thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Entry tags:

Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I guess. What do you mean the land of the living? It looked like a busy city to me. Not really surreal.

I don't know exactly. It just seems weird. Maybe a little small? It's frustrating trying to figure it out though so I've been trying to avoid it.

[She hears what he's saying... she just can't seem to agree with it.]

I don't think I can agree with that - friends can absolutely help you achieve your goals. Some of them are way too big for you to do all on your own.

And I think you have to trust someone who's your friend, don't you? Even someone who just wants to be my friend... I think they should get a chance, at least.

[Nope, they're being calm and reasonable adults here. Or at least reasonable.]

I can understand why.

But I think they do need the help. It's...I don't know. I've heard something about it. Or maybe it's something that the old gods needed? Maybe that's why shinki can blight them in the first place.

I don't know. Maybe that. Maybe I won't fight, maybe I will. But...we'll see.

[Maybe she is becoming a little too personal but...she thinks he needs that assurance. Someone that will respect him, fight for him. Though she's pretty sure others will too.]

I like to think this will. Dismissing you like that after making you a nora? That's just...it's a lot of things. A lot of awful things. But I like to think this *will* change things and we can free you from that...so called god's...hold.

[Hours. That’s how long it’s been. Plenty of time for the conversation he’d started to finally flitter down into the silence as everyone went their own ways. A lot of talk about, a lot to think about, and plenty more to do. Later though. Lots of it later. Shinki and gods alike had been there for him and sided with him; others had challenged him and talked him down from his emotional opinions. Some of it frustrated him, but much of it had helped. The initial distrust and anger towards the gods in general had faded into a cooler “we’ll see” thought, and he really did know that the majority of the gods here were benevolent and helpful, thrown into this just as much as any shinki. Being aggressive towards them wouldn’t help anyone.

Remorseful? Not really; he obviously had his reasons for bringing up that entire post. The shinki and the gods should know about the dangers other gods could and can possess to the shinki, particularly the shinki already named by other gods. Sousuke doesn’t regret the words he’s used or the ideas he’s said. True, they were despondent and abrasive, but of course they were after what he went through. He had the right to be angry and distrusting after the experience, just as he had the right and nigh-obligation to let the others know. But… well, he could have been a little less aggressive now that he came down from his backed-up anger and self-disgust. They really did want to help him.

Which… is the reason for his current state. Because the one who he was supposed to be the closest to, the one who really wants to help him the most, had been the one Sousuke had ripped into the hardest. His relationship with Rin is different than his relationship he had with the others on the network. Rin is his god, and the reason he hated the entire event with Schuldig. Being forced to betray someone he was beginning to open up towards… being reminded of why he shouldn’t trust him despite all the things Rin had done to show Sousuke he could trust him. He knows Rin finds it difficult to be around him at times because of the nostalgia and Sousuke’s own admittedly-recalcitrant and stubborn attitude. He knows both of them have sometimes wondered if it had been a mistake to team up. But through all of it, the fights and anger and silence, Rin’s stayed with him, given him his space, cared for him, and helped him. Never once has he ever limited or held Sousuke down in any way. Even now, he thought of Sousuke before himself, telling him he never sees him as a tool, but as a friend.

And Sousuke’d hurt him.

Physically and emotionally because of their link. Rin had to weather the swirling maelstrom of anger and frustration and all the other emotions within Sousuke during this time. He felt it probably even more keenly than Sousuke had. Since the moment Sousuke’d come home from the event, even after he refused to tell his god anything at first, Rin had been there. Dealing with it. And never once had Sousuke thanked him or tried to see it from his view. Never fully trusting him or being honest with him. Unwilling to work with him because of his experience. And after he’d torn into Rin for daring to offer his hand in friendship… I’m sorry …it was Rin who’d apologized to him.

The guilt is enormous.

The silent castle looms around him like a mixture of oppressive reminder and quiet welcome. He’s not lost for once, knowing where his feet are taking him as he walks through the hallways. Morning will be here soon, most likely. Another hour, maybe two. It’s still dark outside and the moon is low, turning the sakura trees outside into clouds. They pass by the windows each time he takes a step, wiping his face with shadow and light alternatively. Looking ahead of him, he can’t see the petals’ shadows on the wall. That’s right… The castle, Rin’s temple, is linked to him too. There’s no breeze, there’s no blossoms in the air. It’s silent inside and out. Because the god who fuels it with that passion and brilliance of spirit is wounded. By the person who’s supposed to be his closest companion.

It hurts… Here in his chest, here in his mind. A pain that aches dull and cold like a knife in his body. It weighs him down and thinking even for a moment on his actions towards Rin have his stomach knotting. He shouldn’t feel this way; he shouldn’t be putting Rin under such pressure. But… Rin doesn’t want him to be some statue or slave without feeling. Neither does Sousuke. There’s so much about this he doesn’t understand, doesn’t know how to do. But above all of that, there is one thing right now he knows he must do. Going forward without it is impossible. No matter how much it hurts, it has to be done to stop it from hurting more.

