Chikusa (
kokuyoyo) wrote in
thefarshore2018-02-21 07:04 am
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Heaven's BBS - text
From: Anonymous
Date: October 17
--------------
It's keiyuki again. I've been busy but here's more.
- Chapter 1
[Yep, it's that romance writer anon again! Or, aspiring romance writer, at least. Looks like they're still working at it. Good for them...?]
[So far, the next chapter starts off with Protagonist Casimiro Falco introducing his new partner and Presumable Love Interest Elio Adesso to various spots around the police headquarters. They're in the sparring area when Casimiro insults Elio, leading to arguments and, inevitably, tackling.]
"I'll do my job just as good as you- I'll do better!"
The ground pressed uncomfortably against his spine from one side. From the other side, Elio Adesso bore down on him. Casimiro didn't feel uncomfortable, usually. He was level headed. There was still something that seemed like it inside him as he was forced to stare up at Elio's twisted and passionate face. It was more than the fact that he was filthy. It didn't help but it was more than that. He would later realize very belatedly that it was the words that bothered him. Casimiro could't remember when similar thoughts had gone through him only that they had. In his case, there had been no one to compare himself to.
He had never been good at words. Pinned down against the floor of the police training room, all he did was stare up at his new partner. It didn't help. It wasn't meant to. He didn't think Elio knew that was the point but the other cop also didn't care. All he did was bristle, teeth bared. Before the situation could become worse, radio static crackled through the air and straight into Casimiro's ear. Elio seemed to have it worst and actually jerked. The voice speaking through Casimiro's radio, where it clung to his jacket, didn't care what it did. It only continued to drone onwards. It was hard to tell through the static but there was a sense of urgency in the words.
[There's a conveniently timed robbery! Because of course there is. Casimiro and Elio get over themselves long enough to suit up and get in a car, driving to somewhere to intercept the robber.]
[Also, did you know this had werewolves in it?]
It was a good thing that Casimiro was good at his job. He prided himself on it, for lack of anything else. It meant that he could put his body on autopilot in assembling a weapon he knew by heart. His eyes were focused on his new partner who was eagerly shedding most of his outer clothing as if he was going home instead of being on the job. As far as he had been able to tell in his years working as a police officer, that wasn't too unheard of with people in his division. Elio just took it further.
Casimiro didn't scoff at or scold him. Instead, he watched carefully. He had never had the opportunity to be right next to a shifter as they transformed. It had never been particularly important to his job to do so. That didn't mean the interest wasn't there. So he watched carefully as Elio's body began to warp, starting first with how his muscles bulged out. Underneath an eerily wet sound, there was the sound of bones breaking and elongating. From what he understood, shifting was a technically painful experience, dulled only by adrenaline rushing through the system and various other complexities in the nervous system that was still being studied by scientists. Fur sprouted quickly, all over his body, and sticking out uncomfortably from his inner uniform which was designed to stretch along with a shifter's change in form.
"Remember that they're only petty thieves," he said. With his anti-car gun assembled, made specifically for occasions such as this, he stood up. "Don't maul them." Regular police were criticized for overusing violent methods. The Giallo unit had it worse.
[While "keiyuki" manages to avoid from going into too much detail about Italian police again, there's still a lot of description on the chase scene, and the kind of (fictional) gun that Casimiro uses to take out the car wheels but is apparently not as useful against actual people. The chase scene is a mixture of regular police units trying to herd the suspects, Casimiro using a sniper spot to take out the car, and Elio finishing the job by stopping the car and then hunting down the robbers. As the regular police unit takes them out and the paperwork portion of the job begins, Casimiro takes a look at his partner's filthy state from the chase and offers to take him back to his apartment to clean up before heading back to the station...]
Date: October 17
--------------
It's keiyuki again. I've been busy but here's more.
- Chapter 1
[Yep, it's that romance writer anon again! Or, aspiring romance writer, at least. Looks like they're still working at it. Good for them...?]
[So far, the next chapter starts off with Protagonist Casimiro Falco introducing his new partner and Presumable Love Interest Elio Adesso to various spots around the police headquarters. They're in the sparring area when Casimiro insults Elio, leading to arguments and, inevitably, tackling.]
"I'll do my job just as good as you- I'll do better!"
The ground pressed uncomfortably against his spine from one side. From the other side, Elio Adesso bore down on him. Casimiro didn't feel uncomfortable, usually. He was level headed. There was still something that seemed like it inside him as he was forced to stare up at Elio's twisted and passionate face. It was more than the fact that he was filthy. It didn't help but it was more than that. He would later realize very belatedly that it was the words that bothered him. Casimiro could't remember when similar thoughts had gone through him only that they had. In his case, there had been no one to compare himself to.
