Heaven's BBS | ~Video~

[takenwithhim]

From: Sousuke Yamazaki
When: Early October

[It’s rare that he posts to the BBS; Sousuke’s quiet nature and sometimes-over-focus kind of leads to that little problem. Content to dwell with his own life and his own small circle of friends and duties. But sometimes, the private life just doesn’t cut it. Especially when said private life is the entire reason for breaking his silence and going outside that small circle.

The video feed clicks on with a quiet sound, light blazing from the screen for a second until it adjusts to the scenery. It’s soon obvious he’s alone. Considering the presence of a black jacket barely resting at the peripheral of the video’s frame, it’s likely he’s holding the screen to his side. Deliberately not pointing the feed at himself. Instead, there’s a lovely shot of a quiet patch of natural garden, complete with trickling spring, breezing of clear air, and the ever-present drizzle of pink sakura petals from the surrounding grove Eros’ castle temple is renowned for.


There’s a moment of silence, semi-awkward on his end, before Sousuke finally outs with it. His tone’s calm, musing.]

Can a god and a shinki be more than god and shinki? [A measure before adding in a lower voice.] Or will it make problems between them?

[Yeah, it’s vague, he knows. The nature of god and shinki is a complex relationship. But Sousuke’s not honest enough with his softer emotions and being open to other people to outright ask the serious/embarrassing question:

What happens if you find yourself attracted to your own god?]

Comments

[takenwithhim]

[Why would he think about his own needs when it’s far more instinctive to think about Rin’s? Once his hapless romantic of a best friend is secure, then he can worry about himself. Sousuke’s not the one that runs through life at a breakneck speed looking for cherry blossoms in pools and the next exciting thing. Someone’s got to make sure he stays safe, right?

And you show him “chibi” every time he finds you looking at his chin, squirt.

Sousuke might’ve bothered with shucking off his shirt if he weren’t so distracted with Rin’s figure glowing at him in the bathroom light. So many times he’s seen him with upper body bare. From the swimming pool to the weight machines to sparring in the gardens to flopping into bed at night, he should be practically immune to this boy’s charms. But… he’s not. Still helplessly enthralled, and even worse so now that they’re going to be dating, apparently. Teal eyes flick up to the shaking strands of maroon, such rich and lush curves swinging with the simple action as they fall back into perfect place. Unconsciously, frustratingly modelesque without bothering to try. But it can’t be helped; this is the guy he’s fallen for. Why would anything he does not randomly grab Sousuke’s attention?

He doesn’t even recognize he’s breathed those two words for a few seconds. There’s a quiet flip and snap as Rin’s shirt goes right side out and that’s enough to break his momentary stupor. Sousuke blinks once and gives his head a small twitch backwards, calling himself into place again. Calm down, get his head out of the clouds, the bathroom’s not even steaming yet, and he needs to focus on… on… something. Like his own clothes maybe?

Or at least that had been the plan. Before someone’s voice comes right over his shoulder and Sousuke finds himself listening to a single word purred out in a soft, seductive tone. Has he ever heard Rin use such a tone before? Once or twice, maybe? Accidentally? But this one’s on purpose. Teal eyes lift, gazing directly at the other swimmer across from him. Watching that purposeful tilt of his head, knowing he’s teasing him despite that pink flush fluttering beneath his eyes. Rin always pulls off any expression well, even this stoic visage that Sousuke momentarily loses himself in. And the subtle shift in weight, moving the angle of his hips atop those shapely legs of his. Is he flirting? On purpose? For all the larger athlete can tell… yes, and it’s working.

He offers a small shake of his head, one hand moving up to rake backwards through his hair, momentarily pulling the asymmetrical sweep of dark, spiky bangs off his forehead.] No… none at all. [And grips the hem of his shirt with his both hands before hauling upward. Sousuke’s hips lean to the side, chest and spine arching as his powerful stomach flexes and Olympic pectorals press forward against the quick bunch of fabric crawling up the curve of his torso. The material folds over his elbows as he pulls his shirt over his head, shoulders rolling and head ducking once the neck clears his face. Then drops his arms, shedding the entrapping clothing off his elbows and wrists to drop it haphazardly on the floor with a lazy motion, a bit of wild ruffle left above in his hair.]

We’ve never taken one together before… Not like this.

[Guess the realization just clicked somewhere inside that shirt.]

[sharkmaid]

[Hey, he might be enthusiastic about life, but he’s not a reckless mess! He can look out for himself just fine. ... Though having the support of a couple friends to make sure he doesn’t wobble too much makes life a bit easier, he’ll admit. Point is, he’s not as bad as he was when he was a clueless kid, ok? So don’t worry so much, you overgrown fish.

Despite his best friend’s attempts at keeping calm and focused, Rin sees right through them as usual, picking up on the tiniest nuances as they unfold. The helpless staring, blinking, tipping his head back to gather his wits back together. It’s not the reaction he’d been expecting, but it’s better and amusing and he just barely manages to bite back a grin for his efforts. Not many people will have the opportunity to witness this side of Sousuke face to face. Tiny cracks in his tough facade, flickers of raw emotion ignited by Rin’s fire alone. In the past it was innocent fun. A joke, a tease, something to laugh at while his best friend nudged him at the back of his knee. Now it’s something to be proud of. Something to cling to, to possess. He’s dating the one person he knows better than the back of his own hand. He’ll see multiple sides to him the world may never discover on its own. He’ll start playing the fool to keep him happy, to keep him safe. He’ll stand here and exchange dirty looks across a room because it’s dangerous. It’s stupid. It’s fun.

And it’s his.

