thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

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There’s always someone stronger.

[This guy can believe what he wants and good for him. Sousuke’s a teenager and he has his own adolescent opinions, so the idea of seeing the god that stole him try to pin this guy down is a vengefully amusing thought. Then again, it could go the other way around. He’s not here to play “if” with someone else though.

Case in point, Sousuke didn’t have the option to fight back because he’s a shinki and it pisses him off.]

So the gods rely on their believers to what? Keep them alive? Keep them strong? Like food or power.

I know most of the gods are respectful and well-meaning towards shinki. I’m not blind. But like it or not, there’s an uneven divide that will make working together harder for some shinki. I’d like to trust the gods, but at the moment, it’s a little difficult.

[He remembers what Bishamon told him after his first few days of being here. The importance of trust and honesty and openness between gods and shinki... and that unless they wanted nothing but pain and failure, they needed those things to work. At the time it seemed so possible. He and Sousuke always trusted each other, never had reasons to lie or hide because they respected each other too much. But... they've never had to do this. And he has to remember that Sousuke has lied and hidden from him before.

They're not as they used to be whether he likes it or not.

It shouldn't surprise him then... why it hurts as much as it does. But hearing those words out loud-- He wishes he couldn't care. He wishes he could be just as harsh, just as cruel, just as heartless as those gods Sousuke criticizes and fears. Maybe then this would be easier.

Without a second thought, he reaches over with his free hand to grab his own device and press it down onto its front, covering the screen and the camera in nothing but black. He can hear Sousuke's voice after all and he knows if he looks he'll see his face too... Does he feel guilty? It takes only a second for him to know, but even sooner for him to shake his head and silently damn himself for it. No, he doesn't want to know. He wants to stop knowing if he can. Everything he feels, his memories, his death...

Gripping the phone, he holds it against the windowsill until his knuckles turn white. Don't look. It's fine. You're upset and you should be. Let me take it. I can handle it.]

... I'm sorry.

[It's all he can bring himself to say before his fingers clumsily fumble and disconnect the feed. It was wrong to talk to him, to anger him and bring him even more discomfort.

I'm not what you need right now.]

[Well. Skipping all that, then.]

Yes and yes, as far as I'm aware. And they leave money, which is alright.

Honest question, son, why did you go and tell everyone how much you don't trust half of us just to argue about it? Plenty of folk are trying to help.

[There’s always the video option; can even be voice only so no one has to see each other. Sousuke doesn’t think the delay’s from typing though; it’s probably due to multiple conversations.]

Aa. I have no intention of trusting the god who stole me.

That’s more information about a god’s role and placement than I’ve heard before. I appreciate you telling me. Maybe a god and shinki are not so different in some respects. But neither of us were given the choice and we’re stuck in the roles someone else assigned for us. Which one is “worse” isn’t something a shinki and a god can truly agree upon though. We don’t know the other’s side without experiencing it.

I don’t like being lied to either. Even if I know it has to be that way, it doesn’t make it any easier for either side.

I’m not arguing against my own humanity. I know who I am and I have my own feelings and personality. But not all gods will see a shinki that way. They won’t care what you think about your shinki. To them, the shinki is a tool. I can have my own self as strongly as I desire, but if another god commands me, unless my own god is there to stop me, as far as I know, I’ll become their shinki until they release me. Until someone finds out otherwise, as far as I’m concerned, that’s a threat every shinki and god should be aware of and prepared for.

But I’m glad your shinki has a god that cares for him like you do. I wouldn’t be this pissed off about it if I didn’t care for my own god. I never wanted to betray him. But having that choice taken from me is never going to sit well with me.

A god, of course. [ It's easy to forget he's not talking to someone more familiar with his ambitions. But then he thinks of Todoroki again, how another hero was cut down too soon and made into a shinki, and there's less accidental condescension in his voice. ] I had my own power before the heavens stuck their damn noses into my life. These new abilities don't mean a damn thing if you don't earn them.

Makes you wonder how they choose, doesn't it? Who's brought here to replace a god and who's going to serve as a shinki.

