thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

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[Ultimately, Schuldig's always known that a post like this could happen, and what he really cares about is that his name or likeness isn't getting dropped. So he'll be watching all replies to see just what sort of new precautions he may need to take.]

Edited (sorry typo was bothering me) 2016-12-01 03:58 (UTC)

I would answer you with my voice if I knew how. I'd even show up in person because...

This is something that's important for me to say, I think. And it's important to everyone, not just shinki. We...

We are supposed to be partners. We are supposed to balance each other, with finesse and care. Not everyone is like this. I've heard of souless shinki. I've heard of shinki who...were not living in ideal conditions.

But. Most of the gods I've spoken to at least, seem to care about those around them. At least enough that they would not force a name on me without my will-even with me putting it up first.

No one will make me into a nora. And you shouldn't have to worry about that either. Because that god....that god would be unjust, to try and give you a name.

And I think, too, that if any god tried? Without me wanting it? They would tear that god apart.

Heaven, or my god, or me. Doesn't matter.

Such infuriating information, and here I thought this was some sort of sick joke.

Exactly, what kind of place is this to use people to their advantage, and being tools for the so-called Gods at their will? It's even harder to swallow knowing this fact. How convenient for those who have information while the rest of the population suffers from not knowing anything at all.

I for one am not interested in being any God's tool but how does one so vulnerable as ourselves act on this?

Edited 2016-12-01 03:41 (UTC)

No god is the same. Some treat their shinki as tools. Most others see them as family. We've grown dependent on them as they have grown dependent on us. No god can stand a chance against an ayakashi without a shinki as no shinki can hold their existence without a god.

This is the difference between these newcomers and us. We found our shinki as spirits lost in the Near Shore. We named them. They weren't assigned to us as you may have been. It is through this naming that a god and a shinki find their bond. This naming is what gives the shink their value.

The subject of noras, a shinki bearing more than one name has long been taboo. It is discouraged as I've said time and time again. The fact that this has grown to be a problem is only further proof of the lack of a bond between shinki and god. And perhaps a lack of respect between these gods. I would never force a shinki to take a name as no god would force a name onto my shinki. To do so is the highest disrespect a god could ever give to another. The fact that this happened disgusts me to my core.

It is something gods should care about and something should be done about this.

Sousuke...

I'm not really sure what to say to this... but...I'll just try my best.

I understand what you're saying, I understand why you can't trust gods. We're all strangers and we have too much power for reasons that I still don't even understand.

[There's a pause as he tries to gather up some more thoughts and he looks down at the table he's sitting at.

This is a very delicate matter and he needs to handle it as such. He also knows that Sousuke is a strong and solid person. He's always come off with amazing strength of character ever since he met him in middle school.]

There are bad gods out there just as there are bad people and those gods need to be told that they're not allowed to do things like that. They need to be stood up to because shinki shouldn't be scared. They shouldn't have to hide behind their god, but...

...But as gods it's our responsibility to keep you from harm and we're all still learning.

I didn't know those things happened to you. Rin told me what happened and it's made me scared for everyone and...

[He sighs and swallows then shakes his head. He knows he's just rambling and nothing he's saying is probably making sense, but he hates to see his friend like this.]

...I...I know it will take a lot of time...but...all of us, we can be friends someday.

The reason why I have a shinki is because he's my friend. And even if you're not my shinki, I'd like that from you, too. I know Rin would as well.

Edited (what is english? what is life?) 2016-12-01 04:10 (UTC)

”Supposed” to be doesn’t mean we are. A balance is equality. Shinki have little in terms of equality from what I understand. Our existence is chained to a god’s will and our powers as well. We don’t remember anything and we have to trust our gods to tell us the truth. Or their truth.

I don’t know enough about the gods to know what they really need from a shinki. Want, sure, but need?

You’re lucky. Most of the gods I’ve met seem like that as well. Most probably are. But in the end, a shinki won’t know for sure. How can you trust someone you don’t know?

And you don’t know if you’ll be a nora or not. That’s not for a shinki to decide. Apparently.

It doesn’t sound like you’ve been shown how strong a god is compared to a shinki…

I didn’t think it would happen either. But apparently not every god has that restraint.

I don’t know if it’s the place or the people; someone mentioned the gods are being used as much as the shinki. I don’t know by who. But we are in a lesser pool compared to them. It is convenient for them. Maybe it’s a way to keep shinki in check. For whatever reason.

It might not matter if you’re interested or not. I had no interest in becoming another god’s shinki, but that means nothing if a god wants a shinki.

So I can't answer that.

You're right. That's a scary thing. We don't remember a thing, and if we do...we become the things we hunt. Ayakashi. Or, at least from what I've heard.

