Heaven's BBS | ~Video~

[takenwithhim]

From: Sousuke Yamazaki
When: Early October

[It’s rare that he posts to the BBS; Sousuke’s quiet nature and sometimes-over-focus kind of leads to that little problem. Content to dwell with his own life and his own small circle of friends and duties. But sometimes, the private life just doesn’t cut it. Especially when said private life is the entire reason for breaking his silence and going outside that small circle.

The video feed clicks on with a quiet sound, light blazing from the screen for a second until it adjusts to the scenery. It’s soon obvious he’s alone. Considering the presence of a black jacket barely resting at the peripheral of the video’s frame, it’s likely he’s holding the screen to his side. Deliberately not pointing the feed at himself. Instead, there’s a lovely shot of a quiet patch of natural garden, complete with trickling spring, breezing of clear air, and the ever-present drizzle of pink sakura petals from the surrounding grove Eros’ castle temple is renowned for.


There’s a moment of silence, semi-awkward on his end, before Sousuke finally outs with it. His tone’s calm, musing.]

Can a god and a shinki be more than god and shinki? [A measure before adding in a lower voice.] Or will it make problems between them?

[Yeah, it’s vague, he knows. The nature of god and shinki is a complex relationship. But Sousuke’s not honest enough with his softer emotions and being open to other people to outright ask the serious/embarrassing question:

What happens if you find yourself attracted to your own god?]

Comments

[sharkmaid]

[Tickle? Ohhh no, no, no, you're the ticklish one! If anything, you should be watching your back for when Rin inevitably strikes you down! So play nice and be nice, dude. Your ribs will thank you for it.

Not that he can think about kicking or tickling or any of those things while Sousuke's actually holding his hand. And now more than holding. Rubbing! Touching! It shouldn't feel this nice but it does and he has to focus all his attention on their fingers so he won't mess up the moment with sweaty palms. Something that simple and delicate shouldn't have his mind racing like this, reminding him of all their fistbumps and secret handshakes... and other places their hands have been.

Which leads him to his question. Even if the night went well overall, they still haven't gone into detail about it. What felt right, what felt wrong... if they'll ever do it again.

Wait.]

Huh?

[Did he just... say that? Rin looks up from the ground, eyes wide, before the sentence finally processes and he has to face away again to compose himself. It's one thing to think about doing it again, but to actually admit it? He's back to squeezing Sousuke's fingers, knuckles white for a fraction of a second. Right. Since they're going through with this, that means they're obligated to-- Nn. No, maybe that's not the right word. Or is it? Ugh, he told you he's never done this before!

More breathing, more fidgeting. Until he finally manages a muttered,]

I mean... we can...

[takenwithhim]

[Urusei… He’s going to make sure those hands are down by your sides where they’re supposed to be! (At least during this little exercise.) Besides, Sousuke always plays nice. When he feels like it. Rin’s just that kind of opponent.

Funny that something as simple as hands holding together can bring such a reaction out of two people. He’s seen couples plenty of times before during their trips to the Near Shore. Walking along, hands joined like there’s nothing unusual or out of the normal at all. A special bond… But he can’t just hold Rin; his fingers move, his grip changes, he’s rubbing and touching his hand as if there’s some burning itch under his flesh that desires to always know Rin’s connected to him. It feels nice, the beat of his heart beneath his fingers… the rush of Rin’s thoughts undoubtedly flurrying inside his head.

Nope, this isn’t a fistbump at all.

Sousuke, for all his forwardness in asking the question, looks anywhere but Rin’s face as he offers those heartfelt words. They haven’t talked about that night since, well, that night. Something in the back of his mind tells him it’s wrong to bring up such a subject out in the open air like this. But his heart goads him on further. Rin’s his boyfriend; they should be able to discuss more intimate things when they’re alone… right?

The last thing he wants is for Rin to think he doesn’t want to be with him in some particular way. Swimming in the pool, cooking lunch together, fighting ayakashi, training among flashes of love energy and water strikes, sleeping in the same bed, walking the sights of Tokyo side by side; if they can be together in all of that without a problem, then they can be together in that heated tangle amid the sheets again.

Fingers squeeze his hand and Sousuke strokes his fingertips between Rin’s knuckles, encouraging him to calm down. (And like hell are they “obligated” for anything.) It’s not like Sousuke’s done this before either. He just happens to be more… in control of his emotions.]

Okay.

[The muttered answer is good enough for him. At least both of them are open to the option. Now to step away from that and ask a question that’s been floating around in his head.]

Are you upset that I asked about this on the network?

[sharkmaid]

[He didn't take Sousuke for the type to enjoy physical contact like this, but... he enjoys it, even if he isn't standing still. He's mapping out his fingers, warming the skin beneath his palm and making his heartbeat race faster each time feels the sharp points in his knuckles. It's all normal stuff he's seen other people do. But... he can't yet grasp that it's now his. He reached for Sousuke's hand, he told him he liked him... If he stares down into the water, will he recognize the reflection staring back?

He can't let any of that cast doubt on his best friend though, not when Sousuke's made it obvious how important this relationship is to him. He wants this to work. He needs this to work. Because... Sousuke deserves that much. Something good, something to make him happy after all the confusion and chaos he's been through after death. Does that sound too dramatic?

He's rethinking every word by the time Sousuke changes the subject and Rin's quick to latch onto it as a welcome diversion.]

Well... [Rin clears his throat and finally turns to Sousuke, brows furrowed.] Now that you mention it, I did hear you giving away too much information.