Rin watches in silence as his boyfriend takes his turn, exposing an arguably stronger and more impressive figure to the iridescent light. He’s not helpless, but he is... intrigued. Eying up every inch like a prince admiring a priceless jewel. A stretch here, another flex there... Somehow he doesn’t rip the shirt at the seams when the fabric passes over those hardened muscles. It’s no secret Sousuke’s perfect. He’s never been built for anything else but the water. Years of training, fighting, winning... hurting. If he was still alive, still there in Iwatobi where he belongs... would he be wasting away in this body? His potential, his dream– How can Sousuke be made for anything else? The question bothers Rin enough to glance away, the spark in his stomach dissipating in an instant, and as his best friend’s shirt falls to the floor he turns to leave his draped over the bathroom counter, eyes focused on the drain in the sink, the faucet, the mirror... and finally his reflection.

... When Sousuke looks at this, what does he see? Does he see potential? Perfection? Does he know the water runs in Rin’s veins like nothing else ever will? Or is he like everyone else? A beautiful boy, a sultry god. He plays with others’ emotions while barely containing his own. The person Sousuke’s attracted to... Which one could it be?

I need to be perfect for you. But, to you, what does “perfect” even mean?

Rin scoffs and his reflection smiles back.]

There’s a first for everything. [His hands drop, fingers following the grooves in his waistband towards the buckle in his belt, but then he hesitates. No one else will see Rin like this either. His body, his face, his voice. So is that... ok? Ruby eyes flick back up into the glass to watch Sousuke’s reflection behind.

You’re mine... but can I be yours?]

[takenwithhim]

[He is too a reckless mess sometimes! If it weren’t for Sousuke’s reflexes (and long arms), you’d’ve gone sailing down the stairs when you slipped on the carpet! Not that he has much room to talk when he ran smack into an open door not but two minutes later. Really, when they raced around the castle as kids, you’d think they’d open their stupid eyes instead of laughing and yelling at each other like the best of friends… Sousuke’s pride may make it difficult for him to admit these feelings out loud, but… he appreciates the support Rin gives him. Even if his best friend can be a big ol’ dorkfish.

It's a little unnerving, like always, to know Rin can see through him with no effort. Even if he thinks he’s being suave or discrete, the back of his mind knows Rin’s already seen the truth. It’s not some accidental stare or quick averted gaze. It’s… yeah. Sousuke’d really been staring at Rin, tracing over the lines and curves visible, and not in the recreational or sportsmanship way of keeping watch on Rin’s physical nutrition. Had he really looked so helpless gazing like that? Not like he’d been drooling or something. And you better keep that grin inside; he sees through you too, you know. It’s both unfair and a sheer relief to feel those emotions flare to life with even the smallest of sparks from Rin’s fires. What had been before innocent teasing or a concern comment now blossomed into something mature, curious, and not at all guiltless. Where he’d bumped his shoulder against Rin’s, he now held his hand (occasionally); where they’d once talked across the dinner table, they now slept side by side in the same bed. And through it all, Sousuke saw his feelings; he knew this boy like his own body, from reaction to hidden things. And now … they’re dating. And he’s going to see sights he’s never seen before. Sights no one else in the world will ever see…

How can he not feel selfish when it comes to Rin?

As his shirt falls to the ground and the cool of the bathroom air breathes over his bare torso, Sousuke’s eyes settle on Rin once again. No longer looking at him, but instead braced against the sink and gazing at himself in the mirror. Red eyes heavy with emotions he’s seen before. Thoughts about him. Thoughts about the past. Like always, the look sends some discomforting ripples through his body. But he can’t help the quiet rush of comforting waves as well. Such a dramatic guy, Rin is. He needn’t worry about those questions. Sousuke’s quite literally never seen Rin as a god. Sure, he knows he’s Eros factually, has seen his abilities suited for the god of love, but as the larger swimmer’s told plenty of people, to him, Rin’s simply Rin. A boy who holds the promise of being the best swimmer the world has ever seen. An Olympian with nothing able to hold him back from achieving the dream he holds so dearly in his heart. A friend with a romantic outlook on life that’ll never let him doubt the strengths his friendships give him.

Every part of him reminds Sousuke of the water. From the breeze flowing through his hair, emulating the way his maroon tresses glide and float beneath the pool surface. From the slopes, rises, and falls of his musculature, the very pinnacle of physical perfection that has been flawlessly toned for speed with every streamlined shape and built for power with every rippling bulge of his limbs and torso. From the determined gaze in his eyes that always sparkles and gleams as if two rubies forever gaze at him from beneath the shallows. All that romantic nonsense he’s sure would have his boyfriend crying and protesting like he’s so wont to do. Sousuke’s can’t even see water without Rin’s image resting in his mind, the sound of his voice saying his name in the way he’ll never be tired of. He regrets none of that, but rather prizes it, and holds to it tightly. After all…

To me… You’re perfect.

There’s no use defining “perfect” for him. The word simply encompasses Rin. From his faults to his charm points. Sousuke moves forward as Rin’s eyes finally come back into focus. By the time the other boy lifts his gaze to the mirror again, his hands so tantalizingly hesitating on the buckle of his belt, Sousuke’s behind him. Fingers settle on the visible curves of Rin’s pelvis, silently smoothing over the arches that neither of them ever bother to cover up. He follows them, from the side to the front, tracing the beginning descent of his boyfriend’s pelvic lines, until his fingertips bump into the hem of Rin’s pants. Which he follows until he finds the other swimmer’s wrists. He leisurely explores the back of Rin’s hands, the thin, supple bones rippling under his skin, and glides his digits between the hills of hard knuckles. Until his fingers are implicitly tangled within his lover’s, curling down to brush the pads of his fingertips along the upper cushions of Rin’s palm. They can get back to those pants in a few moments.

Right now, he simply wants this closeness, and draws Rin a scant centimeter backwards as Sousuke brings his larger body up flush against his boyfriend’s back. His hips cupping Rin’s, the powerful sculpture of his chest and stomach flexing against the athletic straps of his lover’s spine and shoulder blacks. A warm breath ghosts over the tender flesh of the hook of Rin’s jaw, lips brushing tender “kisses” along his upper neck. Nuzzling the side of his face with his own, eyes closed as his shorter hair slips and glides through the longer maroon. What does perfection mean to him? This… this right here. This beautiful, perfect boy. Is perfect.

