thefarshore | Heaven's BBS

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Heaven's BBS | Text

Posted by: Davesprite
Date: August 18th

friends romans countrymen
also non romans and countrywomen
how many roman gods do we even have here it cant be that many
anyway
lend me your ears
or listening appendage of choice im not here to judge

the mysterious as fuck whims of this place have recently bestowed on me
a sickass turntable set
which i seem to be pretty fucking good with if i do say so myself

>FILE: crystalanthemums.mp3

so if anyone is in desperate need of the illest of beats for a special occasion
call my name and i will appear dramatically over the sunset like the cowboys of yore

also
while im here
i keep hearing about shinki spells
and also theres some flyers about them around now i guess
but lets have some personal anecdotes first
how actually useful are the spells we can learn
or are they just kind of arbitrary bullshit powers

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what if the sailor was a real dick though
like
how much of a dick would they have to be before you considered it

this is why im not getting involved
im pretty sure not enough people in the heavens who would actually remember them give a fuck
so it doesnt really matter in the long run does it
the performances are good but the fighting is just
why bother

Exxon Valdez level dick.

Why can't they just work together?
They'd get a lot more fans that way than trying to keep being separate entities.

of course
the level of dick only a multinational company profiting off the incredibly shitty things to profit off bingo card can reach
this is acceptable

my thoughts exactly
though that apollo chick doesnt really seem like the type
she probably heard she wouldnt be in charge and left to start her own party
and didnt even provide blackjack and hookers

I'll also turn over the boat of anyone going after sharks.
I like sharks.

She sounds too prissy for blackjack and hookers.
Roulette and escorts maybe.
Barry is doing it right and his people looked happy at that Obon festival thing.

oh right people eat those
i dont do fish much even though i probably should since theres a lot of it around here

im sure there are prissier ways to gamble than roulette i just cant think of one right now
but yeah that obon thing seemed to go pretty well
i didnt see the whole show but what i heard was good shit

I'm not much of a fish fan myself.
I'd rather see them in a fish tank than on my plate.

Baccarat is fancy as fuck.
I was impressed despite it being so cheery for a dead people festival.

that just means youre a fan of live fish and not dead fish
an afishionado
if you will

[He kind of hates himself for making that pun, but also he had to make that pun.]

baccarat it is then
and yeah they did pretty fucking well considering
at least they did a couple of slow sad sets amidst the cheery
balanced it out a bit

[OH. MY. FUCK. DAVESPRITE, YOU JUST MADE THIS GUYS DAY WITH THAT PUN, HE LOVES THEM]

This pun will now survive as long as this network stays up for the whole world to see.

I really don't get idols.
If this was something in the states, it'd be either all super patriotic or emo fest night.

as it deserves
transcending shittiness to curve back into hilarity through some space-bending bullshit

i mean
do we really want patriots or emos having stupid shitfights across the internet either

At least someone in the future will find it funny.
Or whoever decides to read all of these responses.

No, but when they happen it's hilarious as fuck.

there are only three certain things in life
death
taxes
and connoisseurs of shitty puns

this is true
but usually the best online shenanigans we get here are when some old fuck from the seventeenth century decides to complain about kids these days
and since a good like
eighty percent of the people here are kids these days
its pretty fucktacular all around

This place has proved that death isn't a certainty if they can just bring you back to fulfill another role.
But I agree with the other two.

That seriously happened?
Where the fuck was I for that.

true but i mean
were still dead
it just turns out the afterlife is surprisingly literal

yeah but fuck it was a while ago
let me dig it up

[It takes him a few minutes, but eventually he sends along a link.]

here

Hey, being dead isn't all that bad.
This place is a hell of lot nicer than where I'm from.

[........ this is beautiful.]

That has to be one of the most amazing posts I have ever seen.

from what i remember its a hell of a lot less surrealist than where im from
dont know whether thats a good or bad thing

yeah it was a beautiful clusterfuck of sass and the occasional random edgelord
my personal highlights are the sudden derail into cat pictures and the 2005 vintage glitter text

Depends.
Dali surrealism or modern-hipster surrealism?

If the guy didn't have an aneurysm from this, I'll be hella disappointed.

dali
but less melting clocks and more checkerboard planets

honestly im more interested in what happened to mister edge lordington down near the bottom
other than obviously disappearing since i haven't seen his name around since

That does not sound like a good time either way.

Maybe he went back to whatever excuse for a planet that lets someone like him walk around without a leash and collar?
Though old man yelling at clouds seems to have grown some balls with the fuck off comment.

it was not
for a colorful variety of shitty reasons

damn i hope so
or maybe he just disintegrated or whatever the hell it is that one guy said happens to people who disappear
and was too shitty to get sent back home afterwards
but yeah old man yelling at clouds wasnt half bad considering

I bet, but that sounds like a story that should be told in person and not where everyone can see it.

I would not want that guy to become dust, what if his insanity is contagious and someone breathes that shit in?

[Impossible, but still a thought.]

I take it old man is gone too?

yeah
its not one im that inclined to tell anyway if were being real

hes probably blown away by now its fine
im sure the heavens know how to filter powdered edgelord out of their air supply

yeah his name dropped off a while back
rip old man your legacy will be recorded in glorious shitpost form

Hey, I ain't pushing you to tell me anything

Good. I don't wanna wake up one morning and want to literally set the world on fire.

Maybe one day he'll be replaced by someone equally as ornery or better.

good

im pretty sure the phrase
some people just want to watch the world burn
usually applies to more exciting people than that jackass

if only
is there a god of entertaining ornery old people
maybe we should pray to them

Nah, from how that guy was talking, he seems like a firestarter, not a watcher.

Gods are made up by people all the time.
We can make a god of entertaining ornery old people.
Let's name him Harold or something.

well i mean
sometimes to watch the world burn you have to set it on fire yourself
you can be both

nah not enough of an old dude stereotype
maybe like
graham or something idk
or oswald wagglestick the third

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