[takenwithhim]

[Sousuke really isn’t the physical type. He and Rin usually keep that distance between them. But considering they just agreed to the whole boyfriends thing and he knows Rin’s more physical than he is, well… He can get a little touchy every now and then. It’s romantic and kind of embarrassing, but won’t hurt to walk hand in hand through the cherry blossoms for a while longer. Besides… there’s a quiet urge inside him requesting more of that touch, of Rin’s warmth, over and over until he’s memorized everything about him.

Maybe he’s just adjusting to this faster than the Master of Romance beside him. For all Rin talks about it, he’s woefully unprepared. Not that Sousuke’s one to talk; he just doesn’t show his unpreparedness as openly. Apparently… Truth be told, he’s not sure what’s driving him to do these kinds of actions. It’s probably as unreasonable as sitting up and licking your best friend’s nipples. Aka; no idea what he’s doing. But he’s doing it and the warmth is still there, blooming in his skin and chest. None of which feels wrong at all.

And then he shoots himself in the foot with one question. Hmph, well, no one can say he doesn’t know Rin like the back of his hand. Sousuke looks at Rin, a somewhat-wry, but maybe apologetic (semi-pathetic) face appearing with a mirrored frown and pout.] Too much? I tried keeping it vague…

[Minus two private conversations that dipped into god/shinki bonds more than… dating advice.]

[sharkmaid]

[He doesn't want Sousuke to give up his comfort for his sake, you know. If he doesn't want to be touchy feely, then he shouldn't have to just because they're dating! Maybe he'll bring it up later to make sure Sousuke's really ok... and hope he doesn't try lying for Rin's sake (because he knows he's more than capable of it).

Still, he supposes this is just how Sousuke's always been. He doesn't let his emotions make his decisions for him. If he feels like doing anything in the spur of the moment, he'll do it just because he wants to. Like taking a nap minutes before a big race or tagging along at Rin's side for a late night run... Telling him he likes him under the silver glow of the moon.

He shivers before he remembers he's supposed to be annoyed here and goes back to frowning, not at all pleased with that semi-pathetic look he's getting either.]

You told someone it was intense, didn't you?

[That might have gone into great detail, but it was close enough to imply they did a lot! He leans in, tugging a bit on Sousuke's hand so he can make absolutely certain their eyes won't break contact.]

What else did you say?

[takenwithhim]

[If he didn’t want to hold hands, he would’ve taken his away by now. (Maybe…) Sousuke does sacrifice a lot for Rin, but this comfort right now isn’t one of them. He wants to touch, he wants this connection. After everything they’ve said and talked about… it’d actually feel stranger to just walk with that distance between them. Rin just shouldn’t expect it to become normal. Lounging with his legs thrown over Rin’s lap is—ironically—not the same as walking down the sidewalk with his hand resting within his best friend’s.

Rin’s the one who lets his emotions free; he lives with them vibrant and clear, just like Sousuke assumes he’s always been. Yet even if Rin lives by his emotions, he doesn’t let them completely rule him. He does things to answer his heart, says and advises with the same. Like telling him to stop swimming to give his body a rest or making Sousuke his shinki even though he knows it will be difficult down the road. Those kinds of heartfelt things that Sousuke sometimes doesn’t “get” with his theory-running mind, but never fails to trust and follow.

(Well, minus their dead-end arguments over swimming alone or swimming with a team.)

And back to the uncomfortable part because Rin decides now’s a good time to get annoyed. Sousuke doesn’t apologize for his expression. Really, why would he?

The question… ugh. Yeah well he’d been warned about this (and told it was stupid not to make the conversations private).

Sousuke heaves a quiet sight and rubs the side of his neck. Well, nothing more to do but offer what he could and see if he’ll be sleeping on the floor tonight. Can’t look away either; that’s so mean, Rin.]

Apart from the intense comment? A few people figured I was talking about my god when I asked about shinki liking the god who named them. [Because he sucks at being vague, as well Rin knows.] Dating and stuff. And someone voluntarily mentioned the topic of sex… But I never went into any detail about anything.

[Just to be blunt about it. Really, he hadn’t said much. Mostly a few people figured out Sousuke had feelings for Rin, but only two or three people figured something intimate happened between the sharks. Two of those seemed to have had similar experiences themselves, so… yeah.]

[sharkmaid]

[Sousuke's always been more logical than Rin and while that might have kept them apart before, being on the same swim team and... dating... are two different things, right? For all Rin knows, that's exactly what could keep them together and keep Rin's emotions in check. Or... they could fight more over it and end up shoving each other into farthest opposite corners of the castle. Right now he wants to think positive though. It's not like much is changing anyway. Except... those things, but--

Rin holds his pout as he listens... ah, yes, and then the forbidden word.

Sex!?

Time to squeeze hands and kick at the grass while they walk. Is he ever going to get used to thinking about it? Is that what that night even was?]

Haah, but someone out there knows what we're doing!

[He covers his face with his free hand, wanting to rub it right off if he could... then, peeking through his fingers and cursing his curiosity,]

... Why did they mention it anyway?

[takenwithhim]

[He’s not denying that. Rin’s driven more by his emotions and Sousuke more by logic (or at least more controlled emotions). But they’ve always worked together and despite their frequent clashes and fights, they only seem to grow closer and closer. A friendship built on sharpening and toughening each other up with all those challenges. By any glance, it looks like it shouldn’t work, but it does. Very well. Sousuke has no intention of breaking up their relationship any more now than he has in the past. No matter what awkwardness is bound to come their way. Might not even change all that much…

That pout’s still there, so he’s obviously not out of the doghouse yet. Semi-literally speaking in Sousuke’s case.