I've heard from one shinki-one of the older ones-that we need each other, god and shinki. Apart, we're helpless, and there are things in this world that would destroy us-slowly, painfully.

I don't want my life to be decided by that fear. I want to get to know my god-I want to get to know other shinki and gods. The only way of knowing them, is trusting their word.

There's no reason that they'd lie. And if they did...what is that god worth? Or that shinki? We can hurt them too, you know? If I decided to go against my moral code, I could kill both of us quickly and painfully.

I don't want to do that. If anyone tries to nora me against my will, they've got another thing coming.

Actually, compared to shinki, the gods seem kind of vulnerable to me.

[There's a flicker of video before Homura's on screen, surrounded by the temple cats. Her expression is best described as thoughtful.]

I don't think of myself as human, I'm not sure I ever did. To be treated as nothing more than a tool... That doesn't bother me.

To be stolen... I don't know what I would do. [It's only then when her expression changes, a hint of frustration and sadness.] I trust my god, he's been nothing but kind to me. To force a betrayal like that...

Whether a God or not, I assume people want power to some extent. Gods seem to have more control than Shinkis. At least from what the information is saying.

I suppose. I wonder what they want and why this is even happening. I've only been here shortly.

Indeed, you are right. That isn't a question that will have an answer. However, this information is much more useful than I anticipated. So thank you.

Do you know if anyone has taken actions against this sort of treatment?

[As much as he doesn't want to hear about the incident again, Rin knows there are many pieces to this puzzle he's yet to put into place, so he can't afford to just tune it out and let it be. Yes, he knows what happened. He knows who was responsible, where they went, what they did... but the most important bits--how Sousuke feels--remain in the dark. Always quiet, content to blend into the walls and the shadows, to retreat to his own place of refuge as if nothing ever changed and nothing ever will...

But once he knows, how can he answer? If he's so new to all of this himself and if he's never been in any position to understand how shinki feel... how can he know what to say? Everything he believes in, he's told Sousuke before, and he's defended across the network with complete strangers because his conscience said he should. But... he can't make Sousuke believe him. When all his best friend knows is nothing, what can he believe? And who can he trust?

I want to protect you, but I need you to be free. I don't want to hurt you, but I'm always going to be your biggest threat.

The video feed flickers on to reveal the same sight ahead, petals and moonlight, shadows cast over the small pond in the gardens below. They haven't spoken much since Rin found out about all this, but that's only because of his cowardice and nerves. One slip up... one wrong step and he can ruin what's already turned fragile.]

... I'm not your master. I'm not your god. And you'll never be a tool, no matter what anyone else tries to force you to believe.

You and I-- We're meant to be a team. We don't use each other's strength; we learn from it. Grow stronger from it. But for that to happen, before anything else, what matters most is yourself. That's your right.

[After a solid beat,]

All I can do is tell you my feelings. I can't force you to trust or believe me and I never will. Just know that I'll always trust you.

... And I'll always value you as my friend above anything else.

Being dependent on anyone isn’t helpful. You ultimately have your own strength to rely on, regardless of whatever you’re doing. I know they want us to work together here; I’ve seen it and felt it. But forcing a bond doesn’t work. It shouldn’t. I don’t want someone telling me what I should do or feel.

I’m responsible for myself.

Weren’t we all newcomers though? Everyone came from somewhere to this place. [This is the first time he’s come across the notion of “you” and “us” as this person’s talking about so…] But you don’t have control over what kind of bond a god makes with a shinki. A shinki doesn’t have control over what kind of value a god sees in them.

Nora, hm? [So that’s what that word means. Good to finally know.] Are you so sure? I was forcefully named by another god. Blackmailed if you want specifics. Unless you’re a different sort of god, the same could happen to your shinki, as far as I know.

Some people don’t care about respect.

If you know something that can be done, I’m listening. []

[Somehow, he knows Makoto would respond to this. He’s glad for the privacy between them; this is one person he doesn’t want seeing how much of a mess this has made inside him. He glances once towards the phone, eyes cold and sharp, but it’s not as if Makoto can see him. It’s not out of his mind yet that he’s once confronted Makoto in the past about this very thing.]

You and I both.

[He folds his arms across his chest, hands silently digging into his upper arms and dragging his shirt close around his shoulders via the grip. It’s almost going against his very nature to even be bringing this up. People will see him as weak, as a victim, and he hates that. But… He’s not so proud as to keep this information from the other shinki.

They need to know. Even if he has to be the one on the hook for it.]

Hn, I don’t think those gods will care what you tell them. If they did it once, they’ll do it again, Makoto.

