Heaven's BBS | Video

[herbalsupplements]

Posted: April 11th, 10:02 AM
From: Xochipilli

[It's... a step pyramid covered in plants. Green things, mostly, but there are all sorts of lovely flowers visible, a few of which some residents of the Far Shore may recognize from their own temples or those they've visited previously. The pyramid's only a couple of stories tall, though, not much bigger than a respectable house, with stairs leading straight up the front. A voice on the probably-but-not-100%-sure-it's-masculine end of androgynous starts speaking from behind the camera, and some people might recognize this, too.]

Good morning, everyone! I've been making some changes around the garden, so it's time for a public safety notice.

[The camera backs away from the pyramid until a No Smoking sign comes into view; “violators will be made into fertilizer" it warns, but someone's crossed that out with permanent marker and written "please be careful of man-eating plants" underneath. The voice behind the camera lets out an exasperated little "really, Mai," but the sign is properly in focus now and stays on screen for a bit.]

In order to protect the pollinating invertebrates who've taken up residence on and around my temple, and to maintain a relatively self-sufficient ecosystem, some of my plants have been altered and trained to perform rudimentary security functions. Allow me to demonstrate.

[The camera angles down, revealing a ball of ground beef with a lit cigarette jammed into it filter first, and then returns its attention to the pyramid. The ground beef is lobbed at the pyramid; something like an enormous Venus flytrap lunges up out of the otherwise innocuous greenery and snatches the meat and cigarette out of midair, then slinks back down and vanishes with little more than a rustle.

Fun, right?]

You will, of course, be perfectly safe if you don't have a lit cigarette on your person, so don't hesitate to stop by and socialize or seek gardening advice. Thank you for your time.

[And then, after a moment of plants waving gently in the breeze and miscellaneous birdsong, the video ends.]

Comments

[galactically]

i'll be sure to send you a message if i need assistance

thank you so much, Kurama! feel free to visit my shrine anytime
expect the gardens to be filled with butterflies by then ♡

[herbalsupplements]

You're welcome! I look forward to seeing the fruits of your labor.

[returnedfromtheline]

Well, I can kind of maintain it, but I don't know how to help it grow more.
The roots are growing in a hollow of the tree.

I don't know how to explain it properly so have a picture. [IMG 01]

I keep a straw mat wrapped around the trunk to protect it.

[clothes_make_the_man]

[He's a little embarrassed about it, really. It was in his arms before he knew what was going on.]

I fully intend to return it once I find one of my own. But it was just so fascinating, I couldn't resist.

[oviraptor]

if there is an i told you so moment i will be there with popcorn

[herbalsupplements]

Are you planning to make clothes you can sell, by any chance? I'm sure you could make enough money to get a top-of-the-line sewing machine in no time if you have so much experience already.

[herbalsupplements]

[It's official: for her pride in caution, Kurama likes this person already.]

Would you like help identifying them? My knowledge is fairly extensive.

[herbalsupplements]

That explains the catnip! In that case I'll get you nothing but the most fence-able and innocuous of toxic plants so you can keep the little one safely out of your armory.

[herbalsupplements]

Fascinating. It's hard to tell from this angle, are they growing up from the base of the tree or down?

[returnedfromtheline]

You can tell if it's growing up or down?

If I had to say I think they're growing up, but you might want to see for yourself.

[darkesthour]

That's true! Although it's kind of scary to be told you're responsible for something so important compared to something as nice as flowers.

[mybadhabit]

I greatly appreciate that. I don't think I'll have any particular use for them, but I do know the ones I've listed are charming enough, and cultivating them will be a fun little side project.

[clothes_make_the_man]

That's my eventual goal, yes. I was thinking of opening a custom tailoring business for the gods and their shinki. What do you think of the name 'Heavenly Couture?'

[herbalsupplements]

I wouldn't threaten death by plant for just anything. Nagi is acceptable, however. If he can verify that you didn't smell like alcohol that night, I'll rescind my earlier statement.

[herbalsupplements]

Oh yes, you can tell all sorts of things about a tree if you know what to look for! I'll definitely come over to be sure, but if they're growing upward my best initial guess is that your tree is planted over and beside something they couldn't push through, causing the roots to loop back on themselves.

[skyleopardess]

[She just really really likes being right, and assessing the situation before jumping in helps with that more often than not.]

I'd actually like that. I do have to warn you about the water buffalo at the house, though. She can get mean.

[killsthebuddha]

The ones that don't know anything interesting die quickly. Still better than shitty puns

[sweetdeath]

Hey! You're moving the goalposts. You said I smelled like a skunk! Or like I bathed in beer.

Just smelling a little like alcohol is normal when somebody's been drinking.

[herbalsupplements]

[Flowers are just as important as dawn! But he gets what she's saying.]

It is a significant responsibility, but I'm sure you wouldn't have been chosen if the Heavens didn't think you could handle it. I know we have at least a couple of moon gods running around if you need advice or assistance from other celestial deities, though.

[herbalsupplements]

Decoration is a perfectly valid use for plants, and you know I approve of side projects. Don't hesitate to let me know if there are any others you want.

[mybadhabit]

Hmph! Someday, I half expect to find out that you've taken to considering me a side project.

Allow me the chance to get the fence set up, then I'll contact you for the plants. I'd rather be safe than have to explain to someone why their pet is dead on my lawn.

[herbalsupplements]

It's quite evocative, and I like the double entendre. You're a few steps ahead of me, aren't you?

[returnedfromtheline]

[See, he doesn't know what to look for. ;; Hence teacher get.]

Oh.
Maybe it's down then. It doesn't look like there's anything around it that it would push against.

The tree was damaged in a typhoon a long time ago. There was a person before me who took care of it and got it to how it is now.

If you could come look at it when you have time though, that'd be great.

[clothes_make_the_man]

A good business starts with a good name. I won't draw in any customers with something bland.

[herbalsupplements]

[A water buffalo? He supposes it's not any weirder than all his hummingbirds...]

I'll bring her some nice reeds as a peace offering.