Aaand there’s the reaction he expects when that unromantic word slips out so casually from his mouth. Hand squeezing, eyes averted, grass kicking, face rosy, all the evidence of embarrassed squirming on the inside. Rin’s not alone in his awkwardness; it is strange to actually think about… to address. But after that night… it’s part of what their moving towards, right?

Sousuke frowns at the outburst and heaves a sigh. He doesn’t like feeling guilty over his choices, but it’s hard not to now. Yes, it is a private thing he’s made public, but…]

Oy. I tried to be vague, but people figure things out or just assume shit.

[It’s not like he went out there and blatantly spit out he’d had sex with his god. At the question, he lifts his shoulders in a slight shrug.]

I think it was the natural course of the conversation. I wanted to know if a shinki being “more” with his or her god was risky. People took “more” and ran with it.

[…]

We wouldn’t have made any progress on our own, you know.

[sharkmaid]

[What they're moving towards... Is that an acceptable goal to have? Can they even call in a goal? There's more to dating than doing all that, right? They'll have to go out more, set aside extra time together that doesn't involve training or fighting or both... Rin's had all these expectations lined up ever since he was a kid but now that he's here he can't seem to keep them all in a neat row.

Thinking too much again. He knows conclusions will be drawn and that's not necessarily Sousuke's fault. Even if he was vague. Still, he doesn't want to be angry, doesn't want to sour the moment, so he drags his hand back down his face and swipes it back around to his neck instead, ruffling his hair up to give his skin some air. Should've brought a hair tie.]

We might have.

[But even Rin doesn't sound too convinced and heaves a sigh, expression evening out, the pink flush receding into a gentle glow.]

I want us to make progress... because I want us to work. [He means that.] If doing "more" makes that happen-- [Rin looks on as the gravel pathway winds down at the castle doors ahead.]

I want to believe we can succeed like we always have.

[Where it's only you and me.]

... D'you think that's selfish?

[takenwithhim]

[Why is it not? Rin keeps insisting to Sousuke that he’s human first, shinki second. The same goes for Rin then. Human first, god second. And humans do this kind of thing. Finding and connecting that special someone to their hearts. Dating’s one part, obviously, but there is so much more. Things will change, they’ll have to adapt and decide, but maybe it won’t be as wide-spread as their fluttering nerves predict. After all, don’t they already do plenty of things that would seem, well… couple-like-actions? Sousuke doesn’t have many expectations, more curiosities.

But yes, he knows Rin’s brain’s mulling frantically over there under his maroon hair. And yes, Sousuke knows he’ll have a bit to apologize for in regards to make this “idea” a public thing. As Rin seems to rein himself in with that sweeping wander of his hair, the other swimmer lets his eyes wander off to the sakura trees around them again.]

Aa. We might.

[Sure. Both of them were too unknowing, too embarrassed, too awkward to have made much progress. A week and nothing said? After an event like that? Someone had to make the first step. And honestly, Sousuke really did want to make sure taking this step forward wouldn’t endanger Rin. Even if it embarrassed him and got them some looks, he’d rather deal with that (and even Rin’s ire) than put the person he cares about most in harm’s way.]

Heh, I think we work already. [Considering their almost-year here and their successful track record together. But he knows what Rin means. This new “us” they’re looking at. A soft smile appears and Sousuke slips his free hand into his pocket.] Like we always have…

[The other question, however, makes him pause and he gives Rin a strange look, one brow quirked.]

No. It’s natural to be selfish around someone you like…

[Is his gut instinct answer.]

[sharkmaid]

[He'll be mentally kicking himself in the head for not taking the first step himself, that's for sure. He's the one who pulled Sousuke into this in the first place. Sort of. Kind of? He wonders if it would be a stupid thing to apologize for... before he shakes his head at how stupid that sounds. He's not thinking clearly right now. Hard to when his heart feels fuzzy and his head's spinning just as frantically as the petals in the air.]

You know what I mean. I want us to work like this!

[And he'll bump him in the shoulder for that, not as hard as he could have, but hard enough!

--Someone you like.

... Tsk. Stop catching him off guard every ten seconds, will you? Talking for calmly about romantic things...]

... Aren't you scared or anything?

[takenwithhim]

[Someone had to. Luckily, this isn’t the kind of “beat you to it” that Sousuke’s going to hold over Rin’s head. It’s too sensitive and important to treat it like some race or new practice. Honestly, he has no idea who “started” this in the first place. Him for asking that one night? Rin for insisting Sousuke sleep in the bed with him? Sousuke for looking too long the first time? Rin for making him his shinki? Thinking about it isn’t going to help anything and why the hell’s he even thinking about who’s to “blame” for it? This is a good thing! Awkward… but good.

And seriously, don’t you dare apologize; he’ll dump you in the creek with a huge lineface.

Sousuke can’t prevent a small smile, head dipping and shoulders rising with a little laugh. Got bumped in the shoulder and fussed at, but it was worth it to see Rin’s expression and hear his voice like that again.]

I know. I know.

[And look, he’s not catching you off guard! He’s just talking about… well… them! Aren’t you the romantic one here (he asks for the millionth time while knowing the answer already)? The question, however, earns his calm again, a gentle silence for a few seconds. Scared or anything…]

Aa. I am. [Sousuke breathes out noiselessly.] It’s why I asked about this on the network.

