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[lecturehall]

Posted: April 16, 4:27 pm
From: Anonymous

I hate having to do this. I want that on record.

You can thank those in charge for this. If they had provided a pamphlet or some other information on how we're supposed to adapt to these duties, I wouldn't be here. As it is, I have no choice but to ask the following questions.

... They sound worse than they are, I promise. Anyway,

1. Is anyone here the goddess Chichigami-sama? I'm not quite sure how to phrase this. If you are, would you please come talk to me?

2. If you are not Chichigami-sama, are you a mother? If so and if you have the time, please talk to me.

3. If you are not Chichigami-sama or a mother, are you a woman? Specifically one interested in children. I need to know about... sensitive aspects of it.

4. If you are none of the above but have been assigned/are a god of the opposite gender and have advice on how to deal with followers of the opposite sex, I'm open to listening. I... I've already gotten a request I'm not physically equipped to know how to answer.

5. If you're a man I don't need you. Please keep the inevitable gross comments to a minimum.

That's all. Thank you.


[As a general note Keito's goddess is (basically) a goddess of motherhood. The questions will relate to the stuff that falls under that.]

Comments

[missingache]

[Please, he's an innocent little kid, okay?]

I worked on a farm, but there was times they wouldn't let me work with some of the animals. When they did, the animals were pregnant and I just took care of them from there. They said I was too young to know how it happens, but they let me help with the births!

[lecturehall]

I'd say births are twice as scarring as conceiving.

How old are you?

[missingache]

They are?

[He's almost 3!]

Sixteen.

1/2

[lecturehall]

[For fuck's sake.]

[lecturehall]

Don't leave. I'm going to teach you about conception.

[missingache]

Okay?

[Should he be scared?]

[lecturehall]

First of all, a baby can only be produced from vaginal intercourse with a woman.

That means when your penis is hard enough you stick it in the hole between a woman's legs and thrust until you're stimulated enough to ejaculate. When you ejaculate you release sperm which then travel through the woman's reproductive organs until one makes it to the egg. Once a sperm reaches the egg, they fertilize it. Then pregnancy happens. Then a baby.

Understand?

[missingache]

[........................................

.......................................................................

It's going to take a while for a response.]

Yes.

Now I know why my goddess stayed a virgin.

[Because that sounds really gross. No thank you.]

[lecturehall]

It's a hard process to make sound appealing.

You were seriously never taught about it?

[missingache]

No. The people I worked for probably didn't see the point.

I wasn't told anything unless it was part of a mission or a job.

[lecturehall]

The way you say it makes you sound like one of those cliche assassins from action movies. "Only taught to kill", etc.

I'd think not learning basic sex ed would be a risk to anything they had you do. It's pretty easy to get diseases from it, you know.

[Or so he's heard. Most of the sex ed tests were definitely on STDs.]

[missingache]

I don't kill unless I have no other choice. At the farm I never had to worry about that.

[Wait. What.]

You can get diseases from doing that????

[lecturehall]

Yeah, sexually transmitted diseases.

I'm sorry, what did you say about killing people?

[Now they're both alarmed.]

[missingache]

Can you die from them?

[The questions makes him stop his reply.

What.]

I don't kill people. Just Heartless and monsters.

[lecturehall]

[Well, that's what he gets for jumping to assumptions. To his credit: what the fuck are Heartless??]

I've... never seen either of those things.

[Well, other than ayakashi. Yesterday. But... right. Right. Educational questions. Must answer those.]

Yeah, there are ones you can die from. They're easily spread too, provided your not careful.

[missingache]

[WHY DID HE MENTION HEARTLESS OH PLEASE DON'T LET ANYONE SEE THIS WHO KNOWS ABOUT THEM...]

I found a monster while cleaning, but the other thing doesn't exist here.

So just don't do the conception thing to be safe.

[Roxas can do that.]

[lecturehall]

Just use a condom.

[Although if he doesn't know about conception he probably... doesn't... Lord.]

Ask someone else to show you how to put it on.

With a banana. Not the real thing. Please not the real thing.

[missingache]

[Real thing? Bananas? This lesson is getting really confusing and quite frankly Roxas wants to get out of it asap. Never think about it again. Ever.]

Right. I don't think I want to.

[lecturehall]

[Maybe get sex ed next time. Just saying. Save them both from this pain.]

... At least now you'll know what your followers are talking about.

[That'll make this less awkward, right? Right? Right?]

[missingache]

[IT'S NOT HIS FAULT OKAY]

I'll just bless them.

[Basically the moment he sees that word or any other use he'll nope out and just throw a blessing at them.]

[lecturehall]

Good luck.