His steps slow and still outside the door. Their door. The one room out of so many that they’d finally chosen as their bedroom. Rin hadn’t listened to Sousuke’s continual intonations of “it’s your castle so you choose” as they looked through the different rooms. No, it had to be selected and approved by both of them. Of course Rin would say such a thing. So, they did. Together. Just like so many other things in this place.

I’ll stay.

Sousuke said those words to him weeks ago, agreeing to be his shinki with those two syllables. To be his shinki and all that it entails.

The device in his hand clicks on, linking privately with the device within the room. He doesn’t know if Rin’s even in the room, doesn’t know if his device is near him right now. But… he can’t face him yet. Not without this. The silence will easily make his voice carry to the microphone.]

Gomenasai, Rin.

It's okay. I'll wait but I don't think you could ruin it anyway. You make it fun too, you know.

[He can at least say that with some cheer to his voice, a bit of laughing. It's hard to feel down when he thinks of the fun times he has had with Sousuke and will have in the future. Schuldig can't take that away. No way!]

Still....I wanna beat that guy up. There's gotta be a way.

[He almost seems to pout over that, letting out an annoyed hum. There's got to be away. No one is impossible to beat. Not even gods. But with them both being shinki that does make things harder it seems. Is there a way to become a god?]

Right. I'll tell him and everything. I don't like it much either but if you think it's best I'll listen. You and Rin take care to though.

Kazuma. I'll send him a message. I want to get stronger so this never happens again.

I suppose you could look at it that way, but that only makes a shinki's purpose seem even worse than a tool.

What kind of prayer requests do you get?

[Prayers are something he and his god have only just begun to "do" really. Now that he knows it gets money, well... more information.]

You've met them? I think I just met one of the older gods during this conversation. But she's not one of the people in charge.

What happened?

I guess, if you had something to compare it to. I've been there once and it was packed.

Why did you ask about the pool? Do you swim?

For some people that works. But if you rely on your friends to help you achieve your goals, you won't know what you can do on your own.

[And risk breaking if you find yourself alone and can't rely on your own strength.]

Aa. It's stupid to be friends with someone you don't trust. But just trusting someone doesn't make them your friend.

Anything. One time I sent a man a book about growing his hair back. It wasn't that hard.

But no, not me. Jae-Ha did, and she took up an attitude with him for not deferring respectfully to said attitude, I guess. Said a few things that one could interpret as threatening, if they're like most of us who don't want to be here. So again: not a big fan.

[Yes. "At least" is the important part there.]

It doesn't make sense to me, but it's not something a shinki can fight against. Or even a god, I guess. We're new here and upsetting the order's not going to be easy for any of us.

[Not that he's arguing against trying. Especially if it involves stopping this from repeating itself.]

I don't like being a shinki, but I will fight if my god needs me to. It's better than him getting hurt or dying.

[Plenty of other gods have echoed the sentiment about not having a choice. Not having chosen to be a god anymore than the new shinki have chosen to lose their memories and become shinki. He's not so callous as to reject that after having so many comments about it.]

Aa. I don't know if I'm still a "nora" since his name's not on me anymore. It doesn't change the fact it's been done. I still feel dirty.
Even if being a shinki is difficult right now, I don't want to betray my god.

[Very important.]

It's not like we want to be here. Or dead. But the order is already upset, considering that new gods have been coming in, and the weird ayakashi, and everything else.

So we can't really be "normal", until we can be certain we can be "safe" if that makes any sense.

And I don't want my god to be hurt or die either. That's why I've been trying to learn what I can.

I don't think you're a nora if the name is gone. And in that case, I'm glad he didn't keep the name on you.

But he did violate you. What he did was wrong, and he needs to learn *never* to do that again.

And...it is hard to be a shinki. It's hard to make the best of it sometimes. But I think it would be easier if we shinki supported each other. And our gods too.

Did you want to be freed from the god you currently have? Maybe find another?

Maybe I do. Not like I'd know right?

And of course I swim! Maybe. You know, I'm not filled with dread when I think about pools so I assume that's a yes.

Isn't that what the older gods mean when they say that shinki exist to teach them right from wrong? Our corruption hurts them if they use us to do evil.

We are, after all, tools.

( Age is strange when it comes to spirits, especially ones that aren't human. Physically, Urashima is just a kid, no older than sixteen but in heart and spirit, he's both considerably younger and older. As soon as he hears Sousuke's confirmation, he's quick to blurt out, )

That isn't right!

( It's an impulsive outburst, stating the obvious, but he can't help it. Hearing about it sad and scary, yes, but it makes him mad too. He's never really been mad in the Far Shore before but right now, he's pretty sure he hates bullies. And again, it's normal to not like bullies and jerks and people who generally do bad things but right now, if he could, Urashima would fight them. )

Who would-- who did it?! ( And if others are already helping with the issue at hand (more than he can, right now), then there's something else to worry about, ) Are you okay? Have they tried to hurt you?