[sharkmaid]

[If you dump him in the creek, then you’ll be staring at a soaking wet, fully clothed shark again, bro. And not just any shark. Your boyfriend. How will you ever handle that?

Despite Sousuke’s teasing, Rin does enjoy seeing him like this at least. He’s relaxed, smiling and laughing like nothing could ever be wrong in the world right now... It’s how he deserves to be and how Rin wants to see him all the time. It’s why he asks him if he’s scared. And if he is, he needs to know how to fix it. They’re going into a relationship for deeper, more meaningful reasons, after all. Rin wants to make sure every step they’ve taken until now will be worth it. Not only that, but he doesn’t... trust Sousuke to lay all his feelings bare. Which sounds awful, he knows, but it’s what he needs to accept. If he doesn’ ask, he’ll never have an answer, and for all he knows Sousuke will keep hurting himself for Rin’s sake.

Again.

So he drags it out, forces it, and with his best friend’s reply he’s relieved... then anxious all in one. Ok. Now he needs to figure out how to fix it. Right now, right here if he can.

After tugging the front doors open, Rin sets foot inside and pulls Sousuke along with him, happy to be where they can take a break from all that pink for a while. There’s sudden determination in his step now and it’s hard to tell if he’s covering something up or not.]

Then... I’ll make sure you won’t be. [he says it confidently... somewhat. With all the natural flare of being team captain, see.] This sort of thing– It’s what I’m good at anyway. [Being Eros and all. Hah...] So... don’t worry about it! [Back to walking, still tugging Sousuke along with sweaty palms.]

Got it?

[takenwithhim]

[There’s a reason he’s NOT dumping you in the creek, you know. But he’s never going to deny you don’t look a hot, dripping mess when rising from the water like a grumpy (or sensual) sea god.

Really, it’s not a far assumption that Sousuke’s walking on air right now. He may not show it as readily as Rin, or be embarrassed by it (externally), but he really is happy right now. His heart’s fluttering at a fast pace, his breathing’s a tiny bit hitched, and his brain is running lickity split with questions and flusters and comments galore. But… this is nice. The chance to be with Rin like this, unfettered and enjoying this “new” with the most important person in his world… it makes him feel complete. Free.

Bringing up his fears… it quiets him, but does little to dampen his spirits right now. Rin wants to know the truth. It hurts to admit, but he thought about lying. It would’ve been easy, casually dismissing the idea of being scared about dating his best friend, about being more with his god. But the thought doesn’t sit well with him, particularly because it came so readily. Instinctively. Like it was normal to want to hide things from Rin. Yes, he does it because Rin doesn’t need to burden himself with Sousuke’s issues, but right now, such a thing would be… grossly rude.

Besides, Rin understands Sousuke too well to fall for a lie right now.

That doesn’t mean he particularly likes the topic. Admitting to Rin his own weakness is never easy for Sousuke; Rin’s the one person in the world Sousuke doesn’t ever want to see him in any state of weakness. From injury to exhaustion to illness. He always wants to be standing tall and strong, to be the best rival and friend Rin could ever have. Someone dependable, someone who can always be counted on to be there and support Rin through anything he has to do. The perfect guy who can never be broken or defeated by anything.

Now they’re going inside under the quiet admission that Sousuke’s afraid of something. He’s pulled through the doors as easily as Rin pulls the admission from him a few seconds ago. The sunshine goes from natural light to window-filtered glow, mirroring off the reflective surfaces of the castle’s always-impressive interior. But for all the sudden change in atmosphere, Sousuke senses the shift in Rin’s step. He’s determined about something and Sousuke’s semi-suspicious that Rin’s attempting to brush something under the rug or avert his gaze from it.

Actually, the answer he gets back from Rin is… strange? It sounds good; the confident words and promise to support him are all there. It brings to mind Sousuke’s comfort at Rin’s teaching, his swimming coach and captain in the pool. Impossible to doubt. Impossible to ignore. Yet… it’s vague. Rin never asked what Sousuke feared. Which is strange, considering Sousuke even admitted he was afraid in the first place.

It’s not like Rin to bypass something like that with a confident gloss. Not truthfully that is. He offers a light curl of his hand, returning the firmer grip, and feeling the sweat beginning on Rin’s palm. Nail in coffin. Rin really is worked up about something. And it’s not just the “boyfriends” or “dating” topic.]

Rin… [Sousuke’s tone is quiet, understanding, but he calls him out on his hidden thoughts without saying much of anything.] What is it? [About whatever it is you’re feeling now.]

[sharkmaid]

[Sousuke's never been one to admit his faults and fears so easily, so he knows that answer couldn't have been an easy one to give. Out of pride, out of some protective instinct he'll never be able to shake off or quite understand. Sousuke confessing must mean he's comfortable, at the very least... but knowing that isn't enough to settle Rin's own doubts. Because he can sense the unease, the underlying urge to fall back and lie like it's second nature. He wants to say he's fine because, like Rin, Sousuke wants to be the best to the one person who deserves it. It's there, it'll probably continue to stay there unless his best friend undergoes some magical transformation... and it pains him to know it.

He's fine as he is. He's strong enough, brave enough, the best at being himself. If only it were so easy to say...

