Heaven's BBS - text

[kokuyoyo]

From: Anonymous
Date: October 17

--------------

It's keiyuki again. I've been busy but here's more.

- Chapter 1

[Yep, it's that romance writer anon again! Or, aspiring romance writer, at least. Looks like they're still working at it. Good for them...?]

[So far, the next chapter starts off with Protagonist Casimiro Falco introducing his new partner and Presumable Love Interest Elio Adesso to various spots around the police headquarters. They're in the sparring area when Casimiro insults Elio, leading to arguments and, inevitably, tackling.]


"I'll do my job just as good as you- I'll do better!"

The ground pressed uncomfortably against his spine from one side. From the other side, Elio Adesso bore down on him. Casimiro didn't feel uncomfortable, usually. He was level headed. There was still something that seemed like it inside him as he was forced to stare up at Elio's twisted and passionate face. It was more than the fact that he was filthy. It didn't help but it was more than that. He would later realize very belatedly that it was the words that bothered him. Casimiro could't remember when similar thoughts had gone through him only that they had. In his case, there had been no one to compare himself to.

He had never been good at words. Pinned down against the floor of the police training room, all he did was stare up at his new partner. It didn't help. It wasn't meant to. He didn't think Elio knew that was the point but the other cop also didn't care. All he did was bristle, teeth bared. Before the situation could become worse, radio static crackled through the air and straight into Casimiro's ear. Elio seemed to have it worst and actually jerked. The voice speaking through Casimiro's radio, where it clung to his jacket, didn't care what it did. It only continued to drone onwards. It was hard to tell through the static but there was a sense of urgency in the words.

[There's a conveniently timed robbery! Because of course there is. Casimiro and Elio get over themselves long enough to suit up and get in a car, driving to somewhere to intercept the robber.]

[Also, did you know this had werewolves in it?]

It was a good thing that Casimiro was good at his job. He prided himself on it, for lack of anything else. It meant that he could put his body on autopilot in assembling a weapon he knew by heart. His eyes were focused on his new partner who was eagerly shedding most of his outer clothing as if he was going home instead of being on the job. As far as he had been able to tell in his years working as a police officer, that wasn't too unheard of with people in his division. Elio just took it further.

Casimiro didn't scoff at or scold him. Instead, he watched carefully. He had never had the opportunity to be right next to a shifter as they transformed. It had never been particularly important to his job to do so. That didn't mean the interest wasn't there. So he watched carefully as Elio's body began to warp, starting first with how his muscles bulged out. Underneath an eerily wet sound, there was the sound of bones breaking and elongating. From what he understood, shifting was a technically painful experience, dulled only by adrenaline rushing through the system and various other complexities in the nervous system that was still being studied by scientists. Fur sprouted quickly, all over his body, and sticking out uncomfortably from his inner uniform which was designed to stretch along with a shifter's change in form.

"Remember that they're only petty thieves," he said. With his anti-car gun assembled, made specifically for occasions such as this, he stood up. "Don't maul them." Regular police were criticized for overusing violent methods. The Giallo unit had it worse.

[While "keiyuki" manages to avoid from going into too much detail about Italian police again, there's still a lot of description on the chase scene, and the kind of (fictional) gun that Casimiro uses to take out the car wheels but is apparently not as useful against actual people. The chase scene is a mixture of regular police units trying to herd the suspects, Casimiro using a sniper spot to take out the car, and Elio finishing the job by stopping the car and then hunting down the robbers. As the regular police unit takes them out and the paperwork portion of the job begins, Casimiro takes a look at his partner's filthy state from the chase and offers to take him back to his apartment to clean up before heading back to the station...]

Comments

anonymous

[reformedsinner]

[The first section of this anonymous comment on Chikusa's Chapter Two is a lengthy, nitpicky grammar and punctuation edit of the chapter.

That's followed by one single sentence.]

There might be more appeal in a love interest with better hygiene.

anon battle

[kokuyoyo]

I'll put those corrections into effect next chapter.

As for the hygiene, that's being worked on.

fight fight fight

[reformedsinner]

So I see. I suppose it's a kind of character development...

[kokuyoyo]

I thought cleaning up someone was a trope people liked.

[reformedsinner]

As they say, there's no accounting for taste.

I'm not quite sure about the werewolf transformation, either. Should the bones break? I believe there are approximately the same number of bones in a human and a canid skeleton.

