thefarshore | Feb 18; Video

[The commander's been around the debriefing block more times that she can count so she knows how to play it in front of the camera. Even if that camera was a nightmare of outdated tech that even now threatens to crack her cool facade. Just keep a straight face, Shepard. Make nice to get what you want want, what you need, and maybe no one has to get hurt. For once.]

Commander Shepard. Systems Alliance. Council Spectre. I doubt that will mean much to most of you but I figure it's worth putting out there in case it does.

So on the one hand, I got myself a bit of a promotion. Thanks but no thanks. [A beat.]

On the other, it seems I've been knocked back a couple centuries. Right into the galactic dark ages. How anyone survives on DSL is beyond me but here's my divine wisdom for the day. When spaceflight is capable enough to get you there, save yourself the decades of dicking around and check out Charon. You're welcome.

[With a smirk that is equal parts acerbic and playful -- I'm not happy but nothing personal -- she finally gets to the heart of the matter. A challenge is still a challenge and the rules of that particular game haven't changed as far as she's concerned. There's certainly allies to be found in a predicament like this.]

Now I get that this new found omnipotence doesn't quite extend beyond the boundaries of space time here but I'm all for beating my head against a wall so I'll probably be looking into it anyway. It'd be nice to have some help. In the meantime, anyone want to point me to a good place where I could pick up a gun? Its dangerous to go alone, after all.

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Guns are illegal in Japan, so you'll have to travel somewhere else if you want one from the Near Shore.

[Isn't it easier to use magic? He can't imagine guns would do a lot of good against a spiritual threat, even if Hisoka'd had the same thought when he started.

He shrugs, and keeps typing.]

What do you want to use it for, anyway?

Just because something's illegal doesn't mean you can't still get your hands on it. I'm sure there's a black market or back alley deals going on somewhere.

[Isn't it obvious though? A girl has her vices.]

To shoot something.

Yeah, but it means you've got to deal with some scary people if you want one!

So what do you want to shoot?

[... there are some scary new gods out there.]

Well aren't you sweet. But I'm a big girl. I promise I'll protect you from any scary thugs that try to follow me home. You know. With my gun.

[Written text or not, it's all a thin veil for her dripping sarcasm.]

[~~Here's another kid who's been dragged into this afterlife business.~~ Yuya doesn't have much to say about most of this post except for one point:]

What's space travel like? You're a commander of a spaceship, right? Are there space pirates?!

Look, I just don't want you to get shot. It hurts.

And besides, you're a god. Anybody you could shoot probably wasn't going to be a threat in the first place.

[With some notable exceptions. Mortal magic users, for example.]

[Oh jeez. Well you get points for putting those pieces together kid.]

Fast, yes and yes.

Do you fight the space pirates? [Yuya's...a somewhat mature kid, but with this big opportunity placed in front of him it's obvious that he's looking for story-time.]

[Yeah. Probably best not to mention those just yet if you're too keen on dissuading her.]

Then it's a good thing I plan on doing the shooting and not the getting shot. Besides. I'm thinking target practice with immortals means less bodies to clean up.

[Believe it or not, she's actually kidding about that last one. Really.]

And it still hurts a lot....

Look, if you're that bored I can teach you archery or something.

If they get in my way.

Not exactly the same thing. But I suppose it couldn't hurt to pick up a few new ways to kill someone while we're stuck here.[And now she's just fucking with you.]

Why not just toss your shinki at anything you want gone?

Why limit yourself?

[It's super effective. It'd probably work even face-to-face, but when this is all typed, it's particularly hard for Tsuzuki to tell if she's joking or if she's actually serious.]

It's a sport! Target shooting isn't about trying to kill anybody!

[Several minutes later, he adds another comment.]

That was a joke right.

[Oh man she's probably laughing too hard to reply soon enough. But the second one. That hits somewhere a little closer to home.]

Alright fine you win. [At least until the shooting starts.] So name your time and place.

[And now the real question: does he actually think she's gonna try to shoot anybody?

....

Probably not. Not unless she's attacked, because it sounded like she wanted to protect herself. So it's safe. She's just got a weird sense of humor! Yeah. He laughs, nervously, out loud, and goes back to typing.]

Time, after I find an archery range, place, the archery range! I'll keep you posted. Shepard, right?

I'm Asato Tsuzuki.

[Hey now she's military at least. That's gotta count for something in the responsibility department. Maybe.]

You got it. I don't suppose anyone named Heracles or Diana showed up with us? That would make things easy.

Edited 2016-02-25 13:07 (UTC)

Nobody I've met! Are they friends of yours?

[Heracles sounds kind of familiar, like he's from a story, but wasn't it spelled differently? The only Diana he can think of offhand is the British princess.

Anyway, she's from way in the future if he understood what she was saying in her video right. It's probably not anyone he'd recognize.]

Wow, someone's ambitious. Unfortunately, as mentioned above, you've landed in the wrong place to be asking about guns. But by all means, feel free to continue looking anyway. I look forward to seeing how this pans out for you.

Why insist on using something that won't help you at all against what you need it for, yet will do wonders on harming dozens of uninvolved bystanders we're supposed to protect?

Welcome to the dark ages.

If you're interested in new weapons skills, it'd be better to find a warrior god instead. I'm not sure the guy offering you archery lessons is coordinated enough.

[ The guy? His god.

Hisoka is the most loyal shinki. ]

[Killua sounds pretty disbelieving as he replies.]

Yeah, like, a lot of good your advice is gonna do us. I don't even know what you're talking about. Do you just like to spew nonsense or something?

[There's a pause before he makes a final addition.]

Oh, and guns are usually at a place called a 'store'. I know that's something you probably don't have in the future or whatever.

[Seems the Western pantheon could be just as unfamiliar to some as these Eastern gods were to her. Figures.]

Not even close. And I think I like it that way. The less gods the better, right now.

You seem to know a whole hell of a lot about what I plan to do with this thing. [Which was something when she wasn't even sure herself.]

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