HEAVEN'S BBS | TEXT

[tadanokusuriuri]

Posted: May 14
From: Anonymous


It seems that I require advice.

Recently, I was... unable to control my emotions in my god's presence. He said something that aroused a suspicion in me, though without the truth of my memory, I cannot easily explain why. The way that he reacted to what he felt from me... now leads me to question what I assumed in that moment.

I have not been able to learn if he was blighted at all, but I suspect he may have been. It seems unlikely that he didn't cry.

I understand that damage of this sort is a risk to god and shinki when we are called on to fight together. What I ask of you, then, is this:

How am I to amend it?


[[OOC: TRIGGER WARNING, especially if your character digs at what made him suspicious and uncomfortable, for potential discussion of sexual and domestic abuse! He doesn't remember any of the abuse survivors he encountered through his work in life on a conscious level, of course, but what made him get all upset was basically misunderstanding a situation as potentially sexual and then hearing "not taking no for answer." If you'd like to reply to this post but would rather avoid some aspect of that, please let me know either in an OOC comment or on my Plurk (cognitiveleague) what I should avoid bringing up, and I'll be happy to work with you!]]

Comments

[tadanokusuriuri]

It isn't that I don't usually feel anything.

But until now, the emotions I felt were wind blowing over a still lake. Small movements on the surface, gone without a trace when the storm dies down.

Something stirred under the water, this time. I had no way of knowing it was there, until it did. That sort of ignorance is... risky.

[reformedsinner]

The natural state of a shinki, one might say, is ignorance of self.

There's no helping it.

You'll learn where the snags are in time.

[tadanokusuriuri]

It doesn't concern me, usually. "Self" is...

Temporary.

But I don't have time for stumbling on "snags". It's... a nuisance I didn't anticipate.

[reformedsinner]

Unfortunately, you'll have to take the time for it. There's no way around the problem except to re-learn that "self."

It can sometimes be helpful to have someone other than your god to speak to, as well. If you happen to have another trusted individual, to whom you could explain details, that would be more helpful./font>

[tadanokusuriuri]

If I had such a person, I would be speaking with them, would I not?

But... I don't feel that there's very much to say anyway, about myself.

[reformedsinner]

Perhaps you just don't know what there is to say yet.

[tadanokusuriuri]

Even if I knew everything... surely there are things more worthy of interest.

[reformedsinner]

"Knowing others is wisdom, knowing oneself is enlightenment" ... or so it's said.

[tadanokusuriuri]

"Enlightenment..."

And if "self" is simply... another worldly illusion to cling to?

[reformedsinner]

Then it is the illusion through which we experience everything else. Worldly or otherwise.

Besides, regardless of your philosophical position, knowing yourself is how you predict those emotional responses before anyone happens to be stung.

[tadanokusuriuri]

I had thought that I knew... enough to be confident in.

[reformedsinner]

Perhaps it is just that you did not yet know what you did not know.

[tadanokusuriuri]

Even so, this still feels...

Anomalous.

[reformedsinner]

Perhaps so, perhaps not. I'm afraid I don't know who you are, so I can't help you there.

Consider it a lesson in the value of knowing yourself, that's all.

[tadanokusuriuri]

I intend, at the least, to learn from this.

[reformedsinner]

Good.