thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

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[Well. Skipping all that, then.]

Yes and yes, as far as I'm aware. And they leave money, which is alright.

Honest question, son, why did you go and tell everyone how much you don't trust half of us just to argue about it? Plenty of folk are trying to help.

[They can talk more about it if Hazel ever finds himself in that predicament. He'd be interested in hearing his comments.]

Money, huh? So that's how gods are supposed to support themselves and their shinki? Or do we still have to keep looking for work?

I know a lot of what I said was fueled by emotion. Maybe I wanted to see what the gods felt as much as I wanted to warn the shinki. I'll reconsider my opinions later when I'm not as angry.

I don't normally talk to people about my feelings or problems. It's embarrassing to admit it, but I'm glad to see people challenge my opinions.

[Maybe he'd simply wanted someone to come and prove him wrong so he didn't entirely lose his drive to keep going in this place. He sees now a lot of the gods and shinki are upset about this and trying to help. Keeping his bitterness over the event in the face of that is, fortunately, difficult.]

[Hazel will choke someone out if he really has to, that's fine, buuut that's for later.]

That depends on your god, I reckon. I'm apparently well-to-do myself, but if your god's not answering anybody's prayers, no one's gonna start leaving him offerings.

[He just gets so many donations for paying attention to prayers, it's not that hard...! But hmm, that's a refreshingly reasonable reflection on this whole extensive outburst. How nice.]

Most of us aren't keen on the arrangement, by my estimate. Being called a god at all doesn't sit well with me, and that's just the first among plenty. There's no love lost between me and the folks in charge here, I figure most of us are on the same page.

[More power to him. They might actually get along at this rate.]

We've answered a few. I don't know how often he receives them, but it's probably frequently. We've been focusing on training together for the most part right now.

[Since going out to answer prayers without knowing how to use their abilities isn't going to help anyone, the requester or the answering god. But they're working on it. The prayer answering thing... Even if he's never going to get over how embarrassing that first prayer request was for him.]

I see that now. Hopefully this will be a kick in the ass for whoever's in charge and we can make some improvements.

Speaking of, do you know anything about "who's in charge here"?

It's downright annoying sometimes, to be honest. But the people're grateful for it, and plenty of them ask for real easy things to handle.

[Well, the ones he gets, anyway. Things like beauty tips...]

I don't know much about the people in charge except for they've got a collective bad attitude and gave my shinki a hard time for not acting like a piece of meat. I'm not a fan.

What kind of prayer requests do you get?

[Prayers are something he and his god have only just begun to "do" really. Now that he knows it gets money, well... more information.]

You've met them? I think I just met one of the older gods during this conversation. But she's not one of the people in charge.

What happened?

Anything. One time I sent a man a book about growing his hair back. It wasn't that hard.

But no, not me. Jae-Ha did, and she took up an attitude with him for not deferring respectfully to said attitude, I guess. Said a few things that one could interpret as threatening, if they're like most of us who don't want to be here. So again: not a big fan.

What? Did you find the book at a store and drop it off?

[It can seriously be that simple for a god to answer a prayer request? Or there are prayer requests for things like that? He really needs to talk to his god more about these things. Later, when he's not making such a scene...]

Hn, someone that arrogant doesn't need respect. It's telling she'd threaten a shinki that belongs to a god; they're supposed to want you gods to be content and answer prayers. My guess.

Surely did. Sometimes they take a little creativity, sometimes they don't.

[His prayer line is basically Yahoo Answers-quality prayers, so... it really is that simple.]

You'd think so, but they're old and ornery and set in their ways, probably. There was a whole big to-do not long ago about how wrong it is for shinki to take up with more than one god on their own, with a couple old folks getting sore about it. It's not my kind of thing, to be fair, but if everybody's willing there shouldn't be any harm.

I don't know if that's laziness or being smart. I guess the answers don't have to be literal to the prayer.

[Something to think about for later, though he doubts Rin's the kind of person to settle for something half-assed.]

I can see the problem of a shinki taking up with more than one god. Considering what a shinki's expected to do for and around a god, having to obey or be available to more than one would be difficult. Especially because it would lead to the gods fighting each other over shinki. Or doing what happened to me.

If it keeps the people happy, it's alright by me.

It's loose behavior, if you ask me. Of course a person's free to do what he likes in this particular situation, but I don't think I could have a partner who's so eager to run around with a handful more. Splitting loyalties doesn't end well for anybody. I'd rather call it quits than wonder about it, if it came to that.

[Thankfully, his shinki is perfect and they agree 100% on this, so he's just fine.]

I guess. I wonder how literally gods have to "answer" the prayers.

If a shinki wants to be named by more than one god, that's the shinki's choice, I guess. But you're probably right; most gods won't want someone who's willingly allied with other gods since that doesn't end well.

"Call it quits" meaning?

[Color him curious at the last part, since it's strange to hear a god thinking about "quitting" something. If they even can.]

Well, ending it professionally, I suppose. A shinki's got every right to pick as many gods as they want, but a god's got the same right to decide if it's not working out. I'd rather have no shinki than get into all the complications of having a shinki who's gone with multiple gods. It's just preference, I reckon. If two people can't agree on something like that, there's no hope for the rest of the partnership, don't you think?

Right. There's a lot of things I can think of that'd make having that kind of shinki complicated. I can see now why some of the other gods say noras aren't liked by gods and shinki. [The idea of getting along with a shinki that disrespects their god enough to go flounce around with any number of gods is strange.]

Aa. Sometimes I wonder if my god and I would be better off parting ways. We had a lot of friction earlier on and we still fight a lot. But it also makes me more determined to get stronger. I know I don't want to be separated from him no matter how tough it gets. [That's one of the reasons Sousuke hates what happened to him.]

Some of the other gods have more than a few stranger opinions. A nora ain't a bad person, sure as anything, but they're not my kind of partner either.

[So, well, it'd just be unfortunate if someone wanted to nora to or from him.]

But as for you and your young man, I figure if you're so powerfully attached to him, you'll figure it out.

That's their problem then. Maybe a nora isn't a bad person, but a willing nora probably has circumstances.

[Naively thinking they can help everyone, being endangered without their god around, or some other sort of thing. Someone who likes to play "all sides" doesn't sound like a "good" person to him. Loyalty is a thing.]

Oy. Did you have to put it "my young man"? [It makes him feel strange. For a few reasons.]

I hope so. Sometimes it even confuses me.

Somebody to keep at a safe distance. I think we agree.

[Sorry noras for this public conversation... but not really. Anyway.]

You're both young men, aren't you? And we're all awfully close to our other halves here, technically speaking. I'm just wishing you luck.

Aa. It's almost impossible to trust someone like that.

[Oh right, this is public. He should remember that, but he doesn't at the moment.]

Oh. Yeah, we are. Both of those, I guess. Hopefully that luck will go somewhere with this.

Be careful yourself. I don't know who'll get what for this whole conversation.

Right, right. If I hear anything about dealing with gods overstepping their bounds, I'll look you up. The name's Hazel, just in case.

Aa. That's appreciated.

Yamazaki Sousuke. I'm Eros' shinki. []

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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