Heaven's BBB | Text

[hyuuga]

Posted: 8 May
From: Anonymous

I've been a bit curious... If you are a shinki here, or even if you can imagine being one (as in, having no memories of your previous life), and if you happened to find out that a member of your family was here, but that they never tried to get to know you now, would you be upset or understanding? Especially if they happened to remember everything. And if you had been close beforehand.

And if you found out they may have had some blame in most every bad thing to happen to you, would you still feel the same? Would you prefer it if they had a presence in your afterlife, or stay away and let you decide the person you'll be now, without their influence?


[This is anon for a lot of reasons. But this is what she's been thinking herself in a circle around for a week or so, since someone finally told her the name of someone's god. Which removes the main excuse she was using to not butt into his life.]

Comments

[ivegotasword]

i think i was lucky because my god was someone i knew before and he told me we where friends
he also told me about another shinki here who i guess i used to be friends with but hes a huge lameo and jerk so who knows about that one
if he didnt tell me about anyone else i think maybe it would be for my own good?
but man id still probably be pissed
id be so pissed if someone knew me and didnt say anything
cuz even if maybe it was for my own good it still hurts to be left out like that
like maybe they think you cant handle it

but maybe it hurts them too? especially if they knew they hurt you
who knew being dead wold be so complicated huh?
but i think whatever your feeling you have a right to be feeling it

[hyuuga]

What if you did meet them, when you first arrived but they didn't mention anything about knowing you? Because you both look just enough alike that questions would be asked that you aren't sure you should or could answer. Especially since apparently shinki finding out about their past isn't always good as we're finding out.

But yes, I'm pretty sure there's a lot of pain on both sides. Possibly. If they aren't glad to have this chance to be someone without them.

[ivegotasword]

man if we looked that much alike id probably the one asking questions id wanna know things even if it hurts me itd get messy fast

its a tough situation were in were not supposed to know but its hard not to be curious
maybe if you can find ways to keep yourself distracted it wont be so bad?
sorry im not really good at things i can't punch with my fists but just keeping busy and not letting it get to you is probably the best thing you can do

[hyuuga]

It's ok. Just having a different opinion that isn't mine really does help out a lot! So please don't think you weren't of any help.

And while training is good, I'm sure there's other things you're good at to. Though, I will admit, training is a really good distraction.

[savemeomi]

If they were to blame bad things that happened to you, maybe it's for the best that they're not in your life anymore?

[hyuuga]

I don't know if they would, which is part of the problem. And makes it harder to come to a decision, I suppose?

[savemeomi]

Considering that knowing about the past can kill shinki, I don't think anyone can blame a god for not approaching. Some guy came up to me the other day and told me we had a mutual friend once, but couldn't give me any more details. That's just stupid, if you ask me. Why dangle information out there if you can't give out any more details?

[hyuuga]

That's a little of what I believe. It's really not worth it to say that you once knew someone, or even that you both knew someone once if you can't elaborate. And while I have no intention of ever saying anything like that to them, I also understand how hard it can be to treat someone like you've never known them.

As in, while we may have no intention of saying anything, all it takes is one slip of the tongue and we can reveal just how much we actually know about them.

[savemeomi]

If you can't trust yourself not to slip, maybe you should just keep your distance instead.

[blindfoldcode]

Considering I don't want to die, I'd understand. When shinki find out about their pasts from gods, anything at all, we turn into ayakashi. And when we turn into ayakashi, we blight our gods. It could kill them if it's bad enough.

We're dead. We don't remember. We can't go back to that life. What's the point?

[though every part of her feels like there's a lot of point. she never asked to die. not at this age, anyway.]

[timeshields]

I wouldn't care.

I don't remember whatever it is they did to me. Either way, I would be the same.

[hyuuga]

That is true.. I suppose I'm being selfish and asking more for myself. If rebuilding and connecting anew would really be as good as it seems.

[timeshields]

Either way, it's a fresh start. Don't expect anything to stay the same.

[shockshot]

It's a hard question. I mean, if I cared about them deeply, and we were close, I know I'd want some sort of contact. Maybe I could grow close to them again, in a different way.

But...if I were the other person and I felt guilty, I know I might want to stay away before I tried to come back and offered an apology. Through action, if not with words.

I wouldn't want them to become a monster by explaining by accident. We don't know how much or how little can change us into...well. Ayakashi. That person might not have wanted to risk it.

We live in the present. We can only move forward as shinki.

[hyuuga]

I know, and that is the problem. They're smart and I can only lie or dance around the truth so much before they might catch on to more than they should know. And that is one thing I couldn't stand to have happen to them.

And since you all can only move forward, it again becomes a question of if the new relationship we could have, and the person they can be here, is worth that risk.

[shockshot]

It sounds like a difficult situation. And they might react in a way you might not expect.

But yeah, you're completely right. What do you want? Do you think it's worth it? Do you think you can do it?

All things to think about before you make that choice.

