BBS/Video

[reformedsinner]

From: Li Tieguai
Posted: Oct 7, 2:49 PM

---

[Hakkai's sitting at what looks like his kitchen table, hands folded and phone carefully propped up facing him and the wooden wall behind him. For once, he's not smiling. His expression is very neutral. He sounds slightly rehearsed.]

Good afternoon. Due to certain events, I've come to believe that there is something I need to share with you all, in the interests of honesty and transparency. I'm going to talk about some things that may be frightening or upsetting, so if you are under the age of fifteen, please ask a grown-up who you trust to watch this video first and explain it to you.

[He pauses, his eyes dropping from the camera to the screen for several seconds of silence before he looks back up.]

Still watching? Goten, Nanako, I especially mean you.

[He pauses again, for a few more seconds, and his fingers twitch slightly together.]

I have a serious criminal history. Some years ago, my lover was kidnapped by a clan of youkai known for their brutality towards captives. I pursued and attacked them in an attempt to rescue her, and, in the process, was responsible for the deaths of a majority of the clan, not limited to combatants. She did not survive.

The blood I shed was sufficient to transform me from human into youkai. [He reaches up, freeing each of three small silver cuffs from the curve of his ear in turn. His face shifts, ears lengthening and developing sharp points, green vine patterns spreading across his skin, teeth sharpening, and left eye shifting from green to a slit-pupiled yellow. His nails are long, sharp claws. He sets the jewelry down gently on the table between himself and the phone.]

After recovering from my own injuries, I turned myself in to the appropriate authorities, and received sentencing. I regret my actions, and I do not pose any public danger. However, I understand that my past crimes may cause others to be uncomfortable in my presence, and should you wish to withdraw yourself or any child for whom you are responsible from my classes, I can recommend either Lavi or Kusanagi Izumo as a substitute instructor. I will transfer any records to the instructor of your choice.

If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer them.

[He reaches for the cuffs again and fixes them back in place on his ear, appearance swiftly returning to a simulacrum of humanity, before he reaches out to shut down the video.]

Comments

video

[sanzohoshi]

Wowww, that's totally different from the Hakkai in my world...

[Sanzang waves into the video, one her watersleeves rippling in the light as she grins cheerfully like he hadn't just admitted to these atrocities or anything]

Hiya! Guess who's back! [You can practically hear the hearts in her tone. She's not sure if Sharak or anyone's told hi that she's here so. Surprise!!] You're looking well! At least, better than I expected to come back to!

text;

[reformedsinner]

[Things Hakkai isn't doing: responding to anyone in any mode but text. It took him enough tries to get the first video recorded and looking appropriately professional.]

When did you get back? It's good to see you, of course. Are you well?

At some point, I'm quite curious to hear what my namesake's story might be.

video;

[discerp]

[There's a lot to process about this.

On the one hand, this doesn't...really bother her, if only because this is actually the least violent thing she's heard of. Like on the sliding scale of violence she's witnessed and participated in, this is pretty low!

She's more surprised that he's confessed it all like that to begin with.]

Why... U-um, that is, um... [She chews on her bottom lip a moment.] Why did you confess this?

text;

[reformedsinner]

I'm afraid it's come up a few times, and with the sorts of strange magic this place has... I don't want anyone to be surprised by the information.

private - SMS

[killsthebuddha]

[ Sanzo is increasingly unimpressed by this smartphone bullshit. Why was he spending his time on the damn thing if it’s just going to lead to him seeing videos of idiots being spectacularly idiotic?

He makes a point of not replying on the post itself, but by text message. ]

Is there a reason for the bullshit?

SMS

[reformedsinner]

Gojyo's decided to start telling people I'm a serial killer. I'd rather not have to repeat the story more often than necessary.

[Video]

[light_of_willpower]

[There is an eyebrow-raise and Trunks' expression is somewhere between amusement and puzzlement.]

Okay it's hardly polite conversation--but was a post like this necessary?

[The only thing he sees 'wrong', is the fact that non-combatants got hurt. It's not pleasant, or nice, but it does happen. Besides, considering Hakkai's actions afterwards? Nope, no problems here.]

text;

[reformedsinner]

I'm afraid so. It's not something I enjoy talking about, but it's something that should be said.

