Heaven's BBS | text

[sharkmaid]

Posted: May 4th
From: Eros

I've been here for a while now and I've had a lot of time to think... but even just sitting here brings up more and more questions and concerns.

... I still don't think I'm the right fit to be a god. I don't feel comfortable having shinki. I don't feel comfortable being anything BUT what I am.

Do we really have to fight? Do we really have to train and kill and put our own shinki in danger?

How am I supposed to be just and fair when everything about this feels like the exact opposite?

I can't be the only one. Someone out there-- You have to know how wrong this feels.

... Or maybe being the god of love really has turned me into a sentimental maniac.

At any rate. My name is Rin. I want you to know that. I've attached a photo of myself so you'll know me in passing too. ... I guess I just don't want to be a stranger.

(( ooc: Just a note, part of Rin's god power involves being aesthetically beautiful, but don't worry! It's only beauty and he won't be using it to manipulate anyone... I mean, unless you want to. Feel free to read more about that here and fill out some permissions while you're there~ ))

Comments

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[dominatriarch]

No. It isn't fair. I understand. You, like the others were brought here against your will and made to fulfill our duties. Though I may not know who is at fault nor do I have any answers for you, I apologize.

Unlike you, this world is my home. What you've discribed is all I know. My shinki and I have trained and fought together to vanquish ayakashi from the Near Shore. Though things may sound dire, battling the ayakashi does help us all: both near and far shore residents alike. I know it's overwhelming so please believe me when I say we're doing what we can to get to the bottom of this.

I am Bishamon. If there are any other questions you may have or if you need help settling in, please let me know.

[ She really can't help herself but feel a little sentimental toward these newcomers. Some of them are young, after all and this really isn't right. ]

[sharkmaid]

Thanks, Bishamon. For being understanding, I mean.

I'm just sorry that you've had to put up with such a drastic change, especially in your own home. I'd like to think that nobody actually wants all this to happen.

But while I exist here... I'm a god, right? I keep thinking I should get over it and be stronger than this.

[revolutionfalcon]

None of us want to be here, but now that we are, we don't have a hell of a lot of choice. It's fight and risk death, or don't fight and invite it anyway. Standing in the middle of a battlefield and refusing to fight isn't going to save what you want to protect.

And if you think you're the only god here who's uncomfortable basically being told you own another person, you've got another thing coming.

[sharkmaid]

If I have to fight and risk death while I'm here, then why shouldn't I fight and risk death for the things that are actually important to me?

I know I'm not the only one who feels that way; I've established that just by listening to the people I've met in the past month. But even knowing that doesn't lessen the discomfort.

We should be allowed to choose.

[purehonkproject]

I'm a shinki so... I guess a lot of this doesn't apply to me?

It's a little weird to belong to somebody, but I don't mind it too much. My god's kinda rude and aggressive, but I wanna help him if I can.

[sharkmaid]

It still applies to you. ... Actually, it should apply more to you because you get the shorter end of the stick.

[That last comment though--]

He's rude and aggressive? Has he hurt you?

[birdstheword]

Bishamon is right and Kuroro-kun means well too.

You don't have to fight, you can help support everyone else that is. We're working to protect everyone. Friends and the people of the Near shore. Without us the ayakashi will over run those people and they'll get hurt! We're like heroes. But not ever hero has to fight.

If the time comes, I think you'll know whats best for you and your shinki! Try not to stress over it! There are a lot of things you can do that don't involve fighting!

[sharkmaid]

Then that's all the more reason to fight, isn't it? If the situation is this dangerous?

... I want to choose what I fight for, but I also want to prove useful if we're all really going to be stuck in this world.

Sorry. I don't mean to be so doubtful and negative, especially when you're trying to help.

[shortnsweet]

it's okay rin-chan i don't really wanna fight either
i don't think i'd be any good at it and i don't want sako-chan to get hurt

[sharkmaid]

Yeah, I don't want any of us getting hurt, especially the shinki. They didn't even have a choice from the start.

You haven't run into any trouble yet, have you?

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[clothes_make_the_man]

Fighting isn't the only way to help. As the god of love, I'm sure there's plenty you can do to help keep others' morale up, for example.

