thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

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You better keep your promise, Sousuke! I don't think your place is that hard to find.

[He chuckles a bit. He really doesn't know what temple Sousuke is at but since the older shinki already told him bits about it, it really wouldn't be too hard to find with a bird's eye view]

I'm not pouting! Just....thinking.

[He is. He really is pouting but it's not fair. He wants to protect Sousuke and everyone else too. How are you suppose to beat up someone that can hold you in place? No matter how much Goten racks his brain for a way around that power, he comes up empty. There's gotta be a way though. He's sure of it.]

That's not a bad thing though. Be careful Sousuke! I dont think that guy will like that you said all that. I'll help out anyway I can too!

That can be more difficult than it sounds... but agreed.

[Not so much her, but more that viewpoint on friendship. And yes, maybe it is his current attitude bringing some of this out, but at the same time, Sousuke is a very self-reliant person. Even if he doesn't remember it.]

You and I have different definitions of 'friendship' then. Even if two people have known each other their whole lives, that doesn't make them friends.

You're right; friendship has to start somewhere. Whether that's a moment of trust or cautious agreement, that's up to you.

[She seems very passionate about friendship; it's at once something vaguely comforting and frustrating. He knows friendship can help people. But it's not some kind of miracle that'll solve every problem.]

I can trust you're being sincere on the matter, but that doesn't make us friends. Even if we're helping each other.

[Sousuke's not painting Loki a very flattering picture here; Sousuke's not caring much about that here either.]

It was heavily implied. He wanted me as his shinki for a job despite already having one. And seemed a lot happier with what I turned into.

[Considering the other things Loki had told him during their first meeting, his dismissing of Sousuke after the job was done, and the overall situation of the whole "theft" event, yes, it's all but given that Sousuke's merely one of Loki's part time tools.]

To defeat an ayakashi. Aa, he released me once the job was done, but he'll come back if he wants me again.

I think we all want to now.

It's nice of you to suggest that. I'll take you up on it privately. [He doesn't want to attend some group-shinki class practicing his borderline and such. Not yet anyhow.]

They've set up a strange system. It works on theory at least, but not very well if people's feelings are taken into account. [Since the set up is definitely dependent on a god or shinki's feelings about how "right" their positions are.

As for the muffins...]

No one likes a burnt or rock-hard muffin.

[He remembers none of that. He knows only what he sees. And right now, he sees a tired, bedraggled young man who’s sacrificed so much for him. Too much. It can’t even have been a few hours, and yet Rin looks like he hasn’t slept for days. Sousuke’s mind turns over the strange, uneasy sounds he heard while Rin made his way to the door, turns over the sight of his face and the tired strain of his voice a moment ago. The room itself is dark and uninviting and Sousuke’s pretty sure there’s something wrong here. But even as he knows this, he can only watch as Rin does exactly what he knows he’s doing to do.

The door handle makes a soft noise as the god’s hand leaves it and Sousuke watches as Rin moves back into the room. His shoulders slight from one side to the next, a tiny wobble that he sees all too clearly. The sound of the carpet beneath dragging feet scuffing into the gloom of the bedroom where he’s slept beside Rin’s bed and opened up gifts that his god had no real reason to get for him asides from the fact he cares enough to do so. Clothes catering to his preferences because Rin’s such a lucky guesser (he still doesn’t believe it, but doesn’t talk about it because it’s one of “those” things). Invitations to get up and move and do and live.

Yes, Rin’s walking unassisted, returning to the bed to lie down and try to rest while he’s clearly unable to do so.]

Bullshit. [Sousuke reaches out and catches onto Rin’s wrist the moment it swings backwards, his fingers wrapping gentle and firm around the god’s skin. He hadn’t missed the reach for the neck either, though doesn’t really “know” what it’s there for. Yet.]

We can sleep after you tell me what’s wrong. [There’s slight relief that he’s not going to be made to sleep elsewhere (though honestly he won’t blame Rin if Rin demands it and actually had wondered whether or not he should even return to their room after what he’d said). But… that later.]

[He knows this guy's Makoto's shinki. Though he doesn't know Makoto really well (like everyone else here besides Rin and Goten), he's always thought to himself Makoto's shinki would be happy with him. But... Obviously that can't be the case. Not if these questions are coming. It's a strange feeling, trying to talk to or maybe give advice to someone he doesn't like.

On the one hand, he can definitely tell Haru to fight for his rights as a shinki. But on the other hand, the disgust and revulsion that comes from being forced to betray his own god and serve as someone's shinki against his will is a powerful enough trump over his own pride that it's hard to encourage a shinki to buck against as god's tracking them.

Being wary of the gods is only a start; there are two "evils" here and one of them is obviously the lesser of the pair. Irksome as it is.]

Some shinki, apparently, feel they're strong enough to fight against gods.