Che, I don’t want my god being responsible for me; I can take care of myself as much as he can. Relying on someone else won’t get you far in life; you’ll buckle the moment you have to stand on your own.

[Some of this is bitterness talking and he knows it, but there’s something about Makoto that lets him feel a little freer to show those emotions.]

… I didn’t want Rin to know. But a shinki doesn’t have that kind of privacy either.

[Did he tell him details though? Nope. Sousuke brushed it off and kept walking. Rin didn’t need the burden. But maybe that’d been the wrong thing to do…]

I believe you. But friendship’s not that easy. It takes more than a kind hello. I hope you’ve been working on that sensing skill, so you know where Haru is.

[That’s not a response he’s expected and Sousuke glances at the averted screen, brows furrowed in a mixture of surprise and a bit of annoyance. But he can’t at all say he knows everyone here so… who’s he to judge. The girl has her own experiences.]

Why? Being content to be a tool… You’re fine with that?

[The other words have him start a little and he takes a breath.] Oy, my Master, my real Master, never betrayed me. [He wants to make that clear here.] Someone else came along and took me without his or my want.

If I can help him, then that's all that matters. [Because to her, that's the end goal.] ... My god has never treated me that way. I'm a person to him. We willing entered this agreement.

You were forced to enter into a contract. And the other one... the second god you have- he's just using you. [Her expression grows slowly more troubled.] And there's nothing a shinki can do to stop them? Another god can just... overpower us and make us their own?

At the very least someone else understands.

[He'd been looking for a post like this forever.]

Even...even if they want to do it again to other shinki, doesn't mean we can't stop them somehow, right? If enough people say something, they have to stop.

[Makoto is glad that Sousuke is letting this off of his chest. That he's sharing some of his concerns because then Makoto can help other shinki and understand how they must feel as well.

That's what the main difference is. It's hard for a god to know what their shinki must think of things. They can feel things their shinki feel, he's got his own few harsh stings from Haru to prove that, but their thoughts are just as important.]

Gods and shinki can rely on each other. If Haru wasn't by my side, I don't know what I would do. And I know I'm messing up with him, but I can just try my best. That's what most of us are doing.

We're trying to be careful.

[He rubs the back of his head.]

As for the sensing skill, I'll work on it...

but I also talked with Haru about the dangers, too. I don't just want to keep tabs on him secretly, he has the right to know as well.

He...didn't take it well...but...he's my friend, so I want to be honest.

[Of course Rin. Why wouldn’t he? It’s not like Sousuke’s blocked the broadcast. But despite knowing he’d show up, despite knowing Rin’s in the same place as him, the god’s castle, he finds himself irritated. Because he’s already seen the affect it has on Rin. From the questioning to the curt brush off to the argument and tight-lipped silence that sent them apart in frustration. It’d been the first time Sousuke had ever considered sleeping in a different room from Rin. As far as he knows, Rin only knows Sousuke’s frustrated about the events, left to quietly deal with it on his own in the shadows and silence of elsewhere.

But what can Rin say? He’s a god. He’s part of the very reason Sousuke’s in this state in the first place. Part of the people that shinki are supposed to bow to and offer up their strength at a moment’s notice. As much as he doesn’t think Rin would ever do such a thing, the fact remains that Rin has every right and ability to discard Sousuke for any or no reason at all. According to this world at least. He’s wanted to trust him in the past, and he’s believed his words.

But right now, it’s hard. Despite all the things he’s said and felt, the sickening realization he was betraying Rin as that second name inscribed itself along his body remained in the back of his throat no matter how many days passed since the incident.

I don’t want to be your weakness. So let me be your strength.

He’d said that to him, hadn’t he? And now… Sousuke glances to the screen again, never once going so far as to be shown in the view. He doesn’t’ want anyone to see him right now. Not until he has the steel and ice back in front of his eyes where they belong. He recognizes the pond in the gardens; they’re more or less on opposite sides of the castle right now.]

Maybe you don’t want to be. But you are, whether you like it or not. And I’m your shinki, whatever that means I need to become for you.

Who decided we’re “meant” to be a team? We fight a lot, you know. [He gazes at the screen for a moment more before turning his head and resting it against the wall, looking up in frustration towards the dark ceiling above. Here it comes…what matters most is yourself. It’s a pretty thought and obviously Rin can make it truth while he’s with him. But is it really true in this world? What does “Sousuke” matter if he’s a shinki?]

I don’t feel like ‘myself’ matters much, Rin. And I hate it.

[That single word again and his teeth grit, a harder breath sliding between his teeth.]