None of us asked for this. I think I got lucky, ending up with who I did, but that doesn't mean I'm happy to be conscripted as someone's servant.
Does that mean you're stuck with this god now? Can your previous god steal you back?

Aa. Soon. I don’t know what’s happening tomorrow, or what I’ll feel like. I’ll probably need to spend time with Rin… I don’t think he’ll take this message or the result of it well.

[He really does appreciate Goten’s kindness and the reminder of all the fun things they have planned. And he wants to keep those promises. But they’ll have to wait until things calm a bit. The smile in Goten’s voice brings it clear to his mind as if it’s right there in front of him.

That quieting period and the soft hum from the other boy tells him everything he needs to know about that question. Schuldig’s come after them both by now. Who’s a path to who, he doesn’t know.]

No, he’s no friend of mine. He threatened to make me his shinki on the first day I arrived here. This time, he threatened to hurt you and Rin if I didn’t become his shinki. I couldn’t move either, and you know shinki can’t use their own powers except for the borderline. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want you or Rin getting hurt either.

Don’t apologize, Goten. This isn’t your fault. Or mine. Or our gods’. It’s his. [He really doesn’t want to see Goten cry; hearing his voice crack even that much makes his chest clench some.] Listen, Goten. After we’re done here, promise me you’ll talk to Archie about this.

I want him know. And if you guys haven’t yet, you should work or Archie’s ability to both track and summon you. I don’t like the idea of Rin knowing where I am all the time, but if this is the risk, then I’ll deal with it.

Will you do that, Goten?”

[That's nice of him to do, especially when they're...really not agreeing on much here.]

Maybe not? But it is something dangerous. That's something I do know for sure.

But...maybe they do need us to do or have something. People do need a moral centre, in my opinion.

And I can't say I know. I don't think I've seen other shinki forms-I haven't been used yet in battle either.

[She might be able to tell Sousuke was Sousuke, even as a dog. But she'd have to meet him first. Plus, she does not know that she can turn into a chain.]

I'm not sure what they'll do. It'd be nice if they ensured your freedom and that this didn't happen again. Because you're not a tool Sousuke. I will never see you that way.

Even if we don't agree on a lot of things. You are a person. I will always respect you for that.

[Yeah, he's gotten the short end of the stick. But she's pretty sure she'd be fine, once she mastered her borderline.]

Mmmm okay. I can wait for a little while then.

[He won't push him too much this time. Even with everything that has happened he still wants to hang out with Sousuke. If anything, this makes him want to a bit more. Maybe he just didn't try hard enough to protect him. It was obvious that guy wasn't going to leave Sousuke alone. Goten didn't want him getting used by him. He didn't want him getting hurt. Hearing he helped that god because of Rin and him doesn't make him feel any better. He's suppose to protect Sousuke, not help get him hurt him or working with that jerk. Goten clenches his small hands into fits as he grinds his teeth slightly]

You still shouldn't have to help him! That's not fair! There's gotta be something we can do. I don't want that guy around you. He's really bad!

[That guy was way too interested in Sousuke. What if he puts his hand on Sousuke's head and takes him to that weird room like he did to Goten? Goten still is shaken up about that despite putting his best foot forward. Snapping out of that weird room like a dream and waking up to a reality of shooting pain and his own blood drenching his clothes. It terrified him. He still doesn't understand what happened. Goten trembling a bit just thinking about it and tries to shake the memory out of his head.]

Ar-Archie already knows about that guy. I flew home after it and he patched me up...

We haven't done any shinki or god stuff still. Even after that....but I'll tell him about what you said.

Oh. I’ve not heard anything. Or got anything. But I’ve been inside a lot… [Getting lost in Rin’s castle and trying to figure out how this shinki god thing is supposed to work and all. Did they even get mail? He doesn’t know. Rin’s usually the one that does that if they do. Sousuke’s usually the one starting the breakfast. Mundane things, mundane thoughts. A momentary break from all the drama flying around right now.]

I spoke with an older god, but she seemed surprised this kind of thing actually happened. If you find anything though, you should share it on the BBS.

