More Big Questions. Video (cw: mentions of child slavery)

[myblueskies]

From: Romeo
Date: 14th April

[Romeo is sat crossed legged on his bed, his phone propped up against a pile of books. He is in what seems to be his bedroom, on the wall behind him there are pictures stuck to the wall. Many of them childish drawings of people and places in the heavens. Some of much better quality are most likely gifts he has recieved off his friends. He is holding a soft toy and he is playing with it's ears as he waits for the camera to load properly.

Last time he had had big questions filling his head he had asked them on the BBS and got some very good answers, so it seemed like the best thing to do now that he had more.]

Hello everyone! It's Romeo again! So last night I had a dream, 'cept it wasn't a normal dream it was a memory from when I was alive.

[He knows he needs to be careful! That talking about this could be dangerous for him and for other people.] Don't worry! I'm not trying to push my head and remember more things and I spoke to Elfnein about the important bit.

[The important bit being Alfredo. His friend. The brave boy with the kindest smile and the strongest heart who had swore eternal friendship to him.]

But I got... Some questions I guess because I remembered things and I didn't know them or I did but I forgot and it's a bit confusing.

[Like the volcano had been confusing. When everything Romeo thought he knew was slightly off and the world was all a bit more complicated and scarier than he thought. He punched the air, keeping his spirits up.]

Did you know you could buy kids?

Comments

[dredefulchilde]

[Joss shakes his head and looks away.]

I'm used to it. I'm a killer, Romeo. Violence is in my nature. Seeing that much death...I'm used to it.

[He's lying. Both to Romeo and to himself.]

You deserve better than that. What you experienced.

[myblueskies]

[A killer? Joss wasn't a killer... He wasn't violent at all. Alright. He was a bit violent. But he wasn't bad! Not at all!]

You deserve better too Joss.

[Joss is his friend. He couldn't be a killer... Right? Joss wouldn't have killed people. He's just a kid!

But otherwise Joss would be lying...] Who did you kill? [The question is quiet, uncertain.]

[dredefulchilde]

[Joscelin won't look Romeo in the eye.]

Several people, I think. I know for a fact I've killed at least two, because it was in my memory. After they killed my mother I tore out their throats. With these.

[His mouth opens wide and the fangs descend.]

It was very satisfying.

And there are others. I very nearly killed three people here in Heaven a few months ago. It's why the white robes hate me so much.

[myblueskies]

[He tore out their throats? With his teeth? That was a bit scary thing. Bigger and scarier than the memory he had remembered that morning.

Especially since... He had nearly killed people here in the heavens. Why... Why would he do that? Why would he want to hurt people. Romeo shook his head. It couldn't be true. Joss wouldn't do that! He was his friend and kind and he wouldn't kill people! His voice was small and quiet when he spoke]

You're lying Joss... You got to be... You wouldn't kill people! [Maybe after his mum died, that's still a horrible thing but Romeo can sort of understand, he would be angry and... But here? In the heavens... Why would he do such a thing?]

[dredefulchilde]

I would and I have, Romeo.

[His fists are clenched so tight that his fingernails are beginning to cut small semicircles into his palms.]

For once, I'm being entirely truthful. After Ayumu disappeared I went...rather madder than usual, I suppose. I wanted to get her back. That meant hurting people.

I'm a monster, you see. I always have been.

[myblueskies]

[When Ayumu disappeared... When he lost his god. Romeo couldn't imagine ever losing Elfnein, what he would do if he woke up one day and she was just gone, disappeared forever. Joss had tried to get her back. He had hurt people.

At the last words Romeo shook his head and his hand reached out to hold on to Joss' fists.] You're not! You're not a monster! Even if you got mad and hurt people to get miss Ayumu back.

[He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Joss, giving him as big a crushing hug as Joss had given him.]

[dredefulchilde]

[Why? Why is Romeo so good?

Months of friendship with his polar opposite, and yet he's still no closer to understanding it. He's just confessed to murder and attempted murder--and to enjoying both--but Romeo accepts him anyway. Just like that.