What do you even mean by that? You hardly know anything about me! What gives you the ability to call me your friend?!

I don’t even know you!

[... i don't even know you ...]

[He's not sure if that's comforting or disturbing. Probably a mixture of both in that strange way.]

But there's little we can do about it as shinki.

I’d rather not talk about that. [He’s upset enough without that knowledge coming back to lurk around his mind.]

We may need each other, but the balance of power and need isn’t evenly split. We trade our existence for servitude. They trade… I don’t know what they trade to get a new weapon or tool.
.
You can’t trust someone blindly. Trust isn’t given; it’s earned. Proven. Or you’ll get hurt or used. [There are ways of learning and getting to know someone that doesn’t involve throwing your trust on them.] Che, you have no idea if they have a reason for lying or not. Gods can lie as much as shinki or humans can.

I know my own god lies to me. But I also know he does it to keep me safe.

I heard about that. Blight or something… Maybe if I’d done that, the god who stole me wouldn’t be able to do this again… [It’d mean Sousuke’s death, but it’d protect Rin… it’d protect Goten and the others, right?]

Let me know how that works out for you. Gods are stronger than shinki in my experience.

I don’t see how they’re as vulnerable; their existence isn’t as tied to us as ours is to them.

Power to be free. Aa, they have more control from what I’ve seen. If they know how to use it well.

I’ve not been here long either; some people have ideas about it, from batteries to replacements to trials.

You’re welcome, I guess. I don’t like bringing it up. It’s pathetic. But the shinki need to know. So whatever.

I doubt it. I don’t even know if the gods knew it was going on before this. Or if they’ll care.

These bonds were never forced. However, I can see how they can be given these gods know nothing of how things were before they arrived.

Unlike most of you, I am a god of this world. I have always been a god and not one brought from another world. The same holds true for my shinki. I met them as spirits of the Near Shore and named them. Amaterasu didn't assign them to me. Things were different before the first new arrivals came. It's clear this difference and how gods and shiki come together now is causing a loss of those traits we held. Every standard of respect between gods and every bond we had with our shinki seems to amount to nothing with each newcomer. It pains me to see this. It pains me even more that a god has disrespected you this way, even more that they've resorted to blackmail.

This is a problem we've never had but it's clearly a problem we must address. I can only assume for now, our best option is to find those responsible [ ~~and kill them~~ ] and bring them forward.

What? … If that’s what you want. [It makes no sense to him why someone would willingly want to act subservient. Helping is fine, but for it to be “all that matters” is disturbingly robotic like. But how can he discuss wanting his own freedom if he judges this girl for living how she wants?]

I entered my first agreement willingly. [There… might have been some two-way emotional duress going on there, but he’s more or less accepted it.] The second one was forced on me. If I didn’t comply and become the second’s shinki, someone else would be hurt… and my god was threatened too.

[His voice thickens into a growl, disgusted with himself for being the victim and admitting to it.] As far as I know, yes. If I refused the blackmail, the second would’ve made me his shinki anyways. It was just… easier if I “agreed” to it.

All right.

[She can respect that. But the thing is...well.]

That's not how it works with me and my god. But maybe they trade vulnerability? I mean, if one shinki can blight them to death...what happens when there's more?

Blight is...from what I understand, it's very painful. And you become something you don't want to be. Not a monster on the outside, but on the inside. That's a rough path. A dark one too. I don't think anyone would want you to take it.

I don't know who lies to me, or what they stand to gain from it. It's a risk that we all have to take.

We shinki are anchors, I think, and they're floating in a current. If that makes sense at all.

[She's thinking dark thoughts again. She's pretty certain that...in the right or wrong hands, gods can be killed by other gods wielding shinki.]

You're saying someone named you against your will?

[Hijikata isn't one of the old gods, but all the same, the thought alone visibly infuriates him. It's bad enough that so many of the shinki feel forced into their role, bad enough that the new gods have no choice but to keep so many secrets from them, and now someone's going around forcing shinki to serve them?]

[If someone like that ever so much as looks at Souji...]

...I'm sorry. Those of us who are gods now didn't choose this, either, but I'm sorry that happened to you.

I'll say this -- any god who doesn't see you as a person to be worked with is as foolish as they're cruel. A shinki's strength as a "weapon" comes from their bond with their god, and true loyalty and willingness to serve aren't things that can be forced. A god who relies on what isn't given willingly is a pitiful damn excuse for a god.

[He sighs, taking a drag from his cigarette.]

...Thank you for the warning. I'll keep a close eye out for my shinki's sake.

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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text; enter one mama bear

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excuse his 'what?' moment, mama bear

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you're new you can buh-wha at her all you need

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