Heaven's BBS | Video

[herbalsupplements]

Posted: April 11th, 10:02 AM
From: Xochipilli

[It's... a step pyramid covered in plants. Green things, mostly, but there are all sorts of lovely flowers visible, a few of which some residents of the Far Shore may recognize from their own temples or those they've visited previously. The pyramid's only a couple of stories tall, though, not much bigger than a respectable house, with stairs leading straight up the front. A voice on the probably-but-not-100%-sure-it's-masculine end of androgynous starts speaking from behind the camera, and some people might recognize this, too.]

Good morning, everyone! I've been making some changes around the garden, so it's time for a public safety notice.

[The camera backs away from the pyramid until a No Smoking sign comes into view; “violators will be made into fertilizer" it warns, but someone's crossed that out with permanent marker and written "please be careful of man-eating plants" underneath. The voice behind the camera lets out an exasperated little "really, Mai," but the sign is properly in focus now and stays on screen for a bit.]

In order to protect the pollinating invertebrates who've taken up residence on and around my temple, and to maintain a relatively self-sufficient ecosystem, some of my plants have been altered and trained to perform rudimentary security functions. Allow me to demonstrate.

[The camera angles down, revealing a ball of ground beef with a lit cigarette jammed into it filter first, and then returns its attention to the pyramid. The ground beef is lobbed at the pyramid; something like an enormous Venus flytrap lunges up out of the otherwise innocuous greenery and snatches the meat and cigarette out of midair, then slinks back down and vanishes with little more than a rustle.

Fun, right?]

You will, of course, be perfectly safe if you don't have a lit cigarette on your person, so don't hesitate to stop by and socialize or seek gardening advice. Thank you for your time.

[And then, after a moment of plants waving gently in the breeze and miscellaneous birdsong, the video ends.]

Comments

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[erogappa]

[ What's...? Oh, it's a video of a pyramid. And a bunch of plants. Okay, that's... ah, and the voice, that's the fox guy, isn't it. This must be where he lives.

And then there's the kappa-eating plant. That's... that's certainly something right there. ]

you could just tell me to stay away you know. with words.

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[herbalsupplements]

[Hm, who could possibly be taking this so personally? Kurama feels a little bad for being snappish the other day, though.]

That would require me to have a problem with you beyond your chosen vice, and I don't know you well enough for that.

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[darkesthour]

That's some serious fire safety! Although it might be a bit too strict.

[She doesn't really know about modern cigarettes so she's just assuming this is to protect his garden from fires. He looks like he cares a lot about it at least so it's a good guess, right??]

[herbalsupplements]

[Ah, someone he can give information to! His very favorite.]

I'm less concerned about fire and more concerned about the effects of tobacco smoke, since it contains a chemical that kills insects.

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[galactically]

Mai really wasn't kidding about those plants!

... that's certainly one way to get rid of smokers

[herbalsupplements]

I keep the more dangerous ones on the back of the pyramid, but I am very protective of my butterflies.

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[deniles]

And here I thought my behavior was disturbing.

[herbalsupplements]

I'm not one who takes provocation lightly, but I do save this sort of thing for when I'm provoked.

[He has nooo idea who this is. Yay, nameless encounters!]

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[clothes_make_the_man]

That's very impressive. And a little frightening as well.

[herbalsupplements]

Thank you! I don't want to put people off completely, of course, but some rules just aren't negotiable.

[oathkeeper]

WHOAAAAAAA kurama can i come over and see it?! i dont smoke so i can come see it right? or is it gonna chomp me too?

[Once again, Sora's amazed and star struck with Kurama's powers.]

[herbalsupplements]

Of course you can! If you bring a little food you might even get a pain-free demonstration.

[What can he say? He likes to show off!]

[sweetdeath]

You have anti-smoking killer Venus fly traps!?

Wow.

You know, I know a guy who could use being introduced to one of those.

I like your hydrangea, by the way! You must've gotten the soil acidity just right for them. They look great.

[herbalsupplements]

If you ever plan to hold an intervention, you need only let me know!

And thank you! I have a bit of practice with hydrangeas at home, but my temple likes to make it easy on me.

[Attached: a picture of the base of a bush growing straight out of the rock like it's just gray dirt.]

[oviraptor]

so what happens if these things mutate and decide they're gonna go after something that's not a cigarette?

[herbalsupplements]

If I lose control of them that badly--which, I should note, is incredibly unlikely--I'll simply force them to revert to their natural state.

[dancermai]

Eating that cigarette can't have been good for its health, right? Or did it cough that up somewhere?

[dancermai]

And excuse me! It's rude to tell people that you're going to turn them into fertilizer.

[skyleopardess]

[That's just the sort of twisted she can appreciate.]

Is there anything else they object to people carrying?

[herbalsupplements]

The ones around back don't like people trying to sneak in, but otherwise they're all perfectly friendly. Thinking of taking a look?

[mybadhabit]

As usual, I am thoroughly impressed by your abilities. Although I am curious, as impressive and deadly as that surely is, do you have anything more...

subtle?

[herbalsupplements]

There is a time for subtlety, and there's a time for man-eating plants. I suppose I could find you some nice, quiet beanstalks if you're interested.

[returnedfromtheline]

[This is actually-- pretty darn awesome. Yukine can so clearly visualize Yato being chomped on by that huge plant... Not that Yato smokes, but still. As a deterrent of bad behaviour, A+
Anyways- have a text, person with the awesome garden.]

It's really all right to come and learn about plants from you? I've been trying to learn from books, but there's only so far I can get with it.

[herbalsupplements]

[The people here are absolutely insane. Kurama loves it.]

Of course! They're my specialty, and there's no substitute for hands-on instruction. What are you most interested in growing?

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[killsthebuddha]

If any entirely too cheerful bastards ask for one of those plants, don't sell it to them.

[herbalsupplements]

They only work for others with my permission, so rest assured that whoever it is would be barking up the wrong tree.