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[drops_acid]

Date: July 19th
From: Anonymous


How would you define the word monster?


[A few recent conversations have gotten her thinking about certain things and she's genuinely curious about the answers she might get. Cardia is well aware that there are a few people who do know her secret and could probably guess that this is from her. But she's not brave enough to ask something like this without anonymity to hide behind.]

Comments

[erogappa]

Sure I guess. I think I would have said that there are two kinds of monsters. Some monsters are born that way and some monsters were people once but they did so many bad things that they became monsters.

I was born a monster but I'm also a shinki so I don't know if I'm a good person or not. I don't think I was before I came here, but even if I'm not a good person now I'm at least not a bad one.

[drops_acid]

Then you believe that someone who was born a monster could still be a good person?
Or at least, not a bad one?
But if you were born a monster, aren't you concerned that the people close to you might be in danger?

[erogappa]

I don't have anyone close to me so I don't have to worry about that.

I don't know if somebody who was born a monster could ever be an actual good person. How could they be, if they're a monster? They're always going to be a monster. You can't change who you are born as, but that's not all you are either, right? Maybe you can be part a monster and part somebody who helps old ladies across the street and finds lost dogs and always has something to give to beggars.

[drops_acid]

That probably is wise of you.

[It's what she was told to do, stay away from other people. Never let anyone get close. But she hasn't been strong enough to manage it.]

But isn't it lonely?

[erogappa]

Yeah, kinda.

[drops_acid]

Then how do you manage it?
I'm not that strong.

[erogappa]

I don't know. I guess I just do it. Plus there is a lot more to worry about here than making friends isn't there?

[drops_acid]

I suppose that is true.
There's so much going on that many of us could probably stand to make better use of our time.
I think I could learn a lot from your example.

[erogappa]

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Don't look to me for any kind of example okay? You know you better than anyone here. If you need to have lots of friends around then have lots of friends around. We're already dead so what harm can it do?

[drops_acid]

[What harm could it do? The question is almost funny.]

It could do quite a lot of harm actually.
But I do appreciate the sentiment.
Thank you.

[erogappa]

What kind of harm? I mean, the worst you can do is kill somebody a second time right? Make them disappear or get murdered? That would suck but it's not

I mean, don't let that stop you.

[drops_acid]

Physical harm. Possibly death.
And does it matter whether the harm is done to a shinki or a god?
Or whether the person has died before?
Harming others is wrong regardless.

[erogappa]

Are we still people? I think we're more like ghosts.

[drops_acid]

Gods and shinki are still sentient beings.
They can still be hurt, still bleed, still die.
Is that very different from being alive?

[erogappa]

We don't have to eat, don't shit, and we turn into random objects to fight glowing ghost-monsters. We might not be fully dead but we're certainly not alive anymore.

[drops_acid]

So hurting someone who isn't really alive is alright?
I'm not sure I can accept that.

[erogappa]

That is NOT what I said. I said that you shouldn't stay away from people just because you are scared that you'll hurt them.

[drops_acid]

I just don't know whether I have the right to take that kind of risk.

[erogappa]

Is it your choice to make? It is your friends who are taking the risk by being around you, right? Why don't you tell them what the danger is and let them decide for themselves what they want to do?

[drops_acid]

I have tried that in the past.
Sometimes it ends poorly.
And even when it doesn't, I don't understand why anyone would take such a risk.

[erogappa]

Maybe they think being your friend is worth the risk?

[drops_acid]

I confess there is a part of me that hopes that is true.