Heaven's BBS | Text

[reformedsinner]

Posted: 28 May
From: Anonymous

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I have a question for the shinki among us.

How important to you is your connection to your god?

If you could go without a name, and not worry about your safety or a place to stay, would you prefer to?


[All comments from Hakkai will be anonymous unless otherwise marked.]

Comments

[reformedsinner]

Of course. But it speaks to the fact that being a shinki does not compel us to serve, doesn't it? That, being a shinki, you can still feel an aversion to being controlled?

[forsakens]

Yes. It's should not be necessary for shinki to have to feel as though they are constantly vulnerable.

Of course. To put it simply, I was sent here with almost a blank. I do not remember anything beyond the means of survival. I do not even know of my own past.

[reformedsinner]

None of us do. Or, I should say... none of us should.

Some of us remember more than we should.

[forsakens]

Yes, indeed. You are right.

I see. Is it painful? I don't know what is worse, remembering everything or not having any memories at all.

[reformedsinner]

It's not painful to remember, but what you remember can be painful, of course.

There is something to be said either for remembering everything or remembering nothing, but I think the worst is to be caught between.

[forsakens]

I suppose that makes sense. You're one of the few I've spoken to that's said that.

Being on the verge of knowing yet at the same not knowing. It does seem rather complicated. I assume people can possibly get confused, upset or even uncertain. It'd be unfortunate.

[reformedsinner]

Or self-doubt, and even despair....

If it went too far, I'd be afraid I would give in to blight.

[forsakens]

Fear, Depression, and it goes on.

Perhaps, it is much more fortunate to be one side or the other. Those getting caught in the middle are truly the ones that suffer the most.

I have yet to understand the concept of Blight.

[reformedsinner]

You haven't been affected by it at all?

[forsakens]

No I have not.

To put more simply, my situation is complicated.

[reformedsinner]

It's all about guilt. And, at least for me, to think "This is my fault, I should have done something else"... that's close enough.

How is your situation complicated? Are you a shinki?

[forsakens]

I suppose I don't feel guilt for the things I do, given that they are justified to me.

I am a Shinki. I'd rather not disclose for the time being.

[reformedsinner]

I won't insist. I was only curious.

If you feel that everything you do is justified, you are a better shinki than I am.

[forsakens]

I appreciate the understanding.

I am certain I'm not much better than you at this. I haven't been here long. Isn't it natural to feel strongly about your opinions and your objectives? Feeling guilt over such things is like second guessing the choices you made.

I am not a good person nor do I make the effort to be. I simply do what is necessary for my own survival.

[reformedsinner]

Second guessing my own choices is natural to me. I've been working on changing the habit, but in the meantime, I envy your certainty.

[forsakens]

Everyone has their own way of managing their choices, I suppose. I don't expect you to be like me in that regard.

I am certain you will make it happen if you put your mind to it. There is no need to be envious of my certainty. As I said, it's merely something I do to ensure my own safety.

[reformedsinner]

Of course. In any case, thank you for your help.

[forsakens]

You're quite welcome.

Please do take care.