd be best
that we don't see each other
for a while.
we set some boundaries.
i don't think
it's gonna work out between us.

[Maybe Ayumu's being a pessimist again but screw ups like hers aren't easy to forgive or forget.]

sure, we can call it private!

[erogappa]

Oh shit. Ayumu, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was like that.

Are you okay?

[kagenonadeshiko]

i will be.
we weren't involved in that way
but i think it's for the best we're not.
there's things i need to move past
before i can be close to someone like that.
i hope he and i can be friends again
once he's ready.
in the meantime,
there's work to be done.

[With or without Lavi, she has a life to build and other commitments to keep. Time marches on, regardless of heartache.]

[erogappa]

[ He doesn't know Lavi -- he doesn't even think they've exchanged a single word -- but if it's Lavi who doesn't want to talk to Ayumu then Lavi might be getting a visit from an angry shinki soon. Assuming that his hike up the mountain to talk with Votelli doesn't explode in his face and cause the death of everyone in the heavens.

He's giving it even odds, really. ]

In the meantime there's people here who will care for you no matter what.

[kagenonadeshiko]

thanks, gojyo.
you're a good friend. :)

[There's a brief pause before she texts again.]

so what are you up to?

[erogappa]

I'm living at the bar again. It's nice though. We fixed it up good. I just can't sleep under the same roof as Chikusa and Ken anymore.

[kagenonadeshiko]

[Ayumu's not the least bit surprised. It was only a matter of time before tensions in the household raised to intolerable levels for someone. What is surprising to her that it's happened this soon. She'd hoped for Hakkai's sake that it'd last a couple of more weeks, at least.]

what happened?
i'll be dropping by the bar soon.

[Especially if Gojyo's living there now. She has to make sure it's a suitable place to stay in and he's not surviving on booze and junk food alone, after all. And of course, she still needs to name him, too...]

[erogappa]

Did you hear about Chikusa's stink bomb trap?

[kagenonadeshiko]

i don't think i did.
what did he do?

[erogappa]

[ This is going to take some time to tell. Gojyo takes a break, sitting down on an outcropping of stone (he won't be leaning against any trees any time soon, not in this forest), and he stuffs one of the chocolate bars into his mouth, chewing idly as he types. ]

I was learning that bind spell, so of course Chikusa had to come fuck with me and bind me and he drew on my face. Hakkai said alcohol would take the ink off, but it turned out that Chikusa had taken the stuff from the cupboard in the kitchen and hidden it. There's something more there, but nobody will tell me why Chikusa's so against Hakkai drinking.

So Hakkai said let's go take the bottle out of his room. I don't know if you ever saw their room but it's a mess. Clothes and food everywhere. And under the bed where the booze was hiding was a pepper spray trap that we set off by accident.

When the brats got home I tried to make nice with Ken but he'd already made up his mind about me. I figured it probably wasn't safe to keep sleeping under the same roof as them, so I moved out. This was all just a few days after you

a few days after.

[kagenonadeshiko]

[Well. She can certainly hazard a guess why Chikusa would hide all the alcohol in the temple. She could come clean but what would be the point? Her one night with Hakkai had been just that - one night. Neither had been technically involved with anyone else and they'd both agreed that nothing would change between them because of it. They'd both been emotionally compromised at the time, anyway.]

i'm sorry it didn't go well.
i'd hoped they'd adjust
but i can't say i'm surprised.
it doesn't sound like
a pleasant living situation.

[erogappa]

Not even a little bit.

No that's not true. The bit with Hakkai was pretty damn pleasant.

[kagenonadeshiko]

oh?
did something happen between you?
did you two have a special moment?

[Don't leave her hanging like that, Gojyo. Of course, she wants details!]