[sharkmaid]

Morale? Like how, making everyone love each other? Somehow I doubt I could accomplish that...

[galactically]

of course it's not fair, Rin! don't think you're the only one who feels this way
but also don't think that fighting is literally the only thing you have to do

Sheryl Nome will always be a lover before a fighter
the only thing i want to continue doing in life is to sing

but i learned that sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do
in order to do the things you want to continue living

what do you want to do instead?

[sharkmaid]

Thanks... It's difficult to wrap my head around, but hearing you say that makes it easier.

[There's been a lot of supportive people so far with the same message. It does help to hear it more than once. But that question-- It takes him a second.]

I want to save my friends. I don't know how or even if I can. But it's what I want more than anything.

[thekillerwhale]

[After typing then erasing several times trying to think of just the right things to say...]

Do you want to meet up? You can pick the place.

[sharkmaid]

[Oh. Makoto...]

I'm sorry. I've been meaning to visit you and Haru... I wasn't sure when the best time would be.

Hachiman

[koukai_kirai]

You're talking as if love and battle are somehow contradictory. Sometimes, though, if you love something, you have an obligation to step up and defend it.

Like it or not, there are people who rely on you now. It's your responsibility to look after your shinki, but if you refuse to use them to fight ayakashi, you have to understand that that's a choice that will put more humans and wandering spirits who can't defend themselves at risk. Doesn't do you or your shinki any favors if you neglect learning how to fight and end up not knowing what to do in an emergency you didn't ask for, either.

[sharkmaid]

I know that. I know that better than anything I've ever learned. But in this world with these extreme situations... You have to understand that this just isn't the kind of "battling" I'm used to.

I don't want to use anyone. I don't want anyone to serve or owe or defend me. And even if I do end up fighting in the end, what kind of conscience am I going to have to live with afterwards?

... I realize this all comes off as weakness. It's probably not something an all powerful GOD would ever care about. But it's as I said. I don't feel right being a god in the first place.

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[kissthegoddamncook]

Then don't fight.

People without the will to fight will only hurt us all.

[sharkmaid]

You say that as if that's an easy decision to make. I'm a human, not some kind of warrior.

[sweetdeath]

Not every god has to fight. You should know how to defend yourself and your shinki if you have to, but the people who have faith in us ask each of us for different things, right?

You're the god of love, so I bet you don't get a lot of prayers asking you to break curses or fight monsters off for them.

[sharkmaid]

I guess you're right about that. I should at least know how to defend just in case.

[Tsk. This shouldn't be so difficult to figure out.]

Yeah, they're usually the complete opposite. Still... that can't be entirely helpful in the long run, can it?

[spes_phthisica]

it really is a lot harder being a god in some ways huh
i mean adapting to everything new is probably harder if it clashes against everything youve ever known
thats not really a problem if youre a blank slate

but you really arent on your own
i mean you only have to look at the people responding here right (*^-ﾟ)v
those who have more experience can stand by you and help you until youve found your feet
just try to find your own way of doing things

[sharkmaid]

I don't know if it's harder. I still can't imagine how it must be like showing up here without any memories.

[And being told you're dead, but he won't mention that.]

But you're right. I can see there's several people here who share the same thoughts and feelings. I guess that gives me some hope, even some inspiration to move.

... I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so skeptical and negative right off the bat. Honestly, I'd like to think I can trust most of the people here, you know?

[saikusu]

[In his entire time as a shinki - all two and a half weeks - he's never thought much about how someone looks and yet here he was staring at this kid's picture, thinking he's attractive. It doesn't matter if Rin's 16 or 18, he's still a kid in Saïx's mind, being 26 himself.

After a few minutes of staring at the picture, he tears his eyes away and focuses back on the rest of the post.]

Yes, it is what we have to do. I'm sure you can avoid seeking out and hunting down ayakashi, but not training for it would be suicidal. There will come a time when you are faced with no choice but to fight and what will you do then if you're unprepared?

[sharkmaid]

Yeah, I've been thinking about that too... It wouldn't do any good to my conscience to fight just like it won't do any good if I don't.

But... I guess I'll have to choose the lesser of two evils. It'd be worse not to try, right?