thefarshore | Heaven's BBS

Entry tags:

Heaven's BBS | ~Video~

From: Sousuke Yamazaki
When: Early October

[It’s rare that he posts to the BBS; Sousuke’s quiet nature and sometimes-over-focus kind of leads to that little problem. Content to dwell with his own life and his own small circle of friends and duties. But sometimes, the private life just doesn’t cut it. Especially when said private life is the entire reason for breaking his silence and going outside that small circle.

The video feed clicks on with a quiet sound, light blazing from the screen for a second until it adjusts to the scenery. It’s soon obvious he’s alone. Considering the presence of a black jacket barely resting at the peripheral of the video’s frame, it’s likely he’s holding the screen to his side. Deliberately not pointing the feed at himself. Instead, there’s a lovely shot of a quiet patch of natural garden, complete with trickling spring, breezing of clear air, and the ever-present drizzle of pink sakura petals from the surrounding grove Eros’ castle temple is renowned for.

There’s a moment of silence, semi-awkward on his end, before Sousuke finally outs with it. His tone’s calm, musing.]

Can a god and a shinki be more than god and shinki? [A measure before adding in a lower voice.] Or will it make problems between them?

[Yeah, it’s vague, he knows. The nature of god and shinki is a complex relationship. But Sousuke’s not honest enough with his softer emotions and being open to other people to outright ask the serious/~~embarrassing~~ question:

~~What happens if you find yourself attracted to your own god?~~]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He knows. Rin’s made it clear plenty of times that he doesn’t like the bond. The invasion of privacy isn’t comfortable for either of them. Sousuke’s seen the subtle changes in his best friend’s expressions when he experiences the shared feelings. From the small smiles to the little frowns. No matter how much he tries to stow them, they continue to drift to Rin without hesitation. His god does his best to pretend to ignore them, but both of them know the truth. Sousuke gives Rin credit, however, for at least going around most of the time without using that knowledge to his advantage. And sometimes, it’s enough that the shinki feels free.

There’s a part of him, however, that silently muses on whether Rin dislikes it as much as he says. Sousuke’s not blind to his own recalcitrance; he’s quiet, doesn’t express his emotions as much as other people, and can even be dry at times. For someone like Rin, who wears his emotions on his sleeves most of the time, to be partnered with someone like him… It’s got to be frustrating. Wanting to know what Sousuke really thinks about on an issue, but being unable to be sure. Despite Rin’s notion that he understands Sousuke the most, the taller swimmer still tries to keep his calm nature without ripples. Yet Rin knows when he feels frustrated under his silent gaze, he can tell when the soft smile is a cover for something truly happy inside, he’s able to feel Sousuke’s own attraction making embarrassed butterflies in his stomach.

There’s no way Rin wouldn’t be at least a little bit happy he had a window into his shinki’s repressed feelings…

It should bother Sousuke more than it does, but no. He doesn’t dwell on that quiet muse in the back of his mind. What they have together is comfortable. They can continue no matter where they end. And it’s not like he doesn’t understand Rin; in fact, he understands Rin the most out of anyone.

There’s an urge inside wanting to locate his forlorn god, but he quietly presses it down for now. There’s more to talk about and being so close would probably get them flustered and shut up. Again. He’s not ready for that yet. This right now is fine. Especially because he’s saying some kind of embarrassing things.]

Because I know it’s true. [He used to think Rin was just saying that to try and convince him of his trust or shove him further down a relationship he didn’t understand. But over time, those words became a source of comfort and a stronghold to rest in. Even if no one else believed or cared, Rin would always understand him. And be there to support him.] You’re always there for me.

[Is he that readable? Blessing and a curse really, wearing his heart on his sleeve. To be honest, there are times he envies Sousuke for being so reserved. Yeah, when they first met it was the most irritating thing in the universe (sometimes still is), but without that contrast, Rin's sure he'd get himself into nothing but trouble, running ahead as fast as he can without proper time to think. Sousuke pushes him to be his best and he holds him back before he crashes into walls. Frustrating? Sometimes. But he's grateful for their differences just as much as their similarities.

There's always some comfortable distance...

Rin scoffs softly at how matter-of-fact the answer is then drops one hand into the grass to idly brush his fingers over the fallen petals. Staying still isn't what he's best at, especially where there's deep, meaningful and potentially awkward words involved.]

That's what any good friend should do, right?

[Not trying to devalue what Sousuke cares about. It's just... never quite sat right with him, receiving sincere praise that has nothing to do with swimming. As he looks away, the red tint beneath his eyes deepens into a stronger flush. I wasn't there for you before when you needed me most. It's only fair to make up for my mistakes. So--]

... And if we're going to be more than god and shinki, I can't slack off. [Gulp.] Y-you know. 'cause you'd only get yourself lost without me.

[For the most part, yes. There are times when Sousuke has to guess or assume, but those are few and far between. While many might envy Rin for his energetic enthusiasm and ease at making friends, Sousuke’s not really keen on the latter (he much prefers a small group of trustworthy, deep friends) and comfortable enough with his own passion for what he likes. However, there are times when he wonders if he’ll ever be as passionate about things as Rin is. Rin has far more an easier time connecting his heart to something or someone than Sousuke does and it shows. Sure, sometimes his best friend’s nature drives the larger teenager up the wall, from his sporadic emotions to his mega tsundere character, but honestly, Rin’s the only one that meshes with him so perfectly. Because of who he is. Without him, Sousuke would end up being this quiet, reserved guy drifting through life without much aim, doing “life” for the sake of “it’s there.”

Sousuke may have all the passion and drive for great things inside him, but it’s Rin who lights his fire every time and keeps him burning hot. It’s not a stretch to say Rin enriches his life in every way possible.

The quiet scoff earns a barely-there shrug. What, does he expect some slew of romantic poetry from him? It’s the simple truth. Sousuke takes to meandering along the edge of the stream, following it with one leg in front of the other like he’s balancing on something. Lazily, but balancing none the less. There are times when he doesn’t like to sit still either. Time like these.]

I don’t think so. [The clash is soft, but there’s something both serious and thoughtful in his tone.] A good friend can support someone, he can even know how someone acts. But you understand me far more than just my actions. And you support me more than anyone else ever could.

[Rin knows his thoughts, and his emotions, but he’s also seen Sousuke’s fears and frustrations. He’s seen Sousuke stripped of his pride and he’s helped him struggle through things “good friends” either wouldn’t have had the chance to even witness (because like hell will Sousuke show just anyone his pathetic moments) or wouldn’t have been able to tolerate for that long. Similarly, Rin’s supporting him in so many ways. Physically, he supports him when he gets tired and literally gives Sousuke life in this world. But he also shores up the swimmer’s confidence and gave him a reason to push forward. Rin both tempers and encourages Sousuke’s pride, but he never gives up on him no matter what the quieter boy does. Those kinds of things… are not just “what any good friend should do.”

… they’re what your best friend does without thinking.]

Wha-?

[Sousuke balks, eyes widening a little and a rouge peeking under his eyes. Rin… He’s agreeing with this? Sousuke said he wanted to, but it’s still Rin’s call. Oy! You can’t just drop that in his lap and then rib him about getting lost! Put the rug back under his feet, dammit! Sousuke scowls and looks over his shoulder at nobody, slightly “grumpy” for a moment.]

Tsk-rrgh… Only you’d agree to date someone and make fun of him in the same breath… tsundere.

[He’s pretty sure the day he hears Sousuke read off romantic poetry will be the day the world catches on fire. No offense. Though it is charming to see him meandering along the water’s edge, one foot in front of the other like some overgrown child would do. No, he supposes he can’t sit still either. Neither of them are very good at this sort of thing, usually content to move on with mutual, silent understanding. It wasn’t until recently (back home at least) that the two of them were finally able to speak face to face in a heartfelt conversation. Not easy, no. But not impossible. That’s why he’s still here and why he watches the feed with quiet attention. It’s nice to hear his voice. It’s nice to hear the truth, the sincerity... the same old grumpiness that never fails to make him smile.

Rin stays quiet during Sousuke’s reasoning, because he knows he’s right once again and there’s no use in contesting it. He knows his best friend like he knows his own mind. It’s effortless to read him, second nature to predict what he’ll do... There’s no question in supporting him and providing a good life. So he supposes all that does sound more than just something a good friend would do.

It’s what Rin would do.

Another moment to watch, captivated by the accompanied splashing of the water... then at his shinki’s shock he blinks... waits... then laughs. He doesn’t have to see Sousuke’s face to know he’s pouting, though he’ll admit it’s a shame he can’t.]

You’re not denying it? That’s a surprise! [Seriously, he bets he doesn’t even know where he is right now. He’ll let him wander a little more though. Get it all out of his system before he ultimately gives up and needs Rin’s keen sense of direction. In any case, his laughter dies down as the look on his face softens, all tension melted away for a subtle glow to settle into his pores. Everything, all of this– It still feels like a dream.]

Would you rather I say “no” and compliment you?

[Insult, insult, no offense, bro. Have another. Is that what we’re doing, best friend? (Even though Rin’s pretty much correct.) Sousuke balances along the edge without looking like it’s much effort, considering his broad shoulders and long legs. Besides, even if he does slip, it’s just getting wet. There’s no risk in that. While part of him does want to go meet up with Rin again—very much so—the rest of him is content to heave this moment between them. They’re together so often, it’s actually a little refreshing to talk through the screen (not that he wants to make it a habit, mind you). Still a little “hmph” about speaking so touchingly to someone who’s far better at it than him… but Rin wants to know and Sousuke knows he won’t be satisfied with his shinki’s normal, terse responses. Besides… Sousuke does want him to know he feels this way.

He’s just spent minutes talking with mostly-strangers about this apparently-not-very-hypothetical development. Thinking on it, he’s always silently marveled that he understands Rin so well. A year will do that to a relationship, but it feels… closer—more—than what he’d “expect” a year to bring. It runs deeper, though he knows better than to explore it internally. Which is fine; he and Rin make so many memories together, the ones locked away seem easier and easier to handle. Because I’m with you. That’s the most important part.

