thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Entry tags:

Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ What she feels from this post is that someone is very angry and very frustrated and very upset. Which is all understandable. But what upsets her is that she has no real answer for the one posting, because they are all legitimate concerns. She's even grown tearful over it, it hurts so much to hear that a shinki is upset over this matter. ]

...Then... if you don't feel that we are equal [ As she is a god, and has been a god in her own world. ], what would it take to make it so that you feel you are? As partners, we should be comfortable with each other and without a balance of power tipping in either's favor. I think that-- I think that would make us grow stronger, together.

What could we do to change it all, I wonder? To make this partnership less of a burden to the shinki that believe as you do? [ At the very least, she would never want to think that her being a god would be a burden to her shinki. ]

Who knows. Have you seen or heard of any god laws or police moving around this place? No one has to stop anything just because enough people say something.

[It’s pessimistic, but he’s bitter right now and is pointing out the logical side. Maybe later he can come back and talk about this more reasonably rather than gunning for whatever his mind wants to growl at right now.

Part of him is frustrated that he’s not let this off to Rin yet, but at the same time, the person he doesn’t want to hurt at all, the person he doesn’t want to let see him this frustrated and weak, is Rin. It’s a lie, in a way, and he knows it, but… he’s proud and he wants Rin to see him that way too. What good is a shinki if he’s broken and weak? How can he say he can protect Rin if he’s pathetic?

He’s momentarily reminded that Rin can feel his feelings right now… and that just pisses him off even more actually.]

Hn, we’re expected to rely on each other at least. Whether we can or not depends on the god. But… I know this isn’t the normal in this place.

I still don’t like the idea that Rin knows where I am and what I’m feeling. But… I guess it’s worth it if this is a danger. You’ll improve. You’re that kind of person, aren’t you. A loyal guy who doesn’t give up.

It is. [That's what she's content with, even if Souji hasn't treated her as disposable. He was kind to her once, and that's all she needs.]

They'd hurt someone else? Just to make you their own shinki? And they'd even threaten your first Master- A contract made like that- it shouldn't be binding. It shouldn't count.

But... I don't know if there's a way to make them break it. [At her distress one of the cats up and leaves, and another plops herself onto her lap and starts purring.]

[That's a lot of reading and a lot to take in. Goten blinks at for several minutes, not really sure if he understands everything Sousuke is saying but even with reading it once again. Even with all the questions that can come to mind there is one more important one especially considering he hadn't seen the other shinki in a bit.]

Sousuke! Hey...are you okay?

I think most of the ones who came here used to be humans. That probably says a lot of things.

A god of this world? [Logically that makes sense then. The distinction between ‘them’ and ‘us’ as they put it. He sees a name and grip it.] Amaterasu. Is that the guy who brought us here and forced us to be paired up like this? [What he’ll do with this information, who knows. Not like he can yell at that god for his current frustrations.] I don’t know what your time was like before all of ‘us’ started arriving, but if the shinki there were more equal and enjoyed it more, good.

[It’s about all he can say to that right now.] I’m surprised you’ve never had it before; gods wielding this much power over a shinki would be a temptation even in your past. Shinki have different powers and abilities, different behaviors. Those…. nora you call them… they existed before ‘we’ came here, right?

[He accepts the admission of pain over his state, but he’s not about to let himself or her linger in it. It’s not her burden to bear in his opinion. Besides, she does mention something else: addressing the problem. Specifically ‘finding.’]

What will you do if I give you a name and description?

[ he's not entirely sure why he's responding to this, because for all he knows, this is the guy who rudely bumped to him and felt it necessary to put the blame on him. even with the dislike and initial thought of skipping past whatever it is he had to address... the topic immediately catches his attention, and even manages to rub a few sore spots.

he's learned recently that some shinki have the luxury to do what they want without the supervision of their god. others have a tighter reign on them. and recent discussions with Makoto have left him feeling more chained down than before. he's not liking anything of this, especially when he remembers that he really had no say in becoming a shinki in the first place. and now to have his every move watched by his god?? not fun.

if anything, Sousuke's words have left him feeling more resentful about all of this. ]

... so how are we supposed to deal with this. Being branded as tools... being chained down and having no freedom... I don't want this. I never wanted this.

[Makoto listens carefully and nods, taking in everything Sousuke is saying. He's never been the type of person to dismiss someone's worries because everyone has them for their own reason.

Right now, he feels Sousuke needs some kind of reassurance. And even if it's not immediate, he can at least let him know that he does have people that will stand behind him.]

