Heaven's BBS | Text

[deniles]

Posted: 2 April 2016
From: Niles

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I've had someone take my shirt and set it on fire.
Now, I'm sure no one wants to see someone, like me, walk around with no shirt on.

At least, that's what my god tells me.

So, I'm buying myself a shirt today and I need an opinion.

What do you think of this shirt? Just to tide me over until I find something better. Simply looking for honest opinions.

[ooc: Link is mildly nsfw]

Comments

[sweetdeath]

You're seriously looking for somebody to shop for dirty T-shirts with you?

[deniles]

Is there a better way to spend an afternoon?

[sweetdeath]

I can think of a few.

Oh yeah, I'm Tsuzuki, by the way. Tsuzuki Asato. Nice to meet you.

[deniles]

...Oh can you now? What might those be?

Tsuzuki? I'll remember that.

[sweetdeath]

I'm not that big on clothes shopping, so it's a long list! You sure you want the whole thing?

And you're Niles, right?

[deniles]

Start from the bottom.

I am.

[sweetdeath]

Afternoon tea?

[He's starting to get the feeling that this is an innuendo, too. What to do about it? Well -- he'll stick with playing dumb. That probably won't get him in trouble. Or in too much trouble, anyway.]

[deniles]

Oh, I see.

I like afternoon tea as well. Preferably a private tea.

[He'll make it point blank what he was talking about.]

[sweetdeath]

Sorry, I'm not big on private tea. Bad experiences! You know.

[There's the Earl, and his weird invitations that Tsuzuki can't always find a good excuse to dodge... and the way he comes up with way too many excuses to lean right over Tsuzuki's shoulder. Or put an invisible hand on his leg. It's creepy.]

I was thinking one of those fancy teas at a hotel! With all the desserts, and the little sandwiches and stuff.

[deniles]

Oh, I see. You like to be in the public eye with someone. You seem like that sort of person.

[sweetdeath]

What, you mean a guy who dates first?

[Right! Ha ha! No dirty little secrets here! Also, shit, he really should've seen all the innuendo coming when he saw that shirt.]

[deniles]

Of course. 'Dates'. I understand.

[And he's not making it any better.]

[sweetdeath]

[...is this a guy or a really aggressive girl? Man, the tough thing about text is Tsuzuki has no idea. Either way, it's kind of creeping him out.]

Uh, yeah? That's what I said.

[deniles]

And what do you do on these 'dates'?

[He's whatever you want him to be~]

[sweetdeath]

Depends on who I'm going with.

If you're trying to ask me out, sorry, I have to wash my hair.

[deniles]

...

You have the worst excuses. Honestly.

Have you tried saying no? Or do you consider that too easy? For a simpleton, easy should be better.

[sweetdeath]

That was a no. Come on, it's an old joke!

[And his jokes are definitely funny! And not lame in the least!

(Okay, so they're a little lame.)]

[deniles]

Clearly, old man. Is your mind going too?

[old man old man OLD MAN.]

[sweetdeath]

Look, if you got it, you don't get to complain about me not being clear enough!

[He's not even complaining about the old man thing.

... He may be developing a mental image of Niles as a petulant teenage girl, though.]

[deniles]

[have you seen niles breasts]

Clarity isn't the problem. Being an idiot is, however.

[sweetdeath]

Isn't that your problem, not mine?

[deniles]

Let me rephrase it so someone as simple as you can understand.

You. Are. An. Idiot.

[sweetdeath]

Wow you're really bad with implications, huh. I just said you're the idiot.

[he's rubber and Niles is glue: it bounces off him...]

[deniles]

Ah, I see what's going on here.

You're deflecting your own stupidity onto me to try and make yourself feel better. About what?

I could make a list.

Your stupidity, your inability to understand anything even remotely mature, your moronic excuses...

Of course, those all lead up to the fact that you're an idiot of the highest degree. You'd be king of the idiots, if they even knew what a king was. Congratulations on that title of yours.

And I'll remember you fondly, King Idiot. You know, when you die of something completely stupid. I'm guessing holding up something metal in a thunderstorm, or swimming in shark infested waters.

Who can say how you'll go?

But you will go. Because all idiots die fast.

Goodbye, King Idiot.

[And no more communications after this.]

[sweetdeath]

Wow.

You really have a lot of trouble with getting turned down.

[Teenagers! Who knows what's up with kids these days?]