Heaven's BBS | Text

[unlucky7]

From: Anonymous
Date: October 26th

Personal happiness or loyalty. Suppose choosing one comes at the cost of the other, which would you choose and why?

Comments

[thevanguard]

Look. Obligation is not the same thing as loyalty at all. Obligation is something you HAVE to do. Loyalty is something you feel. Something you believe in. If it's something you have to force? It's not really loyalty.

I don't think there's one answer for that. I think it's different, on who you are. On what you're looking for.

But if you're questioning if you SHOULD be loyal to them? That... might be a warning sign.

[unlucky7]

[Ginia reads over the words, reads them again, paces around as she thinks over them. Warning signs are hard to see when the majority of a forgotten past was spent following orders and being loyal without question. It's not even the first time she's questioned what loyalty is, though that too is forgotten.

What she knows right now is what she was told.

Serve your god, be a good shinki. Be loyal to your god.

Protect people, help answer prayers, fight ayakashi. Aren't these the more important things?]

I see.

Maybe I've never really been loyal then. I don't know.

[thevanguard]

[ He stops to think that over for a minute, because it's not like he has a lot of memories to back this up, either. but that doesn't change the deep gut instincts he has about it. Like it's something he just innately knows. ]

A lot of us can't really remember that, after all. It really doesn't make it easy to figure out here, where it'd be complicated anyway.

Why are you worried about your loyalty conflicting with your happiness?

[unlucky7]

If my happiness conflicts with my loyalty, I can't do my duty to my god. If I can't do my duty to my god, maybe I'm worthless to them.

Though I think I'm already worthless to them.

[thevanguard]

[ Well, crap. Talk about a feeling he's all too familiar with. ]

Have you talked to your god about this? Or are they someone you don't feel comfortable talking to?

[unlucky7]

We don't talk much. Not that they're unkind, we just tend to keep to ourselves.

I guess I don't want to bother them, but I guess it doesn't work that way either.

[thevanguard]

Look. Sometimes it's hard for us to know what our gods are thinking. Trust me, I've... been through a lot of them while I was here. Sometimes they can be more perceptive than we give them credit for.

Try talking to them. I mean, the worst that can happen is you can find out that maybe this ISN'T the partnership you want, which you're already suspecting anyway. On the other hand, maybe they'd welcome the chance to talk about whatever's bothering you and you could figure out a way to make it work?

[unlucky7]

Sorry. I hope your current god is working out?

[It's occurred to Ginia at this point, she's spoken to more shinki that have lost gods than shinki that have been with the same one from the start.

The rest of the advice is good and at this point it's nothing she hasn't already heard, but the repeat reminder is good. There are problems, some beyond her control, but she hasn't made things any better with her own indecision and inaction, her tendency to bottle or run instead of confronting.]

Thank you for the advice. I'll talk to them once I figure out what to say.

[thevanguard]

It happens. Some shinki luck out with finding a god that works right off. Others.... well. Some of us have to look a little harder. But so far, mine seems to be a good place to settle finally.

I hope whatever you decide, whatever you go looking for, ends up the same way.

[unlucky7]

Do things seem to work out for shinki one way or another?

Thank you though, I appreciate it.

[thevanguard]

Ehhhhh... I don't know. I can't say it swings more one way or another. I mean sometimes, yeah? And I guess I'd like to think so? I think maybe, when it comes down to it, that it's still a random 50/50 chance and it's maybe how you tackle what you're dealt that makes the difference? I don't even know if that makes sense, but...

[unlucky7]

It does, don't worry.

I guess I'll have to see how this goes. Thank you again.