Heaven's BBS | Video

[herbalsupplements]

Posted: April 11th, 10:02 AM
From: Xochipilli

[It's... a step pyramid covered in plants. Green things, mostly, but there are all sorts of lovely flowers visible, a few of which some residents of the Far Shore may recognize from their own temples or those they've visited previously. The pyramid's only a couple of stories tall, though, not much bigger than a respectable house, with stairs leading straight up the front. A voice on the probably-but-not-100%-sure-it's-masculine end of androgynous starts speaking from behind the camera, and some people might recognize this, too.]

Good morning, everyone! I've been making some changes around the garden, so it's time for a public safety notice.

[The camera backs away from the pyramid until a No Smoking sign comes into view; “violators will be made into fertilizer" it warns, but someone's crossed that out with permanent marker and written "please be careful of man-eating plants" underneath. The voice behind the camera lets out an exasperated little "really, Mai," but the sign is properly in focus now and stays on screen for a bit.]

In order to protect the pollinating invertebrates who've taken up residence on and around my temple, and to maintain a relatively self-sufficient ecosystem, some of my plants have been altered and trained to perform rudimentary security functions. Allow me to demonstrate.

[The camera angles down, revealing a ball of ground beef with a lit cigarette jammed into it filter first, and then returns its attention to the pyramid. The ground beef is lobbed at the pyramid; something like an enormous Venus flytrap lunges up out of the otherwise innocuous greenery and snatches the meat and cigarette out of midair, then slinks back down and vanishes with little more than a rustle.

Fun, right?]

You will, of course, be perfectly safe if you don't have a lit cigarette on your person, so don't hesitate to stop by and socialize or seek gardening advice. Thank you for your time.

[And then, after a moment of plants waving gently in the breeze and miscellaneous birdsong, the video ends.]

Comments

text

[erogappa]

[ What's...? Oh, it's a video of a pyramid. And a bunch of plants. Okay, that's... ah, and the voice, that's the fox guy, isn't it. This must be where he lives.

And then there's the kappa-eating plant. That's... that's certainly something right there. ]

you could just tell me to stay away you know. with words.

text

[darkesthour]

That's some serious fire safety! Although it might be a bit too strict.

[She doesn't really know about modern cigarettes so she's just assuming this is to protect his garden from fires. He looks like he cares a lot about it at least so it's a good guess, right??]

also text

[herbalsupplements]

[Hm, who could possibly be taking this so personally? Kurama feels a little bad for being snappish the other day, though.]

That would require me to have a problem with you beyond your chosen vice, and I don't know you well enough for that.

[erogappa]

you made a commercial about how your garden will eat me. that sort of feels personal.

[herbalsupplements]

[Ah, someone he can give information to! His very favorite.]

I'm less concerned about fire and more concerned about the effects of tobacco smoke, since it contains a chemical that kills insects.

[herbalsupplements]

It'll only eat you if you're smoking. If you can go without for five minutes, you're just as welcome as anyone else.

[erogappa]

so i cant smoke outside but i can smoke inside? isnt that backward?

[herbalsupplements]

You can't smoke inside, either, but tobacco is one of my sacred plants so I'm sure we could find you a more agreeable alternative.

text

[galactically]

Mai really wasn't kidding about those plants!

... that's certainly one way to get rid of smokers

[erogappa]

[ Hakkai would like it if he stopped smoking inside! Maybe the paper fox is on to something here? ]

lik what?

[herbalsupplements]

I keep the more dangerous ones on the back of the pyramid, but I am very protective of my butterflies.

[darkesthour]

[Oh good because she has no idea what he's talking about because she sure doesn't know how to grow plants. But all these tips might be useful back home! If she ever gets back home. Whatever, she will continue to stockpile info.]

Really?! Isn't that a good thing because insects eat plants?

[herbalsupplements]

Chewing would just make its own disgusting problems, but a tea or syrup might be feasible.

[Because like hell is he getting rid of the smoke only to bring spitting into the picture.]

[galactically]

i understand
cute things like butterflies shouldn't be subjected to pollution

[herbalsupplements]

If I were growing crops only, yes, but since my primary focus is flowers, I've attracted the sort of insects that help plants reproduce. Like honeybees, if you're familiar!

[erogappa]

[ Tea? ...Huh. Gojyo now has a mental image of himself and Hakkai, sitting around the breakfast table, Hakkai with his black tea and Gojyo with his cigarette tea, sipping peacefully together.

He's not sure if it's a vision of hell or not, but... ]

cant hurt to try right?

[herbalsupplements]

Precisely! And some of them are absolutely beautiful. I'd feel like a monster if I let them get killed by something other than a natural predator or old age.

[Attached file: some_of_them_have_pink_spots!.jpg]

[herbalsupplements]

Well, not if we're careful, but I'm sure a big tough god can handle it.

[He thinks a demon could handle it, is what he means, but given the rarity of their kind around here, he's just going to keep that part to himself.]

[darkesthour]

If it's just to look pretty do you really need to protect it with man eating plants? Someone might get hurt.

[WAIT. UH. She hurries to write a second message.]

it's stil a very pretty garden!! !

text

[deniles]

And here I thought my behavior was disturbing.

[herbalsupplements]

[Someone getting hurt is kind of the point! But he probably shouldn't say that out loud.]

Many of the insects and other animals in my garden aren't native to this region, which means they can only have arrived through divine means. As the god of the flowers which presumably brought them here, I consider it my duty to protect their well-being as fiercely as I would any sentient being under my protection.

Thank you, though. I haven't had this garden very long, but I'm doing all I can to make it something special.

[herbalsupplements]

I'm not one who takes provocation lightly, but I do save this sort of thing for when I'm provoked.

[He has nooo idea who this is. Yay, nameless encounters!]

[deniles]

An excuse to show it then? Just for the sake of it?

[herbalsupplements]

You're reaching for something.

[Something he might have more patience for if he hadn't just been called disturbing by a stranger.]

text

[clothes_make_the_man]

That's very impressive. And a little frightening as well.