[He quiets as she begins her talk on gods, wanting to hear what she says about them. While he’s angry at the gods right now, his logic isn’t so far gone that he knows he needs to try and at least understand the god’s point of view and position before writing them off completely as untrustworthy opportunists. Which he knows the majority of them are anything.]

So you’re saying the humans are at the “top” of that model.

[He can see the whole “we believe in you so you exist” aspect of the gods; whether he believes it, Sousuke’s not sure. It seems a fragile existence in that sense. It makes sense, but it also makes sense that belief fuels a god’s powers, not the god’s existence. But he’s not a god and she knows more about this than he does. Sousuke frowns at the suggestion; he’s still staying off the screen’s view, but she can hear it in his voice.]

A shinki praying to a god to remove a god’s control of a shinki seems rather oxymoronic. If a shinki can even pray to a god like a human can. We’re dead.

[But hey, it’s a start, and he’s not saying not to try. But he’s… not really one to go praying to a god to ask for something for himself. So that will probably have to wait a while. He wouldn’t even pray to Poseidon to simply locate the god’s lighthouse temple. Proud thing he is. Plus he’d rather see this conversation around them play out before they start jumping to possible fixes.]

Sousuke Yamazaki. I’m the shinki of Eros, the god of love.

Unfortunately, I do not know who my God is, much less their power. I've been searching since I got here. I have yet to find answers that suffice my questions so training with them seems rather pointless if I don't know who they are.

I suppose asking around is helpful.

True enough. Being aware is better than being ignorant. Something like that is better than nothing at all.

I've encountered several people talking about being assaulted by someone. I don't remember all the details.

Of course you can pray to gods. And there are, hmm-- six million of us? [ "Myriad gods" in the Japanese pantheon, supposedly. ] At least that much. Anyway, there is a god for everything, and if not something specific... I could consult with a god of breaking chains or a god of partings. They might help, too.

[ Annnnd she mumbles some more rambling of what she can do, but the ideas are mostly nebulous. She a few in mind among the newbies here that she may ask, what with their interesting powers.

Eventually she speaks up again, looking at him kindly. ] Yamasaki-san! There is hope. [ She says, smiling warmly, her tone gentle and sincere. ] You don't need to pray to me-- [ Hell, her own shinki would pray to her and be on board for something to prevent other gods from making him a Nora, too. ] --but you should know that this terrible thing the god did to you, without your permission... I'm sure many people here are enraged by it, gods and shinki alike. And this other god must feel your turmoil, through blight. [ Which if this post is anything to go by, it must be quite the crippling blight to the god. ]

It was very brave of you to come forward.

They’ll feel it. Whether it’ll really hurt them, I don’t know.

[Sousuke’s definitely had his down days and been upset with Rin, but he’s only stung his god once and that’s when he felt guilty over lying to him. Who knows. Maybe it’s different for different pairs? It wouldn’t be the first time something’s uneven here.]

I don’t think I’m the only one that would really appreciate that now. Let us know what you find out.

[While there are a few details of his event that he’s quietly handed out to different people as needed, the major message is the same.]

Hm.

[Hijikata nods, brisk and businesslike. There's fire in his eyes, though, as calm as he keeps his voice.]

As soon as I have the information.

And if the old gods aren't doing enough to prevent gods from abusing their power like that...

[His eyes narrow a bit further, and he stubs out the end of his cigarette.]

I'll be considering what the rest of us can do to address the matter.

It does. We gods were never human. This is why we have exemplars. They serve as our guides, having known human fault and human weakness. Having gods who know these things due to having been human is uncommon. Highly uncommon, at least until lately.

Amaterasu isn't responsible. She only knows as much as we do. That is to say, not very much either. But she has been searching as many of us have for those responsible.

No, it's never happened before. If any shinki agreed to serve another god, it was always of their own will. If a god would forcefully name another's shinki, they would be swiftly punished. Our shinki treasure their names and don't allow themselves to be so easily named by another. In the same vein, a shinki will never take the same shape for another god. If one of mine were to become a sword for me, they may take the shape of a bow for another. Noras have always existed. Their presence has always been unwelcome to say the least. These are things we rarely speak of. If a god uses a nora, it isn't something readily admitted.

