[He remembers what Bishamon told him after his first few days of being here. The importance of trust and honesty and openness between gods and shinki... and that unless they wanted nothing but pain and failure, they needed those things to work. At the time it seemed so possible. He and Sousuke always trusted each other, never had reasons to lie or hide because they respected each other too much. But... they've never had to do this. And he has to remember that Sousuke has lied and hidden from him before.
They're not as they used to be whether he likes it or not.
It shouldn't surprise him then... why it hurts as much as it does. But hearing those words out loud-- He wishes he couldn't care. He wishes he could be just as harsh, just as cruel, just as heartless as those gods Sousuke criticizes and fears. Maybe then this would be easier.
Without a second thought, he reaches over with his free hand to grab his own device and press it down onto its front, covering the screen and the camera in nothing but black. He can hear Sousuke's voice after all and he knows if he looks he'll see his face too... Does he feel guilty? It takes only a second for him to know, but even sooner for him to shake his head and silently damn himself for it. No, he doesn't want to know. He wants to stop knowing if he can. Everything he feels, his memories, his death...
Gripping the phone, he holds it against the windowsill until his knuckles turn white. Don't look. It's fine. You're upset and you should be. Let me take it. I can handle it.]
... I'm sorry.
[It's all he can bring himself to say before his fingers clumsily fumble and disconnect the feed. It was wrong to talk to him, to anger him and bring him even more discomfort.
no subject
They're not as they used to be whether he likes it or not.
It shouldn't surprise him then... why it hurts as much as it does. But hearing those words out loud-- He wishes he couldn't care. He wishes he could be just as harsh, just as cruel, just as heartless as those gods Sousuke criticizes and fears. Maybe then this would be easier.
Without a second thought, he reaches over with his free hand to grab his own device and press it down onto its front, covering the screen and the camera in nothing but black. He can hear Sousuke's voice after all and he knows if he looks he'll see his face too... Does he feel guilty? It takes only a second for him to know, but even sooner for him to shake his head and silently damn himself for it. No, he doesn't want to know. He wants to stop knowing if he can. Everything he feels, his memories, his death...
Gripping the phone, he holds it against the windowsill until his knuckles turn white. Don't look. It's fine. You're upset and you should be. Let me take it. I can handle it.]
... I'm sorry.
[It's all he can bring himself to say before his fingers clumsily fumble and disconnect the feed. It was wrong to talk to him, to anger him and bring him even more discomfort.
I'm not what you need right now.]