[Compared to the last argument they had, compared to the last time they went their separate ways in this castle... this time is different, though Rin can't be sure if it hurts more or less. Or maybe there's no sense in trying to compare the two at all. Back then he felt heavy. He felt sleepy and sluggish, like he hadn't rested well in a week. Now... he stings all over. He knows more, Sousuke knows more, but that's only brought them more confusion and more conflicting views to deal with. Shouldn't this be good for them? Learning more about themselves and the world around them... this should be eye opening, inspiring, helpful. But Sousuke's angry and Sousuke has questions and with every new person he speaks with, Rin isn't sure whether or not he's finding what he's searching for.
It's not a good feeling, having no resolve. Waiting, expecting, lost. Everything his shinki feels, he feels it tenfold.
But what can he do? He can't ask him to stop, to shut away his heart and hide from other people. It's the first time Sousuke's opened himself up to others since they've come here and he can't take that away from him even if he tries. He promised his freedom and he meant it. So the most Rin can do is apologize and wait out the storm, curtains drawn and windows shut, lights turned low while he lies still and quiet in the massive bedroom all alone. He doesn't know if it's morning or night. He can't feel warmth or chill on his exposed skin. Too distracted. Occupied, running around in circles in his head and Sousuke's and both of theirs at the same time. He wants to be the only one to protect him and give him safety and strength. But here he is, weak and vulnerable, the main reason why his best friend feels as betrayed as he does.
Sometime in the middle of the night there's movement. It's sudden and sharp and startles him so much he almost sits up in bed, thinking he's been bit or cut. He recognizes it as something similar to what he experienced a few days ago, back when he burst in on Sousuke that one morning, thinking he'd been hurt. No... it's not quite that though. And maybe it should worry him more than it does. But he can't bring himself to go looking for Sousuke when he doesn't even know if he wants to be seen in the first place, so with his hand touching his neck he curls back up and shuts his eyes, withstanding and tolerating whatever it is for just a little longer. Another thing he doesn't understand. How many more of these things will he run into?
The silence drags out for several more hours, during which time Rin still hasn't moved an inch and still hasn't recovered. But when a faint blue light emits from the bedside table beside him, his brows twitch and he wearily peers up just as a familiar voice carries through the microphone. ... Hn. He's outside the door, isn't he. Close but still so far away. Will he come in? Does he even want to? He shouldn't.
A shaking hand reaches out and presses one of the buttons for his response.]
Don't.
[It's weak and barely audible but it's all he can bring himself to say. Don't apologize to me. You did nothing wrong.]
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It's not a good feeling, having no resolve. Waiting, expecting, lost. Everything his shinki feels, he feels it tenfold.
But what can he do? He can't ask him to stop, to shut away his heart and hide from other people. It's the first time Sousuke's opened himself up to others since they've come here and he can't take that away from him even if he tries. He promised his freedom and he meant it. So the most Rin can do is apologize and wait out the storm, curtains drawn and windows shut, lights turned low while he lies still and quiet in the massive bedroom all alone. He doesn't know if it's morning or night. He can't feel warmth or chill on his exposed skin. Too distracted. Occupied, running around in circles in his head and Sousuke's and both of theirs at the same time. He wants to be the only one to protect him and give him safety and strength. But here he is, weak and vulnerable, the main reason why his best friend feels as betrayed as he does.
Sometime in the middle of the night there's movement. It's sudden and sharp and startles him so much he almost sits up in bed, thinking he's been bit or cut. He recognizes it as something similar to what he experienced a few days ago, back when he burst in on Sousuke that one morning, thinking he'd been hurt. No... it's not quite that though. And maybe it should worry him more than it does. But he can't bring himself to go looking for Sousuke when he doesn't even know if he wants to be seen in the first place, so with his hand touching his neck he curls back up and shuts his eyes, withstanding and tolerating whatever it is for just a little longer. Another thing he doesn't understand. How many more of these things will he run into?
The silence drags out for several more hours, during which time Rin still hasn't moved an inch and still hasn't recovered. But when a faint blue light emits from the bedside table beside him, his brows twitch and he wearily peers up just as a familiar voice carries through the microphone. ... Hn. He's outside the door, isn't he. Close but still so far away. Will he come in? Does he even want to? He shouldn't.
A shaking hand reaches out and presses one of the buttons for his response.]
Don't.
[It's weak and barely audible but it's all he can bring himself to say. Don't apologize to me. You did nothing wrong.]