HEAVEN'S BBS | TEXT.

[shadepossessed]

Posted: May 13, 2016
From: Kainé

she sells seashells by the seashore

i dont know what the hell she was thinking. not going to make a lot of money is she? maybe she just really fucking loves selling seashells. weird thing to get attached to.

which witch is which

probably doesnt matter dumbass its a witch either way.

i scream you scream we all scream for ice cream

no thanks.

[That wasn't in reaction to a recent proposition or spying on her god chatting about her again, nooo... Never.]

[Private to Aditi, Sharak Sanzo.]

> file attached: delicateflower.jpg

look how much i dont hate you that i didnt buy this

Comments

[shadepossessed]

so what you mind isnt being treated like a woman its being treated like how people think women should be treated

i dont think youre helping anyone in that case

[bussounoshima]

And you are?

God or goddess, call me whatever you want. I told you that already.

[Her issues aren't yours, Kainé. They're a whole other mess.]

[shadepossessed]

im not going along with the assumption that women should be weak quiet and shy. i wouldnt say "dont treat me like a woman" but i would say "treat women like me". fuck what they thought before

it just isnt my decision to make its yours

[bussounoshima]

[And that's all well and good for Kainé, but... Oh, whatever.]

Exactly.

[shadepossessed]

[...WELL IT DOESN'T FEEL WELL AND GOOD.]

sometimes i dont understand you at all

[bussounoshima]

[There's no response.

But, several minutes later, Sharak walks silently over to wherever Kainé is in the temple (assuming she's not in her private room) and taps her on the head with her phone.]

We barely know each other yet. You don't have to.

[Having this conversation online is stupid.]

[shadepossessed]

[She doesn't move for several beats, still plunking about on her phone like she hasn't heard or felt a thing. For an insane second, she considers texting her reply back anyway -- just to really drive it home that she was a spot of trouble -- but...

Kainé clears her throat. She's almost surprised at how unused her voice feels. Too used to shouting, not this kind of silence, maybe.]

I want to.

[bussounoshima]

... There's probably only one person in any world who really knows me and he'd be the first to tell you I'm a pain to understand.

[Think what poor Hassan has had to put up with all these years, Kainé. Sharak moves to lean against a pillar and wonders how she ends up in situations like this.]

You don't need to deal with that.

[With her.]

[shadepossessed]

I want to.

[She looks up from her phone now, frown in place and eyes slightly narrowed.]

The hell is wrong with you? I tell you I'm not a -- damn delicate flower, I tell you I want to be useful and help you and understand you, and you push me away? Don't tell me I'm a good, interesting girl and that I should make friends when you won't even talk to me about anything! How am I supposed to be any good to you like this? To anyone?

[bussounoshima]

You- ["have odd taste." The words are almost out of Sharak's mouth before she clamps her lips shut. This is different. This is absolutely different than that. She stops and closes her eyes for a moment while she thinks of how to respond.]

I'm not pushing you away. [But she's not pulling Kainé in either, is she?] But you're already good to me, Kainé. To others too.

[shadepossessed]

Yeah, right.

[She hasn't been good to anyone. She genuinely believes that, even with the smiles she's earned in her time here, because all she's done is talk a little. She hasn't done anything. Hasn't been good. Just decent. Just...just showing basic humanity.]

And fuck you. Telling me not to understand you 'cause you're too much of a pain to deal with... It's my goddamn choice. You know, those things you're so fond of reminding me I have?

[bussounoshima]

You are.

[She believes that. She's seen it. Little things have value, even if they don't feel like that to the people doing them. She looks back at Kainé again.]

There are your choices and there are mine. I'm not going to turn into an open book just because you'd like me to.

[shadepossessed]

[Ha. Maybe her god was dumber than she'd always seemed Kainé before now.]

Then fucking say what you mean, damn it! If you don't want me understanding you, then that's fine, just tell me. Don't try to change my mind because I'll knock your jaw off for it.

[bussounoshima]

I'm fine with being understood. But I wouldn't be me if I made it too easy for you.

