thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

Posted: May 21st
From: Sousuke Yamazaki

What are shinki?

I’ve not been here long, so I don’t know the truth. Apparently no shinki can. But I’ve experienced enough.

I don’t like it.

We’re shinki. We weren’t told anything upon our arrival. All we knew is that we’re dead and know nothing else. Other shinki probably had the same experience I did: stumble around until someone told me I had to find a god or something before something bad happened to me. We have to rely on whatever our gods tell us as the truth. We’re told we’re supposed to help our gods with their duties and wants and protect them or fight for them. We can’t exist without you; gods give us form and prevent us from fading away. We have to depend on you to survive.

So what are we to you?

I have a god. A Master. He tells me that I’m human more than I’m his shinki. I don’t know if I believe him entirely.

Not all Masters are like that, are they. Some don’t care what a shinki feels. I guess that’s not far from the truth though. After all, shinki are really nothing more than tools to gods. Gods can pick us up simply because they want something from us. Maybe you feel good having us at your side because you think we remind you of something. Maybe you want us because we’re useful to you or you like our looks or fit your fighting style or powers.

But if it doesn’t work out, if we piss our gods off or don’t please them, they’re allowed to discard us like a broken item. Gods can even cycle through us one after another until they’ve found the perfect tool to fit their current needs. And when you’re done, you can throw us away until you’re ready to use us again. Or left to wander for someone else to maybe pick up before we fade away into nothing.

And we have no choice but to come when you call us whether we want to or not. Because we’re nothing without you. We’re valuable possessions to keep close or useful but expendable objects to get the job done.

I don’t know if all gods are aware of this; I know the shinki aren’t. Gods can even steal shinki from another god without asking. Force a new name upon us and give us a new form and power. And if we’re stubborn, apparently blackmail and threats are just as effective. Or you can simply hurt us until we break or get rid of us because we’re not working as you want. Like we’re some kind of toy for your amusement.

We’re told we’re entering a partnership with our gods, but in reality, it only goes one way. We have to choose between vanishing or living as a weapon, companion, prize, tool, whatever, for a god we don’t even know.

If you’re a shinki, think about this. If you’re a god, ask yourself why you have a shinki.

[A video feed flicks on. A full moon glows yellow in the sky above, encircled by spiraling clouds. The edge of a sakura tree billows pink and gentle at one side of the screen, releasing ghost-light sakura petals into the winds that carry them away. It’s silent, some for himself to gather his thoughts, some for letting whoever’s listening to him think. Maybe it is rambling, but the experience he went through…]

So what are our rights? Does anyone want to tell me how this is supposed to work?

All of this may not be something some of you gods care about.

But the shinki should know.

[His is a quiet voice, deep like the dark waters far below the surface of the sea.]

I’m aware I’m probably a rare case; most of the gods I’ve met seem decent. Some of you say you’d never act like I’ve described or think like this towards a shinki. That we can trust you. But we don’t know you. So how can we trust you? Ultimately we have to trust our gods because we don’t know anything else. Whether you use that to your advantage or not is up to you.

It’s a disgusting feeling to know you’re powerless against someone else. I can be stolen and wielded by any god who wants me, regardless of how I feel about it. And if I don’t want that, I have to eternally stick by my Master’s side like a frightened child. We’re not free; we can’t even rely on ourselves because our powers, beyond the borderline, is useless unless directed by a god. I didn’t want this, I don’t know if any shinki does.

[A quiet breath seeps backwards above the screen and the edge of a shirt sleeve flutters into view on one side of the screen. Sousuke’s leaning against the wall beside the window, not in sight, but obviously here if someone feels like talking.]

And if any of you gods haven’t yet learned how to track or trace your shinki, you should start working on that now. Otherwise you're going to find yourself out a useful tool for a while simply because some other god wants to do something different for a change.

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[It's hard to consider being friends with a nameless person, right? Though he has the feeling Kairi would definitely challenge that idea.]

Kairi.

[He figures that's the reason and nods, forgetting she can't see him right now.]