Can I be yours? That stupid question beats in the pulse of Rin’s veins, and Sousuke’s divided between soft amusement and tender annoyance it’s even there. For someone who claims to understand him better than anyone else, why should such a question even exist in Rin’s brain? But no, he’s sure Rin knows the answer; he just likes to hear it said aloud. Because that’s who they are. The way they are.]

Aa… You’re mine, Rin. [Even before the confessions of this day. Probably even before they became partners in this world. Together. Another brush, cheek to cheek, leaning forward until his lips find the corners of Rin’s mouth. Teeth nip tender, tugging until Rin finally breaks his attention from the mirror and turns it to Sousuke, where it belongs. He captures Rin’s mouth with his own, soft but deep, until air demands he break the kiss for a quiet whisper.] I love you.

[sharkmaid]

[Until they can speak about the past, sit down and face each other without distraction or interruption, Rin knows these toxic thoughts will continue to plague his heart. To anyone else they might seem dramatic, pathetic. But to Rin this is just who he is. He wants to please everyone. Wants to be liked, loved, admired, especially by the people he loves and admires the most. When his obligations as a god or the addiction of his sport aren't on his mind, someone else always will be. How they are, where they are, what he can do to show them they matter. As a child he was always too excited for that sort of thing... and look what it cost him. Fractured friendships, misunderstandings, a best friend destroying his own body across the sea. All because he never came back.

So of course he wants to be perfect. More than that if he can. Which is dumb and pointless and, dammit, he's not supposed to be bringing these kind of thoughts into moments like these. It's not like he and Sousuke can talk about it anyway. Not when he doesn't remember.

His hands get back to work unlatching his buckle when suddenly that rush of warmth from behind stills him all over again and beckons his attention over his shoulder. Then his waist. His sides. Lower and lower until he's holding his breath with nervous anticipation. But Sousuke's hands don't wander much further and choose instead to stay with Rin's own, tracing his knuckles, his fingers, juts of vein and bone at the backs of his palms. He wants to ask what he's doing... but more than anything he wants to let him continue, partly because he's selfish, partly because he's awkward and can't think of anything else to do but stand still. Mostly because, again, he likes it when his best friend takes what he wants.

Head dipped, eyes focused back on the sink, Rin's movements are fluid. Squeezing Sousuke's fingers, leaning back until he's settled into the taller swimmer's body for what feels like the hundredth time today. Slowly, all of this is becoming second nature. Like bumping fists or playing janken, falling asleep and waking up again side by side. Same with the deeper things. The kisses, the nuzzles, exchanging air and heartbeats so they'll remain in sync... His eyes fall shut at some point, shoulders round and fingers shake, as if trying to compress into himself and steal away all these specific, special feelings forever. If he lets go, they'll disappear.

If he lets go, Sousuke will disappear.

You're mine, Rin.

It grounds him without a hitch, the assurance in Sousuke's voice echoing into his back and straight into his core. Listening, following him so easily-- He should be scared at how he melts but he isn't. Trusts him too much for that. Respects, cherishes, wants... loves too much for that.

At first he thinks he's hearing his thoughts out in the open. Some phantom voice, neither here nor there, capturing his heart and sending it straight up into his throat. It's impossible to describe how he feels. One point, one nerve, a bundle of blood and limbs and bones all sliced, cauterized and meshed together into a singularity. And somewhere in there all he hears is that thought. Three words. One after the other, again and again, as if they're all he's ever known.

That same voice... disappearing deeper and deeper beneath the sea.

He's turned in his lover's hold quicker than he can breathe, untangling his hands and using them to frame Sousuke's face. He's warm. He's dizzy. His cheeks and lips are wet with tears because it's so hard to contain both their emotions without cracking under pressure. It's there, it's here, all of it. A painful conglomerate of adoration, arousal, worry and grief.]

I love you.

[He forces it through his tears, forces it through those awful memories of death pulsating in his brain because he won't allow a moment like this to be passed up again. I gave you silence once before. I won't be giving it to you again.

Lips tremble but he straightens up and clenches his teeth. I know I'm crying. I know you hate that. But please--]

Do you hear me? [Tap between their foreheads... and suddenly it's easier to breathe.] I need you to know I love you too.

[takenwithhim]

[What exists on his mind now? He doesn’t know in the past, but this new life gives him a lot to dwell on. It’s bothersome the thing he’d like to dwell on will kill him, necessitating its deliberate ignorance. But he has something else in its place. Rin… Rin exists the most on his mind. Thoughts about his best friend’s skills and health, concern over making sure he doesn’t overexert himself and curiosity about helping him handle his role as the God of Love. Yet even without his past, Sousuke finds himself thinking about personal things. A determination to succeed lies foremost on his mind. To continue improving as both a swimmer and a shinki. To be successful and let nothing stand in the way of his goals. It’s a simple life he leads—he admits it—but it’s filling. Comforting. He’s fine with the small circle of acquaintances that exist outside of his best friend. Occasionally thinking of them and offering the token hope they’re doing well. Still, it’s nothing like Rin’s caring spirit. At least, it’s not as obvious or vocal about it.

Perfection is a strange thing. Wanting to be perfect, even knowing such a thing is impossible to achieve, never stops being a power point for him. To be the best, to prove it and know it. He puts a lot of effort into it. But Rin’s always been there to keep watch over him and ensure Sousuke doesn’t overdo it in his efforts to reclaim the skills he had prior to his death. Sometimes it bothers him, but in the end… that’s just who Rin is.