Text

[hunterofsorts]

So that's what a Youkai looks like. That's nothing like anything I've seen in my world.

Those earcuffs are a power limiter?

[One thing Hakkai isn't going to hear from Dean is any kind of judgement for his actions. In his mind everyone does something they regret. But there's no going back to undo what has been done - you just learn from your mistakes; mend fences as best you can - and move on.]

text;

[reformedsinner]

[Dean has heard a few things from Hakkai already; Hakkai's not surprised he's focused on the practical elements of the video and not the confession.]

Each of us has our own individual markings, and there are some more unusual variations, but yes. Most youkai look like I do.

They are.

text;

[lostinshadows]

....

Huh. Good to know.

But why are you volunteering me.

text;

[reformedsinner]

You did ask if you could use one of the classrooms to teach reading.

Text

[fortunesmiles]

Wow...I hadn't realized you were anything other than human! Although I guess you did start as one, so the fact that you're not one anymore is kind of circumstantial, I guess...

I'm a little surprised by such a confession video, though. Wouldn't most people do what you did, if someone they loved was in danger? Assuming they had the ability, of course. It just doesn't seem very shocking given the circumstances...so even though I imagine the reality of it was a lot more gruesome than it sounds after the fact, why confess as though you're the criminal here?

text;

[reformedsinner]

The fact that some of my victims were complicit in evil doesn't justify my actions. I am a criminal.

I'm not sure most people would do that if a loved one were in danger.

[Interesting that Komaeda thinks it's a natural response, though. He might be someone to keep an eye on.]

text; private

[kagenonadeshiko]

it must have been hard to post this.

text; private

[reformedsinner]

Easier than it is to explain it to a teenager who looks up to me.

[mylanceisbiggerthanyours]

[There's a green haired woman in armor on this side of the video, and even under the helmet that shadows her faces somewhat, it's fairly evident she's raising an eyebrow.]

...Ah'm sorry for your loss...

...Ah can't say Ah woulda done much different, though. Ah...assume the sentencin' was for the non-combatants?

[If it's for the combatants, she's going to be questioning the hell out of whoever passed sentencing. Non-combatants...she can understand, though she can also understand if he was maybe not in his right mind.]

text;

[reformedsinner]

[Not, unfortunately, in his right mind in the least. Although, to be fair, some people would question decisions that he makes while entirely sober and calm.]

I admit I've been a little surprised by some of these responses. It's not a course of action I could recommend.

Even those who fought me were doing so to defend their lives, after all.

[It's not as if it was war.]

video; from: Minerva

[heartshutter]

[ Tatara won’t say so directly, but this is a topic that has only just recently become rather near and dear to his heart. Thus, he can only watch on as Hakkai tells his story -- then transforms, as though to provide further evidence -- and turns back again.

Despite all that, including what might leave some speechless or even horrified, the young god on the other end of the video feed looks understanding, even sympathetic. ]

No questions here! But I wanted to tell you that what you just did was very brave. Few people are willing to admit to a past like that, let alone so publicly.

[ A small pause. ]

Oh, and--[ his head bows for a moment ]--I’m sorry for your loss.

text;

[reformedsinner]

[On one hand: he did phrase it to get these kinds of reactions, with extreme care and over several takes.

On the other hand: he's a little shocked that it's working so well and he's not sure he wants to accept them.]

It's not something that I like to talk about, of course. But it is something that people have the right to know. Especially since I am a teacher.

I appreciate your sympathy.

text

[revolutionfalcon]

[Well, that explains a few things. Shun isn't all that surprised, honestly, though it helps that he can understand the reaction.]

I wondered what had changed since you were a shinki that you never showed that face anymore.

Though I think enough of us here are that screwed up that we'd understand the urge to retaliate like that, even if that's a hell of a lot more blood than most would put on their hands.

text

[reformedsinner]

[Oh, hell. Of all people to make that connection-- but Shun's known him for long enough, and as much as Hakkai may argue with his tactics and priorities, he can't question the other man's intelligence.