Anonymous

[unlucky7]

[The comment is a long discussion about the chase scene, particularly the anti-vehicle gun. There are several long paragraphs breaking down the components of the fictional weapon, criticizing the design while also offering suggestions on how to improve some aspects and outright praise. The sniping scene is also similarly broken down with detail and care including a mathematical breakdown of the angle of the sniping spot versus the spot the car is shot in ("...granted, this depends on the structural composition of the vehicle as well as the arrangement of the occupants within the cabin space...").

Finally, the comment ends with:]

I liked the details in the first chapter about the Italian police. It's lacking in this chapter.

[kokuyoyo]

[Oh no, it's a meeting of murder-nerds. "Keiyuki" has nearly as long a response, taking into consideration her criticisms by mentioning his various references of other guns, although he admits plainly that guns aren't his specialty even if he's clearly good at theoretical ideas that could be worth testing out. He's definitely interested in feedback, for sure.]

[Which means that particular strain of conversation is probably going to go on forever.]

I was told I should leave those details out by someone else. They said they weren't necessary.

[unlucky7]

[Guns may not be his specialty, but they're definitely her's. She happily spills more information about the guns she's used to, using her own innate knowledge as a reference to support or disprove his theoretical ideas. To a keen observer, the manufacturers point to a US military background, though the models and features are far beyond present day (2018) standards.

There's a lot of firearms and sniping specific knowledge to cover. This conversation will go on forever.]

I think they're interesting and add to the story.

Is there going to be sex in this story?

[kokuyoyo]

[Good thing that it will all be read, every bit of it. The hints of U.S. military don't particularly phase him. If there's a country all about this kind of thing...]

[Although at least the length gives him an excuse on delaying a bit in replying otherwise.]

I'll get back into it again then.

[And then, the reason this reply took so long-]

I might. It seems hard to write well so I'm still deciding.

[unlucky7]

Okay. I was curious. It seemed like that was the progression for the next chapter.

Are there other shapeshifters in the story?

Anon Text

[deniles]

0/10.

[kokuyoyo]

k

[deniles]

Needs far more nudity and sex.

[kokuyoyo]

Do you actually know anything about either of those?

[deniles]

Why? Need help? An editor?

anon text

[heptagram]

[She's going anonymous because everyone else is.]

Quite a lot of focus on the car chase. Is that sort of thing an interest of yours?

[kokuyoyo]

[Everyone here is either a paranoid or easily embarrassed nerd then.]

It's something I could visualize clearly so I thought I should add some detail.

[It actually could have had even more if one can believe it.]

[heptagram]

{Well, we at least know Patchouli's a nerd so]

Hm. I don't know how well so much detail fits into something like this, but it does mean you're quite versatile as an author.

[kokuyoyo]

I've been getting conflicting advice on what needs detail and what doesn't.

[Being an author is hard. Who knew?]

[heptagram]

That's bound to happen when you collect advice from multiple people. I guess figure out what you can do with the advice you've been given, and look for some kind of middle ground.

[spes_phthisica]

ooooh exciting

[Look, Souji doesn't exactly have a lot of ~great literature~ to compare with - and he only makes fun of the writing of people he's certain he knows.]

at first i thought maybe the whole point of the story was to get that guy to take a bath
but i am guessing it doesnt stop once cleaning up has happened
what kind of story is it meant to be?

[Look, he has to admit that so far, it hasn't been hugely romantic.]

[kokuyoyo]

It's a couple of different things. I've heard supernatural is popular so I thought I would try a little of that, but I'm mainly interested in crime and romance.

[....The romance is slow going. He knows.]

ignore icons tbh, out of paid time and doing my best ~\o/

[spes_phthisica]

so a little bit of fairy tale and a lot of guns and stuff and also theyre going to fall in love????
that sounds like fun ٩(^ᴗ^)۶
being in love with someone you fight next to is wonderful

[Not that he's... biased or anything.]

lmao we've all been there, no worries!

[kokuyoyo]

[!!]

Yeah. That's the idea. Even if people don't like each other at the start, things change when they're together all the time.

[At least, that's how it's worked out for Chikusa, both times. To... the same guy.]

[spes_phthisica]

i dont exactly know what its like not to like someone at first
or at least I can't remember it

[No he can't, but rest assured that 9-year-old him had absolutely NO FUCKING TIME for the bratty bully that was teenage Hijikata.]

but I do know intense things happening can definitely bring people a lot closer together

sooooo... are you writing from your own experience? (・ωｰ)～☆