text | Mephistopheles

[subconmodo]

Someone please, please chime in. You agree that this isn't healthy, right? I'm not the only one, right?

Public shaming is perfectly warranted in this instance, right?!

[attached is a photo of Hat Kid. She looks confused. In one hand she holds a bottle labeled "Meatball Wine." In the other, a sign. It says "I got caught drinking marinara sauce and apparently do so 'some of the time."]

[Yes. This is basically a pet shaming picture]

Comments

[badassfreakingoverlord]

She's like ten! She's eating stuff made of vegetables while most kids her age are gobbling down packs of Duble-Duble-Stuffed Oreos and Captain Chocula!

[subconmodo]

If it was actual tomato juice you would have a point. It's not.

I don't even know what's in this! There's no nutritional facts or anything! Whoever makes this stuff HAS to be breaking some kind of law!

[badassfreakingoverlord]

And you're not encouraging that?! What kind of alleged menace are you? Your new name is Goody Two-Snatcher!

[subconmodo]

Since when am I a menace?!

Okay.

Fine.

I've stolen and eaten a few hundred souls in my day. But it's not like that's that big of a deal.

[and the worst thing about this is that "Goody Two-Snatcher" is a pretty good joke as far as he's concerned. But like hell is he going to admit any of that!]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

I never said you were a COMPETENT menace! But you're sure as hell not sprouting a halo any time soon.

Who died and made you the kid's legal guardian anyway?

[subconmodo]

Look, the kid and I have a mutual agreement where I try to kill her and take her soul. It's our "thing."

I can't do that if she's already dead because you people don't understand proper nutrition, can I?

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Oh, so she tricked you into being her guardian, huh? Sucker! Besides, you're underestimating her. She's a tough little brat! She can take some marinara sauce every once in a while!

[subconmodo]

I

Am

Not

Her

Guardian!

Stop putting words in my mouth, you overgrown paperweight!

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Hyaaaha ha ha ha ha! You totally are! You have to look out for her and protect her from the dangers of the world because if she dies to anything but you, you lose the deal!

[subconmodo]

[It takes him a bit longer than usual to reply to that.]

[Mostly because Snatcher has just realized that Zetta is absolutely, positively, one-hundred percent correct]

You know, maybe I have been going a little too easy on the brat lately.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

You're being a total papa bear over there. You should be in a Disney cartoon. All you need is some random wife in a nightgown who will find her porridge too cold!

...by the way, the hell is up with you trying to kill the kid?

[subconmodo]

She trespassed in my forest, I offered her work in exchange for her survival (and her soul), and, annoying cockroach that she is, she managed to survive. Somehow.

I'm working on fixing that.

[we don't talk about the BFF contract]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Hmmm. So you made a minion out of her, huh?

[Zetta is starting to get the spark of an eeeeevil idea.]

[subconmodo]

More of an intern, really.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

SHE'S YOUR EQUIVALENT OF A PRINNY?!

[subconmodo]

Hey, I let her keep whatever she found while she did my jobs! All she had to do was do some plumbing, burn a few paintings, destroy a possessed outhouse, deliver some mail...

You know, easy stuff!

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Plumbing? Mail delivery?!

[Zetta's cool with the other stuff but OH THAT'S IT]

[subconmodo]

Yes, mail delivery. My minions' motivational packages aren't going to deliver themselves!

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Definitely a waste of that kid.

[subconmodo]

Please. I've got plenty of minions to take care of the other day to day drudgery. If it was really worth my time I'd just do it myself.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Oh please. I bet you don't know the meaning of the word minions. I have minions.

video

[subconmodo]

[Oh really?]

[The video starts up, with Evelyn, Jeremy, and two stolen, creepy-cloaked spygoats on display. Apparently he decided to abandon Hat Kid at some point Probably around the time when Zetta was trying to hire her on as a vassal]

[Proving a point is Priorities.]

Why don't you say hello?

'Sup, weird book guy?

[video]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Oh, really?]

[Zetta returns fire in kind; his video displays him standing in front of a dozen different minions all bearing weapons and doing their fiercest battlefaces. And also three Prinnies.]

Yeah, hi.

Yo, dood!

How's it going, dood!

Dood, aren't those Hibiki's?

[subconmodo]

[He's not phased. Zetta may have superior manpower and a better fighting force, but Snatcher's always preferred to use the law and subterfuge to his advantage]

They wandered into my traps. [so, so many times] Therefore they're now mine. Finder's keepers, no takesy-backsies.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

...Have some pride. They're Hibiki's.

[Zetta makes an aggressive face. Why would Snatcher WANT spygoats? If they wandered into one of Zetta's traps, he'd burn the trap!]