If you were an enemy, they wouldn't have bothered with it at all. Nobody puts themselves through that level of suffering for an enemy. Trying to save an enemy. Sometimes you need to hurt someone to save them, "honour and morality" aside.
If you wanted death so desperately, you would've died regardless of what they did, twisted into that thing the same way. They also suffered for their attempt to save you, more than if they had just let you turn into an ayakashi and be killed. And ultimately, the truth of an ablution is that if you had let the people who care about you help before it reached that point, it may never have been necessary at all.
Intent isn't the problem with calling it torture, and normally I probably wouldn't argue with likening it to that. But you're calling it that in the belief that it's exclusively one-sided, which isn't the point of an ablution. They trusted you would want to stay with them the way they wanted to stay with you. That you would allow them to help. My intent here isn't to belittle your suffering, but you're belittling the suffering of others because you only see it a certain way as well. Someone who calls you a "friend" isn't someone who'll give up on your life just because you've given up on it yourself.
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If you wanted death so desperately, you would've died regardless of what they did, twisted into that thing the same way. They also suffered for their attempt to save you, more than if they had just let you turn into an ayakashi and be killed. And ultimately, the truth of an ablution is that if you had let the people who care about you help before it reached that point, it may never have been necessary at all.
Intent isn't the problem with calling it torture, and normally I probably wouldn't argue with likening it to that. But you're calling it that in the belief that it's exclusively one-sided, which isn't the point of an ablution. They trusted you would want to stay with them the way they wanted to stay with you. That you would allow them to help. My intent here isn't to belittle your suffering, but you're belittling the suffering of others because you only see it a certain way as well. Someone who calls you a "friend" isn't someone who'll give up on your life just because you've given up on it yourself.