I forgot you could see mine.

[She's not alone in that getting used to thing.]

Yukine? I heard that name sometime tonight. Shinki labor center... something.

So Kazuma gives classes? Good to know. []

What's a shinki labor center? Do we have a union?

But yes he does. You just have to ask, from what I hear.

[She giggles a bit at that.]

Well, now we're even. You know my name and I know yours.

[She gives him a knowing nod.]

Now if we meet on the street, don't be surprised if I say hello.

[ In the end, it worked out for Ichiru to gain information this way. He honestly hopes that he doesn't end up in that kind of position. It would be really annoying for him. ]

I'll keep you informed if I do, Sousuke-san.

Bye Bye.

Interesting point to consider, either way.

Think his feelings are hurt?

[He hadn't ruled it out, blighting, though he only heard it in passing and thus had a vague idea of what it was to begin with. Spurred by guilt, certain actions shinki do will in turn affect their god... What does Sousuke have to feel guilty over when he's done nothing wrong? It makes little sense to Rin and he's angry with himself for even considering Sousuke to be the cause. But if not that, then what?

He's running out of options and solutions and the longer he stands here thinking about that, the more pain he feels. It's not until he hears that quiet realization that Rin oddly enough seems to release completely, letting go of the remaining tension in his hands and legs specifically. Somehow, hearing it out in the open like that feels validating, like they won't have to go back and forth with guessing and vague explanations anymore. He might not be able to see it, but he can feel it... and he can feel Sousuke in his heart just as well.

He's heavy. Heavy and cold and angry. So many emotions flood his veins at once, they leave him dizzy and overwhelmed. Will he ever grow used to this? Something tells him not...

Answer him. Tell him 'no'. Tell him something to ease the pain for them both.]

... Yes.

[And I know you don't mean to.]

Edited 2016-12-17 11:45 (UTC)

I don't know. Someone mentioned it here.

Hn. I'll think about it then.

[That makes two of them.]

Same.

Ja ne, Ichiru.

I'd prefer we didn't have to rely on our gods to use our powers.

[As for that other question...]

... Aa. I know they are.

I guess.

[If she wants to see it that way.]

Aa. I won't be.

[Of course, there's also the issue of he's not looked at the screen once so he doesn't know what she looks like and she doesn't know what he looks like, bu that's a moot point, right?]

Just don't forget okay?

[Not that Goten would really ever let him. Hanging out to together is too much fun. All the plans they've come up with and made for the future are still in full effect despite everything that has happen. It's just been a bit delay. If Goten didn't know any better, he'd guess that Sousuke was trying to give him a long boring lesson in patience. He'll respect the other's need for space...for now!

The smile is there, clear in his voice as well as he speaks. He's still worried about how Schuldig will react to this message when he sees it but it is better to get it all out in the open. They can't let someone like that run around and keep doing whatever they want. Sousuke said he would stick close to Rin so...he'd be safe, right?]

Ahuh! Just be careful okay?

[It’s like watching a wall come down. His hands slowly unfurl, his legs look like they’re about to sag (or at least not stand with his knees locked together like bolts), shoulders and body relaxing. And Sousuke gets the silent affirmation that his statement is dead on. Blight. He doesn’t know a whole lot about it, but he knows it’s both a discomfort and danger to the gods that are afflicted by it. So many people have told him he could have blighted Schuldig as a method of fighting against him (not that he could have considering circumstances).

And now, he’s standing here, watching his own god suffer under the affliction. Blight. The effect of a shinki disobeying their god or doing something they’re morally opposed to, as he understands it. And he knows even without Rin opening his mouth that the young god will do everything he can in his head to absolve Sousuke of the blame. You’ll tell me I’ve done nothing wrong, won’t you. Because Rin’s that kind of person. But it’s out in the open now and that’s all the tall shinki needs to accept the blame and shoulder responsibility for it. Even if Rin doesn’t want to admit it. Yes, anger is natural and it’s not wrong to feel it.

But lashing out in anger at someone simply trying to help him?

