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[trustheart]

From: Ishtar
When: March 5th [frontdated]

... So I went to sleep last night, and found myself home. Went through a whole couple months, a bunch of shit happened, and then I wake up here again after it's all over. Kinda feeling jerked around a bit, but what's happened has happened.

Anyway, I've been hearing prayers from people whose relationships are in trouble lately, and if this place is going to insist I be a love goddess, then I guess I'd better do something about it. Problem is, the soulless shinki this place assigned me and I haven't been getting on at all, and considering it's been a few months since I saw him from my perspective, I don't think it'd be a good idea to try and force it.

This isn't easy to admit, but if I'm gonna do this, I need help. Would anyone be willing to help me stake out the Tokyo Museum for a few nights? There's definitely ayakashi involved, so I definitely know I shouldn't go it alone.

Comments

[trustheart]

Because stuff like that is hard! I'm not good at emotional stuff! I'm the kind of person who says they appreciate someone by punching them in the shoulder and smirking. And I'm kind of scared of what they would say.

[holygrailed]

Is it? It seemed like you have a very easy time telling me.

Are you afraid she doesn't feel as strongly about you?

1/2

[trustheart]

You're different! You're easier to open up to! And only Elfnein and someone else are here from my world... there's not as much risk of it getting back to them.

And hey! I said I was worried about saying that to everyone! Not just senpai!

2/2 - [private, several minutes later]

[trustheart]

... But maybe you're right.

1/2

[holygrailed]

I'm so happy you find it easy to talk to me. Please know I appreciate your honesty and I also appreciate you not hitting me in the shoulder. I think I would bruise easily.

2/2 - [Private]

[holygrailed]

[When the private message comes in, awww, Chris.]

I think if there was someone I was always looking out for, and stopped from making a mistake, and treated like an equal, and always told them what they needed to hear...

I think I would want to know how they felt about me. It would mean very much to me.

[Private]

[trustheart]

You'd think that. But... I'm the reason why someone important to her died. She's never blamed me for it, and I didn't cause it directly, but that's still something that happened. And besides. I'm pretty certain she's closer to someone else on our team.

[Private]

[holygrailed]

If she doesn't blame you for it, then you can't use it as a reason to not say anything, can you?

But that is a little trickier. I understand if you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or complicate things, but you should be able to be honest about your feelings too. It's not as if you're demanding anything in return.

[Private]

[trustheart]

... She's not even here. It's kind of a moot point in the end. You're making sense, but something making sense in my head doesn't mean I can convince myself. I still need time, to make sure if risking what we have in favor of something else is what I really want.

[holygrailed]

Of course.

I suppose if you go back again, you won't remember this conversation, so all I can stay is I hope things work out one way or another.

Though perhaps she will end up here. You said there were others you knew already here after all.

[trustheart]

... I guess I won't. That thought is really sad though. ... And I feel conflicted about that. Part of me feels like that'd make me happier, but she's been trying to make a name for herself singing worldwide, too. I don't want her to lose an opportunity to follow her dream just so we can be together in the same place.

[holygrailed]

But it wouldn't be a lost opportunity, would it? You went back and your life resumed and went on for months before you were back here. It'd be a pause at best.

[Though that's assuming she showed up as a god. Irisviel knows there's the reality of showing up as a shinki and all the implications carried with it. For the sake of positivity, she keeps that thought to herself.]

[trustheart]

... You're right. I'm kind of being silly, aren't I? But what if she shows up as a shinki? I don't know if I could deal with that again. Not with her.

[holygrailed]

[Oh, Chris...]

Is a friend already here as a shinki?

[trustheart]

[Chris is glad she already made the rest of their conversation private.] Her name is Maria. We're not as close as I am with Tsubasa-senpai, or Hibiki, but she's still my friend. She and I have a lot in common, and I try to look after her two adopted sisters when she's overseas. We were the first in our group to pull off a unison outside of our usual partnerships, which is a thing when our songs and powers combine with one another. And she's a shinki here. Meaning that in some reality, she died, and there was nothing our team could do to save her. If that happened to senpai too... I don't. I don't know how I'd even react. I hate that that's how I feel. Elfnein and another guy gave me same great advice, but... I feel like I'm playing favorites with the people who are important to me.

[holygrailed]

[It's easier for a shinki; they don't know who they've forgotten, can't know unless a stroke of luck gives them a memory back. But gods know and they have to suffer in silence.]

I'm sorry, that must be difficult knowing someone and not having them remember you. I wish I could say more, but in truth, I don't know what else to say.

[trustheart]

... It's something I need to work out for myself. I can't keep unloading on you like this, Irisviel. I'm sure it's just as hard for a shinki, not remembering anything. And... I have to be supportive for my friends, even if it's hard. Thank you for letting me vent, at least.

[holygrailed]

Why not? We're friends, aren't we? I'm happy to listen, Chris.

It is. It's strange knowing things, but not knowing where they're from or why. But at the same time, I'm making new memories here and learning new things too. It'll be okay.

[trustheart]

I legitimately wish I could be as warm-hearted and easy going as you are. I hope this doesn't sound strange, but. Talking to you reminds me of what it was like spending time with my mom and my friend growing up, Sonia.

[holygrailed]

It's not strange at all; I'm very flattered.

[trustheart]

Heh, alright. I used to be sad when I remembered my mom, but... not so much anymore. I think you would've liked her.

[holygrailed]

Will you tell me about her, if isn't too painful?

[headcanon ahoy]

[trustheart]

[Chris's reply takes a fair bit of time before it comes.] Sure. Her name was Sonata M. Yukine. She was a singer, and had a pretty big career. But then she set it aside to travel the world with me and my dad so we could travel the world helping people affected by war. When I was real small, and I was unable to sleep by living in a new place, she'd sing me a lullaby to help me fall asleep. There's so much about her I don't remember at all, and for a while, I hated them for leaving me... but I can still hold onto that, and use it to remind me that she and dad really did love me after all.

[holygrailed]

I'm sorry you were living in a time of war. It's dreadful and must have been difficult.

[Even with all of her sincerity, Irisviel recognizes her words must sound like a simple platitude too. She has no memories of war, yet there's an honest feeling the world would be better without any fighting or suffering.]

I'm sorry you were separated from your family too, though at least you have her music to remember them by.

[trustheart]

I don't really know any other life than one involved in fighting in some way, but I appreciate that at least. And you're right. I've never tried singing her and papa's work either. Maybe it's time I changed that...