Heaven's BBS | Video

[herbalsupplements]

Posted: April 11th, 10:02 AM
From: Xochipilli

[It's... a step pyramid covered in plants. Green things, mostly, but there are all sorts of lovely flowers visible, a few of which some residents of the Far Shore may recognize from their own temples or those they've visited previously. The pyramid's only a couple of stories tall, though, not much bigger than a respectable house, with stairs leading straight up the front. A voice on the probably-but-not-100%-sure-it's-masculine end of androgynous starts speaking from behind the camera, and some people might recognize this, too.]

Good morning, everyone! I've been making some changes around the garden, so it's time for a public safety notice.

[The camera backs away from the pyramid until a No Smoking sign comes into view; “violators will be made into fertilizer" it warns, but someone's crossed that out with permanent marker and written "please be careful of man-eating plants" underneath. The voice behind the camera lets out an exasperated little "really, Mai," but the sign is properly in focus now and stays on screen for a bit.]

In order to protect the pollinating invertebrates who've taken up residence on and around my temple, and to maintain a relatively self-sufficient ecosystem, some of my plants have been altered and trained to perform rudimentary security functions. Allow me to demonstrate.

[The camera angles down, revealing a ball of ground beef with a lit cigarette jammed into it filter first, and then returns its attention to the pyramid. The ground beef is lobbed at the pyramid; something like an enormous Venus flytrap lunges up out of the otherwise innocuous greenery and snatches the meat and cigarette out of midair, then slinks back down and vanishes with little more than a rustle.

Fun, right?]

You will, of course, be perfectly safe if you don't have a lit cigarette on your person, so don't hesitate to stop by and socialize or seek gardening advice. Thank you for your time.

[And then, after a moment of plants waving gently in the breeze and miscellaneous birdsong, the video ends.]

Comments

[herbalsupplements]

The ones around back don't like people trying to sneak in, but otherwise they're all perfectly friendly. Thinking of taking a look?

[herbalsupplements]

I'm sure they'll love them.

[sweetdeath]

I didn't even spill any that night! How good's your nose anyway?

Single-flowered if you've got it.

[herbalsupplements]

I think it depends on timing, which I'm sure you have down pat. (n˘v˘•)¬

[Two can play at that game!]

[herbalsupplements]

I'm truly sorry if that's the only way you've ever experienced it, but perhaps you should have paid better attention.

[It's a shot in the dark, but Kurama's old enough to know that the biggest problems with nature usually come from failing to anticipate its cycles or asking too much of it, both of which he's long since learned to avoid.]

[galactically]

why thank you ♥

finesse is also part of the skill, i think, which i know you have (´∀｀)

[mybadhabit]

As usual, I am thoroughly impressed by your abilities. Although I am curious, as impressive and deadly as that surely is, do you have anything more...

subtle?

[herbalsupplements]

Sounds like I'm not the only one with a taste for the dramatic. Have you got a sewing machine here yet?

[herbalsupplements]

[...Hmm.]

Have we met?

[herbalsupplements]

Let's just say I can tell the difference between a name-brand perfume and its nearest knock-off. [That's still within the range of human capability, right? Right...]

Single-flowered it is!

[herbalsupplements]

There is a time for subtlety, and there's a time for man-eating plants. I suppose I could find you some nice, quiet beanstalks if you're interested.

[mybadhabit]

I was thinking more along the lines of poison.

And also catnip.

[herbalsupplements]

You are too kind, and we are going to make people sick at this rate, so tell me: would you like to make your garden more butterfly-friendly?

[herbalsupplements]

Ah, a man of traditional means! I have both in ample supply, and a good variety for the former as well. What's your preference?

[Because "what's your poison" would just be too on the nose.]

[sweetdeath]

Okay, but you can't blame me for smelling bad if you could only tell I even smelled like beer because you have a super-nose.

[skyleopardess]

I'm still learning my way around, so I figured I'd ask in case I wander by your place.

Although I wouldn't mind having a look. I didn't think I'd see a house with more plants than mine.

[deniles]

I can say that I know exactly who you are now.

[galactically]

my garden could use more butterflies like the picture you showed to me!
how do i make it happen? :O

[clothes_make_the_man]

I borrowed one from the home economics room at the school for the time being.

[...They have so many. They won't miss it, right?]

[returnedfromtheline]

[This is actually-- pretty darn awesome. Yukine can so clearly visualize Yato being chomped on by that huge plant... Not that Yato smokes, but still. As a deterrent of bad behaviour, A+
Anyways- have a text, person with the awesome garden.]

It's really all right to come and learn about plants from you? I've been trying to learn from books, but there's only so far I can get with it.

[dancermai]

Your sign was telling people that we are violent enough to turn them into fertilizer. We're not turning anyone into plant food.

[oviraptor]

nah, nature is sneaky

it always finds its way no matter how much you prepare

the strong are going to survive no matter what the weak do

[herbalsupplements]

[The people here are absolutely insane. Kurama loves it.]

Of course! They're my specialty, and there's no substitute for hands-on instruction. What are you most interested in growing?

text

[killsthebuddha]

If any entirely too cheerful bastards ask for one of those plants, don't sell it to them.

[herbalsupplements]

It's good to know someone's prudent around here. You're quite welcome, as I said, but especially if you bring me one of your own plants to add to my collection. No one but another plant god should have more greenery than a flower god, after all!