[Explaining herself, explaining all the things that worry her... It's all just not her thing. But if someone can figure them out on their own, it's fine. That's their own problem. ]

... I did try to be honest with you just now. [Gender roles are just complicated and Kainé lacks context.]

[shadepossessed]

...Fine.

[She takes a deep breath, then lifts her phone to gesture it Sharak's direction.]

Explain it to me again, will ya? I'm listening. I said it was your choice for what you wanted me to call you, and your choice was to not choose.

[bussounoshima]

Because when it comes to terminology like that, I really don't mind... I'm not really "Aditi" so if it's god or goddess, what difference does it make?

[They're both technically wrong... Ugh, fine, she's going to try. In regards to this one thing. Out of feminine solidarity.]

Otherwise... I'm a woman. [In terms of what she should be called. Feminine pronouns are fine.] But I prefer "priest" to "priestess".

[It's Complicated but also how does translating work]

[shadepossessed]

[Kainé doesn't reply right away, taking the time to mull it over. Eventually, she falls back with a loud sigh. She was a woman, but went by priest because she didn't want to be treated like one. But god or goddess didn't matter. Hmn.]

...Do people really treat 'em that differently? Priests and priestesses? Shouldn't they be the same fucking thing?

[bussounoshima]

Should be, probably. But Buddhism is a little complicated that way. There are nuns, but they're a little different and they live separately to the monks in the temples.

[And then there's the way temple politics are structured in Saiyuki-verse which??? God, don't make me go too into it. Also yay headcanon ahead.]

But my position is unique. I'm not the first female Sanzo, but it isn't common for a woman to be appointed one either.

[shadepossessed]

That's fucking stupid.

[Pretty sure Sharak knows that, but may as well reaffirm it. And go back to being quiet to try and sort it out using personal relevance. Some of it's a stretch... But being a woman with something atypical that really stands out? Sounds like they had just swung in different directions when it came to how they went about dealing with it.]

So some bastards didn't respect you like a Sanzo, or what?

[bussounoshima]

[Sharak shrugs.] Less so now. I've been Sanzo for a while.

[When she first started, being both rather young for a Sanzo priest and probably the only woman in that role most people had ever heard of, that likely wasn't the case. Well, now people appreciate her a little more, at least. Beggars can't be choosers and the people of the west aren't going to be picky about the gender of their guardian these days.]

They don't have much of a choice lately.

[shadepossessed]

...Huh.

[She gently tosses her phone up and catches it a few times.]

If they cry like little bitches over not being able to choose between you and someone else just because you're a girl... [She trails off, but her tone is clear. These people Sharak takes care of would be chewing the bottom of Kainé's heels if she was around, whether Sharak wanted that or not. Fuck 'em!!! Saying there isn't a choice these days isn't exactly endearing.

But alright, back to trying to understand instead of threaten.] I still don't understand why you let them go along with that. You wouldn't be any less if you were called a priestess instead. You know that. Screw what they think.

[bussounoshima]

[Smiles dryly for a moment.]

You're overthinking it too much. I'm the 28th of Arhat, Priest Sharak Sanzo. I don't lay awake at night worrying about the opinions of anyone else.

[Anyway, the villagers under her protection are all fine. They respect her properly and they're the ones Sharak really cares about. The stuffy old monks that really grumbled and whined are a concern of the past, as much as they ever were one at all.]

[shadepossessed]

[For someone who so adamantly says to ignore what everyone else things, Kainé looks absolutely dumbfounded by Sharak's words. How...]

...But you're still a priest.

[her head hurts. her heart kinda does, too? but mostly her head.]

[bussounoshima]

Because that's what I am. That's what "Sanzo" is. Being a woman doesn't change that.

[Put it down to weird religious stuff, Kainé. Let it go. ]

I'm happy as I am. Don't worry about it.

[shadepossessed]

[Weird religious stuff is weird... But if Sharak is really happy, then...

At least someone is.

The remaining fight in her goes out and she lays an arm across her eyes instead. Sharak's womanhood didn't change her circumstances. Kainé's circumstances didn't change her womanhood. Right.]

...Yeah. Sure. I get it. Enough for now, at least.