thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

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[Not so much her, but more that viewpoint on friendship. And yes, maybe it is his current attitude bringing some of this out, but at the same time, Sousuke is a very self-reliant person. Even if he doesn't remember it.]

You and I have different definitions of 'friendship' then. Even if two people have known each other their whole lives, that doesn't make them friends.

You're right; friendship has to start somewhere. Whether that's a moment of trust or cautious agreement, that's up to you.

[She seems very passionate about friendship; it's at once something vaguely comforting and frustrating. He knows friendship can help people. But it's not some kind of miracle that'll solve every problem.]

I can trust you're being sincere on the matter, but that doesn't make us friends. Even if we're helping each other.

Well you're not wrong about that - that people can know each other their whole lives and still not be friends. That's not what I said. You don't have to be friends with everyone when you first meet them, but you could meet someone and want to be friends with them.

[But she does give him a knowing look.]

You don't have to be my friend. That's fine. But I'm going to treat you like one of mine anyway.

[Maybe a little of it is just trying to prove him wrong, but a lot of it is sympathizing with the fact that he's hurting right now and not actually expecting him to reach out to her in the way she wants.]

Aa. You're right. People can be friends if they want to.

[They have different views on the intensity and time it takes to create those bonds, unfortunately. But... it's hard to refute what she's saying, and there's part of him that doesn't even want to. After all, there's nothing inherently wrong with friends and having them.

He simply doesn't put as much faith in what those friends can do for a person. Maybe just himself as the operative person.]

Hn. Do as you like.

[He doesn't see what he's done to make her think of him as a friend. But he's not going to tell her what to do either. Still...]

The people who see you as their friend... they're a lucky group of people.

[Well it's impossible for her not to feel good about him agreeing with her on some things and not shutting her down completely when it comes to treating him like her friend. It means she'll continue to do it as long as he needs. She's a firm believer in the more friends someone has, the more likely they are to be happy - because somewhere in those friendships maybe he can find a best friend.

And he did compliment her after all.]

Thank you... Sousuke-kun. The same to you. Anyone who earns your trust and friendship is very special too.

[Because she doesn't think it'd be luck with him - more dedication than anything.]

[He pauses, surprised that she calls him by his name. But before he can ask, he remembers that his name’s attached to the message up there. Everyone’s seen it. And if she’s been paying attention to the other conversations around them, she’s probably heard it as well. But that does point out the fact she wants to consider him a friend and yet she’s not even given him her name.

She must come from a very interesting background to have such an intense fixation and belief in friendship.]

Probably. [He knows Rin desperately wants to view him as a friend and be viewed the same in return. Sousuke’s not there yet, but… he knows Rin’s special. It’s not hard to see that.]

I never got your name.

Huh?

[She's genuinely shocked.]

... Oh! Oh I'm so sorry! I got used to everyone reading names off the screen...

[There's also anonymous posts, but she doesn't understand why anyone would purposefully hide their name.]

It's Kairi.

[It's hard to consider being friends with a nameless person, right? Though he has the feeling Kairi would definitely challenge that idea.]

Kairi.

[He figures that's the reason and nods, forgetting she can't see him right now.]

I forgot you could see mine.

[She's not alone in that getting used to thing.]

[She giggles a bit at that.]

Well, now we're even. You know my name and I know yours.

[She gives him a knowing nod.]

Now if we meet on the street, don't be surprised if I say hello.

I guess.

[If she wants to see it that way.]

Aa. I won't be.

[Of course, there's also the issue of he's not looked at the screen once so he doesn't know what she looks like and she doesn't know what he looks like, bu that's a moot point, right?]

Great! Hope your day gets better, Sousuke.

[She heard his voice speaking earlier, so that's good enough for her.]

There's not much of the day left.

[Since it's night right now, the moon out shining in full force amid the breeze of sakura petals. He knows his night's definitely not over either. He has... some repairing to do too.]

Well it's still something.

[She doesn't want to say 'it can only go up from here' and jynx it.]

Aa.

[Right, best not to play with fate's design (says the guy who's attempted to outright reject and deny fate... and doesn't remember a moment of it).]

What will you do with all those friends you're going to make?

Do?

[What an odd question.]

I dunno. Maybe have a slumber party? Form a club ball game group? I'm sure we can find something to do.

I see.

[Well, it's not his place to judge that so he holds his tongue. Their views don't match up completely.]

Do what you like then. They're your friends.

Well... you asked what I would do with a bunch of my friends - as a group, I thought.

[Seems best to explain that.]

If I'm hanging out with them individually, it would be a lot different.

[He did ask. But he's being touchy right now so he's not going to be chit-chatty about other people's friends plans.

Grumpy shark. Sorry.]

Of course. What you do in a group is different than what you do alone.

Friends are no different.

[She still feels like she's getting judged for that answer to him, but she's also becoming aware that there's some people who need kind words and others who need to see it with their own eyes. In her own opinion, Sousuke is the latter. She's not going to convince him of much of anything today.]

We agree, then. That seems like a nice spot to say goodnight.

[Truth be told, he still is judging her. But not really negatively, more thoughtfully since she's challenging his opinions and it's not something so easy to ignore.

They've said a lot, some he will admit are fueled by his currently-embittered emotional state right now. While they don't agree on everything, there is enough he knows she's right about. For her, at least.

He's a stubborn guy.]

On that, yes.

[Plenty more they don't agree on.]

Aa. I have a few things I need to do before I sleep.

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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