Heaven's BBS | ~Video~

[takenwithhim]

From: Sousuke Yamazaki
When: Early October

[It’s rare that he posts to the BBS; Sousuke’s quiet nature and sometimes-over-focus kind of leads to that little problem. Content to dwell with his own life and his own small circle of friends and duties. But sometimes, the private life just doesn’t cut it. Especially when said private life is the entire reason for breaking his silence and going outside that small circle.

The video feed clicks on with a quiet sound, light blazing from the screen for a second until it adjusts to the scenery. It’s soon obvious he’s alone. Considering the presence of a black jacket barely resting at the peripheral of the video’s frame, it’s likely he’s holding the screen to his side. Deliberately not pointing the feed at himself. Instead, there’s a lovely shot of a quiet patch of natural garden, complete with trickling spring, breezing of clear air, and the ever-present drizzle of pink sakura petals from the surrounding grove Eros’ castle temple is renowned for.


There’s a moment of silence, semi-awkward on his end, before Sousuke finally outs with it. His tone’s calm, musing.]

Can a god and a shinki be more than god and shinki? [A measure before adding in a lower voice.] Or will it make problems between them?

[Yeah, it’s vague, he knows. The nature of god and shinki is a complex relationship. But Sousuke’s not honest enough with his softer emotions and being open to other people to outright ask the serious/embarrassing question:

What happens if you find yourself attracted to your own god?]

Comments

[boneofsword]

It does exist, so accept it. Unless you can push your feelings aside to fulfill your duty, trying to supress it is worse in the longer run and can cause blight.

Life is your training course. You can either do nothing and wallow in misery while blighting your god or actually do something and deal with consequences as they come. Trying to prepare for every single outcome is like trying to douse fire with oil - it's always going to blow up in your face.

[takenwithhim]

Aa. I've seen what happens when a shinki tries to keep emotions hidden. Though those were negative emotions.

I've no intention of blighting my god again.

You're right that I shouldn't try to handle every possibility. But blindly rushing forward for the sake of "doing something" can be just as destructive. If not moreso.

[boneofsword]

Any supressed emotion causes some kind of strain, even if the feeling itself is considered to be positive. Better keep it in mind.

I never said anything about rushing forward instead of considering options before making the choice.

[takenwithhim]

I've heard only repressing the more intense emotions cause the strain. Simply feeling shouldn't cause a problem.

Aa. You didn't.

I intend to know some of my options before I move forward in this. It's worth the wait.

[boneofsword]

Repressing any kind of emotion causes the strain unless you've had a lot of practice. It's not really worth the price.

Don;t overthink it.

[takenwithhim]

[] Maybe. I haven't experienced the lighter ones being an issue.

[Then again, Sousuke naturally doesn't emote much and Rin will keep discomfort inside to avoid upsetting Sousuke. They make a "great" pair in that regard. What this person says may be true, but he'll have to witness the effects himself before believing him.]

I won't.

[A moment's pause before...]

You sound like you've had some experience with these limits.

[boneofsword]

Perhaps your god is as adept at hiding his reaction as you are with hiding your emotions.

[Archer considers the question for a moment and turns the feed private.]

I'm used to pushing aside all emotions to focus on work, to the point that my god, after getting second shinki, said that I feel mostly dead inside.

--> Private

[takenwithhim]

[Excuse him while he scoffs quietly aside. Rin's not exactly the best at hiding his reactions... but he won't say it's impossible either.]

He's tried in the past. It didn't work out.

[He notices the privacy, and his focus sharpens.]

And yet you're warning me against repressing any kind of emotion. I take it you were unsuccessful in pushing all of yours aside.

Private forever

[boneofsword]

Quite on the contrary. I'm simply warning you that repressing emotions, especially stronger ones, causes strain. Such strain may lead to frustration or bitterness, can have other repercussions. It may lead to violence towards either the cause of those feelings or yourself.

Though, in your case, it heavily depends on how much you trust your god.

[takenwithhim]

[He doesn't quite believe him; the information's too specific for random guesses or hearsay. It sounds like experience of some kind...]

Aa. I'm aware of that, unfortunately.

I trust my god more than I trust anyone else in the two shores. Though neither of us have the knowledge or experience some of the other older gods and shinki have.

[boneofsword]

You say that you trust him yet you doubt his ability to keep your past a secret. That doesn't equal complete trust.

Do you have any reason to not trust him, aside your doubts and fears? If not, why are you adding more doubts to the strain you and your god feel? Sometimes you have to make a choice and follow it to the end.

[A longer pause, because Archer's aware that privacy here isn't absolute. Yet the kid needs a different perspective, even if it may break his brain a little.]

I trust my god to not slip up even during sex, or in the middle of the battle.

[takenwithhim]

I never said I doubt him.

But I'm aware just how human he is. Like most of us. He knows who I was before I died and he carries that burden with him. He can't talk about those memories and it pains him, though he'll do everything he can to protect me. Even keeping quiet.

Understanding someone's limits doesn't imply distrust.

[They've made choices. They've followed them. But "the end" is a long ways off. What they can do now is the follow part. And dealing with what comes along the journey.

He tenses slightly at the words on the screen. Che. That's direct... But good to know someone else has been with their god in such a way, even if he's just assuming that for now.]

Sounds like you two have a good bond. We've not had trouble during battle. It's the other one I want to prepare for.

[boneofsword]

With you worrying about him and him feeling that worry and knowing the cause won't it double the strain that he feels?

[Just pointing out the obvious. Archer doesn't comment on understanding limits; both him and his god strive to push far above their own limits, so it's lost on him.]

You'll have to prepare very thoroughly for that.

[takenwithhim]

Truth be told, that's pretty normal between us. Even without the god/shinki bond.

I have a feeling he's half grateful for the connection; I'm not very open with my feelings.

[Not that he has these memories, but worrying over each other and thinking about each other constantly is a hallmark of Rin and Sousuke's relationship before all this. It's ironic that it's just a deeper factor of the same.

As for the limits, there's similarity and difference. But no comment.]

We'll do what we can.