Sousuke’s frown deepens slightly as Rin’s laugh patters over the speakers. Yeah yeah yeah, he’d better enjoy it from his safe distance. It’s not like Rin’s any better, balled up and probably rolling around in the sakura-strewn grass. He’s going to pointedly keep his own screen focused on the water so Rin can’t see. Occasionally a clip of his leg on the side, but nothing else. Jerk.]

Oy! You know I don’t get lost! It’s understood denial by now.

[Of course he knows where he is right now! He’s in the sakura grove around Rin’s temple. Just going to ignore the fact the grove is huge, it spans the entire surrounding scape enveloping the castle, and no, he’s not exactly sure which compass quadrant he’s in right now because the sun’s not bothered to start sinking yet… Irritating. He should know these gardens easily enough; he’s out here all the time with Rin, training, playing, working, fighting, everything. Hmph. Not asking for any help, nope.]

You already said “yes” so there’s no going back. But you can compliment me if you can.

[At this point he’s waiting for Sousuke to accidentally bump into him. It’s bound to happen sooner or later, which is something he’ll both laugh... and potentially smile softly at. While the separation feels comfortable and frankly much needed, there’s no denying he’s grown used to Sousuke’s presence always at his side. He wonders if that’s the nature of having a shinki, or if they’ve simply grown stronger as people and friends since they arrived. Rin’s always felt his own level of protectiveness over the most important people in his life, and yes, that does include his grumpy best friend. His dreams, aspirations, beliefs. Rin wants to see all of them realized and safe... and most importantly, he wants to see his best friend as he deserves to be, successful and strong, doing what he loves with Rin at his side all the way...

... Maybe he does want to see him more than he thinks.]

Sure, sure.

[He waves the response off easily as he continues to watch Sousuke wander. He’ll get tired eventually.

... but now back to this, with Rin quiet beneath his tree, chin resting on his arms, and gaze soft yet piercing against the midday light. Already said yes, huh... Did he? Rin doesn’t argue it in the end and instead focuses on the last bit with another little laugh.] Hmm... [Oh, right. He tilts his head again all innocent-like, a sneaky shark angel in a garden of blooming cherry blossoms. Totally romantic.] I like how you never wake up before me in the morning. [he says, just as casually as anyone speaking about the weather.]

You’ve got the most peaceful sleeping face... once you look past the bedhead.

[It probably will. And he’ll be taken by surprised for it. But for now, he’s content to follow the meandering stream wherever it wants to take him. The lack of footsteps beside him feels strange; he’s so used to Rin’s unique pace alongside his own, the sound of his breath and the ever-present chance of his attractive tenor. Amusing… A year ago, he’d barely been able to handle being around his new god for long periods of time. But now, that space is a distant memory. While the theory part of him wants to say it’s natural between god and shinki, his heart tells him their relationship has nothing to do with gods and shinki. This is natural for them. It feels too comfortable, happened too readily, gives him a security and normalcy he knows he won’t find anywhere else, for it to be anything else. Given the choice… he wouldn’t change a thing between them.

Sousuke isn’t at all eased by that dismissive response. Che, Rin doesn’t believe him. Hmph. He’ll show him. He’ll find Rin all on his own. No help from the screen shark either.

At least he thinks he recognizes the area he’s glimpsed around his god. Sousuke lifts his gaze to focus more on the stream. It’s curving that way… and he’s pretty sure that’s the direction he wants to go. Ah hell with it; the grove wraps around the entire castle. So long as Rin doesn’t move, he’s bound to run into him.

Wait—What’s this “innocent” crap coming at him? Mr. Romantic in Denial is trying to be romantic? And then Rin offers something like that and Sousuke tenses slightly, a soft quirk of his breath as pink blooms under his eyes. Rngh… he asked for a compliment, not flirting! He closes his eyes in a miffed expression.]

Hmph. Cause you’re the most efficient alarm clock. [But he can’t argue it. The only time he’s ever woken up before Rin had been… so long ago he doesn’t remember. Probably because he’s distracted again by more flirting. Sousuke offers a tiny exhale and rubs at the side of his neck.] Urusei. Your hair’s not perfect in the morning either. … And you’re admitting you like to watch me sleep.

[Oh, he’ll find him all on his own, will he? Well, if he thinks he can, then he’s certainly more than welcome to try. Rin never gives up a good challenge, nor will he give up watching one either. And he knows it’ll be a challenge because, again, he knows Sousuke better than anyone. He can wander around the grove in one direction all he wants and he’ll still somehow end up on the other side of the city. Well, out of the kindness of his heart Rin chooses to rein in his amusement... and not adjust his screen to reveal more clues to his location, since Sousuke’s so focused on being independent today.

You said you wanted to be with him, remember? No take backs.

Chuckling again into the crook of his arm, Rin takes no offense to his shinki’s attempt at insult. Or is it a compliment? Either way, he’ll take some pride in it, because, hey, at least he’s efficient.]