I didn't choose to become a god. I was indeed given a name and a description, as you ask. Who did it, I can't say. But it was the first thing I recall and I would imagine the first thing any future incarnation of mine will recall: my name and my purpose as the god of war.

Edited (you saw no html fail) 2016-12-02 12:36 (UTC)

Maybe we made the choice to give up our memories for this? Honestly, I don't even know how we could prove that one way or another.

I'm glad you posted though, for some reason this all feels far too comfortable. I don't know how to explain it. Like this sort of life is familiar and it pisses me off.

If I find anything I'll make a post about it.

It should matter. The job was over but he wasn't willing to release you?

It doesn't steal you from your current god if someone else gives you a name. I don't believe anything can destroy a name except the disappearance of the god who gave it, or their choice to release you.

Incidentally, has anyone taught you how to cast a borderline?

( This is a lot of information to take in and it's particularly unsettling, especially for Urashima, a naive and fortunate spirit that has been able to get by without properly serving a god for almost a month now. Sure, he's technically being cared for by Amaterasu and her shinki but he's been able to get by thanks to the kindness of other gods in the Far Shore too. It had never crossed his mind that there would actually be bad gods out there since all of his experiences had been so positive...

And here, he listens to someone who sounds so incredibly displeased but still within reason and it makes him sad. He's so, so sad because the gods have been good to him and he wants others to have the same experience. So when Urashima finally speaks, it's quiet, sad, and a little scared, )

Did someone take you?

( The talk about being a tool to be used doesn't really bother Urashima but the idea of being broken, discarded, or taken away, or mistreated makes his stomach turn, )

Can't anyone help? Maybe you can ask another god to help you or something... There are a lot of really kind ones so I'm sure they can do something. That's how it's supposed to work, right? We help the gods and they help us...?

[ There are many differences between him and this other shinki, and Shouto knows it. If a god tried to force a name on him, or if anyone tried to force him to do something he didn't want to do... if they threatened him, or Midoriya... he can fight back. His power isn't restricted to his vessel form.

Then again, he couldn't fight back against the man who did use him as a tool. Not directly. And the only service that this place has done him, in taking his memories, is taking the memories of his father. But that doesn't change the fact that the mere thought of being referred to as a tool makes something burn in him that's not related to his quirk. ]

Over the past month I've been here, I've learned some things. Not enough to know what it really means to be a shinki, or why things are the way they are, but enough to know that there are other gods like mine here. And that working together, with everyone, not just our gods, is what's going to help us here. I don't think I understood that, before.

Because I don't remember anything about my life. I didn't know my god, or anyone I met when I came here. But from the very beginning, he treated me like a person, not a tool. Like an equal. It's not just one-sided with us, and when we had a third teammate, she was our equal, too. And even without my memories, I know that's better than I'm used to being treated.

It's true we don't have a choice when we get here, god or shinki. But we have the power to choose after that first moment we arrive, and there's a lot of us here who have the power to fight where other people can't. So if you can't fight the god that forced a name on you, someone else can.

[At least they’re having a discussion and not shouting/arguing like a bunch of immature kids…]

I see. I still would have done it if it could’ve stopped what happened.

So you’re suggesting the gods don’t have moral centers? They need shinki to know what’s right and wrong?

[He’s not accusing her; that’s actually a curious statement even if it sounds rather weird… and possibly accurate at the same time.]

Maybe you won’t have to fight. Not every prayer request involves battle or ayakashi.

[He does hesitate on the response though. Because having someone talking about never seeing him as a tool and respecting him, all without ever having met him, is a strangely familiar way of treating someone. He’s a stranger to her, a faceless voice and scroll of words on a screen. How can she say such things personally? Or maybe she’s like Makoto, the kind that is always nice to people regardless of who they are… Probably the latter. She sounds like a nice person herself though.]

The god who stole me dismissed me once the job was done. Though, if he wants me back, I don’t think I have a say in the matter. Right now at least. Hopefully this can change that.

