thefarshore | Heaven's BBS

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Posted: May 2 From: Hedone I have a sneaking suspicion I could find the answer to this by going through the archives, but let's give me the benefit of the doubt and say I want to be as accurate as possible and allow for new people's responses, or else opinions evolving over time... any shinki out there who wish they were gods? Or the reverse, gods who wish they were shinki? Why do you think you got the better and/or worse deal? Devil's advocates welcome; I may indulge in it a bit myself.

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[She's sewing, so her hands are too full to bother with typing (she's not a fan anyhow), but she doesn't look up as she speaks]

Are there many shinki who are alright with staying the way they are? I... Don't mind a lot of what comes with being a shinki, but... [She trails off, chewing on her bottom lip anxious before she continues]

But I'd like to know why I act the way I do, or why I have the feelings I do about things. It's easy to just not think about it, but it's frustrating, a little, that we can't think about it either.

[She speaks softly, uncertainly, because, well, it doesn't seem like something she should be saying out loud in the first place]

It can be a little confusing to navigate the world when you can't read your own compass, is that it?

[Now this, see, this actually strikes at the reason he asked this question: what it's like to live with the memory loss.]

Well, among my shinki delegation here, I have largely content, wondering why I'm asking such a stupid question, and harassing me to do more ayakashi-fighting with him.

And one who wants to bite us all.

Something like that. It's a little...strange. I know what I want to do, and I know how to do some things. It's like...I know the 'how' but not the 'why.' And a lot of the 'how' I don't particularly like... I don't know why I'm like this, or if it's possible to change, or if I should try to change. If I'm like this, it must be for a reason.

[But she can't really discuss it in much more detail before the sense of anxiety starts up.

She glances up at the video and the corner of her mouth turns up in brief amusement at 'bite us all.'] Are you having trouble with your shinki? [She thinks of her own god and frowns slightly; at least they're not the only team having trouble?}

[Does she even want to talk about it? Poor thing.]

I'll just... let's say we have very different lifestyles.

[That's vague, right? She could probably find the long, long airing of their issues on this page but.]

Maybe you can see what other people like about you. That might help your perspective on what you don't like about yourself.

I can understand that. [She thinks on her own god and sighs a little.

She considers that a moment, curling her fingers at her mouth as she thinks.] What people like about me... [Jennifer looks a little embarrassed then] I suppose that means i'd have to actually talk to people more and leave the temple once in a while. But people are a little...

[Terrifying?? Very terrifying. She brings her hand down from her mouth to the hollow of her throat and shakes her head] Um, well. It's good advice. I should follow it. [She smiles] Thank you, sir.

Give yourself credit for being halfway there! Look, you're talking to me face-to-face, when you could have been lazy and typed it up like I did.

I could tell you, too, that -- based just on this conversation, of course -- that you're reflective and thoughtful, and that's always a nice quality to see in people.

I suppose that's true as well. [She'd point out that she only did it because her hands were already full with mending, but it's not in Jennifer's nature to argue. What if he got mad? In the end it was better to just accept it, regardless of how much he meant it or her need to be humble.

Which also went double for compliments or praise. She blushes and looks flustered, hands going to the shirt she'd been working on to mess with it, needing the distraction.] Oh, um-- Thank you. That... That's kind of you to say. If I talk to more people... Yes, I'll have to do that.

May we... also talk more? If it's not a bother, of course.

[All for the best-- Youji would simply counter that the lazy thing to do would be to set aside the mending and type her response anyway.]

It's a relief that you asked. I was just thinking, you seem like a sensible girl. Probably too sensible to bother talking to me.

[She looks more embarrassed, because no she's just... Uh. She's got common sense?? And no survival instinct, probably, because a line like that surely warrants a red flag or something]

What's wrong with talking to you?

Well, if you find nothing wrong with it, nothing. [He laughs slightly.] It's... just self-deprecation. You'd be better company than I would, so why are you wasting your time with me?

[She looks startled at the question. Did he think it a waste of time? Her time? If there was ever someone's time it was okay to "waste" it was definitely hers'. For a moment she's not sure how to respond, brow furrowed in confusion.]

Because... No one's a waste of time. [Except, you know, herself!! But what is being a hypocrite haha.] I would never think of someone like that. I don't think it's a waste to talk to you at all. You seem perfectly nice to me...

Am I... supposed to be worried or think otherwise?

[Oh, now he's distressing her. Brilliant. Talk your way out of this one, Kudou.]

No, no, it's... well, as you said, I wouldn't think of someone like that. [Even Schuldig-- talking to him might net some information... yeah right...]. But I might make a joke about myself.

Clearly it wasn't funny. I'll try again in a minute.

Oh-- I'm sorry. I ruined the joke. [She looks sheepish and smiles slightly] I suppose I'm the same way. I don't really like seeing others put themselves down, I guess...

[She pauses and then seems to realize something] Oh, I'm sorry. I never introduced myself-- My name is Jennifer.

No, I think you made it better. Let's say the joke was on me, not understanding your more refined sense of humor. I've misjudged my audience-- give me a chance to improve.

[It's on the tip of Youji's tongue to make a joke about putting others down being more fun -- only in jest, or if they really deserve it -- but if she doesn't like self-deprecation, she may not tolerate otherwise. And she's been nothing but polite, so he straightens up his posture and tries to match it.]

Youji. They tell me here that I'm Hedone, but Youji is completely fine.

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Heaven's BBS | text

Video; replies with another character bc why not

Video; always welcome

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