Hn, he may not remember his parents, if he even has them, but he’s pretty sure that they’d have taught him that lesson. And he’d done that very thing to Rin. The guilt he feels is enough to tell him that. With a soft sigh, Sousuke lets his eyes close and his shoulders drop slightly. He’s tired. Tired of the anger, tired of his weakness, tired of making a mess of things. It’s not his or Rin’s responsibility to play any blame game right now.

What is, however, is helping his god. Thank you. For not trying to lie to me again.]

Come on. [He turns around and gestures for Rin to follow him.] We need to find some holy water, right?

I won't.

[Goten wouldn't let him forget anyways; he's confident of that. And he looks forward to spending more time with the boy as well. They've had a few meetings, not all of them quite going as they planned, but hey at least they're flexible enough to make the most of what outings they've had together. Most plans still are waiting for the future, life getting in the way, but they're all stored away in that treasure chest of a mind Goten has. Sousuke does feel a little bad about making the boy wait as long as he has, but... he knows attempting anything "fun" right now would end up blowing up in his face.

He's also wonders about Schuldig's reaction; the guy's not stupid and he's listening in on this as far as Sousuke knows. Probably guessing that whenever a conversation goes private, he's being directly discussed. Well fine. Sousuke doesn't care because the god deserves it. And if he comes around again for another round... Sousuke'd kill him. No matter what it took. So long as it keeps Rin and Goten safe from the bastard.]

I will. If you're ever in trouble, come to Rin's castle.

Okay! And I will! Promise! But don't worry Sousuke! I can fly super fast now so I can get there in no time I bet! I think I sorta know where it is too cause of all those pink trees you like! I saw a castle with a whole bunch so that's gotta be it, right? Right?

[It's the bonus to being able to fly and get a bird's eye view of the land. The only reason he hasn't actually dropped in to see Sousuke or his god is because Sousuke had mentioned wanting to ask Rin or something before hand. With everything going on, Goten knew a bit better then to land in for a surprise visit but how long could he really hold out for?

Goten doesn't like running away but when it comes to Schuldig, fight or flight mode is going to will him to take to the air super fast. He learned from trying to take on the god. Until there's a way to get him by surprise or get around that weird power, Goten isn't going to pick a fight. He's scared of Schuldig for good reason.]

[That label bothers her. Partially because she's smart enough to know there's some truth to it.

Which is why her knee-jerk reaction is to vehemently deny it.]

Th-that's not true! We're not tools! We're....

[She struggles for a word that doesn't sound depressing or awful.]

We're more like partners! Only an awful god would call us tools.

Aa. That’s the place. My god likes them even more than me. [Shove Rin right under the bus with that one, isn’t he.] I knew you’d get faster. I probably couldn’t keep my eyes open now if I wanted to. [Not that it’d stop him from accepting another flight with Goten. It’s in their plans and he’s still looking forward to it.

He knows he owes Goten a visit around the castle though. Speaking to Rin to get permission isn’t hard at all and he’s pretty sure the other god would give Goten his own tour of the place (probably saying that Sousuke’d get lost if he offered Goten the tour—psh, as if he’d ever get lost in the castle).

Sousuke definitely has similar feelings to Goten; he’d love to be the one to take down Schuldig, but unless he finds a way to eliminate that guy’s abilities, he’s smart enough to reluctantly admit there’s no chance of him exacting any kind of retribution on the god for abusing him like he had. Hearing Goten’s promise is comforting though and he nods in acceptance.]

Hey, Goten. During your flights, have you ever tried to find an “edge” to this place? What do you see the higher you go?

[He sees that reaction coming a mile off. Sousuke really doesn't want to submit to that label, but it's staring him--and every other shinki--in the face no matter what they say.]

Most gods say they don't view shinki that way. I want to believe them.

["Want" being the operative term there, but it's clear that at the moment, Sousuke doesn't believe them. His experience has colored that darkly.]

Unless something changes, we are whatever the gods want us to be.