[He doesn't see how that's possible, unless there's a match up of strong shinki versus weak god. 'Weak' in this case being a god that either can't break through the shinki's borderline, though he doesn't know if that will stop a god's ability to name, since it's voice and will rather than anything physical.]

Unless there's a way for a shinki to fight back or refuse to be named, a compromise may be all we have.

[Is it? Elise honestly had never heard of a labor office at all before she came here. She's starting to get the impression that maybe she should be studying harder.

Or at all.]

I'm sorry I can't be any more help. I haven't been a shinki for very long...

Heh, are you threatening me, Goten? [He’s teasing him right now, despite the heaviness of the conversation they’ve reunited upon.] Of course I’ll keep my promise.

[Pretty sure Goten’s able to find his god’s temple without much problem due to being able to fly, so that kind of seals the deal anyways. Oh. Not pouting. Sure. He says nothing, but doesn’t believe it for a moment.

It’s probably a strange feeling, to know that gods are able to do that to other shinki. It removes a security that they might have otherwise had and Sousuke’s well aware this could turn into something very negative between gods and shinki, shattering some of the trust that may very well be fragile in some pairs. But he’d rather that than allow this to continue without an address. Things will be, ultimately, better for it.

But Goten’s one of the few that’s aware of just how vulnerable they are. He also met with Schuldig and also found that binding to eliminate his chance to fight back. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all. Sousuke wants to think there is a way to fight back, but right now, they’re stuck waiting. Ironically waiting on the gods to decide what to do and how to proceed.]

I know he won’t like this, Goten. And I’m counting on it. I want to see him get taken down. I’ll help as well, in any way I can.

Oy, don't apologize. It's not your fault; they don't tell shinki anything when they first get here.

[Instead, shinki rely on their gods for the information, and each other if they can. And Sousuke could also benefit from having a look around himself; he's been a little reclusive his first few weeks here after all.]

You've already got a few people looking into the labor office, so I'm glad you mentioned it.

That's good...

[She's glad she was able to help a little. But he's right, they don't really tell shinki very much when they arrive. Is there something they could do about that?]

Um, so maybe all of us shinki should get together and make a club. To help each other out.

I haven't heard that idea before.

[It is annoying the shinki are dumped in here without being told much of anything. He'd come across people to let him know, which, admittedly, was extremely helpful. Otherwise his god and he would've had a very different initial meeting.]

What do you know about shinki? [Asking out of curiosity here.]

Hmm? Uh...um, not really? I'm just making a promise! Mayyyybeee~

[He knows darn well what he's doing which is evident by the bit of laughter that follows, no matter how much he tries to muffle it with his hands. But over all he does trust Sousuke. The older shinki has never given him a reason not to and Goten really does enjoy hanging out with him.

That's why he cares about Sousuke's well being too. Goten has a big heart, he doesn't want to see anyone hurt but Sousuke is high on that list too. He hasn't done anything wrong. Schuldig is just a big jerk.]

Right! I'm sure this helps, Sousuke.

I will be careful.

[ Since that's the only thing he can do right now rather than being reckless and jumping into unknown situations. whatever it may be, Sousuke has more or less given him some of the information he needs to know about this world and the residents to some extent. He knows that there's a lot he has to look into. ]

It's quite alright. Thank you for your concern. I will make sure not be reckless and I hope the same as well.

[Aside from the room, it seems the rest of the castle is dark and uninviting, and Rin doesn't need to pull back the curtains to know the outside doesn't fair any better. If he thinks he can try and fool Sousuke into believing otherwise though, then he's probably worse off than he thought... Still, stubbornness keeps him going, and by the time he's halfway across the room he's managed to stabilize his legs. He can say he sat on them weird, that they fell asleep and they're just waking up now. A little white lie on top of more little white lies.

How much longer will he have to keep this up?

Not for long, looks like, because soon Sousuke reaches out for him and with a gentle, surprised noise he stops and glances over his shoulder. This again... He's not gonna push him up against a door this time though, is he?]

... I'm tired.

[That's not a lie.]

We're both tired. And we've been thinking a lot so--

[Looking away again, but not walking off just yet. The hair falling over the back of his neck leaves his skin feeling especially sensitive, so he twitches out of reflex, like he wants to reach up again to brush it away.]

That's all.

[For sure. Whether the information is shared is hard to know.]

All right, that's fair. Maybe some other time!

But I agree that the system is strange. I really don't get why it is the way it is.

Also I'll have you know that none of my food is burnt or rock hard. Or the wrong flavour. Though if you need to eat a few to be sure, I don't mind.

If you go easy on me I think I'd be insulted.

[Not realizing how badly he's going to lose at this. It's not something that matters to him so much either, as the distraction should be worth it.

As for things he's good at, he doesn't even know for sure yet. Still, this at least sounds fun!]