There's sunlight at his back once they pass the threshold together, and when the door shuts, suddenly it's gone, effectively separating them from the outside world once again. Is that comforting? Is it sad? To know how far they've set themselves away from everything and everyone else... Maybe that's what Rin fears the most. Can he still give Sousuke freedom if he holds him this close?

It's no surprise Sousuke senses something off from the start. Rin's never been good at lying, not when he always keeps his heart on his sleeve. So he stops, footsteps falling silent against the marble floor, then after a few beats to think and repeat the question in his head he turns, ducks his head, and just... rests his forehead to Sousuke's chest. He shouldn't lie. He can't lie. Yes, he wants to protect Sousuke with everything he has, but how can he hope to accomplish that if he isn't open or truthful? Within Sousuke's hold, Rin's fingers start to tremble.]

... I have to be perfect for you.

[Rin realizes how hypocritical that is for him to say, but he can't help himself. Not when he feels it's true.]

I promised to support you as a friend before anything else... and now I need to support you as someone more. [His free hand reaches up, fingers finding the fabric of Sousuke's sleeve to cling to for assurance.] I don't even know if I've fulfilled my promise up until now. If I've kept you safe enough, happy enough--

[If I don't show you how much you mean to me, you'll never know.

He lifts his head up quickly, being sure to keep his eyes focused even as they being to gloss over.]

I want to be something you deserve... not something to be afraid of.

[takenwithhim]

[It’s always there, the silent reminder drifting in the back of his mind. Rin can read everything inside him whether he likes it or not. What reservations he had towards opening up to him, the instinctive lean towards offering a lie, the gentle comfort that he’s experiencing right now that enables him to answer in the rare truthful moment… Rin knows all that. Conversely, Sousuke doesn’t. Perhaps it’s lucky for him that Rin wears his emotions so openly; he doesn’t necessarily need that intimate connection to Rin’s feelings. Even so, Rin’s actions right now hint at his hidden thoughts; thoughts Sousuke guesses Rin would have brushed to the side had he not called him out on it. For all his desires to have Sousuke open to him, Rin has a quiet habit of keeping parts of himself bottled up inside.

Especially if he feels it will affect Sousuke negatively or make Rin himself look like he’s unsure of himself, uncomfortable with something, or in need. Rin has his own pride and self-confidence he likes to protect too. They really are very similar to each other in the end. A desire to be the best, to be perfect, to be the reliable one that can achieve every dream lying ahead of them. But Sousuke knows no matter how many times he tells Rin to not worry, that it’s fine, they’re going to be okay, Rin will be Rin. Because he cares so much, because of those precious emotions to him and his kind heart, he’ll always be Rin.

The door closing behind them transitions the outside light into the interior light. It’s almost like the mood from before has likewise been shut out and now they’re inside, away from any potential eyes, and able to unearth all the hidden things that rest beneath the sakura-soaked happiness of becoming boyfriends. Guess every coin has two sides, the moon a light and dark side.

As Rin stops, Sousuke lets his steps slow and eventually cease, one foot arched up on the ball before he lowers his heel. He doesn’t press the question, only stands silently and waits for Rin to decide what to do. They can move forward and push it aside for later or they can confront it now. Motion… and it’s now. Sousuke blinks when Rin turns to him and a soft sound slips from his mouth as his best friend presses his forehead to his chest. The taller boy looks down as the pressure and warmth seep into his skin beneath his shirt. Fingers tremble in his own, a quiet breath soaks over his front.

… I have to be perfect for you.

That’s… a very strange emotion. His face wants to pink and his chest clenches in a warmth that threatens to reach up to his throat… and his hand wants to smack Rin on the back of the head.]

Oy…

[He can’t blame him for the comment though. It’s shocking how similar they are. How many times has Sousuke had the same thought pass through his head? How many times has that very desire fueled his actions towards Rin and even himself? Never once has it been a lie. Foolish, perhaps, but never a lie. Perhaps this is how Rin feels every time he realizes Sousuke’s doing the same thing. A mixture of tender happiness and incredulous irritation that Rin would set such an impossible standard for himself. Doesn’t he know he’s already perfect to Sousuke? Doesn’t he realize how much damage he might do to himself trying to be perfect?

Doesn’t he realize that Sousuke’s the one that supposed to be perfect so that Rin doesn’t have to burden himself being perfect?!

Sousuke presses his lips into a line, silencing the quiet protest that wants to pop out instantly. He could reprimand him, call him out on being stupid, tell him that he’s already perfect and shouldn’t burden himself with worrying about all of that… But he doesn’t. Only stands silently in front of his god, looking down at him with deep teal eyes as Rin reaches up and clings onto his sleeve for assurance, for support.]

Rin… [He doesn’t break his gaze, not even when Rin lifts his head and looks at him, eyes focused and wet. Why do you beat yourself up over stuff like this?]

There’s nothing I could ever do to deserve you. [Sousuke brushes the backs of his fingers over Rin’s cheek, smoothing one half of his bangs to the side and tucking the maroon curtain behind his ear.] You’re a gift, not something that I need to work for, not something that needs to prove anything to me.

Everything you’ve done for me has been everything I could ever desire. I’m happy with you, I’m safe with you. You’re the greatest rival I could ever hope for… and the best friend I could ever have.

[As if he could make the words hit deeper, Sousuke curves his hand from behind Rin’s ear, caressing over the crux of his jaw and down the slope to his chin. Before gently spreading his hand over the side of Rin’s face, cupping his cheek and holding his gaze to him.]

I will never be afraid of you.