Ironic that Sousuke’s perfection lies not inside himself, but outside. He knows he’ll never be perfect no matter how hard he tries. Perfection doesn’t exist. Yet right here, in the young man he holds within his arms… this is perfect. The warmth ghosting into his chest, the hitch of his body as Rin’s breath catches, the way his eyes widen as he looks up at the mirror and stares with that hot flush all over his face… Perfect. The things he treasures most of all. Sousuke soaks his fingers in the shape of Rin’s hands, from the pulse of his soft veins to the firm structure of his knuckles to the smooth of chlorine-drenched skin. This is obviously romantic, but there’s a selfishness in his actions the swimmer has no intention of denying. Embracing Rin from behind, locking his hands around his waist, drawing him close enough his body molds to his best friend’s…

Sousuke may be gentle beneath his intimidating appearance and persona, but really, he’s not all that gentle inside either. As the brush of maroon hair scrapes over his cheek, the larger teen lifts his eyes, teal gaze sharp and intense through the light shadow overhanging his sight. Gazing at Rin’s reactions in the mirror in front of him, drinking him in with his eyes as much as he breathes in his scent and absorbs his body heat, there’s a strange thought about consuming the other swimmer completely. Each addicting, fluid motion as fingers squeeze his own, as that strong, supple body melts against him, fitting so perfectly together he wonders if perhaps they might have been the same soul split into two bodies at birth. One light, one dark, one red, one blue, one warm, one cool. Incomplete unless they’re together. Because it all feels… so natural.

You’re mine. I won’t ever let you go. Possessive thoughts, soft and deep. Actually, Sousuke can’t be sure he those words stayed in his head; they might have come out of his mouth and washed over Rin’s skin. No matter. They’re truth regardless. Because this is what he wants. It’s fine. To hold him, to be beside Rin. Just like this. It’s… perfect. So perfect, the gentle click of a key somewhere in his chest permits those three, dangerous, tender, painful, romantic words to finally slip free of his heart and glide up to his mouth. They leave his lips, a gossamer promise, a wish, a confession, and find their way to Rin. His ears, his skin, his heart. Perhaps he should panic, attempt to stop himself or dodge… but he doesn’t. The words… also feel natural. This feels right.

Sousuke blinks and leans back just slightly, arms loosening around Rin’s waist as the other boy abruptly twists in his hold. Like a flash almost, one moment his back presented and now suddenly his face. His heart skips a beat, wondering if perhaps he’s said something unwanted or frustrating. But silence remains. Silence as hands twist free of his own and the warmth of Rin’s palms and fingers rest on either side of his face. He doesn’t pay attention to where his own hands go for rest. Only focuses on gazing at his best friend’s face. The glisten of his red eyes as tears slip down his cheeks and his lips quiver enough to show the tiny glimmer of sharp white teeth behind trembling breaths. Cracking… Rin’s cracking. Because he’s bearing the weight of not only Sousuke’s emotions, but his own as well. All of them, from the intense affection he feels right now to the glowing arousal that’s impossible to ignore to the quiet concern he’s done something wrong.

Once again, I’ve made you cry.

But… three words. Not from him, but from Rin this time. They come back, the same words he just said, yet they sound completely different, and Sousuke’s taken by surprise as if he’s never heard them before in his life. Yet there they are, resting on his lips with the same warmth and taste of the one who spoke them. For a moment, he doesn’t know what to do. Sure, saying them was one thing. But to have them said back, to know his feelings are returned… so intently. Shock, cut of disbelief… and then such a flooding rush of pure happiness and incredulous delight crashes into every part of his body, leaving Sousuke tingling, a shiver rippling down his spine and his face pinking hot under his tan skin.

Yet you love me.

Never once does he doubt those words or Rin’s feelings. Yes, he hates it when Rin cries. It clenches his chest, pains his heart, and he always wonders what he could have done to prevent his best friend from experiencing a reason to be sad. But… this time, it’s not sadness is it… Sousuke’s breath slides from partially-open lips, silent and hot. The question is desperate, strangely so, and something drags hard and heavy inside him. Regret? Guilt? Understanding? He doesn’t know. But it’s there, and he knows this is important to Rin. Not just exchanging those three words, but understanding them. Does he know Rin loves him? In all the actions and experiences they’ve shared together, everything leading up to now… does it prove Rin loves him?

Their foreheads rest together, sharing the warmth of their bodies and the sound of their breaths. Rin’s desire, his need to know… Sousuke doesn’t know why the desperation is there, but he understands how precious it is. This isn’t some romantic notion. This is a promise, a vow… As his hands tighten around Rin’s waist, drawing him close once again, Sousuke nuzzles his forehead against Rin’s, eyes closing as he leans in and their bodies melt together once more.]

Aa. I know you do. [Even without his memories… he knows the truth in his heart.] Now. And forever… I do.

[sharkmaid]

[It's impossible to ignore the energy surrounding them, the energy transferring from Sousuke's body into his own. It's strong yet quiet, dangerous like an incoming storm, but there's no sign of fear in his eyes as it lingers and grows beneath his fingers. Because no matter how it is, it belongs to Sousuke, it belongs to him, and perhaps not so secretly he does want it to consume him. If it could overtake the strange, uncomfortable thoughts even for a little while... Well. That isn't so far off. With the way Sousuke looks at him in their reflection, so piercing, intense, borderline terrifying, there's nothing more he can focus on but that. Rin finds it's almost too easy to submit to that look. Too easy to let go of his emotions, his body, and let his best friend replace them piece by piece.

Fragile as his composure is already, he even surprises himself with how quickly he's able to turn. No time to worry about that now. How his head spins, how his heart wants to rip itself in two. None of that matters. Because his focus is elsewhere. Right in front of him, holding him... Let me be selfish too. For you.

He wishes he could tell him everything now, as if those three words were suddenly the ok for him to unlock the truths he's kept hiding inside him for so long. He wants to admit how much he hates that he forgot him. He wants to blurt out the first stupid memory that comes to mind. Every detail, every sound, voice, word. He wants to throw everything into the open... because ever since he spotted his best friend standing alone in his sakura grove, there's been empty threads reaching for him, yet never able to connect. There's been distance. Separation. A dark void where they don't share any common ground. If only he could remind him of home... Even just that would bring them a step closer.