If I wasn’t, you’d stay stiff as a log for the rest of the day. [And, oh? What’s this about his bedhead? Psh, like his beautiful hairdo’s ever seen such a thing. Cockily he tips his chin up then leans back in the grass, stretching one leg out long towards the device while his other stays close to his chest and slightly bowed outward. He’s growing more comfortable as the conversation carries on.] Mm, only sometimes. When I need a good laugh. [He shrugs... then,]

Pretty sure you like watching me sleep more though.

Edited 2018-02-09 07:18 (UTC)

[That’s what he said and that’s what he’s going to do. Even if he ends up walking an entire lap around the castle, he’ll find him. Might take a while, but that’s not Sousuke’s problem. If Rin moves, he’ll count that as Rin admitting Sousuke was close and he didn’t want to lose the game. Hmph. See his cunning trap? And please; he won’t end up on the other side of the city! The castle’s gated in by that huge, golden fence, remember? Some best friend you are, sheesh. He notices the lack of motion since there’s no rustling or the like through the speakers. Guess Rin’s really settling in for the long wait… Good.

Che, like he’d take back something that took so much to wring out of him in the first place. Just remember, Sousuke said it first. Nyeh.

He meant it as whatever Rin wants to take it as. (Okay, so it was a slight jab at his best friend’s “noisy” wake up calls.) But it gets him out of bed and on with the day. Besides, it takes Sousuke considerably less time to get ready for the day than Rin. So he calls it even.]

I’d get up when I was ready. [Factual tone, completely defensive words. He might like his sleep, but he doesn’t want to waste most of the day on it either. And look, he’s see you lying on your side with those little eternally-crossed antennae in the middle of your forehead doing some twisted bowtie. Not to mention those long bangs on either side of your face can end up mussed and flopped above your head like some runover bird. Honestly, Sousuke wars between affectionate smiles… and trying to smother a soft laugh when he sees the sight. And now Rin’s lying down. Great. Make it harder to see him.

He hopes he’s going in the right direction at least. Sousuke doesn’t want this to take hours even if his pride is bracing for it in case. But the talk’s still pleasant.] Che, laugh. Yeah right. You’ve probably got that goofy, romantic smile while you ogle. [He keeps the comment about “drooling” inside because they’re not exactly ready for those things yet… (Hell, it even embarrasses him thinking about it.

Oh what’s this? Heh, trying to share the blame, huh. He sees how it is.]

Impossible. Remember, you always wake up before me.

[Poke, poke, poke.]

[Yeah, he’s settling in because he knows it’s going to take forever for Sousuke to find him! He might curl up, have a nap or count all the flowers in the tree branches above. He’ll have more than enough time for that, after all. What? Just because they’re best friends and whatever it is they’ve confessed to after recent events, doesn’t mean Rin has to play nice all the time. They thrive on challenge and the occasional banter. Without all that, what’s there to keep the spark between them? So he sits in wait, leaning back to rest his head against the tree with a grin on his lips. Who knows? Maybe he’ll start to hear footsteps in the grass soon enough.]

Ogle? No way. That’s only something a creep would do.

[And he isn’t a creep! Or a pervert. ... though given that night– Ugh, if he can’t think about it without turning red, maybe they really aren’t ready yet. Rin rubs at his cheek with his shoulder to force the flush back down.]

Yeah, but I’ve fallen asleep before you. You tired me out, you know!

[... wait, does that sound weird to say?]

[Oh now you’re just being a jerk. Sousuke frowns at the thought. He doesn’t have to see it to know Rin’s likely ready to lie down and take a nap while he waits for Sousuke to find him. Hmph. Just for that, he should head to the castle (at least he can see that) and go get some lunch or something. But… unfortunately he’s not that mean and they probably should do lunch together. Considering… all this. Sliding his hand into his pocket, the swimmer can’t help a soft, affectionate feeling. They fight a lot, take pot shots at each other, tease and are difficult with each other. But it’s never driven them apart and they always come back together stronger than ever. Rin’s an integral part of his life… and he’s ready to take this next step. Awkward. Nervous. Maybe a little afraid. But ready.]

Maybe you ‘sleepcreep.’

[Instead of sleepwalk. Hah. Though he’s not going to call what they did that night… well… perverted. ‘Intimate,’ yes. Obviously. Awkward and messy… yeah. And now his face is starting to burn. Sousuke tries to will the flush away, but that does nothing but make him focus on it more. Gets hotter—Wait, what’s Rin saying now?

Sousuke arches a brow, a confused/annoyed look on his face.]

Oi. You’re one to talk.

[Mr. Unlimited Energy What’s that Sparkly Over There?]

[It definitely is tempting to take a nice nap right about now, but he’ll play nice and give Sousuke some time first. He’s not that helpless. And anyway... he’s enjoying the conversation and the soft, fuzzy feeling in his chest coming from Sousuke himself. He can tell he’s happy and that’s enough to bring a gentle smile to his face. Isn’t that what he’s always wanted for his best friend? Maybe he didn’t expect it to stem from something as cheesy and romantic as this, but at least it’s coming from somewhere at all.

Scoffing, Rin reaches up to pick a few stray petals from his hair. They’re falling slower today, but it’s a comfortable pace. Manageable, calm, serene.]

I do not.