Well... there's safety in numbers right? Or something like that.

[She only just thought of it. Something like that might be tough to organize. But just having a support network might help a lot of shinki.]

I know a little bit. Probably about as much as everybody else. Um...

[She starts ticking things off on her fingers.]

Shinki turn into weapons so gods can beat up ayakashi. People on the near shore can't see us very well. We have neat powers and can learn stuff like borderlines. We used to be regular people but we...

[There's no non awkward way to say it, but she still hesitates.]

...died. And we don't have any memories.

[Well, it is night time right now. A few hours before sunrise at that. The night is at its darkest probably, to say nothing of the atmosphere smothering the castle due to Sousuke’s actions. He hasn’t even had to look outside the windows to know that the sakura are drooping and there is no longer a breeze to carry the falling petals through the air. It seems as if that image is reflected right in front of him now as Rin retreats into the bedroom. Part of him is wavering, wanting to allow Rin to leave and get some rest. Obviously his god knows his body far better than Sousuke does. If it’s really tiredness, he should be a good shinki and leave him alone…

Right?

So then why is Sousuke halfway into the room, one arm stretched out and holding firmly onto a clammy wrist? That surprised noise doesn’t faze him and he continues to watch his god with those same concerned, quiet eyes. There is no pull, no threatening shove like there had been the first day they met. Only the same quietness that Sousuke’s known for even now. … I’m tired.]

No you’re not. Not entirely.

[It’s another lie. One given to protect him all over again. Sacrificing himself once more so Sousuke doesn’t have to deal with something uncomfortable or harsh. And in this case, something he’s probably to blame for, no matter how much Rin feels it’s not so.]

Aa. I am tired… but I can’t rest if you’re hurting.

[So… please…]

Rin.

[… talk to me. It’s what… It’s what friends did, right? That stubborn trust thing… right?]

Aa. I'll contact you.

[It's not a denial or refusal. He simply has his pride and would rather not end up making mistakes in front of a crowd.]

I can see why it is the way it is. But it only works for people content with it.

[Oh? Well that's a little amusing.]

Tell me something. Did you remember how to cook or did it come to you naturally? You're a shinki after all. Just yes or no, don't think hard about it.

[Or they'd end up getting that nausea feeling again.]

[At the very least, this guy doesn't have to go forward without knowing all of this. It's not easy information and revelation to take in, but it'll help him avoid some god trying to take advantage of him. At least that's the hope.

There's a lot for both of them, hell, all gods and shinki, to look into regarding this event and the possible ramifications it has. He thought it'd be something small, but it's turned out to be a lot bigger.]

Aa. Let me know if you find something out.

I'll see you around.

Hn. Good to know.

[He's going to really have to get into that pool and find out whether he can or cannot swim. Especially if he's challenging other people to it. Ironic, isn't it.

But it's set and he'll be aiming for it sooner or later.]

I see. [He doesn't sound convinced and it's on purpose.

The small laugh that comes through the screen eases him and he relaxes against the wall, eyes closing as he tries to think about what's processed in the past hour or two. A lot of people talking, a lot of words and ideas thrown around, a lot of mistakes and questions. Comments about trust and friendship and the gods the shinki serve and work with. It's a strange mixture in his mind and he's fast to find out he's really tired. It's been a long night.

But he's not ready to hang up either. He likes being with Goten. The boy helps clear some of the confusion and over-analyzing. Helps to remind him that sometimes, you had to stop thinking and dive in. Sousuke doesn't want to see Goten hurt again. Not if he can help it.]

It does. More than we probably know.

Something like that.

[And sometimes not, since more people meant more distractions and being able to miss something, but that was being a pessimist and they didn't need that right now.]

Hm. That's about what I know as well. The vague summary of it.

[Weapons to fight ayakashi. Still getting used to the near shore stuff, so it's nice to hear some confirmation in that too. Powers he's well aware of and the borderline skill he's working on. And... yeah, the dead and amnesia part. He doesn't think about that much and even now pushes the thoughts away.]

I think we're supposed to only have one god at a time. That's the system they've created.

Well you're not wrong about that - that people can know each other their whole lives and still not be friends. That's not what I said. You don't have to be friends with everyone when you first meet them, but you could meet someone and want to be friends with them.

[But she does give him a knowing look.]

You don't have to be my friend. That's fine. But I'm going to treat you like one of mine anyway.

[Maybe a little of it is just trying to prove him wrong, but a lot of it is sympathizing with the fact that he's hurting right now and not actually expecting him to reach out to her in the way she wants.]

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

late late

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We don't want that now do we

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shame on you, hurting makoto like that ... (why are they so similar?)

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s'all good~ i owe you a tag on goten's thread too

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stiillllll i adore my sousuke tags

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and i my goten!

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