Rin's desperation, then, can't be kept down. Does he want this? Does he want Sousuke to whisper possessive thoughts into his skin, to never let him go... to love him? When there might always be pieces missing, can Rin afford to want anything? As he presses their bodies together, he fights the awful urge to break down completely. Out of sadness, some strange surge of delight, who knows. He only knows he wants so many things at once. Lucky for Rin, Sousuke happens to have a special knack for preventing his emotional cracks, and once his hands tighten around his waist he takes a deep breath to settle back into his own body. He wants him to know, needs him to know, because if he doesn't know now, he might never have the chance again.

I do.

... And now he does.

The heaviness in Rin's chest gradually starts to lift. One step closer, one more piece filled in. It might not be a memory, but... it's new. A start. Nothing he needs to fear. And with those words still echoing in his heart, Rin finds some will in him to breathe out a weak laugh. It's little more than a puff of air, but with it comes immense relief. You don't remember me. But you want me. You know me. ... You love me. After all this time--

Rin acts on the first emotion to grip his heart next, tear stained lips pressing forward as his hands pull Sousuke close. Despite the eagerness, he's careful, and when his lips part he somehow manages to keep his teeth (mostly) out of the way. It's not particularly comfortable having the marble counter dig into his lower back as it is, but that's small price to pay for every other pleasurable sensation humming in his veins.]

I mean it. [he breathes with little more than a second for air. Seems he still can't keep that desperation under control.] I always will.

[takenwithhim]

[This is them. From the initial start where uneasiness reigned and he had no idea who Rin was to this moment here where his heart beat for the other youth in front of him. It’s a little scary, yes, realizing that the very essence emanating from Rin affects him so much. His charisma, his beauty, his sexuality, his athleticism, his kindness, all of it exuding from him day after day, bathing Sousuke within its glowing warmth. The shinki protects the god, yet it’s the god that provides his shinki energy. And more than that, his reason to live on. Rin’s become that to him, his reason to remain within this world. His anchor that pierces him through, secures him, and tethers him to the other boy. Perhaps there’s a secret little desire within him that enjoys it, knowing that for all his greater size and strength, his intimidating impression, Rin’s the one holding the end of his leash.

Who’s the one submitting to whom? They go back and forth against each other so many times, it’s probably an impossible-to-answer question. Rin brings out those emotions within him, cracking the stoic shell of Sousuke’s silence and frees him to those heated, human displays. The way a best friend should. Turning in his arms, pressing close to him, saying such intense things, prompting Sousuke to be greedy when it comes to Rin. He won’t deny that he is… He won’t deny that he wants Rin to be so towards him as well.

It runs so deeply within him, this desire for the other boy’s attention, the realization that he’s perfectly happy giving all his attention to Rin as well. There’s a danger there, possessive and selfish, and Sousuke recognizes it. But how impossible is it to actually stop now that those words have finally slipped through his lips. They’re gone, grasped within Rin’s mind to forever imprint the sound of his voice carrying such a finalizing message to him. Over the edge without chance to retrieve them. Sousuke knows he’s not complete; he’s missing memories, the entirety of his life, unable to realize why he does the things he does and unable to search for the answers without placing himself in peril. Rin knows he has that power over him, his vessel’s name and the very tether to Sousuke’s existence within this realm. Yet even still, Rin loves him… As he holds him firmly in his grip, fingers curved around the arches of Rin’s hips, Sousuke reminds himself that all of their cracks and imperfections mean nothing. They’re together, they complete each other, support each other and help strengthen where one of them is weak. A bond like that is too strong to be bothered by such trivial things as missing memories and ownership.

Sousuke’s quiet admission seals the doubt. He sensed the desperation in Rin’s voice, a fear and anxiety that forces the other teenager to clasp the taller boy close and ensure that he knows Rin’s feelings for him. Not just know, but understand, through and through. Until he can erase that burden weighing down Rin’s heart, and finally allow him to spread his wings and fly free.

He sees the result almost instantly; the relief seeps through Rin’s crimson eyes like ink through water. A weight’s lifted and Sousuke can’t help but feel a tiny smile curve his lips. You’re happy. That’s all I ever really want. Past, present, and future, they make their lives together one step at a time. Together. The best way. Fighting through fear, breaking down opposing walls, and finding comfort and strength to move forward. The gentle laugh warms Sousuke’s heart and he leans forward, resting his forehead against his god’s. Aa. I want you. In every way I can. I know you, like you know me. And I love you. No matter who I was before or who I am now or who I’ll become in the future. Forever, from beginning to end… I’ll always love you, Rin.

The kiss is salty, sharp teeth only barely nick at his lips, and Sousuke leans into the kiss, head tilting in the perfect way as their mouths fit together in the unique puzzle that is them. One hand wanders down Rin’s back, fingers tracing the shape of his spine and the curve of his torso. Until he finds the marble rim and forces his fingers between it and his lover’s skin, careful not to pinch him, but determined enough to make sure the edge no longer digs a groove into his best friend’s back. That’s not really comfortable, is it.]

I know.

[There’s nothing else to say. Of course Rin means it. His passion ensures his truthfulness. His zest finds it too bothersome to lie. This, all of this right here, is the pure and naked truth. Just like their love. And Sousuke savors it. Ever. Single. Second.]

[sharkmaid]

[This all feels like some sort of crazy dream. Any second now he’ll wake up in the grass outside, having fallen asleep under the sakura trees before he and Sousuke ever had the chance to talk. He’ll find out no thoughts or feelings were ever exchanged. He never spilled his heart out and Sousuke never went and picked up the pieces to try and keep him together in their damn bathroom out of all places... But if this is all in his head, then part of him doesn’t want to bother waking up. Not just yet, not so soon. Not when he feels heavy yet lighter than air all at the same time. Safe, secure... wanted. If the world will let him, he’ll stay selfish just like this a little while longer.