[sharkmaid]

[He's probably being the most annoying thing in the world right now, fluctuating between embarrassed and elated, confident and unsure. His whole body feels like it's stuttering while being tugged one way then the other. For all his complications though, of course Sousuke stays patient, and of course he tolerates him even when Rin starts to repeat himself. How can he be this understanding every time?

But they could do this back-and-forth all day long, getting nowhere fast, accomplishing nothing fast. Who's perfect and for what reason shouldn't matter. It's what he needs to tell himself before he slowly loses his time and focus for anything else. Sure... it's easy in theory, embracing his faults and shortcomings for what they are, maybe even accepting they don't exist in the first place. But like Sousuke says, Rin will be Rin. Too kind, too sensitive, too vulnerable to his own heart to ever consider himself first, his loved ones second.

Sousuke's touch does allow Rin a moment of clarity though, even when he says something as ridiculous as that. Saying he doesn't deserve him, praising him, always being so damn gentle... It melts his heart. Tears it to pieces, builds it back up again. Like always, it's effortless, giving Rin the words he needs to hear, and for a moment he forgets to be worried. He forgets ever beating himself up, ever doubting his own capabilities... because suddenly he's focused on fingers on his cheek and Sousuke's voice reaching into his chest. Nothing else exists. No one else exists.

Do I deserve this? Do I deserve you?

If only you'd remember everything I've done.

Rin's eyes fall shut as he rests his head against the other swimmer's hand, and with a sigh he turns until his lips press into his palm instead.]

... I trust you. [If he says he's happy and safe, if he promises he'll never be afraid... then Rin will believe. Back to opening his eyes, which by now are still glossed over, but surprisingly not overflowing with tears.] And... I'm sorry. For being complicated.

[Can't help it. The words come too naturally.]

[takenwithhim]

[Dolphins are forever more annoying than sharks. To many, yes, this back and forth would be extremely annoying. Sousuke’s only human so there are times when Rin’s emotional side gets under his skin and irritates him. Just as Rin most definitely gets frustrated with his shinki’s taciturn nature. It’s part of him and Sousuke accepts it. Rin has to work through this in his own way and if Sousuke’s going to be the perfect boyfriend, why would he demand Rin be anything other than Rin?

It's usually easier than trying to drag his stubborn best friend somewhere. They eve back and forth on this kind of stuff. Who’s better, why is that, and who doesn’t deserve who. In one way, it’s horribly sentimental and romantic. In another, it’s almost pathetic. Worth a silent laugh at himself. They can try all they like to change themselves, but in the end, they are who they are and Sousuke’s fallen for the Rin who is Rin. Trying to change him would be stupid. Why change something he likes? Especially when it’s embarrassingly similar to his own personality.

A gentle slide of relief wanders through his body as his touch manages to calm Rin down. A wonder Rin’s the romantic one when it’s Sousuke who says all the romantic lines (and never thinks for once they’re remotely romantic). But he really does want Rin to get it through his head that this isn’t about deserving or perfection. Sousuke may have things he fears, but he doesn’t ever want himself to be one of Rin’s. Fearing for his happiness, fearing for his safety, fearing for his satisfaction or trust, fearing for his love… Some of it’s hypocritical, he’ll admit that, but it doesn’t change the sincerity of his words.

You deserve everything I do. If I deserve you, then you deserve me. Right?

Sousuke breathes out gentle as Rin closes his eyes and nuzzles his face into the taller swimmer’s hand. A soft grunt slips free at the sensation of lips pressing to his palm, fingers twitching slightly from the mixture of tickle and tender. That’s stupidly romantic…]

Don’t apologize.

[That comes naturally as well, along with the gentle sag of shoulders and the tender, wry little smile appearing on Sousuke’s face. Rin knows the reality of their situation. Sousuke’s happiness, his safety, his fear, there’s no threat to them from Rin. If Rin says he’ll protect him, he’ll bring him happiness, he’ll calm his fears… Sousuke will believe that too. Finally, red eyes appear again, glassy rubies glistening above his palm, only one veiled by the maroon threads draping over it. He really is a beautiful, handsome young man…]

It’s no wonder I’m so taken with you…

[sharkmaid]

[Don't start with that here, bae. You don't even remember what a dolphin is! ... more specifically a certain dolphin, but anyway.

Knowing Sousuke's at peace with this helps settle the last of Rin's nerves until he's calm enough to finally maintain a more comfortable grip on his shinki's hand. He's less aware of the number of breaths he's been taking, less aware of every time he blinks or shifts his gaze from one spot on the floor to the other. The anxiety's bound to follow him no matter what, but at least he doesn't have to face it alone.

He's not sure when he decided to bring his hand up to hold Sousuke's in place, long fingers curling over his wrist and heel of his palm where the skin feels warmest. With all this talk and thinking of being together, relying on each other, supporting each other... he wants to make sure he has Sousuke with him at all. Sometimes he'll wake up in the middle of the night to check the space beside him for warmth. He won't fall back asleep unless he's positive he can see the sheets shifting with every breath. To feel his heartbeat at his fingertips, to hear his voice calling out his name from across the sakura grove... All those signs his best friend is still here, still with him... still alive one way or another.

He scoffs quietly, a puff of air brushing along the inside of his best friend's wrist. Taken with him... He says these things so easily. Rin doesn't respond, not right away at least, too busy rubbing his thumb along the juts of bone at Sousuke's knuckles, but eventually he finds his own way to keep the conversation going. Eyes lock, gaze quiet but firm. Fingers pull until they can guide Sousuke's own lower, past his neck, collarbone, chest-- Right here, he thinks. Right at the subtle curve in his waist.