[He doesn’t sound accusatory though, too relaxed to bother.]

What, you saying I’m tiring? [... Heh.] Hmm, I might take that as a compliment actually. Means I’m not boring.

[If he comes across Rin and finds him napping, he’s going to dump water on him. Somehow. He’ll figure out a way. Still, the change in path takes him away from following the steam as Sousuke actively sets out to start looking for his god among the castle groves. The idle chatter is a nice tide over for the search and it brings a sense of comfort that has no problem relaxing him. Despite the fact they’re taking pop shots at each other. Whoops. The feeling inside is a strange, but gentle warmth. The kind felt when there’s no rush and you can enjoy walking beside the beach on a warm day, the surf splashing over bare feet and ankles as you talk with your best friend about aimless things. Together for the sake of being together.

Sousuke glances to the side, noticing he’s wearing a nice sprinkle of pink sakura on his shoulders. Probably has a few in his hair… but his hand is in his pocket and it’s comfortable, so not taking it out is the course. His other hand is busy with his phone, so petals stay.]

I know. But you still look.

[The taller swimmer doesn’t sound bothered by it or anything. And hey, lookit that. He’s not commenting on that accidental voyeurism of his shower! (Probably because they’ve already seen so much more of each other now, the initial peek means nadda now.]

You just said I was. [Matter of fact rejoinder. Sousuke snorts at the idea of it being a compliment. Sure, leave it to Rin to do his romantic magic on that. It fits though and Sousuke shrugs his shoulders with a smug little smile.] You’re anything but boring, Rin.

[Hey, some friend you are! It’s like he’s just asking to be turned into a dog... though lately he’s been using that as punishment less and less, come to think of it, probably because Sousuke can still find ways to be a brat even while in his other form. Anyway, he’d better not mess around and ruin the mood they have going on! Just play nice and focus on your sense of direction for once, ok? He’s getting impatient over here. (Not really, but it’s still fun to say.)]

Not for long. Just enough.

[However long “enough” is, he refuses to admit. Judging by the sound of the stream growing quieter on the other end of the feed, Sousuke’s deviating from his path towards the grassier hills nearby, which means he’s drawing closer than he thinks. It’d be a good time to duck away and hide. He even grips the grass as if ready to push himself up and start scrambling up this tree. But that just wouldn’t be fair, so he sighs and settles back down with his arms hooked around his thigh, hugging his leg to his body while eyes curiously scan the space between the bushes up ahead. It’s not like he’s hidden here. Still, knowing Sousuke, it’s entirely possible he’ll walk right past him without a single glance.]

Huh? [Anything but boring... O-oh, hang on, he’s agreeing? Wait, why should he get flustered over that? Just keep it cool and confident, idiot!] I mean– Of course I am! I can’t risk you falling asleep all the time, so I have to keep you on your toes! [... Rubbing his neck, suddenly awkward] Unless that bothers you or something...

[Turn him into a dog and he’ll rip up your roses. Or your shoes or something. (Or most likely end up with his head on your thigh and one paw crossed over the other in comfortable snooze.) No matter what form, Sousuke’s going to find a way to be himself. And that includes being a brat to his best friend. But hey, turn him into a dog. His sense of smell gets a lot better; he’ll be at your side in a jiffy that way. Sousuke knows he’s not going to get that luxury, but hey, good to be ready just in case. He’s still focusing on his path though. And keeping an eye out for Rin. (Hah, if you were impatient, you’d be up and walking around.)]

Uh-huh. [Sousuke’s still holding to the tease that Rin looks at his sleeping face longer than “enough.” He scales the hill and pauses at the top, teal eyes scanning over the landscape. The castle grounds really are a sight to see. Rin’s nature did this place well when they/whoever created the temple for him. Now, the million-dollar question remains… is he going in the right direction? He hears the sound of scuffling grass and glances down at his device. Oh is he going to move? Like some kind of troll of a friend. But then it relaxes and there’s no further motion.

Which means…]

I’m close to you, aren’t I?

[A sneaky maneuver, but one he’s willing to make. Sousuke listens carefully, trying to pick some hints from Rin’s words or his motions over the phone. Even lifts it closer to his ear so he can hear better. Of course, he did just compliment him. Somewhat.]

Oh you do that plenty. [There a mixture of amusement and sarcasm in his tone. Rin does give him that and more though. He challenges him, encourages him to improve, never lets him get too complacent with where he is. Within reason, of course. However, it’s that tacked on part that makes Sousuke arch a brow and pick a direction, legs carrying down the hill.

And towards Rin’s location. Lucky shark.]

Why would that bother me?

[He’s being completely honest here.]

[Ruin his shoes or his roses and he'll lock you in a broom closet! Rest your head on his thigh... and he might squeeze your face because, look, his thighs could probably crush a person's skull and he's not afraid to use them! As for going in the right direction--]

Like I'd tell you that!

[No doubt he can hear his voice though, which kind of gives his hiding place away. Still, who's to say all the scuffling isn't a bird or something lurking around in the trees? He might just be trying to throw you off.