The kiss doesn’t last much longer though, not because he wants it to stop, but because that hand slipping between his body and the counter startles him enough to pull back and peer off to the side. Oh. Is that what he’s doing? Hm. Figures she he can read his mind without even trying. He wonders what else Sousuke can pick up on by now, after all these months of standing at Rin’s side. A playful, less tearful side wants to test him. Unsurprising really, how such a sudden whirlwind of emotions in the span of a few minutes triggers Rin’s spontaneity.

Soon he’s back where he started, more comfortable now that he’s not being pinched, with a faint smile still ghosting over his partner’s lips. He knows. He finally knows and he hopes he’ll always know even when they’re apart.]

Good. [Rin exhales softly as his thumbs trace random shapes at the base of Sousuke’s neck. As accustomed to change as he is, Rin’s always found the most comfort in what’s familiar, what stays the same... what he can trust will never leave. And as those light touches wander lower, fingers curving to the broadness of his best friend’s shoulders, Rin finally eases against his chest just as he did before, matching warmth, matching heartbeats... pressing every available point on their bodies together so no surface remains untouched. I’m at my best when I’m with you. He thinks it as he retraces his steps and holds Sousuke’s face in his hands. Commits it to memory when he coaxes his head to tilt. Down, a bit more to the side... Until it’s enough for Rin to press the sharp points of his teeth just along his pulse. His skin, his heat, the ever-present taste of chlorine on his tongue...

The words leave before he can catch them. A hot, melting whisper,]

... I need you.

[takenwithhim]

[It could be a dream, but since when has this heat been so consuming in a dream? If it is one, however unlikely that actually is, Sousuke doesn’t want to wake from it. Not now, not after his skin connects with his best friend’s and those intimate words pass his lips. There’s no going back, over the edge and down, feelings laid bare and desires expressed far beyond simple boyhood explorations. It’s too late to take anything back even if he wanted to and there’s no time for regrets either. And he’s fine with that. From the moment he stepped up behind Rin and wrapped his arms around his body, drew him back against himself, and took his mouth in his own, he knew this was how it would all “end” between them. The friends, the innocent, the influenced. This was their choice now… When boyfriends became reality and the romantic “L-word” became theirs.

Sousuke’s skin tells him he’s pinching his hand between Rin’s back and the unforgiving counter’s edge but he can’t be bothered to care about that. Not when the rest of his flesh is telling him just how good Rin’s lips felt on his own, how warm his body is so close to his, the way their legs are close enough to be half-twined. What else can he pick up on Rin after all these months? A lot actually. Like now, how this sudden, romantic rush is sending his best friend in a whirlwind of emotions, rushing a slight panic to do something because it’s better than standing around doing nothing.

Once again, he has Rin pressed to the counter, bending his spine backwards in that graceful arch as he presses against him—over him—with an eager, consuming need. Open-mouthed kisses rock Rin’s head back in the most passionate-of-movies style, lips molding with his best friend’s as he tastes his breath, his heat, in his own mouth.

A shiver ripples down his spine as thumbs sign intelligible sigils on the base of his neck, sending his skin prickling in response. But when those same fingers trickle lower, drizzling their fluttery touch onto the sensitive skin of his shoulders, Sousuke breaks the kiss just enough to pant softly against his friend’s mouth, upper lip still caught on Rin’s for a second. It’s like lightning; it always is. Good. Hot. Sending it right through him. Their chests meld together once again, definitions pressing into a matching mold, hardened nipples budding against each other, heartbeats intermingling. It’s like he’s trying to fit every damn point of his body against his own, from his head to his legs, knees nudging between knees, ankles brushing against ankles as Sousuke hooks the back of his foot around Rin’s Achilles tendon. This is what he wants; this is what feels best no matter what he experiences. Here, beside Rin. Soaking him in until it’s hard to think beyond him.

The words burn his lips, scalding their vibration over his mouth, and Sousuke pants through a bare smile.]

Shower or the bed?

[sharkmaid]

[Sometimes he can’t believe how easily he bends for Sousuke. Maybe not as easily as Sousuke does for him, but easier than most people. He could blame that on their budding relationship, but then that wouldn’t explain the months leading up to this moment, would it? Which leaves him wondering if he’s secretly harbored feelings for his best friend all along and never knew until he heard that single word. Suddenly he’s like putty in his hands. Whenever he looks at him, whenever he touches him... He wants to relinquish all control. He’d probably let Sousuke push him further if he wanted. No matter if his spine complains or skin pinches somewhere else. Because for once in this world, they’ve given themselves an identity he can be happy with. Master, servant, owner, tool... god and shinki. He never allowed those titles to consume them.

But being together... being in love... he wants that to course through his veins forever. Stupid, maybe. Romantic, very much so. But that’s just Rin.

A single shift upward and his breath catches as their chest press more firmly together. Stiffened pink nipples start to ache with the pressure, but there’s nowhere to run or turn away when Sousuke’s covering every last inch of his body. Instead, he rocks forward, a gentle, graceful arch beginning from his lower back all the way down past his hips, where his belt buckle hangs loose and presses into his partner’s fly. That can’t be comfortable either... something he tries to communicate by soothing fingers and palms down over shoulders, chest, and eventually Sousuke’s waist. So many other places he wants to touch. He wonders if the other swimmer can tell when he looks at him this way, eyes like rubies, lashes trembling with every other breath.]

Shower... [he breathes between their lips while his thighs spread and hips buck in a tantalizingly slow grind. Eyes flutter shut when he repeats it. Once, twice. Each thrust punctuated with a heated pant or a sloppy brush of lips. Somewhere along the way he’s sunk his nails into Sousuke’s back too. Added leverage, extra sensation.] H-heh... if we can even... walk there. Ah.