[hyuuga]

I know I wouldn't mind getting to know them again. But I'm also afraid that I might slip up one day and reveal too much or something I shouldn't have. If we knew where the line was about a shinki's past, then... Maybe this would all be easier.

[shockshot]

Maybe it helps if it's facts, not history? I don't know what the line is. But again, ask yourself: is it worth the risk?

[subtract]

What part of "don't talk to shinki about their past lives" are you not understanding here?

It's irrelevant. As far as any shinki should be concerned, anyone they've met here is a blank slate. Trying to decipher more than that is suicide.

[hyuuga]

I've said nothing about revealing their past to them and have no intention of doing that on purpose.

I guess, I'm asking in a selfish roundabout way if trying to make a new relationship with someone who doesn't remember you is a good idea. Because while I'm sure no one has the intention to say anything about their past to them, it's also impossible to treat loved ones like a "blank slate".

[subtract]

I never said gods have to treat their shinki as a blank slate, just that shinki have no reason to feel any particular way about people they can't remember. It's pointless to debate over how someone may or may not feel based on events they can't recall.

If they're someone important to you, then treat them that way. You don't have to explain yourself. Your actions can speak for you.

[hyuuga]

You're right. I don't have to explain anything if I somehow slip up and let something small slip. And I was likely overthinking it, spending so much time worrying about it all. Since this is such a delicate matter..

Anonymous

[koukai_kirai]

It's unsafe for shinki to learn about their previous lives. Under those circumstances, I think most people would understand you keeping your distance.

That said, if I forgot someone important and were somehow to remember that I'd known them before, I'd want to take advantage of having a new chance with them. I think the shinki who I used to know would say the same, if it were possible.

[hyuuga]

That's partly why I asked, too. Because there have been a couple of people who posted in the past that mentioned something about remembering some things. So it was another angle to add to this whole situation.

But I was more curious as to how many and why would want to know. Or if they would understand.

[koukai_kirai]

From what I understand, those people weren't told, and didn't go looking -- something appeared in their memory on its own. I can't vouch for the safety of that, either, and would treat any shinki whose memories have surfaced like that with extreme caution, but it at least seems not to set them off like forcing them to remember does.

Anyone who was important enough to really hurt me when I was alive, I think they're important enough to remember what was worth letting them that close in the first place. It's something like that for me, I suppose.

[bustered]

I think it's irrelevant on either side. If a god caused all these bad things to happen to a shinki in a past life, the shinki won't remember it. Even if they somehow found out that hey, the god essentially ruined their life, there's still no context behind it. And if it's the other way around, if the shinki ruined the god's life — well, that may instill some lingering feelings on the part of the god, but that shinki still won't know what he or she did. So coming here is really a chance to start over, if you want it.

Sure, maybe you were family once. But you don't have those ties here, because of what this place does to memories. So I think you should treat this person the way you would treat any person you'd meet here: meet them with good intentions in your heart, and see what happens from there.

[hyuuga]

That is true that the shinki won't remember at all. But I meant more from the god side; as in, the god had a hand in it, which means they carry guilt. And so might not want to get involved just in case it all happens again. Because it is the shinki's chance to start over.

And I am more worried about accidentally slipping up and saying something I shouldn't. Though I would love to have that chance to try and start over with nothing but the best intentions.

[bustered]

Yes, it's the shinki's chance to start over, but that also means a chance at choosing a friendship with you. I don't think you should keep yourself apart out of fear, but rather keep your heart open with the best of intentions. You have the advantage of knowing what's happened before. That might give you sort of warning signs for now.

Most of all, I think you need to have a little faith in yourself.

[also anon]

[shiitan]

I'd understand why they stayed away. it's risky for shinki to be around people they knew before they died

[He knew there was a distinction between understanding why and being understanding, but that was the answer he was giving anyway.]

how long are you going to pretend you're not asking for advice about your own situation

[hyuuga]

Not all that long, I'm afraid I haven't done a very good job of keeping it hypothetical. But so long as my name isn't found out, I think that's OK.

[shiitan]

were you even trying

better watch out we've got some curious people around here [He actually didn't know whether there was anyone curious enough to find out who she was. He was just messing with her.]

[moonfang]

knowing what we know about shinki and memories, i think it's probably best if someone that WAS family of a shinki didn't talk to em. it would be too hard not to blab.

i mean, unless you just WANT to be killed. but me, I like being alive.

or uh

dead. I guess.

dead-alive instead of dead-dead.





shit that's confusing

[hyuuga]

It is. And I think it's safe to call yourself alive? I think. Isn't it really up to you as what you want to identify your afterlife as?

And that is true... Being friends and being family are two different things. And somehow, I think friends may have it easier as they've lived parts of their lives without their friends in it. While family may never have known a time without them and so it's harder to keep from messing something up.

[moonfang]

I mean I guess so... I'd like to say that I'm alive in a way. Especially since we can be KILLED. It's like living on another plane of existence.

Yeah... it's gotta be hard, though. Seein someone that was your family, or a lover, or somethin and knowing you cant tell them anything. at least without memories we dont know what we're missing.