Back to Sousuke's question though, and to be honest he didn't think he'd bother to ask it. Thought he might've made a joke out of it, teased him a little, say it does drive him up a wall occasionally... But now here he is, trapped under the spotlight with his shinki closing in. Ugh, please don't find him while he's awkwardly fidgeting in place.]

I don't know... [Doo dee doo, just gonna pick at some grass...] I guess it could get kinda annoying? [He does drag Sousuke around all the time without consideration.]

[Only if you can catch him, which he’ll make sure you can’t. After all, he’s got four legs in that form and he’ll outrun you any day. As for those thighs… He’ll put up with it. Getting a leg hug from those man catchers you call legs isn’t a bad thing at all. Might lick your face if you get close enough.]

Oi.

[Sousuke hears his voice. Came from the direction he’s facing right now. Hah, amazing. Leave it to Rin to give himself away. But he’ll keep the realization inside and not mock him for the slip up. Yet. (Right, and that’s a big shark bird behind the tree.)

He heads into the next area of the grove, slowing down so he can scan the area. Won’t put it past Rin to slide around the tree trunks trying to hide from him. Jerk. If this conversation had been anything else, he probably would have teased him about it. But considering their words came off the whole “lets be more than god and shinki,” well… It lends itself the softer curiosities. Lucky for Rin though, he’s not near his area so far.]

Hn. Sometimes. I’m not the easiest to get along with either. [He’s sure he exasperates the hell out of Rin plenty of times. But the truth is…] Maybe I’m selfish, but I always like having your attention. No matter what it is.

[Of course you wouldn't call that a bad thing. ~~You've felt those man catchers yourself, so there's no room for complaining!~~

Ah, but Sousuke does know him too well. He can hear his shinki's voice drawing closer along with his footsteps, so, hoping to buy himself a little more time, he scoots around the base of the tree to the other side, checking over his shoulder once to make sure he hasn't been seen. Nope! No chance of seeing any fidgeting now!

He hopes.]

Oi, what're you saying... [Selfish? That's not selfish.] It's normal to want someone's attention. [And it's not like his brand of attention is different from anyone else's, right?]

[You’re the one that’s talking about petting him and stuff. ~~And who says he’s complaining? Those man catchers did their job well; they caught him.~~

Sousuke pays attention to the voice on the screen and the one he can hear in the grove. It doesn’t take long to pinpoint the general direction. And the scuffling of grass as a certain someone scoots out of sight. At least that’s his guess considering when he looks around, he doesn’t see anyone. Hmph, so Rin’s going to hide from him. Well he can play this game. Sousuke glances at the screen again and then starts walking. Slower. Eyes scanning the tree trunks amid the gentle shower of cherry blossom petals.]

Hm? [What’s he saying? Probably something stupid. But heartfelt. Which equals embarrassing. He sighs and rubs at the side of his neck with the edge of his phone.] I guess. But you’re not just someone to me. [Rin’s attention is totally different from other people’s attention.]

[~~Hush, you.~~

Hmm... can't hear him shuffling around back there. Did he stop walking or start going in a different direction? Maybe he'll better his chances of winning (winning what?) if he hops up into the lower branches and hides in the blossoms. Or he'd just make a huge racket and give himself away quicker. Not so sure he wants to risk it. So low to the ground he'll stay, keeping his back flat to the trunk as much as humanly possible. Hehe. He'll never find him now--

You're not just someone to me.]

Ah-- [How... is he supposed to respond to that? Apparently with a lot of nothing... except for more red cheeks and a slow, semi-hopeful peek around his hiding spot. Is he hoping to find Sousuke nearby? Possibly. Maybe. Kinda. Tsk. Stupid Sousuke, making everything so confusing! Time to fill in the awkward silence.]

What do you mean?

[~~But then you can’t fall asleep to his mesmeric voice…~~

Sousuke knows Rin’s around this area of the grove. He’s keeping his own steps slow and soft so if his god decides to be a cheater and make a break for it, he’ll definitely hear. Same goes for climbing into a tree. (Though honestly, the taller swimmer has to momentarily wonder since when’s the last time either of them climbed a tree? Well, they did as kids, so not too long ago…)

Shaking the idea out of his head, Sousuke glances back at the screen again, checking on Rin’s “location” at the moment. Nothing changed, so that means he’s staying put. Okay. Then he just has to keep going in this direction. He pauses between two of the trees and rotates, scanning the area to look carefully at the trunks. Searching for a stray peek of a shirt or shoe.

The feed’s quiet though, save for that small noise, and Sousuke frowns a little. Only to catch something right out the peripheral of his vision. A flash of maroon stands out sharply from the light pinks, woody browns, and wavy greens. It’s gone a second later, but it’s too late. He’s seen it and Rin’s in that direction. Behind one of those three trees.

As he heads for his final resting place, he’s greeted with that question. For a few seconds, he’s silent. Not because he’s unable to answer, but more out of a slight, frustrated stun that Rin would even need an answer. Hasn’t all of this made it painfully, awkwardly obvious that Sousuke considers Rin more than just a “someone” to him?

…

Actually, no. He’s not sure how to answer that. Awkward, for one. For two… Ugh.]

What do you think I mean?