[He gasps a little bit at that. How can that not be impressive?]

I think you mentioned that before but that's still hard to believe! No wonder you're together. I'm surprise you guys live in a castle and not one of those trees. A huge one!

[He laughs at that, kicking his feet just picturing it. Sousuke and his god living in a giant sakura tree with petals everywhere. The floor, the beds everything would be covered in small pink petals. If Sousuke likes sakura as much as Goten is picturing he does, then Rin must be super crazy about them! Maybe his first visit he should bring them more petals--- no they probably have a whole bunch of those. oh well, it'll have to be something sakura themed for sure!]

I never met two guys that liked flowers so much....

[He means it with good spirits, all teasing aside. It's whatever makes Sousuke and his god happy. But the next question makes him blink. He pauses thoughtfully as he ponders over the answer. His arms cross naturally over his chest.]

Mmmm...I fly around both. The other place, the near shore...no the far shore...? Uh..

[He stops for a second, muttering to himself. The near shore was were all the regular people and places were. The far shore is where they were. Right? Or was it the other way around? The terms are too easy to confuse. He shakes his head]

The regular world is really big. I've flown around the whole world before and way above the clouds. I can get really high there but it gets hard to breath so I gotta come back down. But here, where everyone lives I've tried and it sorta just loops around. It's not nearly as big as the world. Flying over the clouds here is weird 'cause any higher and i end up below them again no matter how fast I go or how many times I try!

Me neither. I don't like having to rely on anyone.

[He doesn't have to have his memories to know that.]

Hope you two can smooth it over.

[Rin still wonders about that himself, why Sousuke didn't choose to defend himself in that way against Schuldig while he had the chance, but to ask that would mean prying, and clearly his shinki wasn't in the mood for that at the time. Whether or not he's ok with it now remains to be seen, so he holds his tongue (again) and settles in the painful present they have to deal with now.

Well. At least they can see it. What secrets and pain and raging emotions will do to their relationship. Of course he knows Sousuke doesn't mean it and there's nothing he can say or do to convince Rin he's done something wrong, because, yes, unfortunately Rin's that kind of person. Both of them, stubborn and defiant even when they crack and break...

Rin smiles in spite of himself. Oddly, this feels right, feels more like who they should be. His smile fades though as soon as Sousuke mentions holy water... It's not that he doesn't want to, but--]

The closest place is-- [They shouldn't. It'll hurt. But... Sousuke needs him to be at his best.] --by the pool.

Aa.

[They're similar in that regard, aren't they.]

Same. He didn't deserve that.

[He has an easy and immediate answer for that, something he’s realized and reluctantly admitted to himself during the conversations he’s had tonight. If Rin wants to ask, he’ll let him know. But right now, “Sousuke” isn’t the topic; it’s Rin and what’s affecting him right now. There’s a lot they probably aren’t saying to each other, because Sousuke’s pride and Rin’s care continue to clash in these ways. Maybe they’ll eventually come to terms.

Since there’s proof of it sitting in front of their eyes right now. He’d kept things to himself to the point of finally exploding over the network and blighting his own god. While Rin wants to believe Sousuke’s done nothing wrong, the shinki feels opposite, hating the idea that Rin somehow blames himself for all of this. It’s not Rin’s fault. But neither of them are going to admit that or concede to the other. They’re stubborn, too stubborn.

But he can at least put some of that stubbornness to better use now. He doesn’t have to look over his shoulder to see the faded smile. It comes through in the heavy pause and finally in the quiet answer. The pool… the place that had given Sousuke such a reaction he’d almost gone catatonic. They’d avoided it since then.

Sousuke looks over his shoulder this time, eyes lingering on Rin’s face.]

Then come on. We’re going to the pool.

[Healing Rin of the blight is more important than Sousuke’s reaction to the pool.]

Really? How strange.

But good. Thanks for considering it.

Great! Hope your day gets better, Sousuke.

[She heard his voice speaking earlier, so that's good enough for her.]

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Heaven's BBS | Text & Video ~ A Stolen Voice

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