Maybe we don't have anything like that now, but we could start, right? It's not too late.

[He smiles a little at that--being called someone who's loyal. It's something he hopes he can be.]

I'm just doing my best like anyone else can.

And as friends, we should be able to feel what the other is feeling even without these weird god connections. That's the kind of bond both shinki and gods should be aiming for.

[His smile falters as he looks directly into the camera.]

Also...Sousuke...are you okay? Rin told me what had happened and I've been worried about you.

Um.... I don't know if anyone mentioned it yet but there's supposed to be a shinki labor office somewhere. They could probably help if your god was mean.

[Elise is aware that probably won't help much. She's once again grateful that she has a kind god who treats her well. It's starting to seem like a lot of shinki are less fortunate. She's quiet for a long moment.]

Are... are there really gods that do that? Make shinki into noras without asking?

[She'd been assuming that becoming a nora was a choice that a shinki made.]

[It’s a strange mixture of bitterness and agreement when she reminds him that her relationship with her god is good and trusting. On the one hand, he’s obviously sore (understatement of a lifetime) about what’s happened to him, but on the other hand, being reminded that it’s out of the normal helps somewhat.

The question earns a shrug even if she can’t see him.]

I don’t know. I really don’t know anything about the shinki god relationship. Blighting isn’t something I’ve encountered. But if it can cause death, a god would be stupid not to try and stop it. Even if that means forcing the shinki to do something about it, right?

[Her description makes that question a little more realistic too. A god wouldn’t want to be blighted to death, so stopping a shinki’s behavior that was causing the blight would be the way to go. Which, basically, means removing another freedom from the shinki, forbidding them from doing or expressing themselves the way they want.]

Probably. But if that’s true, why should a god let a shinki have any free will at all? And how do you know they can’t take away a shinki’s entire freedom? They could keep us in vessel for as long as they wanted where we can’t cause trouble for them.

I see it the other way around. We’re the ones floating in a void and we have to hold onto them or we die.

[Yes a god could kill a god with a shinki, but that really doesn’t make anything different for the shinki; it’s still a weapon being forced to do a god’s bidding. There’s no freedom in that.]

I see. I have yet to meet a god that has show their power.

Huh, I see. You seem rather knowledgeable for someone who has not been here for very long.

Regardless, it is a helpful thing you have done. It offer insight to those who do not know enough. I do agree that Shinkis have every right to know what is going on just as much as a God does.

Eh....? How sad. I suppose it's better not to pry. However, it'd be nice if they'd all at least care a little. It might save trouble in the future. I've heard quite a few stories since I've been here.

Edited 2016-12-01 06:00 (UTC)

[He actually wonders, for a moment, if this girl is a robot. It’s a strange thought. But if she’s happy with it…. ]

Aa. They did. Whether the contract is binding or not, I don’t think it mattered. I didn’t want to risk it, but I didn’t do it because I wanted to either. Everything went “normal” for the duration. And once the job was done, it was over.

[He doesn’t know enough to know what counts or not. Just he had to follow those orders and submit when he didn’t want to.]

Gods can voluntarily dismiss shinki though.

Aa.

[It’s arguable since blackmail and threats were involved, but either way, Sousuke never wanted to be named and was. So yes, against his will no matter what way it’s looked at. One more thing to throw on the potential powder keg that is the current god and shinki relationship normal nowadays. Even if a lot of people are saying their gods are nice to them.

There’s no telling what this release of information might do. Maybe yes, get the culprit caught and stopped, increase shinki well-being, and improve relationships between gods and shinki… but also there’s the risk of gods realizing just how much they can actually get away with when it comes to shinki. It’s a risk, but he’ll take the risk to get the warning out. The shinki deserve to know.]

I know you didn’t choose this; probably none of us did. It’s not your fault.

But they’re still a god, no matter if their bond with the shinki is forced or given. And shinki, as far as I know, have no say in the matter. It may be stupid, but it’ll get the god who uses that tactic what they want.

[He looks to the screen again, not so much to see anyone or anything, but merely for something different to focus on than the shadows and walls. The inhale of a cigarette is a strange noise he’s not heard before since waking up in this world though… Huh. That’s new.]

Aa. Welcome, I guess. I don’t know how much a god can do to a shinki as far as keeping tabs on them. I know we have to come when we’re called at least.