[Through the course of his conversation with her and with others, some of the bitterness has died down a little, seeing just how many gods and shinki are affronted by the event. Trust... is still not a big thing for him right now, but at least he's seeing people's opinions about it.]

How long have you been here? I was told that a shinki who can’t find their god will have problems. [The real comment is “will fade into nothing” but throwing that at this guy isn’t going to help the situation.]

I don’t know if this is possible, but if you do train with a god, could they ‘adopt’ you or sustain you for a little while? [Yes, he realizes the irony in suggesting that, especially after he’s just fumed over a god forcing him to be his reluctant shinki for a short period of time. But… the main issue here is the willingness of the shinki, not so much becoming another god’s shinki for whatever reason.

After all, Sousuke “chose” under duress to stop resisting the theft, but that was to protect his companion and his own god. This guy has different circumstances.]

Hn. From the reactions I’ve gotten, it sounds like a god assaulting a shinki isn’t common around here and my event was a rarity.

So now you’re getting an influx of gods that used to be human, when that was originally rare. Do you have any idea what might have changed? [As gods, and all, it’s strange to think that they would be taken by surprise about something directly messing up their chain of power and way of life. Not that he can say much, since he has no memories or experience.

Oh, Amaterasu’s a female. Excuse him then. He made a bad assumption.] If she finds something, she should let everyone else know. Gods and shinki alike. Call it rude, but having to learn things third hand is frustrating. [Especially when those “things” deal with how he’s expected to run and handle his own, new life.]

I don’t know if you’d call what happen ‘free will.’ I agreed to his demands and let him steal me because he threatened to kill someone I know and go after my god if I didn’t cooperate. I don’t think it mattered, since he made it clear he’d take me by force if I continued refusing. [He’s glad this is text right now, because his voice would’ve sounded extremely… nasty, having to admit something like that.] I hated serving as his shinki. It didn’t sound like I was the first one either. It sounded like he went through a lot of shinki searching for a weapon that suited him for this job. [The fact this god stalked him already only added to the disgust.] I don’t want to be a nora; I don’t want my god having to see someone else on me when he looks at me.

[He reads through her words, describing her name and choice. Surprising, a little, that she didn’t choose to become a gob, but rather had simply been one. Without knowing would be even worse than knowing, he guesses. She’s a god of war, hm… That’s interesting.]

At least you’re a humane god; I can see that now. I’ve said some things I’ll probably have to reconsider later when I’m not angry. And I didn’t mean I would name or describe you.

I was asking what you, or the gods, would do if I gave you the name and desctption of the god who stole me.

[He may be angry with what happened, but he’s not looking to make an enemy of a god right now.]

[ooc: i saw nothing]

I’m not surprised.

[What he knows of Makoto had him already expecting something like that since they’d started talking. At least he doesn’t sound rude about it, only making a comment because it’s true. While he’s still upset, a lot of the conversations he’s having right now are cooling his temper somewhat. People care about what happened so… that’s good.]

Letting a shinki be able to refuse another god summoning or naming them would be helpful. Or letting shinki use their own powers without a god wielding them. Those are the main two I’ve thought of.

[He understands there needs to be something to make the partnership work between gods and shinki; two people simply agreeing to do something together via word of mouth doesn’t make a good partnership. And really, he’s more upset about the idea shinki can be stolen and wielded without care by any god that wans them than the idea he’s partnered to his god, to Rin. Even if he still doesn’t like the fact he has to rely on Rin for things… That’s another argument entirely that he doesn’t need to open all over the network, thanks.]

What? How could consider me a friend? We’ve met twice now; I know more about Rin than I know about you. [And he still doesn’t consider Rin a ‘friend’ in any deep sense. Why are there a lot of people on the network that are so quick to throw the word “friend” around?

A “friend” isn’t something so easily made in his opinion.]

I want to be responsible for myself, Makoto. I don’t like having to rely on someone else. I have to be Rin’s shink or I’ll fade. Being all buddy buddy with someone doesn’t make a person any stronger than they are.

It should. No, he released me once the job was done. [Threw him away is more like it.] But if he wants me again, he'll be back.

He made that much clear.

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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