thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Usually, Sasuke doesn't pay the BBS much mind -he'll glance at it and that's about as far as he bothers with the affairs of others, but this time, it's different. There's something about this that makes him mad, because his shinki is his brother, and there's a whole lot of emotions involved that he can't voice there.

Fortunately, he's an incredibly slow typist because holding the phone and texting with the same hand is not an easy task for him, so it means he has to keep things short. ]

So basically you ended up another god's tool and now everybody in that position is untrustworthy, even your own god who wants to see you as something more than just a tool. But from the sound of it, that's all you want to be or you wouldn't keep reiterating it, and you're mad that someone else used you for the purpose that you keep insisting is all you have.

[That one’s different than most of the others he’s gotten, but he’s not exactly surprised about it. Someone has to have the nerves enough to call it for what it is. Sousuke reads the words without regret, stark as they may be. He’s going to guess that the person typing this is a god.]

Basically. I don’t blindly trust anyone. But I’m not stupid enough to think what happened is a common occurrence.

My god’s lied to me for my own safety; it bothers me but I know it has to happen for now. So in that respect, I trust him more than I trust the god who stole me and used me. But it takes more than kind words and some nice actions to know you can trust someone beyond a simple partnership to get a job done.

Don’t talk for me. If you want to prove that shinki aren’t ultimately tools for gods, go ahead. I’ll listen.

[He wonders what a god can know about a shinki's feelings or opinion without ever having been one.]

[ What he wouldn't give to have two arms - typing would be so much easier! This might take him a while, because he actually wants to say something. ]

Blind trust isn't trust, it's naivety. Only an idiot would trust someone without them having to earn it, and someone who would force themselves on another isn't worth the effort.

You said you were told nothing when you arrived. Do you know what I was told? I was given a name that isn't my own. I was basically informed that I'm now officially 'Kali', more or less a slave to followers who don't give a damn about me beyond my being slapped into the role of something people made up ages ago to give themselves something to believe in. I had a face and name in my head of someone I'd never met and ran the risk of not meshing with, but that was supposed to be my partner whether we were incompatible or not. Even if I did know them, I couldn't tell them anything at all or they're as good as dead, so I'm forced to lie to them.

Had I known all of that, I wouldn't have chosen to be a god if given the option. I hate secrets, and I hate lies. I've spent most of my life being lied to, so I don't like that I have to do it to someone else.

And I can't prove that, because it's essentially true. A shinki's form changes for whoever names them, but just because they become something else doesn't mean that they don't have their own personality, their own feelings, their own likes and dislikes. The form my shinki takes is a tool, yes, and I rely on him just as much as he relies on me. My shinki himself, though, is a lot more than just that to me, and I would do anything in my power to keep him safe, even if the cost is my own life.

[ Because dammit, he does not want to lose his brother again! ]

Edited (html fail) 2016-12-02 02:49 (UTC)

[There’s always the video option; can even be voice only so no one has to see each other. Sousuke doesn’t think the delay’s from typing though; it’s probably due to multiple conversations.]

Aa. I have no intention of trusting the god who stole me.

That’s more information about a god’s role and placement than I’ve heard before. I appreciate you telling me. Maybe a god and shinki are not so different in some respects. But neither of us were given the choice and we’re stuck in the roles someone else assigned for us. Which one is “worse” isn’t something a shinki and a god can truly agree upon though. We don’t know the other’s side without experiencing it.

I don’t like being lied to either. Even if I know it has to be that way, it doesn’t make it any easier for either side.

I’m not arguing against my own humanity. I know who I am and I have my own feelings and personality. But not all gods will see a shinki that way. They won’t care what you think about your shinki. To them, the shinki is a tool. I can have my own self as strongly as I desire, but if another god commands me, unless my own god is there to stop me, as far as I know, I’ll become their shinki until they release me. Until someone finds out otherwise, as far as I’m concerned, that’s a threat every shinki and god should be aware of and prepared for.

But I’m glad your shinki has a god that cares for him like you do. I wouldn’t be this pissed off about it if I didn’t care for my own god. I never wanted to betray him. But having that choice taken from me is never going to sit well with me.

Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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