( That talk about being broken and mistreated sure is hitting a nerve. )

Well, it's just a saying that there are eight million. What it means is that there's a god for everything. [ The "yaoyorozu no kami".

But she waves her hand, as that's not the point she's trying to make. Instead she focuses on his last statement. ] You were forced into something you don't believe is right. [ I.e. wrongful naming. She tilts her head. ] It would be strange if he wasn't blighted-- not that I'd recommend blighting in the first place, as it can harm you, too.

Anyway, it's important to stop things like this from happening. I'll try to work on something that might help, okay? [ If there is anything at all. ] You shouldn't have to suffer any more from a treacherous god like that-- and I'm sure there are many people that want to help you, too.

Maybe...somehow...there's a way to get those established as a rule? The first one, I mean. The other one...it sounds more like something that can't be helped. But I don't know one hundred percent. It would be good to speak to a really experienced shinki about that one.

I don't know if there are a lot of rules here. Maybe they would help us new gods, too. To have some kind of guide to follow.

[Makoto doesn't mind rules. He actually likes them since they make things easier for everyone. And while they wouldn't stop bad people from doing bad things, it would prevent others from making a mistake. And it would help others be on the look out for those bad people.]

You said so yourself one time... I guess I'm too trusting. But I can tell you're a good person. I can just feel it.

[Makoto shakes his head at the next statement]

I have to disagree with you on that one. From my own experiences, a close personal bond can make someone a lot stronger than they already are. By yourself and with no one to think of or fight for, it's hard to push yourself and become better.

what god named you?

I don't see why that's a problem though? I don't ever want to be alone anyway. Why does it matter what I can do by myself?

[Even the idea of training her shinki powers isn't something she can manage on her own, and that's something she genuinely aspires to.]

I guess they go hand in hand for me. By the time I know someone well enough to trust them, they're already my friend too.

Well... well maybe the labor office can help you anyway. Stealing you from your god is probably against the rules, right?

[If there are rules. But still... why have something like a shinki labor office if there are no rules to enforce? So Elise is remaining optimistic.]

It was very short, honestly.

[ Perhaps, it might better for him to adjust to everything and then figure things out when he gets further. ]

It doesn't sound pleasant-- turning into a ayakashi and fading away.

[ It must be a strange word to use but it sounds logical in the conversation. He doesn't really blame him for using that word. ]

Shinki Information Building... huh? [ He should look into that. ]

That's alright. You've been more helpful to me than anyone else that I've spoken to.

[ The natural state of things in this world, it seems. He's going to have to get rid of his frustrations somehow. ]

I don't doubt that. I met a few gods that were rather pleasant. I won't deny that I'm completely distrustful of all of them, but given the situation it's rather hard to think good of others. In any case, I suppose that's something I'll have to consider for myself.

It's not right. Having to belong to anyone is bad enough, but being stolen or thrown away like we're just useless or broken property?
There has to be a way to prevent that. There should be rules about this kind of thing!

I will be honest: what he's done is deplorable in my eyes. Even more, the way he seems to treat you all as tools.

[ It leaves a bitter taste at the back of her throat. Going through several shinki... finding weapons that suited him... it disgusted her. ]

He will be brought forward. Any shinki he's still named against their will shall be released. If we know who he is, we can prevent him from forcefully naming another shinki.

As for what changed, I can't say. The first batch of newcomers came without warning but Amaterasu did host a welcoming banquet for them. It's enough to say that she knew of their arrival but perhaps she didn't know anything of how they arrived.

It’s strange that everything apparently began to change so suddenly. What do you mean the “weird” ayakashi? I thought they were all weird. I guess that makes sense. Not that we know what “normal” means if we’re all learning how to be a shinki during it. This is normal for the new shinki.

If you’re learning, make sure your god can either summon you or sense/track you. It’s annoying, but after this thing, I think it’s worth it. [Even if he does invade his privacy. He’d rather not have someone else steal him though.]

Whether I still am or was, I don’t know how people will view it. The name’s gone, but I still feel… yeah. Violated. I don’t want to have to keep wondering if he’s going to come back. That’s why I said all this, so the other shinki would know the risks.

No. I don’t want to leave my true god. Rin’s been nothing but kind to me… and I’ve been a very difficult shinki for him. I want to stay with him, even if it’s hard to get used to. I owe him that much.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 6 of 17

Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Re: text

text

no subject

text;

Time Skip

Voice --> Private

no subject

no subject

Re: text

no subject

no subject

Re: text;

text;

text

no subject

no subject

*eight million whoops

Re: Video| Private

Dionysus

no subject

Re: video

no subject

no subject

no subject

Re: text;