[She’s right in her feelings; anger and frustration is more or less rampant on his side and it’s not a stretch to say it’s probably spreading some through the network and minds of people talking to him. Injustice is a contagious thing, especially since this is—oddly, in his surprised opinion—a novel concept. But he’d rather the word get out before someone else has to go through this. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all. For him, or for his god.

The question, however, surprises him, and he stares at the screen for a moment. Instantly there are answers, but most of them revolve around adolescent, injured-pride revenge. And that’s not going to help anyone but himself. But to answer it… He doesn’t know enough.] I’m not sure. For shinki to become gods? For us to get back everything we’ve lost by becoming shinki? [They’re obvious answers, but stupid as well. In this world, there seems to have to be that split between them, to force the reliance upon the other even if it is unbalanced.]

Can gods and shinki ever be equal? One of them still owns the other no matter what a shinki can do or remember. [There is a Master and there is a Servant, a god and a shinki. They’re probably different in their very nature, a spirit and a deity, right?]

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the relationship well.

[It's sick, he finds himself thinking, horrified by the resignation the younger man's words seem to imply. The familiar routine of his smoking calms him a little bit on the outside, but he's still beyond furious. How the Hell could someone do a thing like that?]

It can get them what they want with a side of blight, hopefully. Still better than they'd deserve.

[Personally, he doesn't think he'd feel a thing about running the bastard through.]

We're aware of our shinki's strong emotions, as well, the negative ones in particular. If anyone's doing something that distresses him that much, I imagine I'll know.

[Sousuke tenses up royally when he hears that voice. This is no way Goten's fault, but the obvious thing is that the smaller boy unwillingly played a direct role in all of this happening. Which... ironically Sousuke also played an unwilling role in Goten's predicament as well, both of them being used against the other in a sick way.

He feels guilty for a moment, that Goten has to be brought into this because of him. He should've... said, done, moved, he doesn't know, something?!

But... the sound of the boy's voice is there and it reaches out to settle in his chest with a familiar weight. A soft reassurance amid the bitter frustrating inside his ribs.]

No, Goten.

[It's impossible to lie to him.]

I'm not.

I thought so...

[He's really not surprise by the answer. If anything it was expected just by the post alone. But still, Goten had to ask. There's a bit of silence as if he ponders what to say next because there's no way he can leave Sousuke alone, upset.]

I would offer to bring you some of those pink petals but it looks like you already have a bunch around you. Have you figured out a food you really like yet?

[He's trying to figure out a way to cheer the teenager up. It's small things but even if it only helps a little. If it just makes Sousuke feel a little better, then it's worth it isn't it?]

I can bring you this cool bug I found today too!

...
have you even tried being friends with your god?
or are they that much of an asshole?

[All he's known for a while now is pain. Pain from Sousuke's anger and fear and disgust at this entire situation he doesn't completely understand, not because he hasn't asked but because Sousuke just hasn't told him. Dammit, doesn't he know how hard this is? To not grab him by the shoulders and demand some answers? Doesn't he know how much he hates being in the dark, how much he hates vagueness and secrets and-- No. No, of course he doesn't. And of course he's done nothing wrong. So all he can hope to do is deal with it even if it hurts, deal with it even when it stings.

But just how much more of this is he going to take?

Gripping the windowsill, he clenches his jaw, and with eyes barely focused on the water he forces himself to listen, to take in word for word of Sousuke's response even if it's not what he wants to hear. Don't, he wants to tell him. Stop it, it hurts, it hurts. Fingers grab his shirt, the fabric tight between his fingers and just above his heart.

We can't be on the same team. The relay's not for me. I swim for myself... no one else.

What gives you the ability to call me your friend?!

I don't even know you!]

Agh!

[Off screen comes a painful cry, like he's been struck, like he's been burned. But no matter how hard he looks, he knows he won't find any marks... because everything he feels rests deep inside. His sadness beneath Sousuke's frustration, Sousuke's rage on top of his regret... He wants to tell him. He wants to tell him the truth so much it leaves his throat tasting like copper and nails biting into his flesh. Instead, he continues holding his tongue, and with a vice grip around his heart he slumps his shoulder against the wall beside him to try and quietly sort through these feelings one by one. What can he tell him? What else can he tell him without making matters worse?

... Maybe nothing at all.]

[She doesn't mean to be so thoughtless, but then...she also holds her god on a higher tier because of that respect.

He's not the only shinki she's worried about. But he's causing her some concern.]

Well...I would think so but I don't know how much of it you can do at once. It sounds like you'd have to do something terrible to do that. And feel even worse. It sounds awful.