[That’ll work. As he comes up to the tree Rin’s sitting behind. But instead of jumping around it and “finding” him, Sousuke turns and rests his back against the opposite side of the trunk, one leg bracing to the grass with the other ankle crossed over the other. Maybe they should be a weird couple and not face-to-face just yet.]

[~~He'll fall asleep just fine, thank you! ... Maybe with a little more tossing and turning, but he'll manage!~~

It's too quiet for his liking now, nothing but the sound of rustling leaves filling the grove, but Rin has to mentally laugh at himself for trying to rely on sound at all to pinpoint his shinki. Instinctively he should know where he is and what he's feeling at any give time. ... Guess it's not as instinctive as he thought. Not natural, not quite them.

Finally there's footsteps again, closer this time, and at first he considers making a break for it so Sousuke can give chase. It'll feel more comfortable that way, he thinks. Less tense, less awkward.

Less close.

He stays seated in the end, back to hugging his knees to his chest, knowing just opposite him his best friend's waiting for an answer. It shouldn't be difficult to explain. But it is. For all Rin's boasting and confidence, he's not very good at pointing out his positives (at least where swimming isn't concerned). Not only that, but it's a question he's been struggling to answer long before they arrived here. Why isn't he just someone to Sousuke? Why did he change the course of Sousuke's dreams? Why did Sousuke have to go and ruin his body just to swim with him one more time?

Staring down at the grass, Rin sighs and rests his chin atop his knees.]

I think... [He doesn't know how to put his thoughts into words.] ... I think you might feel I'm worth some of your time. Maybe it's worth it for us to be together because we work well, even when we fight.

But I'm probably a special brand of annoying too. And I guess not just anyone can be that. [scoff] I'm also your god, if we're talking technically. ... Could just anyone be that? [Shaking his head, Rin stares back out at the grove, missing his view of the water instead. Then, after a beat of silence, there's quiet laughter bubbling from his chest.]

I thought I knew you better than anyone... but here I am not knowing what to say at all.

[~~One shark, two shark, red shark, blue shark… He’ll believe it when he sees it.~~

He’s aware Rin knows where he is. It might not be natural for his god to lean on that connection between them, but he has it. For as quiet as Sousuke can be despite his large frame, sneaking up on Rin right now is a stupid goal. For the most part, it’s mostly just letting his god know he’s found him. Without direction. As promised.

And if Rin wants to break for it, well… he’s more than welcome to. Sousuke’s confident he can catch him. Longer legs and all. They’ve raced before, played tag, chased, most of the time for fun, sometimes for training. It’s something that’s easy, natural. Something that’s not quite a decent backdrop for this kind of conversation…

So he knows Rin won’t run. With his back to the tree, only a circumference of dark wood between them, Sousuke finally looks down at the screen in his hand, showing his face and amid the umbrella of cherry blossoms above him. It was a throwback question, but he had little recourse to offer much else. Trying to explain that “more than someone” comment is a mixture of frustration and obvious. Wanting to be more with Rin, the ever-present tease about being boyfriends, their first date (“date”?) that led to that night… Rin’s far more than just “someone” to him. His partner, yes, but also his friend… his best friend… and now, more than that.

A realization that’s not so easy to swallow and digest. It’s hard to ask himself “why” in the first place. The dodgy answer of “because” in any of its forms is worthless. He tells himself he could sit here and list off all the things he likes about Rin, or the things that draw his attention and feelings… but he knows his god will turn into a blushy mess and deny most of them on principle. Then the other, more painful reason being his missing memories, which Sousuke’s sure have something to do with his relationship and the strength of his bond with Rin. They knew each other back then… But that’s as far as he’ll allow himself to go.

And Rin can’t talk to him about them either…

But he does answer Sousuke’s deflective question. Honestly, he’s a bit surprised that Rin’s actually doing so; he half-expected a red-faced yelp and some method of topic change or sputtering “because” response. Instead, he gets heartfelt words that make his stomach twist a little on the inside. And stupid flutters run up and down his ribs. A small splash of heat blooms under his eyes as he listens. Nothing Rin says is untrue. He’d argue Rin’s worth a lot more than “some” of his time, but…

Sousuke offers a quiet breath, amused, shoulders lifting in a small shrug of surrender as a gentle smile appears.]

Just because we understand each other doesn’t mean we know what we’ll do in a new circumstance. I can’t say 100% how you’d respond to… well… dating me.

[Sure, he has his range of very educated guesses and he knows 100% that Rin won’t reject him. But whether it’ll be sputtering tsundere, a red-faced laugh, or a tearful nod in awkward relief… they’re all possible. But…]

This is a new path for us; we’ll learn more about each other as we walk down it together.

[Rin does know him better than anyone; no one’ll ever be able to say that’s not true. It’s not like Sousuke knows the magic words either. After all, he’d just responded to a question with a question and ducked. That’s pretty telling. He rounds his shoulders and looks up to the boughs above.]

Mah… You’re not just someone to me… because it feels like you’ve always been here with me. Heh, it’s kind of trite, but you’re my other half. When I’m with you… I feel complete. No simple “someone” can ever do that for me.