Unfortunately.]

It's not possible to distinguish that face from what I did to earn it. At least, not when I remember.

I have been surprised by the number of people who claim to find my actions reasonable. Perhaps it's a good thing we have shinki to guide us.

Voice

[redstray]

[ Eric recognizes the guy from that time in the park. he had been nice enough to him. But, hearing this, his opinion doesn't change.]

Does it matter? Having that sort of history?

text;

[reformedsinner]

I think it does. Making those kinds of choices leaves a mark that can't be erased.

Perhaps it's self-serving of me to say this, but I don't think it makes a person irredeemable. Still, it matters.

Video

[kuroi_taiyo]

[ Someone is just learning how to phone and network, because the camera's being tilted quickly towards the ceiling and down into someone's chest. ]

Wait, so he can already see and hear me? Okay, hey- oh.

[ The phone gets adjusted to see the red-eyed shinki Hakkai had briefly met at the reception last week. Except instead of curious and prying, or with a look of mischief, there's a kind of genuine wonder and excitement, or amazement. Izumo knows the right kind of stuff to get his shinki acclimated to this part of technology. ]

So you murdered a huge group of people and turned into that? Man, you should go around like that all the time. Why bother going around and pretending to look like you're plain and uninteresting when that's more impressive?

text;

[reformedsinner]

[Oh, for fuck's sake, it's him.

Hakkai seriously considers telling the kid to go take a long walk off a short pier for several seconds before reminding himself that the point of this is to look reasonable. Not dangerous. In control of his temper. And other socially responsible things.]

I'm not proud of it. Or of this face, for that matter.

[Voice]

[sonofson]

You don't gotta say it like that, Hakkai or call out me and Nanako. That's not fair!

[voice]

[reformedsinner]

[Oh god, did Goten watch it after all? Hakkai's voice is -- just slightly -- uneven.]

I'm sorry, Goten, but some things really should wait until you're older.

Video

[onedrinkwithme]

My condolences for your loss, ser.

But even if that is so, I see no issue about who you are now. And it would be folly for me to not only keep Goten away for matters of the past when but also to judge you when all you have done in this realm has been good for others.

Speaking on this cannot be easy.

text;

[reformedsinner]

I'll try to be worthy of your confidence. I admit, I'm glad to hear it. I would have missed Goten as a student.

[Not that teachers should have favorite students, of course, but Hakkai still considers Goten a favorite.]

I can't say everything I've done has been good since. I've made my share of mistakes, after all.

Keeping my past quiet until now may be one of them.

Text;

[hellskitchen]

[Well this is some deep and very complicated stuff. Rin's not sure how he feels about Hakkai's confession. He's never met this man to really get the impression that this is so unlike his character. But it's surprising that someone is brave enough to air out their sins.

He can undersatnd Hakkai's reasoning, and maybe he didn't have a choice but to massacre that group. Though the blood is still on his hands.]

I respect that you needed to let everyone know about your past. I hope that truth sets you free. I can't judge you, but I can't be completely comfortable with it, either. Still I hope you've found your peace.

[Still he does have a pressing question. Hakkai is probably the third youkai he's aware of in the Far Shore. Though he finds it interesting that Hakkai was originally human, and this incident transformed him into a demon. Somehow that resonates with Rin, but not enough to stir up any memories. It's more like a nagging, yet familiar sensation.]

I did wanna ask about your transformation, if yer comfortable with that.How were you able to change from a human to a youkai? Was it because of what you did? Or maybe...it was how you felt about the incident?

Text;

[reformedsinner]

It's not peace, exactly. It's just something that I had to do.

As for my transformation, neither. It was the blood. The blood of so many youkai carries

I'm afraid I'm not sure of the exact mechanism, but when a human has come into contact with the blood of enough youkai, he can become a youkai himself.

text; from Archer

[boneofsword]

My condolences for your loss.

[Archer can understand it too well, given what he's going through lately.]

I think you'll find most of us understanding of your actions and the aftermath. Were I in such situation I'd do exactly the same.

It takes a lot of courage to admit it publicly.

text;

[reformedsinner]

Please excuse me, but it's hard for me to accept compliments about this. It's not courageous, only necessary.