When Joss speaks again, his voice is quiet and shaky. His eyes are burning and it's so bloody frustrating that he can be so weak.]

No, I am a monster.

Why are you forgiving me so easily? I could hurt you right now. It wouldn't be difficult. I know of dozens of ways to kill a man. I woke up here knowing them, just as well as I know my own name.

[myblueskies]

[Romeo shook his head firmly, eyes filling with tears from nowhere that he blinked away.] I don't know. But I feel like you aren't a monster at all! You're my friend and if you wanted to hurt me you could have done so lots and lots of times but you are nice to me and friendly! You did a bad bad thing but I...

[It's really hard, all these big questions he has to think about.]

I don't think you're a bad person!

[dredefulchilde]

[A couple of hot tears roll down Joscelin's cheeks unbidden, splashing on Romeo's shoulder.]

Goddamn it.

[Joss takes a deep, shuddering breath, but that doesn't banish the tears.]

I w-was supposed to be comforting you, s-stupid.

[myblueskies]

[Oh no! He didn't mean to make Joss cry! Romeo's arms tighten around Joss' shoulders! This is the opposite of keeping his spirits up!]

It's okay Joss! That's what friends do! We help keep each others spirits up!

[dredefulchilde]

I...

[He returns the hug fiercely, and Romeo's neck gets rather wet with all the tears. Joscelin hates himself for crying, but something has released inside of him and they just won't stop. The violence has always confused him. He tells himself he likes killing, that it's fun to injure and maim, but there has always been a quiet horror inside of him that he never understood.

Though he does not remember it, Joscelin spent seven centuries ignoring the last vestiges of his humanity: the little boy who had died, terrified, all those years ago and had been resurrected as a vampire was repulsed by what he had become. Now, without the benefit of his memories, Joscelin finds his willpower crumbling in the face of Romeo's genuine goodness.

After a few minutes he pulls away.]

I will never understand you, Romeo.

[myblueskies]

[Romeo just holds him tightly. He's not sure why his friend is crying or how Romeo managed to make his spirits feel so down but he feels bad about it so just hugs him tightly while Joss cries.

He blinks when Joss speaks. Is that a bad thing? That he doesn't understand Romeo? Romeo doesn't think he's very tricky? Not like reading or a big question!]

That's okay! We can still be friends though right? Even if you don't understand me! I'm sorry I made you cry...

[dredefulchilde]

[Romeo looks so perplexed. It's utterly endearing. Suddenly, just as suddenly as he had started crying to begin with, Joscelin laughs.]

Christ, Romeo. Of course we can. You're a far better friend to me than I deserve. Or will ever deserve.

[He rubs at his eyes, still smiling.]

I'm sorry I cried, too. And I'm sorry that I rather stole your moment away from you.

[myblueskies]

[Joss was very confusing. But he was a very good friend and Romeo smiled at him. He thought that Joss deserved only the best friends! He might think he was bad and a monster but Romeo knew he was a good person really. He just had to find the good bits inside of himself!]

It's okay! Do you feel better now? Do you want to go and do something fun?

[dredefulchilde]

[Joss takes a deep breath. Something fun, huh? Joscelin's idea of fun is rather different from Romeo's, but...]

Want to see a film? There's another superhero blockbuster in cinemas over in the Near Shore and those are always rather mind-numbingly good.

[myblueskies]

A film? A real film? Like miss Hibiki's movie?

[Which is... the only film Romeo has ever seen. He has no idea what a superhero is but it has the word super and the word hero in it so he is sure it is great!]

[dredefulchilde]

Er...yes. I suppose. Shall we?

[Oh god. He's going to have to teach Romeo how to sit in a cinema and watch a film, won't he?]

[myblueskies]

Yes! Let's go!

[He's so excited! They're going to watch a film about superheroes! This is going to be so much fun!

Yes Joss is going to have to teach him... everything.]