It's just another place to touch and hold. Another point of contact to keep them connected.

I want to do it again.]

No wonder? [he asks, the look in his eyes deepening, a small laugh leaving his lips.] You're taken with how complicated I am?

[takenwithhim]

[Truth be told, being anxious about this isn’t going to help either of them; it’s obvious the attraction is there between them, their friendship runs deeper than a simple partnership, and they’ve done things that, frankly, normal “non-involved” people wouldn’t do together. As Rin’s grip on his hand settles into something more comfortable, Sousuke relaxes. There’ll still be plenty of trials and steps to overcome as they move forward, but for now, the biggest one—starting—is passed.

A gentle touch, fingertips brushing at the heel of his palm and over the tender skin of his wrist, and his pulse races. Just a simple connection and his body heats up. You do these kinds of things to me without even thinking about them… It’s been so long since his awakening, a wandering soul with no place to call home, no memories to stand on, no one to support him. And now… he wakes up beside a warm body every morning, falls asleep next to the gentle rise and fall of covers as Rin dozes in the bed, and lives with someone who’s gone from stranger to partner to best friend… and now to a lover. How many times has Sousuke lain awake at night, gazing at Rin and wondering at how all of this happened, that Rin would be… so perfect. For him. With him.

The puff of air makes his fingers twitch inward slightly and Sousuke breathes out in silent sensation as Rin’s thumb wanders over the grooves between his knuckles and caresses the hills above his fingers. Touching him like that again… Red eyes take hold of his teal and he’s suddenly aware that his hand’s been moved. Away from his shoulder and face, down over chest and ribs, until settling comfortable at the intimate curve of Rin’s waist. Where he takes hold in a smooth, almost-natural motion, cupping the area and gliding his fingers just shy of the other swimmer’s back.

A way to keep Rin close, where Sousuke wants him always.

He arches a brow at the question amid the little laugh, but only offers a smile and leans forward, forehead bumping against Rin’s in a playful contact.] That and everything else about you, Rin.

[Before tilting his head, ducking just slightly to meet his god's mouth with his own. A tender touch, nudging into his lips for a few moments before pressing into a proper kiss.]

[sharkmaid]

[He's been learning little by little these past few days about less obvious and more... intimate things between them. It's natural to catch onto tiny nuances with Sousuke (Rin wouldn't know him better than anyone if it was difficult), but those things are simple. Like a nervous tic or habit he still hasn't shed from childhood. Now he notices everything in between. The way he'll twitch if he touches his shoulders, those quiet breaths when he explores the shape of his hands, the different brand of softness that reaches his eyes whenever Rin's near...

Maybe it's strange, but... he likes that he can do those things for Sousuke. He likes being the only one who can, the only one who wants to.

What sort of things does Sousuke notice, he wonders? Hopefully nothing too embarrassing.

He's not expecting the forehead bump, but he's not against it by any means. He'll just... lean into it a little. With another laugh, another smile, a bit of an awkward shift with his feet because, wow, Sousuke didn't hesitate to pull him in closer. Didn't hesitate to say something so romantic either. One of these days he'll come up with something just as equally romantic to say and catch him off guard for once!]

Everything else--?

[He's about to ask exactly what "everything else" entails, but Sousuke's quick to interrupt, and Rin supposes he can't be too upset, considering he brought this upon himself. And anyway... with the warm lighting and the feel of the afternoon sun still on his back, doing something like this-- It feels appropriate. Necessary. Like they won't get another perfect chance.

Idiot... I guess I've got no choice but to be taken with you too.

The kiss lingers, still and quiet for a few seconds more, until Rin breaks off to lean forward, lips pressed to his best friend's jaw.]

You don't have any other questions to ask over the network today, do you?

[His way of saying "You'd better not be busy."]

[takenwithhim]

[For all his laidback calmness, Sousuke’s sharp. He picks things up silently, is able to understand what Rin wants or thinks without saying a word between them, knows what bothers him and what makes him happy. Maybe most would assume that’s the natural course of things since they live together, but Sousuke knows it’s more than that. His knowledge of Rin, his understanding, goes deeper than just partnership. He pays attention, because he wants to know more and more about him. He likes being the one to do that, the one who understands Rin more than anyone else. Call him selfish, but it’s true.

The way his tongue slides over his teeth, tip skimming right along his gums, when he’s itching for the urge to bite. How his eyes glaze up when he’s touched, only to turn into an averted gaze and a mumbled lie that means exactly the opposite of what comes from his mouth. The hitch of his breath and the small hike of his shoulders when Sousuke says something or touches Rin somewhere that makes his heart flutter… Little things like that. He’s noticed them more and more as their relationship evolves into this more intimate, personal connection. Embarrassing, perhaps, but that’s something he’ll gladly endure.

As Rin leans into the gentle connection, meets his lips with his own, Sousuke feels his insides melt a little. A warm rush drags down his spine and makes his skin constrict over his face and neck. It feels good, the touch and connection between them. Even with the laugh and smile breaking the kiss, he can’t help the pure pleasure at being able to… just kiss him whenever he wants to. A small breath of a laugh answers his god’s and Sousuke leans back after those few seconds they’re connected together. He’s about to try and answer that unspoken question, but--]

Ngh-!