He had never been good at words. Pinned down against the floor of the police training room, all he did was stare up at his new partner. It didn't help. It wasn't meant to. He didn't think Elio knew that was the point but the other cop also didn't care. All he did was bristle, teeth bared. Before the situation could become worse, radio static crackled through the air and straight into Casimiro's ear. Elio seemed to have it worst and actually jerked. The voice speaking through Casimiro's radio, where it clung to his jacket, didn't care what it did. It only continued to drone onwards. It was hard to tell through the static but there was a sense of urgency in the words.
[There's a conveniently timed robbery! Because of course there is. Casimiro and Elio get over themselves long enough to suit up and get in a car, driving to somewhere to intercept the robber.]
[Also, did you know this had werewolves in it?]
It was a good thing that Casimiro was good at his job. He prided himself on it, for lack of anything else. It meant that he could put his body on autopilot in assembling a weapon he knew by heart. His eyes were focused on his new partner who was eagerly shedding most of his outer clothing as if he was going home instead of being on the job. As far as he had been able to tell in his years working as a police officer, that wasn't too unheard of with people in his division. Elio just took it further.
Casimiro didn't scoff at or scold him. Instead, he watched carefully. He had never had the opportunity to be right next to a shifter as they transformed. It had never been particularly important to his job to do so. That didn't mean the interest wasn't there. So he watched carefully as Elio's body began to warp, starting first with how his muscles bulged out. Underneath an eerily wet sound, there was the sound of bones breaking and elongating. From what he understood, shifting was a technically painful experience, dulled only by adrenaline rushing through the system and various other complexities in the nervous system that was still being studied by scientists. Fur sprouted quickly, all over his body, and sticking out uncomfortably from his inner uniform which was designed to stretch along with a shifter's change in form.
"Remember that they're only petty thieves," he said. With his anti-car gun assembled, made specifically for occasions such as this, he stood up. "Don't maul them." Regular police were criticized for overusing violent methods. The Giallo unit had it worse.
[While "keiyuki" manages to avoid from going into too much detail about Italian police again, there's still a lot of description on the chase scene, and the kind of (fictional) gun that Casimiro uses to take out the car wheels but is apparently not as useful against actual people. The chase scene is a mixture of regular police units trying to herd the suspects, Casimiro using a sniper spot to take out the car, and Elio finishing the job by stopping the car and then hunting down the robbers. As the regular police unit takes them out and the paperwork portion of the job begins, Casimiro takes a look at his partner's filthy state from the chase and offers to take him back to his apartment to clean up before heading back to the station...]
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From a literary point of view, you might want to introduce the concept of the shape-shifters in chapter one? It was a little surprising to see it appear in this one.
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I was trying foreshadowing.
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Perhaps it's because I was thinking of something else for that character?
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What was it?
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Isn't that kind of thing common?
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Good luck with your project, Keimoto.
[Don't mind his tiny typo there.]
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[this means war]
[....which means a borderline blocking the way to his temple when he comes home for the evening]
[action]
Yes? Shall we talk?
[...he says, to the world at large, which he's fairly sure contains at least one shinki close enough to listen.]
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[Just around the other side of the wall, actually, although the simple word might get drowned out under the sound of a Bon BOOF and his heavy pawsteps as he bounces into sight. Guess who is so excited to see Hakkai and can't get to him?]
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[Which is to say: Hakkai wonders whether Chikusa can maintain a borderline while being flattened by a giant, very fluffy dog.]
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[So yes, he suffered through this to wear out Bon's need to Smother him. That means Bon is still boofing, and trying to paw into a standing position against Chikusa's line.]
You know what you did.
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[Are you admitting that you're the romance author, Chikusa?]
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[He simply lets the borderline down, and Bon free to 'greet' Hakkai.]
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Bon! Sit!
[Bon's rump thumps heavily down to the ground, although he skids into Hakkai's leg regardless, and Hakkai reaches to scratch his ears.]
-- Good dog.
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sulkingfrowning, before he just wordlessly draws up another line.][At least now Hakkai will have company.]
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[He could teleport, but he suspects that would just open him up to a more annoying, later revenge.]
Don't worry, I don't plan on giving away your pseudonym. Although you could just talk to him.
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[He disappears around the corner again. Don't worry, he has backup in case Hakkai actually can teleport past a borderline. (He's never tried against a god.)]
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[Bon is standing up again, leaning heavily against Hakkai's side and shedding black hairs all down his slacks. Hakkai pats his head again, absently.]
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[As far as Chikusa is concerned, that was about as subtle as he was.]
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Sit.
[Thump, go Bon's hindquarters once more on the pavement. He's coming along quite well, really.]
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The mashup sounds too similar. You know it.
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[Thoughtfully, he adds:]
Although you'll have to get better at denying it.
wow this sure got lost in my inbox
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/puts in.... some sort of depressing ass tw
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