Heaven's BBS | Text

[hackberrydragon]

Posted: May 12
From: Anonymous

Has anyone ever noticed how many conventionally attractive people there are here? I know it's heaven but there are seriously a lot of attractive people here.

Just a random observation.

Comments

[cleanmemory]

NO
It was FOR A PRAYER.
Even though he's prettier and
has long hair and shit
I WAS STILL THE ONE WHO GOT
STUCK IN tHE MAID COSTUME
even tho he should have been
the one but he got the
BUTLER UNIFORM FOR SOME GOD
DAMN REASON NOT ME
his only fetish is KNOWLEDGE

[hackberrydragon]

[ Oh good. Another dude with long hair. He isn't alone anymore. ]

your luck kind of sounds pretty bad
no offense
I'm sure you'll get a break sometime
should your shinki be pushing you around like that though?

[ when did this become an advice column what's going on with his life ]

[cleanmemory]

He's a bad shinki!1!
All he does is YELL AT ME
When I can't jab a spear right
okay learning weapons is hard...????
I've never used one before!
EVER
And now I have one
AND A MOUTHY ONE!

[hackberrydragon]

have you guys tried sitting down and talking about this like two rational people
or is he just the kind that doesn't listen to reason?

[ ....his life is an advice column he has accepted this. ]

[cleanmemory]

[ Deal with it. ]

Didn't I just say he's an asshole?
He'd talk right over me! Or say
Oh NOOOOOO, my Lord, you have it all
wrong! I'm merely doing what I do best
hen proceed to surf wikipedia or
creepypasta or whatever he does
at all hours of the night!
I COOK AND CLEAN FOR HIM
EVERY DAY AND THIS IS WHAT
HE DOES FOR ME WHAT A
DUCKFACE
NO
NO PHONE THAT IS NOT WHAT
I WANTED TO TYPE

[hackberrydragon]

[ ....shinki that got addicted to the wiki.... ]

You might have kind of busted yourself with that rant.
So...
he hasn't found tv tropes yet has he?

[ ...Eno you're busting yourself too. ]

WELP OFF OF ANON NOW/ Video

[cleanmemory]

Wh-what a minute, TV Trope--

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, PRETTY BOY! SHOW YOURSELF!

Off Anon | Video | FUCKING PRIVATE BECAUSE NO WAY IS HE GONNA OUT HIMSELF

[hackberrydragon]

[ Have a resigned little sigh when he shifts to video. Congratulations. He's a certified pretty boy. ]

You kind of made yourself pretty obvious there.

Private forever

[cleanmemory]

Oh hush, you.

But you're right, I noted the same thing. Everyone here is so crazy attractive...? YOURSELF INCLUDED.

eternally private

[hackberrydragon]

[ Look of sheer "the hell are you on". ]

You don't look so bad either. Really.
And I'm not just saying that.

[ Clearly you both need to be sat down and given some sort of confidence boost when it comes to your looks. ]

[cleanmemory]

Uh, no. [ And he waves his hand. ] That's nice and all but don't even kid yourself.

I'm fine being ugly, or whatever! Kinda! I'm not that angry about it, because UNLIKE DOUMEKI some people don't rub it in other's faces!!!

[hackberrydragon]

I'm not kidding. Someone's probably into that.

[ Maybe if he fixed himself up a bit. Meanwhile, over in a certain plantation house, there's a loud sneeze. ]

Maybe you just need to see it more.

[cleanmemory]

...Yeah, I guess.

What about you? I'm sure you get your fair share of attention. You should live it up!

[hackberrydragon]

It's more like unsolicited attention.

[ And he's just absently twirling the end of his ponytail. ]

Not the kind to live up that sort of thing, really. But... you'll probably find someone decent down the line.

[cleanmemory]

I-It's not like I.... I mean...

Like I said, you should use it to your advantage! If you have a face like that--

I mean, I know what I would do if I had such a great face!

[hackberrydragon]

[ ...wait face like what. Quietly confused. Is there something wrong with his face ]

So... what would you do...?

[cleanmemory]

It's obvious!

First, I'd run up to Doumeki and FALCON PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE and then proclaim 'THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD WASN'T IT' because that jerk deserves puns!

And then! I'd make lots of baked goods and use my newfound charms to sell them! That way everyone will see how much of a great chef I am and then I couldn't build a clientele base! But it's always breaking into the circle that's the hard part! But once you're in, you're in, and a great face helps!

I'd try on MAKEUP because it's popular!

I'd go to school clothing stores and pose for pictures for my phone or in purikura photosbooths and make cute stickers and keychains out of them!

I'd ask girls on dates! Hell, I'd ask boys on dates, just to seem them get flustered!

I'd post all my pics on Twitter and get internet famous, like all of those models and idols you see!

[ Holy shit stop him he can GO ON-- ]

[hackberrydragon]

[ Idle ponytail twirling has turned into a raised brow and he's ending up with one brow up and his head resting on his hand

And the most confused look on his face ]

That's... quite the laundry list.

[cleanmemory]

Yeah... [ And he sighs. ] But since that'll never happen...

I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and hope something good comes along....

[hackberrydragon]

Come on. You're a pretty nice looking guy.

[ gj you got Eno to smile through this chaos. ]

I'm sure whoever it is who'll appreciate you is probably out there. Maybe closer than you think. This place is full of all sorts. There's bound to be someone.

[ His life. Advice column. Totally. ]

[cleanmemory]

You mean someone with a weird fetish for mismatched eyes and a potential house-husbands?

[hackberrydragon]

[ Someone's gonna start thinking they've contracted hay fever. ]

You never know?
Someone might actually like the eyes.

[ Look he's trying to stay positive here. ]

[cleanmemory]

If you're gonna try to uplift someone don't sound so uncertain, jesus!!!

[hackberrydragon]

Alright, alright! Sorry! Calm down.

[ Man, this guy's excitable. ]

I'm just saying I can't predict what everyone's type is like but... you probably shouldn't count yourself out so soon, okay?