[takenwithhim]

[Maybe it’s just part of his charm. Sousuke’s very aware that he can be stubborn as a brick wall until Rin asks him to do something (you know, and means it). What it means is pretty simple in his head, despite how astounding it can be when he looks at it. He’s got feelings for, he’s interested in, he’s fallen for his best friend. It might be bordering more on physical pleasure than a real boyfriend-to-boyfriend romance, but there are elements of that in here too. Yet he goes forward, into what he doesn’t know, all because he wants this simple truth: he wants to be with Rin. It’s here he’s happiest, where he’s the most calm and comfortable. Their relationship has its confusing moments and frustrations, but each time he smiles at Sousuke, the larger boy can’t help but feel that same surge of every emotion all mixed into one.

After all, since this is romance budding between them, that’s he’s got to finally surrender to that truth and accept it. He does have the god of love as his boyfriend. And Rin’s a romantic maniac anyways.

Sousuke drinks in the sound of Rin’s breath, from the catch to the exhale as their chests press together. He feels good, from the pert of his nipples rubbing against his own to the strength of his pectorals molding under his skin. No, he’s not about to let him get away now. They’re in this together and he’s taking the next step the same way. A rock forward, a slow arch, the clink of metal as belt buckle rakes zipper, and Sousuke recognizes just how damn uncomfortable he is right now. A shivering breath ripples from his mouth as fingers drag down his body, from his shoulders to his chest to his waist. Yes, he knows Rin’s hands are eager for more; he can see it in his eyes. Why else would he have suggested they ditch the bathroom and make for something far more intimate.

“Bathroom” in this case meaning the sink. Rin’s answer earns a small smile and a ghosted puff of amusement. Of course the water. Sousuke would’ve pouted mentally if Rin chose the bed.] You never change. [Though it’s pretty damn hard to get his legs working when Rin’s grinding along his hips over and over. Thrusting until the darker swimmer finally has to yank them both to the side and start stumbling/dragging/sliding across the small space connecting the sink area to the shower. The nails in his back are digging crescents in there that tug with each step, but dammit, he’s going to make it… Got it! One hand dares to abandon Rin’s hips just long enough to reach into the shower and turn it on. Then dives back to his lover’s waist.]

Congratulations. We walked.

[Well, he did most of it. But enough about that. His hands grab Rin’s belt and with one slinging motion, yank the entire length clean out of the loops and out behind Sousuke, the end snapping the air with a whip-like ‘crack.’]

I want these off.

[sharkmaid]

[That’s true, isn’t it. Here he is, dating the god of love himself. Not very often you hear of that happening. If he didn’t have his grudges against this place, maybe he’d find the concept a little more romantic. As it is, he’s more than content with looking at this relationship as it is and always was. Just the two of them. Nothing more. Still... it’s easy to overthink it. They did just jump into this less than an hour ago, only professed their true feelings a few minutes ago... Maybe he should be content with overthinking too. Rin’s a romantic, that’s true, but he’s also a bit of a perfectionist, as Sousuke knows very well. It won’t be easy going forward. He knows that. Kind of fears it. But he’s grown too attached to look back.

This may be the one chance he has to finally share the same future with Sousuke once again.

His legs catch up with the rest of his body eventually as he’s tugged away from the counter, and after some stumbling he snickers quietly towards his feet. At least he isn’t the only eager one.]

We have all night.

[Bit of a bold thing to say, he realizes, though he has a sneaking suspicion he’ll be saying worse very soon. Best to get everything out of the way while he has the chance. With fingers back to his waist, Rin glances over his shoulder at the steam rising at his back, the few steps they’ll have to take before they’re completely soaked... It’s still tough to focus on one thing with his mind as muddled as it is, full of post-crying emotions he doesn’t even want to begin sorting through. And being dragged over here just goes to show how much his legs still feel like jelly. Doesn’t mean he’s going to just stand here like a rag doll, of course. He can’t let his boyfriend have all the fun. He will, however, need a second to process the shock of having his belt yanked clean out of his belt loops. His hips rise with the motion and the heat that lingers afterwards leaves his skin burning underneath, but he’s quick to recover and even manages a cocky scoff. Getting a little commanding, are we? Ok. He can deal with that... Actually, he can do a little better.

Fingers grab for Sousuke’s hands so he can yank them lower on his body, guiding... or perhaps forcing them to smooth out from his thighs to his zipper. Not even going to bother breaking eye contact. He needs him to know he’s being serious.]

Take them off.

[takenwithhim]

[Yeah there are those grudges that always tend to float around the back of their minds like sharks in the deep. It’s hard to completely forget about them when there’s so many reminders it’s there. But for now, this is more important. The relationship they’ve developed here together, even with the overhang, is theirs and theirs alone. No one has forced them to fall in love, no one forced them to even be together. He chose to become Rin’s shinki and Rin chose to treat Sousuke as a person rather than a shinki. Their feelings… simply came along the merry way. Sousuke thinks there’s more to it than that, but those thoughts stop before they can go tripping off the edge. It’s fine. This is fine. No matter the mistakes or difficulties, embarrassments or confusions, they’re together. That’s what’s important.

It's impossible for him not to tense slightly at the quiet reminder. All night. The words are simple and normal, yet in this context, they go right into his head and jump-start his heart into flood mode. Heat crawls over his face and blood swims straight down his chest and stomach to pool where he had been hoping it’d hold off from just a few minutes longer. Dammit… but he is eager.]

I’ll hold you to that.

[The spray of water and the gush of heat from the shower is a mixed blessing. It seeps over his skin, but entices his pulse faster. Does he apologize for the belt getting so suddenly whipped off? No. His boyfriend—ugh, butterflies in the stomach with that realization—should know Sousuke’s not always the patience, laid-back person he seems like. The leather flops out of his hand over his shoulder, carelessly dropped to the ground with a clatter of metal buckle and flap of strip. As he lowers his hands, eyes darkening with arousal at the intensity of giving Rin such a command, Sousuke only gets a moment to wait before fingers suddenly seize around his wrists and his hands find themselves hiked right back onto Rin’s legs. Well… someone’s bossy.

