thefarshore | HEAVEN'S BBS

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HEAVEN'S BBS | TEXT.

Posted: May 13, 2016
From: Kainé

she sells seashells by the seashore

i dont know what the hell she was thinking. not going to make a lot of money is she? maybe she just really fucking loves selling seashells. weird thing to get attached to.

which witch is which

probably doesnt matter dumbass its a witch either way.

i scream you scream we all scream for ice cream

no thanks.

[That wasn't in reaction to a recent proposition or spying on her god chatting about her again, nooo... Never.]

[Private to Aditi, Sharak Sanzo.]

> file attached: delicateflower.jpg

look how much i dont hate you that i didnt buy this

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

every little bit helps

You're a regular hero.

some people even seem to like me you know

Why wouldn't they? I already said you're an interesting girl.
But I've seen you antagonizing people. It's fine in most cases, I'm just telling you to be careful.

[She can think of reasons.]

i should be able to speak my mind

[communication is key!!!]

Even if I were a real goddess I don't think I could stop you from doing that.

[She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and lets out that quiet anxiety that had been threatening to build again. Funny how often Sharak was able to ease those feelings away with the simplest of words.]

doubt it yeah

ive been calling you a god not a goddess

[WHAT ARE THE RULES SHE'S SO CONFUSED]

[You know, at this rate, she's going to start to think Kainé has some issues regarding gender identity. Well, she should probably explain how it applies to her a little more clearly.]

You can call me either, I don't mind. [Ah, how to put this... It's different with another woman than it is with someone like Hassan.] What I mind is being treated like a woman. It's not something that has anything to do with my identity as Sharak Sanzo.

[Being "Sanzo" comes first, before anything else. But so many people see a woman first.]

[ha ha h a]

but theres nothing wrong with being a woman

[She takes a little while to respond. Part of her wonders if they should maybe be having this conversation in person, but it's a little easier in text. For Kainé, of course, who has issues with this sort of thing.]

Of course there isn't. But people get ideas about how they should be treated and looked at.

so what you mind isnt being treated like a woman its being treated like how people think women should be treated

i dont think youre helping anyone in that case

And you are?

God or goddess, call me whatever you want. I told you that already.

[Her issues aren't yours, Kainé. They're a whole other mess.]

im not going along with the assumption that women should be weak quiet and shy. i wouldnt say "dont treat me like a woman" but i would say "treat women like me". fuck what they thought before

it just isnt my decision to make its yours

[And that's all well and good for Kainé, but... Oh, whatever.]

Exactly.

[...WELL IT DOESN'T FEEL WELL AND GOOD.]

sometimes i dont understand you at all

[There's no response.

But, several minutes later, Sharak walks silently over to wherever Kainé is in the temple (assuming she's not in her private room) and taps her on the head with her phone.]

We barely know each other yet. You don't have to.

[Having this conversation online is stupid.]

[She doesn't move for several beats, still plunking about on her phone like she hasn't heard or felt a thing. For an insane second, she considers texting her reply back anyway -- just to really drive it home that she was a spot of trouble -- but...

Kainé clears her throat. She's almost surprised at how unused her voice feels. Too used to shouting, not this kind of silence, maybe.]

I want to.

... There's probably only one person in any world who really knows me and he'd be the first to tell you I'm a pain to understand.

[Think what poor Hassan has had to put up with all these years, Kainé. Sharak moves to lean against a pillar and wonders how she ends up in situations like this.]

You don't need to deal with that.

[With her.]

I want to.

[She looks up from her phone now, frown in place and eyes slightly narrowed.]

The hell is wrong with you? I tell you I'm not a -- damn delicate flower, I tell you I want to be useful and help you and understand you, and you push me away? Don't tell me I'm a good, interesting girl and that I should make friends when you won't even talk to me about anything! How am I supposed to be any good to you like this? To anyone?

You- ["have odd taste." The words are almost out of Sharak's mouth before she clamps her lips shut. This is different. This is absolutely different than that. She stops and closes her eyes for a moment while she thinks of how to respond.]

I'm not pushing you away. [But she's not pulling Kainé in either, is she?] But you're already good to me, Kainé. To others too.

Yeah, right.

[She hasn't been good to anyone. She genuinely believes that, even with the smiles she's earned in her time here, because all she's done is talk a little. She hasn't done anything. Hasn't been good. Just decent. Just...just showing basic humanity.]

And fuck you. Telling me not to understand you 'cause you're too much of a pain to deal with... It's my goddamn choice. You know, those things you're so fond of reminding me I have?

You are.

[She believes that. She's seen it. Little things have value, even if they don't feel like that to the people doing them. She looks back at Kainé again.]

There are your choices and there are mine. I'm not going to turn into an open book just because you'd like me to.

[Ha. Maybe her god was dumber than she'd always seemed Kainé before now.]

Then fucking say what you mean, damn it! If you don't want me understanding you, then that's fine, just tell me. Don't try to change my mind because I'll knock your jaw off for it.

I'm fine with being understood. But I wouldn't be me if I made it too easy for you.

[Explaining herself, explaining all the things that worry her... It's all just not her thing. But if someone can figure them out on their own, it's fine. That's their own problem. ]

... I did try to be honest with you just now. [Gender roles are just complicated and Kainé lacks context.]

...Fine.

[She takes a deep breath, then lifts her phone to gesture it Sharak's direction.]

Explain it to me again, will ya? I'm listening. I said it was your choice for what you wanted me to call you, and your choice was to not choose.

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