[Rin decides to be evil and that same, warm mouth is on his jaw, teasing the tender skin and murmuring a sultry, silly question that has his blood shooting through his veins. Of course he’d ask such a thing, getting Sousuke hot and bothered by the romantic implications.]

No.

[Even if he did, this would ensure he doesn’t remember any of them.]

[sharkmaid]

[He's never noticed it before, now personal they've always been with each other, much more personal than they can be with anyone else. Well, maybe he did notice, but never quite this... closely. There's something to be said for their closeness, this... exclusive relationship he can't compare anything to. It makes Rin wonder more and more about home, about the possibility of all this happening there too. If he never left Sano, if Sousuke never injured himself on the road to glory, if he never trained in Australia, if he stayed where he belonged at his best friend's side...

Or could this happen anywhere, at any time? He's reminded of the old stories he used to gobble up as a kid. The ones about red strings around pinky fingers or gods who came together once every thousand years to be with the ones they love. Those sort of things... He wonders if he and Sousuke can be a part of that. A part of destiny.

He smiles at himself for thinking something so immature and at first he worries he's surprised Sousuke when he responds with that choked sound. But of course it isn't that, is it? Hm... He might be letting himself get too carried away. Instinct tells him to apologize, to back off and quietly scold himself for moving too quickly. It's all Eros' fault, his god nature-- No, it's almost insulting to blame it on that. He wants to believe he's doing this because he wants to. Because it's fun. ... Because he likes those choked sounds more than he'd like to admit.

So he doesn't move away. Not yet. And judging by that spike of heat resonating from his shinki's heart to his own, Sousuke doesn't want him to anyway.]

Turns out Sousuke can be cute, huh?

[A quiet snicker... mostly because he can't decide if he's genuinely teasing or genuinely trying to be seductive. Laughing it off makes it less embarrassing.]

Were you about to say something?

[takenwithhim]

[It’d taken a while, both the trust and understanding, but Sousuke’s come to realize for a while now that Rin is the one person he feels the most comfortable with being personal around. It’s a strange paradox; Rin is both the one person Sousuke can’t stand to see him at his weakest, and yet Rin is also the one person he trusts to help him through such weakness. Because Rin understands him the most, because Sousuke knows he can be open with Rin despite the larger swimmer’s tendency to be so closed. Even if he has little to compare it to, no one will ever be to him what Rin is. Sometimes he wonders if the “him” Rin knew before is the same… or different… and quickly shoves the idea away each time.

Maybe they’d be like this no matter what circumstance they found themselves in. If Sousuke had been the god and Rin his amnesiac shinki, would they become this close? If they were suddenly thrust into a strange city with new rules and lived separately, would they become this close even still? If they came from two vastly different walks of life, would what they had remain strong all the same? There’s no way to know, and frankly, he’d rather not experience those questioning wonders. But inside, Sousuke thinks… yes… Yes, they would be together. No matter what. He’s a little too theoretical to throw lots in with fate or destiny, but he’s not blind or dismissive to the notions either. If he’s eternally to be part of Rin’s life, Sousuke has no problem with it.

That mouth is still on his jaw and there’s a faint pink rising under his eye, glowing warm beneath his tan skin.] Oy… [Rin’s doing this on purpose, and he’s enjoying it to boot. Jerk… The best jerk he could ever have in his life. The heat inside only increases the longer Rin’s lips and teeth wander over his skin, scraping at the slope of bone so close to his neck, moist breath puffing words over his fle—

…]

Urusei… Don’t say stuff like that…

[Calling him ‘cute’ and snickering like a dorky cupid. The flush doesn’t get any lighter, quite the opposite in fact, and Sousuke shivers as another run of sensation ripples down his spine. Teasing or seductive, Rin’s being both. And he’s still got the nerve to laugh. Sousuke offers a quiet “hmph” at the question and tilts his head a little, exposing more of his neck.]

I was… got distracted and forgot.

[It’s half true.]

[sharkmaid]

[He wishes he can answer all those questions without repercussions someday. It’d be worth it to tell Sousuke more about their past, more about his own past more specifically. The person he was when he was alive, the dreams he had, the challenges he faced. There’s differences here and there, but... Sousuke is Sousuke and Rin’s more than satisfied with that. The missing memories leave room for new ones, and he’s grateful to even be part of them to begin with. So maybe wishing for answers doesn’t make much sense. When he can look forward to a future he never dreamed of, brand new and full of possibilities... The person Sousuke wants to be won’t rely on the past. He can only move on. It’s his choice. His freedom.

And if his choice involves being here, being with Rin– Rin has no problem with that either.

He laughs again, more like a giggle this time, because he knows he’s testing Sousuke when there’s no real threat. He can’t push him away, though he’s more than welcome to try. If he could, he would’ve. And he hasn’t. So that’s something for Rin to be proud of, isn’t it?]

I already did.

[And if doing so grants him better access to all those sensitive spots, there’s no sense in stopping. He follows almost immediately, neck dipping for his lips to slip down, catching on the sharp edge of his partner’s jaw one more time before he can just barely graze his teeth over a bed of raw nerves. His teeth start to itch. One shift and it’ll be easy. A single breath and he can makes the itching stop... Instead, Rin controls himself (for now), the damp, plush skin of tongue and lips leaving more delicate touches over that single spot. Exploring, mouthing, tasting. He’s not really sure what he’s doing, only that it feels nice... and it’ll have to do if he doesn’t want his whole mouth to start itching next.]

Not distracted enough for this though.