But I think they need us to have our free will. They need to understand what's right and wrong-a voice of reason, of morality. But for all I know, vessel form can leave a strain on the god too.

And the fact is, you don't carry around a sword all the time, just because you can. Others would take it as a threat, and they'd also put the pressure on that god. I mean-I've a feeling there are some gods around here that are furious as to what's happened to you.

I know I am.

Maybe we're floating in opposite directions. Gods and shinki. And if we let go...we go. Makes sense?

[She's not sure what her vessel form is yet but she's quite certain that...if it really came down to it, she would resist whatever direction the god was trying to place on her.

Or she would try to. She refuses to bend knee to heaven or god easily. Her loyalty is only one with respect.]

Can we even be sure we didn't make this choice originally? It rubs me the wrong way though. I think I am going to go by whatever that shinki labor office mentioned above and see what I can find out.

Gods are sitting ducks without shinki-- we can't beat ayakashi without you. But I do see your point, so...

[ So. So what? It would be frustrating to feel this way as a shinki. Even if her own shinki doesn't share this stranger's sentiments, she can see how others might. A feeling of powerlessness is infuriating and scary. And as a god, she doesn't want anyone to feel that way either. Moreover, as a god who believes she's here to serve and protect the wishes of others, leaving this as it is doesn't sit well with her. ] We need to do something.

I don't doubt that there have been gods who have mistreated their shinki-- and if it's happened and continues to happen, it needs to stop. I don't know if there are any laws among the gods here, but something should be written in stone to discourage it from happening.

But that's not enough, is it? [ She says after a moment, brining a hand to her chin as she thinks. ] I'll-- er, we who believe something should be done must think of some way that the shinki are better able to protect themselves. A way to stop a naming from happening, if they don't want it. Or a way to negate a naming, if it is unjust...

[ She pauses as a few more ideas occur to her. ] And if those things don't exist, we can just try to make methods of our own. [ They need to try at the very least!! ]

[She's still processing all of this, but to start with: ]

Thank you for explaining some of these things I definitely didn't know about being a shinki.

[And... hmm...]

I can understand what you mean about not trusting people easily, but... I feel like the alternative is worse, you know? If you assume the worst in people, I don't think it'll be easy to make friends, and then you won't have anyone to trust, and the cycle will only get worse. I feel like... if someone wants to be your friend, why can't you start by trusting them until they give you a reason not to?

Mercy, kiddo, take a breath back there. You're gonna wear yourself out with all this.

[He'll start there, since this is a lot of stuff he's wondered about from the god side of things. It's never sat well with him, being called a god at all and then being made to carry someone's life around? Without anyone agreeing to any of it? Tasteless.]

For the record, I suppose, a god here's only as real as the number of living folk believing in him. Learned that one recently. It doesn't make your case any less of an unpleasant business, but it's not all harps and being fed grapes on this side of the fence.

If somebody's trying to get you to do something that doesn't sit well, why not do something about it? You've got hands. [just punch them right in the face, #goodadvice2016]

Some partnership. If everything you say is true, then I'm glad you shared it.
I haven't been here long, either. Still new, and the god that found me told me some, but there's too much I still don't know. I had no idea a shinki could be stolen. I'd figured that not every god was going to be a decent person, but I didn't ever consider that any of them might go that far.

Nobody should ever have to feel powerless or useless. Nothing feels worse than helplessness.
I'm sorry that happened to you. What can we do to help ourselves? Can we do anything at all?

[ Usually, Sasuke doesn't pay the BBS much mind -he'll glance at it and that's about as far as he bothers with the affairs of others, but this time, it's different. There's something about this that makes him mad, because his shinki is his brother, and there's a whole lot of emotions involved that he can't voice there.

Fortunately, he's an incredibly slow typist because holding the phone and texting with the same hand is not an easy task for him, so it means he has to keep things short. ]

So basically you ended up another god's tool and now everybody in that position is untrustworthy, even your own god who wants to see you as something more than just a tool. But from the sound of it, that's all you want to be or you wouldn't keep reiterating it, and you're mad that someone else used you for the purpose that you keep insisting is all you have.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 2 of 17

Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

no subject

Re: Video| Private

no subject

Voice

switched to 'private'

video.

Video| Private

video

Re: text;

no subject

no subject

Re: Video

no subject

no subject

Re: Voice

Voice

text

no subject

text;

text

no subject

Video

text

Text

text;