thefarshore | Heaven's BBS

Entry tags:

Heaven's BBS | ~Video~

From: Sousuke Yamazaki
When: Early October

[It’s rare that he posts to the BBS; Sousuke’s quiet nature and sometimes-over-focus kind of leads to that little problem. Content to dwell with his own life and his own small circle of friends and duties. But sometimes, the private life just doesn’t cut it. Especially when said private life is the entire reason for breaking his silence and going outside that small circle.

The video feed clicks on with a quiet sound, light blazing from the screen for a second until it adjusts to the scenery. It’s soon obvious he’s alone. Considering the presence of a black jacket barely resting at the peripheral of the video’s frame, it’s likely he’s holding the screen to his side. Deliberately not pointing the feed at himself. Instead, there’s a lovely shot of a quiet patch of natural garden, complete with trickling spring, breezing of clear air, and the ever-present drizzle of pink sakura petals from the surrounding grove Eros’ castle temple is renowned for.

There’s a moment of silence, semi-awkward on his end, before Sousuke finally outs with it. His tone’s calm, musing.]

Can a god and a shinki be more than god and shinki? [A measure before adding in a lower voice.] Or will it make problems between them?

[Yeah, it’s vague, he knows. The nature of god and shinki is a complex relationship. But Sousuke’s not honest enough with his softer emotions and being open to other people to outright ask the serious/~~embarrassing~~ question:

~~What happens if you find yourself attracted to your own god?~~]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Have you remembered anything so far?

[It's true that one slip can be fatal... but not a slip of Sosuke's. A slip of his god's.

Gojyo hadn't ever slipped up. He'd been careful, even when Hakkai wasn't; even when Hakkai tried desperately to reach beyond the implacable borders of his own forgetfulness. And reaching had blighted him, when he knew it was wrong, but it had never killed him.

It's more dangerous, when there are some pieces, but not all.]

No. I do my best to distract myself or run if I get the feeling.

[He only knows that Rin knew him before he died.]

I have an inkling of two things, but nothing beyond that... feeling.

[He's doing his best not to think of either of those inklings right now. Even counting the letters in the text in front of him to keep his brain occupied.]

You can't remember accidentally. Whether you try or don't try, it won't come back.

Sometimes, if there's something you have remembered, it can lead to other ideas, and that can be more dangerous... and I mean a true memory, not a guess. It does happen to new shinki, sometimes.

But the only thing that would destroy you is if your god were to make a mistake. Not you.

I don't know if that's a relief or not.

[Not having to worry about an accidental memory coming up and starting a crazy spiral towards his demise is a relief.

Sousuke does his best not to guess at himself, but circumstances have led to assumptions. Knowing it happens to new shinki, sometimes at least, is... good?]

My god's not likely to make a mistake. We haven't slipped up and we've been together over a year.

I don't know, either.

[On one hand: they can't accidentally push themselves too far, not without the assistance of someone who does know more than they do. On the other hand... those memories simply remain, dangerous and tantalizing, too far away to reach, and sometimes that's almost worse than the fear of destruction.]

But if you trust him, then... you're the one taking the risk, after all. The decision should be yours to make.

It should be. ... but I trust him.

[All of them should be free to make their own choices, but gods are bound by their own limits, just like the shinki. It's really a twisted system, even moreso for certain pairs. But they have to deal with it... a steep price for a second chance.]

Hakkai. Do you know anything about nostalgia?

[Last question topic and he'll stop picking your brain.]

That depends on what you want to know about it.

I know my god knew me when I was alive.

But there are things I can do that make me assume I could do them when I was alive too.

That shouldn't be dangerous. Don't think about where you learned them, though. There were things I could do that I didn't understand, and doing those things was never dangerous for me.

It's always best to grow comfortable with those skills before you're using them in an emergency, though. You may not remember your limits.

[If this weren't text, Hakkai'd have heard him slouch a little. That's a load of tension off his brain.]

I don't let myself dwell on it. But I know I enjoy it.

[Well that's true, but just to clear things a little.]

No it's nothing like that. Normal things like cooking and athletics like swimming.

I'm pretty sure controlling water is a shinki-only ability.

You can never be sure what you might have been able to do in life. It's not dangerous to accept things you once might have done, or that you still enjoy.

Sometimes it may tell you things you didn't want to know about yourself... but cooking and swimming are safe, I think.

That's good to hear. I don't intend to give those up.

Whatever I find out about myself, I'll handle it when it comes.

Good luck, then. With that, and with your relationship.

Thanks. For your advice.

I needed to hear that.

You're welcome. I suppose I have a different perspective than most, having been both a shinki and a god.

That would give you a better perspective than either solo. At least we have someone like that to talk to.

It'd be nicer if we could at least know what's the reason for all this.

It would. I can't help but think that some of it may be random; who comes here, and why... I still haven't found a meaningful pattern.

And shinki are meant to forget their past. It's stranger, though, that new shinki have sometimes remembered pieces of it.

I wish I had any answers.

I think the selection is random, but I've heard speculation it's done to replace the previous ... people or group? that used to do our current duties.

Apparently the older gods didn't act the way the newer gods and shinki do. There were different expectations and even taboos as well.

It's frustrating they would select humans for shinki, but wipe their memories. Humans are curious by nature.

Ah, you mean that they're replacing gods? Well, yes. So far as I can tell, at least.

Not all of us were gods who seemed to have had much presence here before, and some represented gods who had seen very little worship in centuries. It's hard to tell what drives the selection of the missing gods, too.

And it's not just human. But almost all of the older gods' shinki seem to have once been human, too.

Something like that. More there were gods before our ranks, and something happened to them. So they're replacing them with us.

I want to know who's making the selections in the first place. The shinki are dead, but the gods weren't. Most probably had homes and lives left behind.

Aa. It's ironic to punish what unfortunately comes naturally.

There still are plenty of older gods, although admittedly they don't seem interested in socializing with us too often. The ones we replace... well, they do seem to disappear.

I'm not sure why. But -- that said, I don't think that the dangers of memory are a punishment, precisely. It seems to fall on old and new shinki alike.

I've been told that the danger is really that memory will tip us into despair, and I must admit, when I was a shinki... the things that I remembered made it very difficult for me not to despair.

Some of the new gods don't behave inappropriately compared to the old gods. It's not surprising there's a divide.

Hn, probably. The nature of the afterlife, I guess.

I've heard it just takes one memory and it becomes an all-consuming need to know. You're either a blank slate or you're an ayakashi.

Might be exaggeration.

I don't know. Not for certain... when I asked that, I was a shinki, speaking to one of the old gods after I'd regained a fragment of my memory. Perhaps she was trying to reassure me.

I do know that it's never safe to hear anything about your old life. For the older shinki, it seems, even their name is lost.

Aa. It's human to want to know, but... I can handle not knowing.

Now that I know I don't have to walk on eggshells in my own mind.

[Aka: don't go looking, but don't live in paranoia realizing you like apples will trigger your descent into akayashi doom.]

Yes. I'm afraid worrying about it is likely to bother you more than simply accepting what you learn.

May I ask... were you ever frightened? Of the god you know knew you in life?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject