thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

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Something from the god's world... That doesn't make any sense. But if that's what you heard, I'll tell my god about it. [Once they actually start to talk again...] So if these aren't supposed to exist, which ones are? Is it their power that's different or their looks? [It's likely she doesn't know, but he has to ask all the same.]

Aa. I'll think about it. [While he's not really the type to train with others, the event with the theft is making him rethink that "I can do by myself" opinion. Reluctantly.]

I want to be able to fight back and I'll do whatever I have to to make sure that happens. [Because he never wants to be in that situation again.]

Eros. Is this something you normally do? Make food for everyone?

That's as much as I know. He's a pragmatic coward and he'll run if he's not in control. [Yep, no lost love here.] When you go hunting him, I want to be there. I want to take him down and see the results.

[Maybe it's vindictive, and he will ask his god if that's okay with him, but Sousuke knows he won't be satisfied with simply getting a message on his voicemail of "we got him" or the like.]

Aa. Goten and I were the only named ones. Like I said, he made it sound like he went through multiple others until he found me.

I actually met him my first day here and I insinuated he'd claim me if I didn't find my god soon, or simply take me later when he was ready. []

Right. There's a lot of things I can think of that'd make having that kind of shinki complicated. I can see now why some of the other gods say noras aren't liked by gods and shinki. [The idea of getting along with a shinki that disrespects their god enough to go flounce around with any number of gods is strange.]

Aa. Sometimes I wonder if my god and I would be better off parting ways. We had a lot of friction earlier on and we still fight a lot. But it also makes me more determined to get stronger. I know I don't want to be separated from him no matter how tough it gets. [That's one of the reasons Sousuke hates what happened to him.]

Some of the other gods have more than a few stranger opinions. A nora ain't a bad person, sure as anything, but they're not my kind of partner either.

[So, well, it'd just be unfortunate if someone wanted to nora to or from him.]

But as for you and your young man, I figure if you're so powerfully attached to him, you'll figure it out.

That's their problem then. Maybe a nora isn't a bad person, but a willing nora probably has circumstances.

[Naively thinking they can help everyone, being endangered without their god around, or some other sort of thing. Someone who likes to play "all sides" doesn't sound like a "good" person to him. Loyalty is a thing.]

Oy. Did you have to put it "my young man"? [It makes him feel strange. For a few reasons.]

I hope so. Sometimes it even confuses me.

I don't want that kind of false power. I wish to merely be free of the gods' tyranny as simply a tool of theirs. I am already strong and mean only to get stronger, and no god can conquer that.

[ It's all so much to take in. In all of Freyja's time here she has not really thought of her position as a God beyond protecting others and protecting Nightshade. She's not thought about why they put Nightshade at her side beyond to help her in this confusing place. But to know that someone might try to take her away, use her for evil intentions sparks something inside her chest...

She won't let anyone hurt her. This new power was her own for a reason and it meant more than just healing. Her heart shaped rune, usually bright in color, is dark when she switches her video feed on.

There is no evidence that she could help but maybe, just maybe... ]

My... my voice can heal others from injuries. It can even keep demons and ayakashi at bay or cleanse people of their evil effects. I can even purify people so maybe I can help you too. Maybe my power can erase a name that is forced on a shinki through evil intentions or against their will.

[ It's a shot in the dark but how could they protect them if anyone could just snatch them away? ]

Somebody to keep at a safe distance. I think we agree.

[Sorry noras for this public conversation... but not really. Anyway.]

You're both young men, aren't you? And we're all awfully close to our other halves here, technically speaking. I'm just wishing you luck.

If that's true, then tell me, what really holds a shinki to a god? Why are shinki required to serve gods if they can exist without their help?

If a shinki can become stronger than a god, it's not strength that forces shinki to serve gods.

Aa. It's almost impossible to trust someone like that.

[Oh right, this is public. He should remember that, but he doesn't at the moment.]

Oh. Yeah, we are. Both of those, I guess. Hopefully that luck will go somewhere with this.

Be careful yourself. I don't know who'll get what for this whole conversation.

[He and Sousuke have been apart before. Separated by years and miles upon miles of land and sea, they've in silence, never knowing if the other thought of them or even remembered who they were. So... it should be easy, this kind of separation. Right? No... that's just not the case, no matter how desperately he wants it to be. Because after this distance, they won't come back together, right back to the same page they left off at, as if they never parted at all. Now every argument and disagreement serve to deepen the rift between them, until they're looking across opposite ends and seeing nothing staring back. It really is an awful feeling, but it hurts even more because he doesn't know how to fix it.

Whatever Sousuke wants, what he needs, what he likes and hates more than anything else in the world-- He thought he knew it all, better than the back of his hand. But he doesn't.

And Sousuke feels the need to apologize?

He can't bring himself to cut those words short though, and maybe it's because he enjoys listening to his best friend's voice that he doesn't. How familiar it is... gentle and calm rather than angry or afraid. Part of him, a very stupid and gullible part of him, believes that if he walks over and opens the door, he'll find the same boy standing behind it with his identity and memories all intact. They'll be able to put all this behind them and look forward to working together again as if they never even stopped. Like teammates, like rivals, like--

--friends?

His feet touch the floor quicker than he can think and despite the wobble in his step or how his heavy limbs want to drag him down onto the floor, Rin forces himself through the dark bedroom, hands touching the walls and eventually the door frame to hold himself steady. Everything aches. His body won't stop telling him to fall asleep right here, right now. But Sousuke said-- He really said--]

No!

[it's a weak outcry and one he makes once shaking fingers somehow manage to grip the door handle and pull the door open. His eyes aren't well adjusted to the brighter lighting in the hallway, so when it hits them he squints but doesn't falter backwards.]

... No.

[calmer, quieter, his heart fluttering and eyes damp as he struggles to stay upright. Under the cover of darkness, the strange ache at the nape of his neck continues to take its toll on his body. Whatever it is.]

You're not horrible, you-- [You never were.] --Don't be upset with yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. [You shouldn't even call me a friend. I've done nothing to prove that I can be. ... What are you saying?]

[Of course he feels the need to apologize. After everything Rin has done for him since arriving here, Sousuke had thrown it back in his face. A wandering shinki picked up from the streets and offered a place to stay, a life to lead, a purpose to serve, and guidance if wanted. An untrained fighter invited to learn about his new skills and life alongside someone who doesn’t consider him a tool or a weapon, but instead a person, and constantly reminds him of that fact as well. Someone without memories or family now given the chance to be someone alongside another person who never had to do anything with him in the first place. Sousuke’s been a handful to Rin; he knows this. Despite not having memories, he’s seen the reactions Rin has to him, figures the nostalgia Rin has for someone in the past that resembles him is the reason. And yet, his god tries so often to prevent that from affecting them, trying to give Sousuke his own space without burdening him with those feelings and emotions Sousuke can’t do anything about.

So many times Rin’s sacrificed for him, small ways and large ways. All things that obviously point to the young man trying to be friends with him even as Sousuke digs his heels in and refutes that very thing. He’s argued before about what it takes to become a friend, still has trouble seeing the two of them as “friends” at the moment. But likewise, he still has trouble being around anyone else but Rin… Ever since the start, there’s been something about the other boy that keeps his attention. Not only the want to never see him cry again, but the unknown feeling of contentment and quiet happiness as Rin spends time with him. Things Sousuke’s left unsaid, but remain there regardless.

So in that case… how could he have stood to his face and slammed him with those cruel, callous words: I don’t even know you.

Sousuke listens to the sounds inside the room, figures Rin’s climbing from the bed and making his way across the room. He can see his way through there without even being in the room, familiar from sleeping and waking in that room day after day. But there comes the sound of hands on the wall, then on the door frame, as if the person inside is trying to hold on for support. It doesn’t… sound “well” and he recognizes it with a worried expression.

He frowns at the outcry, not as much from the denial but from the sound of Rin’s voice. What’s going on in there? Teal eyes narrow slightly as the door finally opens and he tilts his head a little as Rin squints into the lights. It’s dark in the room… So… “No” hm? He waits, figuring denying his apology isn’t exactly what Rin’s going for. But… Rin really does look like something’s wrong. Struggling to even stay upright. Sousuke doesn’t mention it, but he knows this is somehow his fault too.

Don’t be upset with yourself. Very much too late for that. You didn’t do anything wrong. Yeah that’s a lie in the face and both he and Rin know it. But the sight of Rin wipes out any quiet urge he might have to argue. So instead, Sousuke closes his eyes and dips his head in a slight nod.]

All right.

[Right now, it’s not about him anymore. He opens his eyes, concerned for the god in front of him. His god.]

What’s wrong, Rin? You look awful.

[This is the kind of realization, one of them at least, he wants the gods and shinki to have as they listen to him and look at the conversation following. The difference in position between the gods and the shinki. Who holds the power and who can choose to abuse it or use it wisely. And how they are going to relate to each other after this. Shinki have to rely on their gods… for the most part… but gods also need to tend to their shinki… or should at least.

Maybe it will also spark protective feelings or perhaps possessive. Either one can still be affected by a god who cares nothing for a shinki’s rights or a god’s position to that shinki. So then… the question is, what are they going to do about it.

Sousuke glances to the new voice on the feed. Despite his irritation over the matter, it’d be a lie to say he doesn’t appreciate the gods and shinki who want to help.]

Purify? [He wonders if the god that stole him could “benefit” from that purification by eliminating his obviously arrogant opinion.] In theory, that might work. I don’t know if we’ll get a chance soon to test it though.

What about evil intentions? Do you think it can erase those from a person?

From that particular gods world...I think it was supposed to be some sort of fusion, to make the ayakashi tame. But it didn't work out so well. Least, from what I understand. But...I think it's a little of both? The looks and the power.

Because the ayakashi I've seen around here? They're really weird looking.

But thanks. For your consideration. I'm sure we can do each other a lot of good. And I hope this might be able to empower you to take control of your life.

[Or after life, as it were. Too bad this isn't voice, or else he would have heard her laugh.]

Huh. Eros...I don't normally make food for everyone, but I was planning on making some as a thank you for someone else. And who doesn't love a muffin?

Right, right. If I hear anything about dealing with gods overstepping their bounds, I'll look you up. The name's Hazel, just in case.

Not a whole lot. I heard about it from a guy named Yukine. But they're supposed to be able to help shinki who are being treated badly by gods.

[She's wondering if she should've payed them a visit, just to learn more.]

Aa. That's appreciated.

Yamazaki Sousuke. I'm Eros' shinki. []

That's an odd name for that kind of aim.

[A labor office dealing with shinki rights or something like that.]

Yukine, hm. I'll look into it as well.

I want to know more about that if possible. Hopefully they'll let us know what they find out. ['They' being the higher gods or whoever's in charge of that attempted fusion.] Aa. I've seen one or two like that.

You're making an effort to help; it'd be rude to turn it down immediately. Hopefully this entire conversation will make shinki's lives better and help the relationship between gods and shinki. Before something like this happens again.

[Yeah he thought that same thing, "the life after" since they weren't really "alive" anymore, now were they.]

Aa. That's nice of you. And it depends on how they're made, I guess.

[ being claimed by another god has never really crossed his mind... he never really knew it was possible, and honestly, he never really considered it a concern. dealing with Makoto being his god was enough for him. but now knowing that it was possible to be claimed by another god left a bad taste in his mouth. he was starting to become just as wary of these gods, if anything.

whether or not he'd thank Sousuke for enlightening him and all the other shinkis was a different story, though. ]

Can we even fight back? Especially if some of these gods are that powerful?

[ at the mention of compromise, Haru goes silent, his mind going back to his conversation with Makoto. ] ... I don't think a compromise will work.

Well, that's what stinging them is for.

Hopefully they will. I'd like to know more myself.

Thanks for your consideration then. And I don't know who's reading this but I'm hoping that gods who thought of it before are reconsidering, and shinki are forewarned.

[Basically she agrees. With forewarning and the life there after.]

How they're made? What do you mean?

[ Ah... so he's one of those types. Already she's formulating a plan to take him down. It's going to take more than her and her shinki to corner him clearly. ]

So he's been naming shinki and discarding them as soon as he finds them unsatisfactory or at least when he's done with them.

[ Definitely worse than she thought. ]

Did he tell you what he wanted to use you for? Did he release your name afterward?

[So many times he's wanted to laugh. A quiet, bitter laugh, because of the irony and how much it hurts. He's spent his whole life unaware around Sousuke, blinded to what should have been clear from the start, and now here he is, building this wall between them brick by brick to keep his best friend unaware of him. It's a sacrifice and one he never wanted to make. Sacrificing themselves for each other, stepping down, taking painful blows... all these things they were never meant to do, now necessary to their survival. He remembers this feeling too well, from the moment he heard that rush of fabric and saw that awful red blotch beneath Sousuke's jacket--

First he sacrifices himself for Rin and now Rin sacrifices himself for Sousuke. Is there balance? Are they even? ... It should feel that way, but it doesn't.

But this isn't the time to be wallowing. If he can help it. Sousuke's here now, considerably calmer than before, and from the looks of things, Rin isn't the only one in need of some sleep. He's ready to step aside on that note--they can discuss this more in the morning if it needs any more closure--but Sousuke's quick to stop him with that concern look alone and before the question comes he's already looking towards the floor. It's true. He doesn't need to look in a mirror to know how awful he looks. Still, he shakes his head, and after releasing the door he turns to head back inside. A little wobbly and he's dragging his feet while he does it, but at least he's walking unassisted.

Don't look at me like that.]

It's just late, that's all.

[His hand comes up to rub at his neck, but he stops himself halfway, worrying he might aggravate the odd tingling sensation beneath the skin if he touches it.]

We should try to get some sleep before the sun comes up.

[Which suggests their sleeping arrangements won't change tonight.]

It's not shallow!

[She says that a little bit louder, very upset that he would think that about her in particular and that way of thinking in general. She's still just bummed out he's this down to say things like that.]

There's all kinds of friendship! There's the kind you feel when you just meet someone and then there's something more comfortable after you've known each other awhile and there's also the kind where you've known each other your whole lives! Every friendship should start with just one moment of trust - one moment you give someone else a chance and let them into your life.

[Maybe she'll get back to his first comment eventually, but right now that second one's the most important to her.]

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Page 9 of 17

Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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shall i start shopping for some lovely black suspenders?

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text;

Tsuguha might be insulted if we add suspenders to her

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