thefarshore | Heaven's BBS | Anonymous

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Heaven's BBS | Anonymous | Text

so uh
i have seen certain kinds of relationships between gods and shinki argued for or against and all that
but this isnt really about that

what i want to know is more
what are you supposed to do as a shinki if you cant help having certain feelings for your god
and you KNOW that your god knows about this?

i mean its hard to avoid if you keep stinging your god every time you look at them in a certain way
right???

my god doesnt seem angry about it or anything
actually they seem to think its fun
and you think they could show a bit of compassion and wear a bit more clothes around the temple but nooooo

im just wondering what im supposed to do about this
its getting embarrassing :(

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[Zeno takes a moment to feel a little sad, because his shinki, who was his wife before she died, hasn't stung him at all... so she's probably not wrestling with those feelings.]

If you're stinging your god, you know what you're doing is wrong, because you can only sting your god by doing something you know is wrong, right? So before you decide what to do, you have to decide if you want to do the right thing or the wrong thing. And if you do the wrong thing, please have lots of holy water on hand!

im not sure
i mean from what he has said it doesnt bother him that i feel this way
its just that it embarrasses me and then it makes me feel guilty

but then again i wouldnt know i think
i dont really understand right and wrong
my god is a lot better at that

If you're feeling guilty, then you know it's wrong. That's what guilt is! A feeling of having done wrong! Lots of people aren't bothered by doing things wrong and if that's how your god is, too, that's how it is. Gods and their servants will never be equal, one will always be more important than the other, and the other is the one who will be tasked with enforcing that inequality.

and if i feel guilty about feeling guilty then??

and what if my god really is better at knowing right from wrong though
i know i am meant to guide him
but when it comes to important matters hes much wiser and juster than i think i could ever be
and honestly what he needs much more is someone to STOP him judging his own actions so harshly

Then you need more help than a BBS can give you! That someone can't be you if you can't even keep from judging your own actions to the point that you're stinging him because of the guilt you feel for the guilt you feel.

you know
im not going to worry about what you say too much c:
i know i am fulfilling my duty the way he wants me to
and that he is pleased with me

its true that i worry about all this and feel a bit bad about it at times
but in the end the most important thing is that i serve him as he wants me to

If you knew that your god was pleased by your conduct you wouldn't be asking what you're supposed to do from all these strangers.

i think you have misunderstood the situation
he is not displeased with me at all and i know this
its just that its frustrating and confusing to be distracted by my feelings all the time
and i do not wish to inconvenience him unduly
that is why i asked for advice in how to deal with the situation (＾ω＾)

Well, if you don't want to be frustrated and confused anymore, make your choice. Will you be a proper shinki who devotes himself to his god or will you do what you actually want to do? Can't do both. Right or wrong. It's the conflict caused by your supposed confusion that makes this stuff forbidden by the way. That and the power imbalance. That's why you generally marry within your own class, so you stay where you are accustomed and you know what's expected of you.

that also depends on my god though right
i mean if he should feel the same way then i would have felt guilty for nothing

and honestly i think if i made a choice based on "class" and he ever found out
i think he might be really disappointed in me
or himself
its hard to know sometimes

in the end i will do what is right by him
but that is not really my decision

Never met anyone who felt guilty for nothing before. If there wasn't something there, there wouldn't be guilt. Consciences are smart that way. What is right by him is to serve him as you have been called to do. Whether he returns your feelings or not doesn't matter. You may not like that and you may choose to do otherwise, and which one of those you end up doing won't matter, either, eventually. It's fun to see from the outside, though, after being in both positions!

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Heaven's BBS | Anonymous | Text

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