He curls his fingers, squeezing Rin’s thighs as his hands are guided over them. Travelling over the long lines until they reach the fastening of his pants. Sousuke doesn’t break their gaze either, holding Rin with the same determination as before. He knows… This is serious. There’s no going back. And the guy he loves… is a hot jerk when he wants to be. The swimmer’s eyes lid with a rather sultry little smirk.]

Hai…

[Before slowly moving his hands. Long fingers skim over the hem of Rin’s pants and the sound of cloth rushing over flesh heralds the taller boy lowering. Sousuke bends at his knees, descending Rin’s body as he tilts his head back to keep his eyes. Moving to one leg, then the next, until he’s on his knees before his god, head so close to his stomach and his hands still resting at the hem of his pants. Sousuke leans forward, and blindly brings his mouth to Rin’s stomach, kissing the taut plane of his abdomen, tongue following soon after. And pops his fly with a deft motion of his hands. The slow grit of an unfastening zipper follows, somewhat muffled by the sound of the shower, but definitely tangible to the other boy.

Yeah, you thought you could do better…]

[sharkmaid]

[He’s not sure when or how they situated themselves in the shower, only that they did and now there’s water starting to seep into his clothes. Well, what little he’s wearing by now, at any rate. He did say he wanted this though. An interesting change from the safer, less experienced moments they’ve found themselves in just a room away. His chest flutters just thinking about it. How far they’ve come, how eager and bold they’ve gotten in such little time... Rin doesn’t know the next time they’ll ever have the chance to do things like this again. He never knows how long they have to be together, fight together, sleep beside each other before something whisks them away. He’s already spent one too many hours watching his partner fast asleep, wondering if he’ll wake up still remembering his name. If ever it happens... Rin wants to be prepared. And he wants to give Sousuke everything he wants, as much as he wants, before anything can take him away.

So, yes. He’ll be a little bossy. And he’ll be very generous in return. Leaning back as Sousuke leans in, shoulder blades digging into the tile while his hips stay shoved forward in Sousuke’s hold. He might be a little ashamed to say he can predict where they’re going from here... considering he’s found himself in similar positions a couple times before. The first time was a mess. Embarrassing. Awkward. The second a little less so. And now he has Sousuke on his knees in the damn shower, still refusing to break eye contact, still teasing around his waistband without any proper tugs. Maroon bangs tint deep burgundy under the spray of warm water, but Rin can’t bring himself to push them out of the way. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Not when tanned lips finally press to his stomach and all he can think to do is hold on for dear life, shaking fingers digging into the taller swimmer’s scalp and neck. He doesn’t want to touch or feel anything else.

Just you. Only you.]

God... [he gasps, brows knitting together when he shuts his eyes. Abs harden beneath that swipe of tongue and further down, well... Sousuke’s going to find out soon enough once he gets that zipper out of the way. Unsurprisingly, he’s swollen to full arousal already, his body remembering and expecting where that tongue will go. That time he gripped the headboard and choked, when he nearly ripped their second pair of sheets to shreds– Rin doesn’t want to say he’s grown addicted to the feeling. So he won’t.] Come on...

[He almost begs. Almost.]

[takenwithhim]

[It’s not a feeling he’s unfamiliar with. Water draining through his clothes and soaking the fabric to his skin. From accidental to not-so-accidental slips into the fountains around the castle to diving into the pool fully clothed because it’d simply been too hot to wait, the event’s happened before. It does help they’re practically more than half-naked now anyways. The warmth of Rin’s body is something entirely separated from the warmth of the water and he soaks in both within each other. There are moments when he also wonders about the “if’s” they live with. If he’ll ever remember. If he’ll still be next to Rin when he wakes. But the “if’s” have a nasty habit of ruining what would otherwise be a wonderful life, enough he tries not to dwell on them as much as possible. Living with Rin, experiencing all of this with him, that should be enough to make him happy and not wonder about those “if’s” that might be. This, right here, this young man who’s become his life and his reason to live… Is better than any “if” he could possibly have.

Rin molds with him, curving back as Sousuke leans forward, until his shoulders press to the tile behind him and his hips fill Sousuke’s fingers, from the curve of his pelvis to the swell of his cock beneath his unfastened pants. Holding him, touching him, as he descends to his knees in the shower and ends up gazing at Rin from this position. Submissive on the one hand, a daring control on the other. He dances his fingers around Rin’s hem, tracing where the water is leaking between his skin and the fabric. The look on his god’s face is hypnotically attractive, from the flush of his skin to the way his soaking hair hangs in spiked frames around his visage. Don’t push them out of the way; they look gorgeous as they are, streaming with the water that’s brought them together so many times. Sousuke brushes his lips from one sculpted abdominal muscle to the next, alternating between kisses to brushes to gentle bites that scrape his teeth against his skin. The fingers in his hair and on his neck only encourage him to make it last longer.

But that’s just his mouth. His hands aren’t for that encouragement and with one tug, he’s undone the fastenings, leaving Rin’s zipper down and his fly flared open above the swell of his groin. The reactions he gets from Rin’s abs are amazing and his tongue takes its time exploring the pleasure from one to the next, playing with the grooves and hills created by his god’s flexing stomach. Waiting for that one whispered mixture of command and beg that makes his skin sizzle and his hair stand up. Come on. There it is…

Sousuke breathes out against Rin’s navel, his breath hot and molten as he finally curves his fingers down inside the hem of Rin’s pants and starts to drag down. Deliberately making to hook his lover’s boxer briefs along with it (because he knows just how much his best friend loves wet and sticky shorts clinging to his hips). Until he finally uncovers the prize he wants. Sousuke groans softly as Rin springs from the confines and the head of his lover’s cock nuzzles into the softer divot under Sousuke’s chin, letting the spongey tip feel the vibrations of his groan right through its drooling cap.]