I've been surprised by how many people say they would do the same, though.

[text]

[deniles]

I always knew there was something special with you.

[text]

[reformedsinner]

Thank you, Niles, I think.

text; from: Inanna

[shadowrevenger]

[Oh, so Hakkai's really cool appearance and abilities are because of something really awful that he regrets ever happened. Isn't that just typical of how these things work...]

i'm sorry for your loss ~( ´•︵•` )~

if you regret it and you're trying to atone for it, that matters too. and i'm sure there are lots of us here who are sympathetic to that.

text;

[reformedsinner]

Thank you, Ren, I appreciate it.

I'm a little surprised by how many people have expressed sympathy, to be honest. Although I suppose the people who aren't ready to respond yet haven't.

[Some people can understand, he's sure. Some people probably can't, or won't. He's not sure that they should.]

Video

[koukai_kirai]

[Hijikata's got some complicated feelings about Hakkai. Likes him in general, even if they don't always agree on the finer details, but has butted heads with him before over his approach to being a god, particularly in regard to Ayumu. Still...]

You aren't the only one here who's done things they aren't proud of in the past. Isn't what you make of yourself now more relevant?

text;

[reformedsinner]

What I do with myself now matters, yes.

[If he didn't believe that, he wouldn't still be moving forward.]

But it's also true that what I make of myself now won't erase or change the past. I'm not saying this for reassurance; I can live with myself, but I don't want my past to become a problem for others.

Incidentally, thank you for the hospitality you've shown Ayumu.

video

[spes_phthisica]

[He tilts his head slightly, eyes wide and curious for a moment, before he smiles brightly.]

You still seem the same to me. I hope most people feel the same way.

[Of course, Souji is not exactly the best source of any kind of moral judgement, but... it's a vote of confidence, at least?]

text;

[reformedsinner]

The people who have responded seem to, at least. I suppose those who need some time to consider it are taking some time.

[...he hadn't really expected a judgmental response from Souji, not when he didn't get one from Hijikata. Still, it's nice that he's not being lectured for upsetting Ayumu. He'll take what he can get.]

private text

[smilingbullet]

[ That explains some things... And sticking to text, since it seems that's what Hakkai seems to prefer, from looking at the replies. ]

That sucks. I'm sorry that happened to you, to both of you.

I think you look cool, but it's understandable if you're not fond of that appearance if it has connotations to something like that.

How're you doing?

[ Rather han "are you okay" or something similar; making a video with a confession like this doesn't seem like an easy thing to do. ]

private text

[reformedsinner]

Thank you.

[It's hard to bear sympathy or concern, when it comes to a confession like this. In text, though, it's easier.

He does appreciate D2's choice to respond that way.]

I'm all right. Remembering, obviously.... But this had been concerning me.

Video, two months later

[erogappa]

[ The video starts with a close-up of Gojyo's face -- he's got the phone at half-arm's length, held up even with his face like a mirror. His hair is short, dyed a glossy blue-black so recently his roots haven't grown in yet, and his breath puffs with every word. It's cold outside, but the light on this bus bench is better than the light in the bar just down the block.

He's not smiling. ]

Hey. This is Sha Gojyo, makin' public my apology to Cho Hakkai for bein' an asshole to him for so many months. [ He pauses, frowns slightly, clearly thinking over his words. ] I found out somethin' about Cho Hakkai's past, and instead of keepin' it to myself I went around and told everybody I could, because I wanted everyone to hate him.

[ Jaw tight, he glances away from the camera briefly, out of shame. But he's not done yet. ]

I'm not gonna try and justify what I did. I had reasons, but they weren't good ones, and anyway there's never any good reason to do something like that. So if anyone was wonderin' why he felt like he had to come clean about somethin' so personal, I want you all to know it was my fault. And I'm sorry.

[ He stares at the camera a moment longer, trying to decide if there's anything else he should say... but then he nods slightly, the view spins, and then goes blank. ]

SMS, half an hour later

[reformedsinner]

I thought that might have been you.

I won't say "you don't need to apologize." Instead: apology accepted. I'm sorry, too.