… It’s why I don’t want “someone’s” attention. I want yours.

[His time, his partnership, his ability to work well with Sousuke in fights and training and even the mundane parts of living together. His special brand of annoying that has Sousuke silently rolling his eyes or giving an exasperated breath before ultimately (always) going along for the ride. Even Rin being his god… No one else can be those things to Sousuke. Ever.]

[He’s surprised he chose to answer Sousuke at all instead of complain or call him an idiot as usual. These days it’s been more and more of a struggle to focus on not slipping up on his words for Sousuke’s sake, simply because they’ve been drawing closer to each other seemingly by the minute. He wants to protect his shinki above anything else, and that involves being truthful no matter what. But just because it should be done, doesn’t mean it will be, and it destroys Rin little by little each time he needs to withdraw from the only person in this world he can’t afford to watch slip away. Even now with his words out in the open, he fears the effect they’ll have on the other swimmer, and holds his breath with anticipation. Sousuke knows Rin’s involvement in his past, knows he exists in those lost memories like a ghost... One fateful slip and everything they’ve built together, feelings and all, will shatter.

A violent reaction never comes though and with Sousuke’s amused tone Rin relaxes his shoulders with a sigh of relief. However, the feeling’s short lived, and he tenses once again upon hearing that one simple word.

Dating.

He sounds so sure about that... How can he sound so sure?

Flutters interrupted him almost instantly, trailing up his arms, down his shoulders, along his spine... He feels warmth radiating in his core and sparks at his fingertips. He wants to run and hide, laugh and yell until his lungs give out... all because of some heartfelt words in return. He sounds so uncertain yet sincere at the same time... At least Rin can confidently say neither of them know what they’re doing.

But they’re trying. And it’s a start.

He doesn’t say anything for a long while, too busy sorting through which emotions are his and which are Sousuke’s to come up with anything coherent. It’s normal not to know everything from the start. Even best friends like them can’t hope to change that. As long as he understand that, accepts that, then tackling this together with Sousuke shouldn’t be scary.

Shutting his eyes, Rin smiles softly towards the sun.]

After everything, you still want me. [There’s more to that statement he won’t elaborate on, but it should be enough to go on. Deep breath. Exhale. Breathe... All the petals at their feet begin to circle in slow rotations around the tree. I want yours.] ... And I want you.

[He might’ve frowned at being called an idiot in this most serious conversation. (Expected it, but frowned nevertheless.) Luckily, Rin doesn’t do that so… they’re moving forward with something both touching and awkward. Still, Sousuke’s not taken all those comments and advice from the people who responded to his network post and ignored them. He knows this is a risky decision; one slip up from Rin could potentially ruin everything between them. But… it’s not concrete. He’s been given some relief from Hakkai about the limits of what his mind can handle; what he and Rin have done together is working. While he doesn’t want to believe it’s fully Rin’s burden for any potential slipups, that’s the nature of the risk. They’ll just have to… be careful. Attentive. Even though he knows it kills Rin each time. From the silent looks his way, knowing that the person Rin sees isn’t quite the person he remembers, to the smiles that cover a quiet-but-deep pain, Sousuke recognizes the burden his friend carries.

But this time, it’s not one the swimmer can help him shoulder.

Perhaps because of that, he’s determined not to let himself be driven from Rin. They’ve come too far, experienced too much, grown together side by side. Even if he doesn’t have his memories, even if them being together carries a threat, it’s not enough for him to leave. Especially not now. Not when he’s asked questions, received his answers, and made a decision to walk down this path.

Next to you. I belong by your side.

And yes. Dating.

Because face it, that’s what this is going to turn into. They’ve already done the dinner thing, the romantic walk in the park, the riverside talk, the quiet return home, and the… well… you know. The hot night. Even if it left them silent for the next several days. The thought of it sends those twittering thoughts and sensations rippling over his skin, filling his stomach and sliding up and down his spine. It makes him shiver, yet warms him despite his embarrassment. Yeah, neither know what he’s doing, Sousuke’s just saying the words floating into his mind, and somehow, they’re supposed to make some progress. In their own way. Tripping and laughing, flustered and shrugging, solemn and curious. It’s a start…

The silence initially makes him wonder if he’s said something wrong. Those words were pretty deep, he guesses. Rin might be a red-faced mess on the other side of the tree, unable to say anything because his tongue’s too tied and he’d sputter if he tries. But as it goes on, he realizes it’s not that. Rin’s… simply trying to process the feelings. Sousuke can give him that. After all, he’s had the advantage of talking about his feelings for a while before their reunion.

Still…it’s like he can feel the smile drifting up to the sky and hear it in his best friend’s voice. A relief. A kindness.]

Of course. [Because of everything, he wants Rin. As his partner, as his god, as his rival, as his best friend. And more. The deep breath and exhale earns a slight tilt of his head as Sousuke looks to the side, as if he can see around the curve of the tree trunk to the other teenager on the opposite side. The lifted petals don’t escape his notice. And then an answer that seizes at his heart and makes his insides melt at the same time.

And I want you.

All he can really do right now… is smile.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject